Hey Everybody!

What dis the carpet say to the floor?......



I'm got you covered.



ok, I post this because I've been hearing some of the lamest, yet strangle funny jokes from people I know lately. So, what are some of the worst, lamest, weakest jokes that you guys have heard?

I got one that was rubbish, but I laugh for hours when i hear it

Why did the boy have his eyes closed?

Because he was asleep

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Wa' ta!!!

Did you hear about the poor fortune-teller?




He's not making much of a prophet.

keep em coming!

So a horse walks into a bar.

Bartender asks, "why the long face?"

What's got 3 wheels and goes along the bottom of the sea?

A motor pike with a side carp

A sandwich walks into a bar, and the barman says im sorry we dont serve food.

A monkey and some jump leads walk into a bar, the barman says, predictably, that he won't serve them.

"Why not", says the monkey.

"Because", says the barman, "You're out of your tree and your mate's bound to start something."




On a related note, Shakespeare walks into a bar, and the barman says, "Get out, you're Bard"



Oh yes, there were 2 goldfish in a tank. One says "So how the hell do we drive this thing anyway?"

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?

2 bullets

how do you describe a male cow that's swallowed some TNT?

Abominable

how do you describe it a few minutes later?

Noble


lame I know...

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

haha! they are far better than so called not lame jokes!

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?

B: OK, sure.

A: A white horse fell in the mud.




Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

KFC was on the other side.

Two atoms are walking down the street, when one of them says "Hey I've lost an electron!", the other replies "Are you positive?".




What's blue and looks like a bucket?


A blue bucket.

Want to hear a clean joke?

The horse took a bath.

*groans*

what do you call 2 rotten eggs walkin down the street?????







Sam and Ella

LOL ! LOL !

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?

A: 'cause he was having sex with the chicken...

2 buckets of sick walking down the street. One says to the other, "I was brought up around here"

-Two peanuts were walking down the street one night...One was assaulted.


-A termite walks into bar-room and asks, ''is the bar tender here?''.



-What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind just before it hits your winscreen?.....................It's ass.



-What happen to Mozart straight after they buried him?........................He started to decompose.

Whats red and looks like a bucket?
A blue bucket in diguise

A man walks into a bar

"OUCH!"

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

Wiped his ass




How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler

how do you get a nun pregnant?

^

Dress her up as an altar boy.

!!
That made me laugh

Why do the lame ones always make me laugh
simple things muse simple minds i guess

An American plane crashes in Canada. Where do you bury the survivors?

You don't bury survivors, you clever thing

'how longs a chinaman??' ...


... EXCUSE ME! (someone says)... lol ... -- then you say

"no seriously, how longs a chinaman?'

(keep it going until they get frustrated )

then say " No seriously How Long, I saw Howe yesterday, he's a good man and a chinaman".

.............................................
Get it? Lame, yes, but it works. Someone threw that one this way at the job I work at couple moths back... sure a frustrating, lame yet funny joke, that's if you do it correctly.

What's the last thing you hear before a redneck dies?

"Hey y'all, watch this!"

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.



2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."



3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.



4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.



5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."



6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"



7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome" "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."



8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.



9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.



10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.



11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.



12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"



13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.



14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.



15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says
"Dam!".



16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.



17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why,"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer." !



18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."



19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him .(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to her
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

Why was tiger looking in the toilet......???


cause he was searching for pooh..!!!!!

Why was Mr Spock staring in the toilet bowl ?

He was looking at the Captian's log.

Q. What's E.T short for?

A. Because he has little legs!

What do you call a cow with two legs?..........................Lean beef.

What do you call a drunk ghost?.........................Methylated spirit.

Where will you find a no-legged dog?..................wherever you left him.

A man walks into a bar.
What does he say?
"Can I buy a whisky please?"

^^
Yeah...that was completely made up...so lame its not even funny lol

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?.........Hot cross bunnies

What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?............................A chilli dog on a bun

"Doctor, Doctor, everyone hates me"
"Don't be stupid everyone hasn't met you yet"


"Doctor, Doctor can you give me anything for wind"
"Sure, here's a kite"

"Why did the chicken cross the playground?"
"To get to the other slide"

This is one of the few jokes that I dont mind hearing a million times...

*How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb into a tree and act like a nut



*Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted.



*What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.