1. Stare out a window frequently;
it inspires thoughtfulness among others.

2. Doze only when looking through a microscope;
no one will know.

3. Lend only dry pens to those who ask to borrow one;
eventually, they will leave you alone altogether.

4. Fungal colonies in coffee cups DO constitute
science experiments.

5. Young researchers should practice their
Nobel acceptance speeches early in their careers;
but leave the subject area blank for now.

6. Always keep a tie in your desk for emergencies
(this applies to men, mostly).

7. Don't keep a stethoscope in your white lab coat pocket
unless you are actually in the medical profession.

8. Smile a lot; it makes others nervous.

9. Alwys use teh speling cheker.

10. Don't take naps in the lab.

11. Wear nothing under your lab coat.

12. Be nice to experimental animals -- nobody has been able
to disprove reincarnation.

13. Never repeat an experiment, lest you get a different result.