Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
seen before.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Very funny MM

QUOTE

Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut. Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall

I couldn't pick just one I liked them all so much

QUOTE

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

Very funny MM

Too many to single out my favorites!
Very funny MM!!

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.


31p a pint!! where!!

QUOTE

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

this one is good. gives a picture

I wouldn't say they were bad at all. Just 'imaginative'.

QUOTE

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

Great find Magik.

My Faves:-

QUOTE

"The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work." "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night." "He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something."

Metaphors for the budding Novalist

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 PM traveling at 55 MPH, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 PM at a speed of 35 MPH.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayon.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my mate Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.
“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31P-a-pint night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from “I
Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.”

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free flashpoint.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

I'll be sure to use these in my next story.

Great stuff Oracle!

These two threads were as similar as a couple pieces of blank paper with the same words written on them, so I merged them like twins rammed together in a head on collision.

Oh and I laughed like a laughing clown that was actually animated and not getting little balls put in its mouth ......













Please no jokes about little balls ..

Ah...thank you to TheOracle for reposting this stuff...if you had, I might never have found it, and thus been charged with much sarcastic ammunition

But let us not forget Black Adder...

"Disease and poverty stalk our land like...two giant...stalking things..."

Hahaha!

They are excellent!

He was as red a beetroot picked from a tree in Otaki
That was one our English teacher found in a school cert paper.

Very funny.

I fell off my chair, as I'm wont to do.

They're hilarious! Thanks for starting my day with laughter!!

she opened the door in her pajamas.

LMAO!!

My neighbours probably think I'm gone totally mad right now!!
I can't stop laughing!!

This was great!

seems like a bunch of oximorons , but still funny .

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east river.
18. Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

24. The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.
26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

27. She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

30. Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

31. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Funny , but I dont recall anything like these being said in my high school .

The people in my school are all little rednecks,lol.Never catch them at an English lesson never mind saying something like that.Oh well.All fun nonetheless

Emmy, seems you should get out... less... :-P

Merged with exisiting thread, done earlier by MM.

Oh, these analogies and metaphors are ripe, like peaches left ten days too long in in the fruit basket!

Allthough not quite as funny as the wet nose hair metaphor ..

here's another " when metaphors attack!!" article ....( a wee sample ) In "Peyton Amberg," Janowitz says a lover's foreplay is "as if he was searching for lost car keys." When good metaphors go Bad .......

Metaphors from Student Essays


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

3. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

4. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

5. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

6. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

7. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

8. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

9. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

10. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

11. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

12. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

13. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

14. The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

15. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

16. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

17. The plan was simple, like my mate Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

18. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

19. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31 pint night.

20. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

21. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

22. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

24. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

25. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

26. It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

27. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

28. She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

29. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature raw hamburger.

30. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.