Save the whales; collect the whole set. :s01
A day without sunshine is like, night. :sg
On the other hand, you have different fingers. :sd
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. :sc
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. ;)
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ;D
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. :s06
Honk if you love peace and quiet. :s07
Remember, half the people you know are below average. :sq
He who laughs last thinks slowest. ::)
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. :(
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. :sr
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. :si
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. :s8
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. :s3
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ::)
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. :)
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! :s2
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. :sk
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! :st
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. :D
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
OK, so what's the speed of dark? :sj
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? :s02
If everything seems to be going well, you have overlooked something. :se
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. :s9
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. :sm
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. :-/
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? :s6
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. :s02
What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ???
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. :s03
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. :s4
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? :s01

Hope i brought a smile to your faces, and remember " life is short". What the bleep! Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever bleeping does!! What can you do that's longer?  :s1



                                X


                                   

           That definitely brought a smile to me!
           Thanks Mr-X!   :st


       
         

:s2 :s2 :s2 ;D

Seconded K.C !
Ok that's another lot to take to work to cheer us up
thanx Mr X

I'm also a fan of George Carlin quotes, one-line paradoxes and aphorisms.  Here's something I got via e-mail a while ago...hope you like it.  :se

'A wonderful Message by George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers,
wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families,
More conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge, but less judgment,
more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say I love you to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.' :s03

          Thanks,  Tommy!   ;)
             It's such a good lesson,  but I was shocked to read that it's from George Carlin!  :o  

thought i'll put this here, enjoy :)



   One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway. It just wasn't worth it, to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized  what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Now, the Moral of the Story:
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting
out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not
stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

P.S.: The donkey later came back and kicked THE SHIT out of the bastard who tried burying him.

Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.

          Another gem,  Mr-X!!  
       
         Great way to think of life's problems!

       And..I'm glad the farmer got it 'in the end'!  ;D

Priceless!



Ain't it the truth??

LOL!!!!!