As soon as Nigel doubled over in pain, Hue and Bertha stopped their fevered approach.
Bertha held on to Hues arm, her eye cavities dark and empty, "what's that I smell, one of me lovelies hatching?" she sniffed the air.
Nigel stood up, his arms behind him, while pea green, projectile vomit flew from his mouth.
Tilly started screaming "No guvna! No!" as she backed away from the stream of putrid filth.

Tilly placed her hands over her eye, "ME SHOES! ME NEW BLOODY SHOES!" she screamed.
Nigel began to choke. A tentacle came slithering out of his mouth.
Hue began to laugh as Bertha could only imagine the show.
"You fink yous smarter den us? Jest you wait. This little guy be showin you!" laughed Hue.

So Vague, why don't you add to the story? hmmm?

The duck suddenly flew out of Bertha's hands.
A chinese man was walking by and picked up the duck.
"He's a rittow greashry, but duck shroop an flied lice shpeshel tonight. Only one dorrar and pippy cent."
The chinese man then grabbed the tentacle protruding from Nigel's mouth. "Shquid too!" he exclaimed as he walked away.

tall cloaked man walks by, "Lords a' tundrin' yar squids a tallywackin i reckon... yes bauy" vanishes in a pleasant scented cloud of smoke...

The cloud of smoke was actually pure carbon monoxide.

Nigel turned to Tilly and asked, " Oy, does that smell like carbon monox..zzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZzz?"

OMG LMAO!!!

Nigel opened his eyes and winced at the pain behind his ear.
Tilly came to at the same moment, her one eye squinting to regain focus.
Nigel noticed two piles of black goo and said giddily "Tilly...I fink Hue and Bertha turned into tar!"
"Guvna!" Tilly whispered loudly, in disbelief "Is that a leprechaun ridin' on a mouse?"

Tilly Jumped up and started chasing the leprechaun, with Nigel close behind her.
"Come back ear you creepy little fang." Thilly shouted as the mouse darted into a sewer drain.
Nigel and Tilly climbed in after the leprechaun, and their eyes grew wide with awe at what they saw.
"It's so beautiful down ear guvna!" Tilly exclaimed. "AY, I want a ride on that there Unicorn, I'm shore it will hold my weight."

Tilly ran down the narrow path towards the clearing where the Unicorn was grazing on soft luscious grass.
Nigel looked up, his eyes wide at the sight of the dark sky with two moons, one pink and one blue.
Tilly approached Nigel, sitting high on the golden Unicorn's back.
"Can you believe it guvna! When I got outta bed this mornin' I didna fink I would be ridin' a unicorn!"

Nigel turned around and saw the most beautiful fairy smiling at him.
He couldn't help it, he felt as though he was instantly in love with her.
He gazed into the Fairy's bright blue eyes once more before turning around to face Tilly once more.
As he gazed upon Tilly's gastly face with missing teeth, one eye, and a unibrow, something inside him, told him to kill her.

So Nigel ran over to the unicorn and snapped off it's horn. He ran back over to Tilly and cried, "Oy, I'll stab you a bit with this ere horn o' mine, eh?"

"What's come over you guvna!?" Tilly recoiled in terror, her unibrow furrowed and her arms crossed in front of her. Momentarily overcome by the fear in Tilly's voice, Nigel turned to the blue eyed fairy.
The fairy stared back knowingly and smiled wickedly as Nigel saw a vision of the horn protruding from Tilly's eye.
He pounced on Tilly, plunging the horn into her one good eye as she screamed "guvnaaaaa....a..a.." to her last dying breath.

Nigel looked deep into the fairy's haunting eyes and whispered, "I'll be your guvna for the night."

"And I'll be your fairy for Life", said the fairy with dismay, "because that's what you're going to get is "Life" without the possibility of parole for this horrible deed you have done against this young maiden." Nigel said "But yer beautiful, and with Tilly out the way, you and I can be together. I always wanted to find a purty thing like you, and now my dreams have come true."
The fairy said "I cannot be with someone as violent and shallow as yourself, dear sir, for as your intentions with me are good, your heart is dark." Nigel looked down at what he had done to Tilly, and a single tear streamed down his face as the fairy said "Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But you didn't see Tilly's heart and the deep love she held for you in her heart."

When the fairy vanished, Nigel looked upon the corpse and realized what he had done.

"Oy, Tilly", he cried, "Why did I stab you in yer good eye, eh?"

Nigel then pulled a chunk of Tilly's unibrow out of her forehead and gripped his hand tightly around it.

"Oy, I will love you forever and ever my sweet Tilly", he promised as he pocketed the hair.

Just then, the unicorn horn started glowing bright blue. Nigel dropped it in surprise!

Tilly began to transform back into a beautiful fair maiden, her emerald green eyes opened.
Nigel quickly apologised “I'm so sorry I was under a demon spell, Tilly, please forgive me.. I know I can change.. with your help I can change!”
Tilly smiled “Wow Nigel, I’ve never seen this sensitive side to you! I like it!”

Nigel began to elaborate “Well, I think a bloke has to be sensitive these days, if he wants to get laid.. sniff”

Tilly’s face changed to thunder; without saying a word she picked herself up and stormed off. Nigel shouted in vain “What!... What did I say?”
Nigel, through out his life, unfortunately had a habit of always ruining the perfect moment.

Tilly turned around and looked at Nigel. "Well, you did offa me yer eye. I fink I can forgive you guvna." Tilly smiled.
Nigels eyes lit up with delight as he imagined their night together.
Tilly grabbed his hand and led him to a clearing full of fairies.
Nigel's smile slowly fell away as he looked around and heard Tilly say, "O couse I do. E loves me E does."

Chapter 2: The Cow Pasture


Much time has passed since Tilly's and Nigel's romantic rendezvous...... at least fifteen minutes, and their love for each other just seems to get stronger.
Now that Tilly has her eyes back, she has begun to view life a little differently... with a bit more humility. Since her resurrection, her accent has even changed dramatically.
Even Nigel seems a bit more loving and sensitive, even mentioning marriage on occasion. Yes, times are great for the happy couple. There doesn't seem to be anything that could get in the way....

Except Nigel's past.

Yes he has a dark, dark secret.

A secret of him........and his hidden superpowers.

"Tilly," Nigel said, as they walked towards the cow pasture, "there's somefink I needs to tell ya."
"What it is my darling Nigel?" Tilly asked with great curiosity.
"Well, I'ves got superpowers love, would you like to see what I cin do?" Nigel asked.
"Superpowers? You have superpowers? Tell me dear Nigel, WHY didn't you use them when that creature was plucking out my eye?" Tilly screamed.

"Well my dearest Tilly-willy, I didn't quite feel like it", Nigel answered.

"OY! You didn't quite FEEL LIKE IT didja , EH?!", Tilly screamed.

"Oy, that's wha I jus said, mate! I don't stutter!", Nigel fumed.

"Oy, then ow aboot we git a little ruckus going on tween you an' meh, EH?", Tilly offered.

"OY, LET'S DANCE, B****!!!!" Nigel exclaimed as he began to charge!

..........Nigel snapped to, becoming aware of his daydreaming. See, this was one of the problems he had with prior relationships, they were verbally abusive... any personal inquiries between him or his girlfriends would eventually lead to heated arguments. Nigel had a knack for bad love... and he knew he had to get rid of his old habits. What he had with Tilly was something special, something totally different... and he realized this.
He quickly responded, "Tilly me dear... I wanted ta stop that creature from pluckin' yer eye out, but whut you don't understand is.... me superpower is... well I'z....., psychic." Tilly looked confused. Nigel continued, "I knew ifs I saved yer eye, da future would b.. bbb...be diffrent, and I wanted dis future."

100 years later, Emigrant Montana.

Nigel and Tilly went on to live 30 more years and they had 1 child.
100 years later, Nathan, Nigel and Tilly's great great great grandson, wiped his eyes as he attended his mother's funeral.
Nathan is the last living direct relative in the Longshanks blood line.
He threw a single white rose, and one small pebble on his mother's coffin, and was glad that he burried her where she grew up, in Montana.

But, due to servicing requirements, Nathan discovered by brain-mail that he was in fact an android, designed by Prof. Nigel Tilly.
In a faulty congruence with his programming, Nathan decided that all people with the surname Tilly must be evil and should die for his 'humotions' of false organic origins.
Nathan brutally mutilated all but the last of the Tilly's, who sought refuge by appeal to the SupCort.
On secret advice from the government, the SupCort ruled that NaTHaN (the National Advancement of Tilly Heuristics And Numerics) would be acquitted on condition that he be programmed with the palpable fear experienced by the final Tilly, who sought an appeal on the grounds of dehumanisation.

And that was the end of the story.

The End

And always remember "True beauty lies inside the heart......a heart of gold."

This quote was something programmed within Nathan as a result of the SupCort rulings, and he could not compute what it meant.
But one thing was for sure, this program quote was interfering with his core-software, and the interference was causing circuit malfunctions throughout his body.
For the first time, Nathan was experiencing something he could not compute........ FEAR.
He quickly sent a brain-mail to the U.S.C (Universal Source Computer), and he attached the program quote.