Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m.instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other
from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on
a land mine or something.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

23. The ballerina raised gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to
put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall.
(Taken from Mumbai-Central.com)

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

***********************

They all rock but that one made me laugh the most

that one and the one with maggots and hot grease, yeeeeesh!

I think I will skip lunch now...........

I liked every single one but the ones above made me cry with laughter. Bloody hilarious!!!

WHAT THE ......

Thoses are extremely funny. A lot of them remind me of the narration in the Naked Gun trilogy.

Thanks for that Kryso.....

They made my morning.....

That is the funniest thing I've read on the net for ages!

Bwahahaha! These are hilarious!

I think I lived this metaphore!

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

But I think these two both almost made me almost spit out my rootbeer:

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

and

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
a bowling ball wouldn't.

Great stuff!!! Thanks for sharing.

ROFLMAO!!

gave me a real good laugh, thank you so much kryso.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

ahahahahaaahaha

LMAO!! I loved them!!

Awesome

lol these are great
i love them

I was trying to pick my favorite ones to quote, but hell, they are all hillarious!! Great find!

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
a bowling ball wouldn't.

RIP OFF!!!!!
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. Taken from Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Ok, grumbling aside, the list was most amusing.

Oh gees I absolutely loved them! The youth of the world is really progressing well I see...

How long do you think it took them to come up with some of those?