here is some jokes

i hope you like them

A shifty looking guy in a kilt walks into a london pub, orders a pint & very, very
carefully puts down the plastic bag he is carrying.
The bartender asks "What's that?"
The guy answers "6 pounds of semtex"
"Thank christ for that" says the barman,
"I thought it might be bagpipes."

An Englishman, lecturing on his travels, was speaking dispargingly about the
Scots in Canada & the mixing of race with the indians.
"You'll find" he said "A number of Scots half breeds & French half breeds but you
cannot find any english half breeds."
"Not surprisingly" shouted a Scot in the audience.
"The women need to draw a line somewhere."

Why don't the English manufacture televisions?

Can't find a way to make them leak oil.

......... I'm English and I didn't get it? lol.

LMAO!!! neither did i...this is mad, i rarely hear specific anti-english jokes (excluding scottish btw people, they do have their own government...but enough of the PC...i knowww ) ...cant wait to see more, it feels a bit like eaves dropping someone talking about you behind your back

he he
nn23

I don't get the oil one either

A boastful englishman said " take away your friendliness,
your mountains, glens & lochs what have you got?"
"england" replied the Scot.

leak oil i get it, very funny!

LMAO!!!! I just got it NIIICE!!!

BRRRILLIANT I LOVE IT!!!!

There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They're being chased by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to the first one and kicks it. The English man shout out, "Woof Woof", and the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second sack. The Scotsman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well thinking its just an old cat. He walks over to the last sack and kicks it, and the Irish man yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"

nice one you evil man

hahah the englishman, scotsman and irishman jokes are the best

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. So they have to get out.

The Englishman takes a bottle of wine with him, the Scotsman takes an umbrella and the Irishman takes a car door.

On the way they meet this old b******. He says to the Englishman "I know why you've got the wine so you can have a drink when your thirsty", He says to the Scotsman "I know why you've got the umbrella to keep the sun off you", "but" he says to the Irishman "Why have you got the car door?" and the Irishman replies "If I get hot I can wind the window down!"

Yeah they are great.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are the only 3 passengers in a plain, after while the plain starts to loose altitude due to engine failure. After a long battle to keep the aircraft airborne all the crew bail out. leaving just 2 parachutes.
So, the English man, Scotts man and Irish man decide to draw straws. After loosing the straw draw and having just watched the Scots man and Irish man bail out after the crew, the English man after a few Minuets decides to jump anyway for one last thrill.
By this time the Scots and Irish man are safely floating down under there deployed canvases.
The Scots man is the first to get passes by the free falling English man and shouts - you mad b****** - to English man as he falls past. Hearing a shout but not what was said the Irish man turns to see the plummeting English man and in turn taking off his parachute harness shouts - So its a race then is it you English Prick!?!

You made me spray my monitor with tea... lol.

Five English Man and A Scotsman on A Train

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket.
Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car.

As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door.
It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats.

The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try
this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time.

Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other.
Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door,
he picked it up and quickly closed the door.


How many englishman does it take to stop a train?
NOT ENOUGH


A couple of English hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator:
“My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says:
“Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"


Why did the sun never set on the British Empire?
Because not even God could trust them in the dark


How can you tell an Englishman is sexually excited?
By the stiff upper lip

Lol, good one...

now thats funny!! the others were shi'ite.

whats the difference between the English and the Scotish, the Scotish have good neigbours

This thread is called anti-English jokes right?

Here's one.

Scotland ha ha ha.

[Just made that up, hence the crappyness]

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"


There's an English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man on a plane. Suddenly two of the engines blow up on the plane, and the plane starts to descend quickly. The Scot legs it to the the door, grabs the second to last parachute and jumps. The English man turns to the irish one, grabs the parachute and says,"Don't worry i go get help!"