I was just wondering about all the bickering and arguing that ensues on this board so frequently, and whether it bothers others the way it does me. I came here in hopes of finding a community of people to talk and share ideas with in a calm manner, and have found myself being pulled into arguments just to defend whatever comment I've included in a post about a position or belief I might hold. Sometimes it's just to defend my own personhood. I've noticed there are so many personal attacks from members towards each other, and if that's what everyone enjoys, then okay, but I don't personally.

Do you have any ideas on this, do you want to see it progress to something more congenial and friendly? If you do not have ideas, I do. If you do not want anything to change, that's okay also; I'm just inquiring, and just wondering if anything could be considered.

You can use the report button for personal attacks, flaming and such. A mod will come by and look at it if you report it.

I don't think it's a bad thing for people to question your beliefs or postition on something. It makes you think and it can help you grow as a person. I've learned quite a bit from people poking holes in my so nice and neat ideas. Though again if it gets out of hand, just use the report button.

If everyone believes the same, then where is the discussion.

I definitely agree that there is baiting on the board. On one thread a few days ago about something gossipy and not really serious at all I had a poster specifically quote my statements and ask me a series of pointed questions in a really aggressive way. I almost posted "Why are you attacking me for my opinion???"

It happens and its hostile and many people on here do this from time to time. I am sure however you might find that when you say you are "pulled into arguments" you are really "entering into the argument" And in this might be seen as aggressive or insulting right back.

I reminded myself this the other day. Just because someone specifically quotes you and makes a demanding post doesn't mean you have to answer them.

Just ignore it if you can and try not to get too upset about the attacking nature of some members. This is an outlet for lots of people, not all of them are sane or nice. Some people will really go over the top with insults and flaming personal comments.

Either ignore it or toughen your skin when you enter into a debate. No one can pull you into something on the internet.

Theres alot of attacks on the board...when people hear something they dont understand. immediately they debunk it....just nature i guess....

I don't think I said that; at least it wasn't my intention to be saying so. "If any two people are exactly the same, one of them isn't necessary." - quoted from Dr. Ellen Kriedman.

What I'm trying to say is it's all in the presentation and wording. It's the attack method "against" the person, instead of a mature disagreement "about" the content of their post. It is happening more than most people realize, and it's even on a more subtle level than most realize.

There are hard feelings and hurt feelings which could be avoided, even though there are vast and huge differences of opinion, which itself is no problem and probably necessary for there to even "be" a message board.

I've read your posts and they are good...but controversial....i believe there are pro-debunkers at play here on the site...noone polices them; they seem more welcome than someone outside the govt story....some sites police the debunkers...not so here....peace

Well, that's not what I mean, either, but it's hard to explain unless anyone wants to hear my idea. Debunking is one thing; attacking, or more correctly worded "infringing" is another.

I've noticed since I've been here there is more nitpicking than anything. *shakes fist* I hate nitpicking. I think it is good that people oppose your idea because it starts a good debate that both sides can learn from. But the sarcastic innuendo's, name calling, and negative attitude from the start really causes problems. Like the infamous September 11th threads, or any other type of conspiracy; I think it is very child like for others to say "yet another conspiracy nut trying to blame everything on Bush." So what if that is the goal of the poster, if you disagree with it...tell them why you think so; or why they may be wrong, rather than reducing it to picking.

Anyway though, like people have mentioned before. You can use the report button, or be the better person and ignore others child like debating skills, or toughin up and let the person know who is attacking you that they need to stop.

Swandancer I am sure that people know what you mean even if they don't respond. Common decency is what you are talking about and you will find its been given the wrong name because its actually not so common.

do unto others; as you would have them do unto you..........it's a start...

My idea would preclude the "need for" a report button in the first place, in all but the most severe cases as when someone wants to purposely be unkind in a deliberate way, which would then stick out like a 'sore thumb'.



The model of conversation I would offer would make this a two-way street, and avoid the result of hurt feelings and being offended by each other in the first place. It's one thing to try not to offend others, and another thing to be offended in return anyway.

If it was truly understood what this model is, it would also be understood that I couldn't use it on my own; it would have to be group participation or not at all. Just go on as usual, in other words, if that would be the case. Anyone using this alone would soon be ostracized, for obvious reasons when the whole thing is understood.

If it was so lovey, feely it would be far less interesting.

If there was no conflict then all the discussions would consist of is "I think xyz" followed by a few "I agrees" and thats it

Where did I say that's what I meant by this?

People can disagree without being sarcastic and belittling. It's all about respect. People who act in that negative way have very little respect for other people.

Exactly, Isis...

people are feeling 'attacked' and pointing out 'debunkers' and what not.

but what is wrong with demanding proof of a claim? all people tend to get on the defensive when called into question wether it be proof or having factual errors. as someone who is both a debunker and a believer I see both sides of the fence.

debunkers, skeptics who don't wish to look at credible evidence or people and extreame fringe that does exactly the same and that refuse to look at fact.

so some may be rude , but by saying to someone I don't believe it , show me some proof is a worthwhile statement that many to whom it's directed to take offence.
too many skeptics as well are mind set on thier answers as well. if nothing compels them to be here , if nothing presented aside from ' that ufo landing in front of them ' so to speak then I have to question why are they even here?

I've seen both pros and cons react rudely. I may also have been one of them too - rare to find someone here who hasn't.

I think it's more a matter of how a subject is approached.

To put it simply, if a women models a new dress, you don't say, "It makes your arse look huge...", but "It doesn't show off your best features..."

A little tact goes a long way.

That's totally not the point I'm trying to make.

My apologies if I thought this section of the board was for addressing 'only' the adminstration and being responded to by them. That's what I had intended to be doing. This is getting too confusing.

If there is any interest in knowing what I'd like to offer as a model of communication which avoids and circumvents hostilities and flaming, I'd like to talk to an adminstrator about it (privately) and they in turn could let everyone know if they think it has any merit or application here.

Remove the Spirituality vs Skepticism forum. That's where 98% of the contention is coming from. Problem solved.

Nicely worded Isis ...

I agree with Michelle ... "I think it's more a matter of how a subject is approached."

If you don't want to be pulled into agruments...your posts quoted and questioned...then word your posts/opinions in a way that isn't argumentative.

This forum covers a lot of very sensitive and very controversial topics that people feel strongly about, which means it's more or less impossible to avoid heated discussions. We actively deter people from being rude and offensive to others, and a put a stop to obscene language, racism and other uncivil behaviour, however arguements are something that are always going to happen in a situation where two people disagree and that happens on the majority of forums on the internet.

On saying that however there are a large number of threads on a daily basis which are discussed in a calm and civil manner, it really depends on the subject area being discussed. Threads in the conspiracy and spirituality boards are often more heated than most for example, but other than in these specific areas I wouldn't say that there is a lot of arguing on a regular basis; most of the other board sections are generally very mild and don't constitute a problem.


If you'd like to have a word in private please send me a PM, i'll go ahead and close this thread for now.