just tell me your funny joke's

Maybe not a joke, but funny all the same:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
>
>You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
>sports,
>she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and
>dip coming.
>-- Alan, age 10
>
>No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
>God
>decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck
>with.
>-- Kristen, age 10
>
>WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
>Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
>-- Camille, age 10
>
>HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
>You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
>same kids.
>-- Derrick, age 8
>
>WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
>Both don't want any more kids.
>-- Lori, age 8
>
>WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
>Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
>other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
>-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
>
>On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets
>them
>interested enough to go for a second date.
>-- Martin, age 10
>WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
>I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
>and
>make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
> -- Craig, age 9
>
>WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
>When they're rich.
>-- Pam, age 7
>
>The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
>- - Curt, age 7
>
>The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
>and
>have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
>- - Howard, age 8
>
>IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
>It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
>clean up after them.
>-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
>
>HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
>There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
>-- Kelvin, age 8
>
>And the #1 Favorite is........
>HOW WO ULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
>Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
>-- Ricky, age 10

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one Seat."

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the Manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Fred," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred Replied,
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-
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"...the balcony..."






And another one:

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big,
> > old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled
> > up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began
> > dividing the nuts.
> >
> > "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,"
> > said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
> >
> > Another boy came riding along the road on his
> > bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the
> > cemetery.
> > He
> > slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "O ne for you,
> > one for me. One for you, one for me."
> >
> > He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike
> > and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane,
> > hobbling along.
> >
> > "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe
> > what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up
the
> > souls."
> >
> > The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard
> > for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly
> > to the cemetery.
> >
> > Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one
> > for me. One for you, one for me."
> >
> > The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me
> > the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
> >
> > Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence,
> > yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped
the
> > wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get
a
> > glimpse of the Lord.
> >
> > At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's
> > all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."
> >
> > They say the old man made it back to town a full 5
> > minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

IP,

There's a unified jokes thread pinned to the top of this section, we would really like people to use that to contribute their jokes too. Thank you for your understanding.

MM