I am in somewhat of a difficult situation.]

So I met this girl a few weeks ago and we have bin talking and hanging out and all that mushy stuff. I like her she likes me. She's not my girlfriend though because of one complication. Until she met the dashing and charming Cadetak she was trying to get back together with her ex but she didn't know if he liekd her or not.. As things progressed she discovered that she liked me more but she couldn't be my girlfriend because she still had some feelings for her ex and she had to get over that. It seemed to be going well until her prom. Her date for prom was her ex and they where going as 'friends'(I couldn't go with her because I met her like two weeks before and it was too late to change plans...oh and I hate school dances). But she discovered that her ex still had feelings for her. Through the magic that is the high school prom everything got screwed up. Before It was almost certain that she would be my girlfriend...but now its more like fifty fifty.

At the moment she is trying to choose between the two of us on top of all the other things going on in her life(family member passed away recently, best friends are leaving for college, home life is hectic, etc.).

The chances of me 'winning' are like 50/50 at the moment but the odds are stacked against me. Her ex has all the same friends as she does and they go to the same school. She will be with him more often and since she is really busy at the moment its hard for me to make plans with her. She's spending a lot of time with her friends because their leaving for college soon which is cool but her ex is part of that group of friends.

I'm debating whether or not I should just like let her go so I don't have to deal with all the heartache and stuff that will eventually come if I continue on and fail. I've never met her ex but from what I hear he's a good guy so its not a bad thing for her if she ends up with him and since they go to the same school and have the same friends its more convenient. It would also save her all the heartache, sadness, and stuff of making the choice.

But on the other hand...she is the one girl who was able to capture the heart of Cadetak which is not an easy feat considering I don't like to date and have relationships usually(I like being by myself).

If I let her go and walk away I'll regret it later...If I stay and fight I feel like I'm just going to end up with a broken heart.

She says she needs time to figure things out...but since she can't avoid being around her ex because they have the same friend she's going to have more of a chance.

Any advice?

Yeah I know UM's smartest and sexiest man shouldn't have to compete for a girl...but she's something worth fighting for. At least it isn't a Love Square.

It's like an episode of Dawson's Creek or something...

::Puts his tough guy face back on and acts like he doesn't have emotions and feelings::

Well this is really a difficult situation, which any choice ur gonna take it will probably hurts u in a way or another. If she wasnt constantly seeing him, it would have been easier for you. Because it would have helped her to forget him easier. But things are a bit complicated here. I can understand it is a difficult situaion for her at the moment, but i actually think that the person who is 'suffering' the most from the situation is you.

How long she had been with her ex? If those two had a strong bond it will be really hard to unbond them so to speak, especially because they se each other often, so its like a wound which is cant heal whenver they see each other. I dont want to sound cruel, but can this girl keeping u like a reserve in case she cant get with her ex again? Many things seems to be against you in this situation, cause even if u two would managed to be a couple, wouldnt you be a bit worried about the fact that she sees him everyday, and maybe she still has feelings for him?.... If it was me i would walk away, its better a little heartache now rather than a huge one later on. But its ur choice at the end Cadetak.

Well right now she can't make the choice, neither one of us is a 'back up choice' or a 'number one choice'. But if things change and I do become that 'backup choice' I wouldn't do it. I'm not going to get together with her if she still has feelings for him. No matter how things turn out they will always probably be friends.
Of course I would be a bit paranoid at first if she does choose me but I trust her. If we do get together I won't be worried about her leaving me for him because I would make sure that its over with before we even get together.

I don't know the complete story with her ex. When I first met her they have bin broken up and just friends for awhile. It seems that they had a rocky friendship after the breakup.

Indeed a little heartache now is better then a lot of heartache later but I might want to take that chance. But I'm a gambling man and I know when the odds are stacked against me....its 50/50 now but I won't be seeing her this weekend because its graduation weekend at her school(and the ex will be around) and since she is still in school she has to see him everyday. So by the day my odds are becoming worse.

But some part of me wants to still try...but logically I'm probably going to loose.

I always think with my head over my heart or gut feeling...my head is telling me "give up and cut your loses"...my heart is telling me "Take the chance, it's worth it". My heart speaks louder but my mind is smarter.

Theres three possible outcomes to my choice...i can bow out of the race and probably later regret it, stay in and lose and suffer the heartache, and stay in and hope I win.

Lets put it this way, if u think u trust her, and that she really worth it, than dont give up on her, because unfortunately probably u will regret it later on. The whole thing depends on her, her feelings, her honesty and her true choice. I just hope she realises that u really like her and that its a noble thing from ur part to wait for her...and that she chooses with her heart

She realizes I really like her I know that. I believe she is trying to choose with her heart.

I'm trying to find a way to change the odds to my favor. I don't want to pressure her into making a choice but I somehow got to find a way to be around her more...which is hard because she has to be with her friends now because their all leaving soon...also one of her best friend's mom just died(she was like a mom to this girl) so their all trying to stick together and be there for eachother. Since I'm not apart of that group of friends I'm at a huge disadvantage.

I don't want to play dirty and like sabotage her ex or anything(although my evil twin cadetak48 thinks its a great idea). I don't want to manipulate the odds I just need to find away to give myself a better chance.

Its not like she is trying to not give me a chance its just that her ex is in her everyday environment(school, friends) and I'm really not. She needs time but time is a factor.

I try to live my life with no regrets and no fear. I fear the heartache and I will regret if I leave now...but leaving now is the 'safest' thing to do.

Another factor I'm considering is to leave now just so she doesn't have to go through the pain of choosing and she can be happy with someone even if it isn't me. She's going through a lot and bin through a lot(like a psychiatrist's wet dream) so I really just want her to be happy. But that may backfire and she will end even more sad. And again I think I'll regret it anyways...but atl east I could live with that regret.

Although I am perhaps the worst person ever to be giving relationship advice, I wish to add my two cents. D<
-
I think you should stay in the race. Heartbreak is an artificial wound whose deepness and speed of recovery is determined by the individual suffering it, and I think it's always too early to drop out of such a passionate pursuit so long as there's still even a small chance...

ok heres a few things to really think about,,,for one say she does pick you and yall are all cool and everything,,,,now your left wondering when she is at school or with her friends and you are not there,,is her ex there trying to wiggle his way back in her life,,,can you live with her being friends with her ex because more then likely that will be the conversation if she pics you,,,and staying friends with a ex thats always around almost always ends up in sharing a moment,,a kiss or something and its always going to be blamed on drinking or something,,,

now her being a psychiatrist's wet dream,hahah,i know this is going to come across as harsh but dating a problemed girl should be a good time not a long time you never take a crazy girl home to moma....ive made this mistake. when you date a girl with problems they become your problems,and your always end up tring to fix her or the situation and your always left asking if you did something wrong,,,,,,or if you do something that reminds her of a bad time in her life then you got to deal with being a emotional tampon,and suffering for the sins of her past or something someone did to her,,..even tho problem girls make you feel alive this is short lived then they start to sap the life out of you.

best bet is to actually limit your time with her,,,one of 2 things will happen,,,if your not around or always calling,, she will miss you and think about you and she will come to you and after thinking about everything stated above you can make a decesion,,,or she will take her x back and you and her were never ment to be..

I'm not going to give up...I either care too much or I watched the movie 300 too many times.

Life's too short for regrets.

I just need to find a way to even the odds.

we posted at the same time scroll up one

I would get out of it because if she cant make up her mind then that is only going to cause problems.




Make the choice for her and let her get back with her ex. I know you might not want to hear that or do that but it might be for the best because I have the strange feeling that if you continue with this you will end up being hurt worse than by being hurt by letting her go.






Let her go or you will probably end up being let down.



Sorry don't mean to sound nasty or to offend you but for some strange reason I have the feeling she is playing you both for a fool.....sorry I hope this does not offend you.



Why are you bring me up in this discussion

Well, I must say, at least this lady has had the decency to be honest and forthright with you. A rare find these days if you ask me. It also sounds like she is at a busy time in her life and who also has other personal issues she is dealing with at the same time. Yet she took the time to spend with you when she did and, from reading your post, she does feel close to you now. My advice to you is to wait it out and please don't try to hard to influence her too much - that might backfire. Remember, she's liked you for who you are since you met so don't try to change anything to 'tip that scales', so to speak. She has a big decision to make and needs the space to make it, it's as simple as that. Worse case scenario for you is if she doesn't choose you - and that really wouldn't be too bad since you can learn from the experience and know what it is to be patient for something (or someone) when it's really worth it. I think she's worth it.

I agree with chaos.

Out now before it hurts too bad.

Three is one too many.

If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it must be meant to be.....that's all.

Get the hell out of that relationship as fast as you can. Love is one of the few things that is not worth fighting for, and you're fighting already. Unless that other guy dies in a horrible and unforseen "accident" you will be fighting for the remainder of your relationship. Seriously, stop wasting your time.

I don't think giving up is the right idea. Giving up will bring you as much pain and heartache as actually "losing". Believe me. At least if you stay in the game you still have a chance.

And even if she chooses him over you, theres plenty of fish in the sea who would be interested in UM's second smartest and sexiest man (me being the single sexiest, though I will not lie, I ain't the smartest).

Yer carry on life is too short to regret things and you'll get over her later if she doesn't choose you.

Thanks for the good advice guys.

I think I'm just going to wait it out. I'll talk to her and go out with her when I can but I'm not going to go out of my way to do it or come off as pushy. It will probably lower my chances of 'winning' but will suffer less heartache if I 'lose' because while I'm just basically waiting for to make her decision I can get into the mindset of 'losing'(try to forget about her and not worry about it).

If I do this I will have a lower chance of winning but will suffer less heartache...it's the safest course of action at this point because I'm past the point of just giving up and leaving but I don't know if it's the best course of action. Maybe the best action to take is to take every chance I get to 'win her over' and give it all I got till the end.

On one hand I got the "wait and see" plan and on the other I have the "fight to the death" plan. Each has its pros and cons.

It may be the best course of action to use the "wait and see" approach because if it is "meant to be" she will choose me (although I would like to note I don't really believe in fate or destiny in the traditional sense).

I'm just going to wait it out but still take the openings if they appear.

This is my plan and this is what I'm going to do until the gods see fit to throw me another curve ball.

Quote Time!
"It's remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity."

I think you made a very good decision, Cadetak47, using your heart AND your head

I wish you good luck!!!

Thanks but it seems the gods saw fit to throw me another curve ball.

She called me today for no particular reason just to talk. Somewhere in the conversation I asked when I could see her again and she said it would be awhile. She leaves Thursday to go to Florida for a week and when she gets back she wanted to hang with 'the ex' because he would be leaving to go somewhere for 3 weeks and she wanted to hang with him before he left. After that she is going on a camping trip with her friends...and of course 'the ex' is part of that group of friends. So I'm thinking that I'm pretty much screwed. I wouldn't get to see her for like a month and during that month she would be hanging with 'the ex' for like half of that time. Which gives him the perfect opportunity to take me out of the game and win her over.

So thinking that I have absolutely no chance I decided that it was a good idea just to end so at least I can write it down in the history books as me ending it and not her. About an hour after that I began to regret my decision but thought it was still a good idea. I'm at work and just waiting for all the movies to end so I can close up and go home. I decided to send her a text to basically clarify why I left.

Which caused a big argument...which caused some stuff to be said. Without saying too much it turns out that I actually had a better chance then I thought and that the only advantage 'the ex' had was that they had the same friends(so the odds where more like 70/30 instead of 50/50). It also seems like she actually cares about me which I wasn't exactly sure of before. She doesn't want me to leave...that means something right?

I'm even more lost now then ever...I have no idea what to do. All I can do is wait and hope for the best...its the waiting thats going to kill me...the inability to do anything.

I'm in love with her and its tearing me apart inside.

This will all end being the worst thing that ever happened to me or the best thing thats ever happened to me. Its the idea of loosing that terrifies me and it almost seems innevitable.

Its like a soap opera or an episode of Dawson's Creek...its too much drama.

The moral of this story is to always follow my rule book:
1. Don't go after girls that are younger then your brother(I'm 19 she's 16)
2. Don't go after girls that have more problems then you do.
3. Don't put yourself into a love triangle.

If I would have followed my own rules I would have avoided this situation from the beginning. but you know what they say about rules and how their meant to be broken.

OK, im a pessimistic rat that hates triangles and folks who don't KNOW what they want..... so

It doesn't seem right that she's kept you hanging like this. I may be wrong, but IF there were no questions about her feelings for you there wouldn't have been the option of someone else. It's not fair to you how it's been left up to her with your heart dangling out there exposed to being hurt..

Just my opinion... thats all. :}

Damned if you do and damned if you don't...err on the side of caution...dump her.

I was in a similair situtation not too long ago. I loved, got stabbed in the back and was a wreck for a few days after. I am still not the same.

But it was worth it. Better to have felt something than nothing, even if it was bad.

Well leaving is now not on option considering I did leave and she pulled me back in.

I just don't know what to do from here.

Her being away and spending time with 'the ex' is something I can't do anything about(she can't do anything about it either really) but it could maybe work to my advantage. Just maybe while she's away she'll be thinking about me more then him and maybe while she is spending time with him she maybe will see that I'm better...or something, maybe.

Until the time comes when its all said and done with I plan on smoking twice as many cigaretts, become addicted to energy drinks, and revisit my old friend Captain Morgan...and then probably go insane.

I agree with Sunni, mostly. It isn't fair to you at all to be kept hanging like this. I mean, you can't see her for a whole month? Isn't there any time in between her other commitments that you two can hang out together? You should ask her and tell her how you feel as well. You could ask her how she feels about you at this point and see if she actually wants you to still wait or not, or if she is thinking more in in the lines of just friendship or what. I would think, though, that if she has feelings for you, that she would want to make an effort to spend time with you when she can.

Speaking from experience, though - I have watched my 3 daughters date (2 are adults now) and it has been pretty common for an ex to be within their group of friends. Usually when they go to hang with their friends, it is for just that - not for any 'ex' that just happens to be there. None of my daughters have ever gone back with their ex. There have been times when the ex has either tried to get back together or tried to be nasty and, either way, their friends do intervene and help make sure no one is getting hurt - usually. (I don't think I have explained that properly, so I hope you understand what I mean) I think you might be a little too worried about the group thing (although I would worry anyways, too!). If she starts spending alot of time alone with her ex, then that would be something to worry about, methinks.

Still, since she does seem to have feelings for you in some way, and she did tell you she needed time, as well as not letting you go...it seems to me your best option still would be to wait and let her make her decision. If too much time (like after a whole month of commitments) goes by and it starts to look like she's just stringing you along, then just walk away. It's wouldn't be worth it or fair to you to hang around and be treated that way.

I understand the smokes and booze plan you came up with, but you're already insane LOL Love does that...it can make you mental sometimes! hehehe

I'm going to call her tomorrow and just say whatever pops into my head(since my head isn't working I can't formulate a plan anymore lol). I think maybe I might see her Wednesday before she leaves for Florida. I'll make sure of things and stuff or whatever.

Theres not much I can do...I'm just going to wing it because I don't know what else to do.

Oh and for the record I plan on going so insane that I become a 'UM Crazy"...I'll start making posts where I predict the future and tell everybody I'm a time traveling alien and then yell at people when they don't believe me...thats how crazy I plan on becoming.

Well, don't get yourself banned because I'll miss you LOL You just take care of yourself and make sure you're ok, ok?

Maybe she'll miss you while in Florida....ummm, is that a mean thing to say? Ummm, yeah, hi, I don't know you, but I hope you miss Cadetak47 while you're away ...enjoy your trip!!

Ok, I won't say that, then, but I can hope you for anyways

I think I'm going to ask her why its taking so long for her to make the choice. Its not like she wants to be with one of us but won't official date one of us until she is over the other one...she just can't make the choice. If she can't make it now then when? She knows both us well enough to make the choice.

If its still a 50/50 decision for her then I'm screwed. If the odds are more in my favor then I just want to know whats going on.

IDK I'm use to making fast decisions...if I was in her position I could make this kind of decision in fifteen minutes time. But not everyone thinks as fast as I do.

ive been threw this and the best advice i can give you,,,is to be cool,,,at the first sign of you not wanting to put up with her bs,,,she drops this bomb on you saying you had a better chance blablabla its a girl thing its also a power thing,,,when you started making a choice and the choice wasnt to wait around for her,,,she lost her safety net and said what she needed to ,to keep you in line,,,,,,,just play it cool,,,and keep living your life dont pass up someone new waiting for someone not showing you the respect you deserve....dont be there everytime she calls...make her think about you..other then that she knows she can dik you around as long as she wants and your waitng ..so why make a choice.....im not saying ignore her but dont be there everytime she calls...itll make her think about you more.

and if your not always waiting for a call from her you might realize this isnt somehting you want.....theres something in the human mind that makes them try harder when someone dosent fully accept them,,,this works both ways dont be her lap dog..she will start to wonder what changed,,she start thinking maybe i did something wrong and she will make the move to see you or talk to you...

I would let her know that you also plan to be very busy over the next month with lot's of fun things It's true that distance can make the heart grow fonder, but not if she thinks you're moping around for her return doing nothing.

You should not waite for her to pick you or the ex.. Hanging out with the ex is no way to start a relationship with you. So she pulled you back why to she if things dont work out with the ex then she can fall back on you? No walk now and if she really wants to be with you she will get rid of Mr. Ex and start new with you.

Hi Cade,

I hope you don't mind me butting in...

I was in the same situation when I was your age, and I was in her situation a few years later. It was hell and I hope I'll never have to repeat it.

What I've learned through the looong years of relationships is first and foremost, that love has it's own set of rules, a long way removed of logic & reason. Why we are attracted to another person is almost impossible to trace. And it happens whether one likes it or not, wants it or not, it's a force of nature, almost. What I mean is, you cannot really influence her feelings, and the decision she'll make (unless you start acting like a total jerk, I guess ). Stop thinking in terms of odds & chances. And emphatically DON'T start employing tactics and gameplans- in my experience, that's bound to backfire. Don't act in any way that you wouldn't do naturally. BE YOURSELF ! If you're not, because you think it will increase your chances, like, let's say, play cool & distant, and she will then choose the ex, you'll kick yourself for ever. If you are true to yourself, whatever the outcome, you can at least know that it was the real you.

Don't just fade out of the picture either. That's what I did, and I regret it to this day. Just be there, be present, be yourself, but don't be pushy either. Don't be so worried about her going away; For that short amount of time, I doubt it will make such a big difference; the heart works differently.

Listening to your story, I have a feeling that there could also be other emotional factors in play for her than just the feelings for you & the ex. She just lost somenone, is "losing" friends going off to college; maybe she is afraid of the new, is drawn to her ex still because he represents the familiar & security. Maybe she needs more time to let go & move on to uncharted waters. Starting a new relationship is always scary... Maybe she won't have the courage, and will stick with the old, but there's not much you can do about it.

For the time being, I'd just hang in there & give her some more time & see what happens...

Good luck!

Well, as fun as booze, smokes and energy drinks are, if they fail you could go emo. The tight black pants may seem uncomfortable at first, but the chicks dig it.

Don't let it get to you. To be honest, this illustrates perfectly the theory that people this age don't know what they want. Do you know what you want? If you do, tell her. Plain and simple.

I dated a girl a few months once upon a time. It got to a serious point. I suddenly realized that if she "went out" with another guy, I'd feel bad. So I said, "Look, I like you, and want to be mutually exclusive. That's where I am, and if you don't agree, we should stop seeing each other". Plain and simple, honest and easy, BEFORE it gets complicated. Stop it now, before it gets out of hand.

Of course, I rue the day I made that fatal statement...if she didn't have the butt of a Goddess, I'd make a hobby of banging my head against walls. Chicks...

Disclaimer: I actually like my wife and wouldn't trade her for anything. As a matter of fact, I often brag about her.

And the more I read what you have to say only encourages me to tell you:::: IM A FEMALE/ WOMAN and it doesn't add up honey. This is not right to you. She apparently is leaving you hanging while SHE decides what she wants & SHE KNOWS you are crazy about her..bullcrap.

Here is the truth. When you know the other guy is hungover with you (crazy about you) you tend to give this story how "I love you, but I need my time" and then she goes to ex.. telling him nothing really.... putting you on hold.. thinking it will be an easy break, but its not because she feels guilty...She will keep it hanging as long as possible, in the meantime you are left hurting, like you are now...

ok, that how its done in most of these situations, and NO I have NEVER done it before..


O yea* if you really want to get her goat and see for sure, tell her that you started talking to another gal and you think she's cute... talking about a turnover for you (if she truly cared for you) if she acts as if she don't care, she never cared for you at all.. this is mY OPINION ONLY.. this is the only way for her to move quicker.. again, imo.. :}

10-4!
Sunni got it. You're being "put on hold". BS, beat feet buddy, before you get sucked into the black hole that is...THE CONTROLLING WOMAN!

Thanks again for the advice.

I know she isn't trying to play and keep me as a back up. Also I would like to make it clear that she isn't trying to get with her ex and the ex doesn't want to get with her...the situation is I like her, he likes, she likes both of us.

Its getting borderline annoying at this point.

I'm debating if I should just wait it out or to have her tell me what the hell's going on right now. I don't want to put pressure on her and I'm not going to tell her to make her choice right now but she is going to at least have to tell me something.

I love her but love is one of those emotions I would rather live without anyways. Good or bad, yes or no, I jut want it to be over with already.

It's getting ridiculous and I think its time to turn the tables and put some things to the test.

We think you're wrong. A teenage girl does not "hang out" with her ex just because they are friends. Know how I know that? Adults don't do that! That's just our opinions Cad, based on many years of experience with relationships, some successful, others not. That's a problem parents have with teens. MANY parents speak to their kids from experience. Like, "Don't drink when your a teenager, and don't have unprotected sex..." the list goes on and on. Why do we say these things? Because we have DONE it or SEEN it first hand. We know the consequences. We don't say it because we like yappin. It's usually because we CARE. You asked a heartfelt question, and I for one am trying to give you an honest heartfelt answer like I would give to my own son.

Sorry if I'm long winded, and I don't mean to sound like I'm yelling or anything. I just want you to realize that the advice I gave you is heartfelt and based on MANY years of personal experience, as well as raising kids (who are adults now).

Good luck , man

After reading every post it seems to me that you pretty much know what to do and it sounds like you'll make the right decision in the end.

I for one am cheering for you to "win".

I know it has to suck not knowing for sure

So good luck brother.

Cade, If they are in fact spending time together, why doesn't he want to get back with her- How do you know he doesn't for sure? I'm assuming the female role: she is the one telling you that HE DOESN"T want to get back with her, RIGHT? If so, she is saying this because she feels this way you wouldn't be as threatend by her spending time with him....just a thought.

I may be wrong, but i would get the ball rolling by turning those tables ASAP...jmo.

Why does heartache have to hurt so dang much...

dude listen to the people that have been threw it.....if she was that into you she would be killing herself trying to talk to you...right now you are what they call safe..as far as she is concerned youll be there,,,,soo she can do what she wants without fear becasue she knows youll be there....its sh**ty but it is what it is..they right songs about this...i tell you what go back and read your story..read it with no attatchment read as if a friend of yours wrote IT and then think about the adviec youd give him..



percy sledge,
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMEN

If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see


http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thebigchill...lovesawoman.htm

WOw very good RUDEBOY..

Like that chorus from Percy SLedge...

After reading through all of this, I have 2 "mottos" that I live by...

1. An "ex" is an "ex" for a reason. Unless they have other ties---like children/family---they really shouldn't have to be "friends"---civil, yes, but not buddies. I have an "ex" who is now like a brother to me. Course he married into my family---a cousin. So he is now family. But it was well after we split, like 12+ years.

2. "No decision" is a "no" decision. She wants to keep all of her options open without regards to your feelings. Dude, if you let her drag you around by the nose waiting to see what she's going to do with/about her ex, that's not playing fair. IMHO, walk away for a few weeks...it would probably be better if you left her alone for the summer...she needs to make up her mind. She needs to be honest. Would she allow you to do to her that she is doing to you? DOUBT IT! Stringing you along is really dirty pool.

Why are you giving her all the power & control on where your relationship goes? It takes 2 people to make a relationship. If she isn't willing to get on board, there probably isn't a thing you can do about it. Remember you have your "rule book" for a reason! It's to help you make better decisions when things get overly emotional. Also if she has soooo much going on her life, that she doesn't even really have time to call you or go out with you...WHY BOTHER? How high of a priority are you to her?

I'm not trying to be mean, cause I've been where you are. It sucks. It's not fair & it can really cause a lot of bitterness towards the opposite sex down the road. See each other while you can, but sitting around waiting for her might cost you other potential relationships. She's got her "ex", what do you have really?

Anywhos, good luck. Don't forget to spend time with your friends on the hopes that she may want to go out. Make her as much the priority as she makes you. Also have you asked your friends who see what's going on? They may have the answers you seek.

Well, I am still following this thread and it seems there's good points with either side of the coin, so to speak. From your last post, though, it sounded to me like you're starting to get annoyed. Maybe it's best for you to start thinking about how you feel right now as opposed to how she might feel regarding her decision. There's nothing wrong with going back to doing whatever you did before you met her instead of letting yourself hang on like this. She'll call you if it is important to her - if not, then you know the truth. Either way, it's not like you're going anywhere so you'll still be around by the time she makes her decision - which should be done in a timely fashion else she'll lose you. I wish the best for you, Cadetak47, and I have been hoping that this would have all turned out great for you. Waiting for a decision is one thing - if she had true feelings for you, she'd have made it clear to you by now that she wants to spend any spare time she had with you, even if that meant only a phone call. It's understandable she has other prior commitments and issues to deal with, and that's ok, we all go through busy times in our lives. But if you're feeling frustrated and neglected, especially if you feel like you've been pushed to the back of the line, then don't hang on any longer. I don't think you would feel that way if she made just as much effort for you as she is doing for everyone else. Anyhow, I really don't know how much you and her speak or spend time together. I do wonder if you spend as much time together as you did when you first met, though.

In the end, the decision is yours. All the advice you're given has been really good. I always say follow your heart (I'm still hoping for you) but if your instincts are raising little red flags, then it's time for your heart to have a rest.

I think that's bad advice.
I think relationships are built off of trust and honesty. You should be honest about your feelings, Let her know that you care for her, let her know your insecurities about her being around her ex like that.
If it was meant to be, you'll know it.
And if she calls you, answer the damn phone
That is not going to make her miss you more, I think that is a very immature thing to.
That's playing games, you wouldn't want her to play games with you right?
Like I said before, relationships are built off of trust and honesty.

And I tell you what Rudeboy, It pisses me off to all hell when you get upset and not answer the phone, Doesn't make me miss you or feel bad about the situation, it makes me feel that you are pushing me away, not trying to adress or fix the problem.


So anyhow, Would you want her to feel pushed away?

OK, I have read this thread and didn't really say anything but, well......it's all about power and control. Some attractive girls are usually self doubting deep down. They like to feel needed and wanted. The power that she is gaining from keeping you hanging on is empowering. You said that she has gone through a lot lately and probably felt totally powerless. The subconscious is very powerful, and when people feel desperate, they do strange and sometimes hurtful things. I'm not trying to defend or condemn her, but if she is doing this to you, she really needs more help than you can give her. You have been a shoulder to cry on, and she probably genuinely cares about you, but to stop from hurting you she may not want to tell you straight out that she does not want to be with you. Young girls are afraid of hurting guys, yet will draw out the pain of the interested party so as not to feel guilty that they do not return the romantic feelings. I would distance myself from her if I was you. You don't deserve the pain she is causing you. If she can't straight out make up her mind, then make it for her. If she really wanted to be with you, she would be.

it would be one thing if they were in a relationship but they are not he is geting strung along and being left in limbo,and she is playing games with him rioght now, and all anyone said was dont be her lap dog where she knows she can come around after making him wait all this time,,,do you think i would have put up with you dating someone else and me waiting for you to decide if i was worth being with,,,you know better haha,,,,so your advice if off...

for one im secure in our relationship and when you piss me off and i dont talk to you its not because im trying to make you miss me its becasue im mad and i need a break,,,,,and that has nothing to do with this tread.

AHH! Are you very experienced in this arena? .. apparently not!

The only game being played here is the one the g/f is playing.... giving him lines to keep him hanging until SHE decides what SHE really wants.. it's bullcrap. Period.

I think playing games like that is very childish.
And I agree she is being childish by playing those games and not being honest.
But by playing them back is just stooping down to her level.

Personally the first time she told me that she still had feelings for her ex....I would walk away.

And I also agree that some girls need to feel neglected in order to realize what they could potentially have.....but why would you want to be with someone that lacks that sort of self confidence? Blech.

Also, If I was stuck with having to choose between two guys. And you repeadetly neglected to answer the phone, I would so much rather want to be with the guy that paid attention to me.

Playing Mind Games = A Loss.

Thanks for the advice but its all over now. Long story short she picked the other guy over me. Realistically it was to end up this way anyways. It wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't for how she went about doing it. Like i said earlier I was to end it with her last week but she told me a bunch a stuff about how she cared about me but then five days later makes her choice that up until now she was taking her sweet time with.

She was too young for me anyways(and the age difference kind of showed in the last couple weeks).

This happened Thursday night...which will go down as one of the worst days of my life not only because I lost the girl I loved but the dam cavs lost and I couldn't get downtown that night to see the wet T-Shirt contests.

No big deal though, I'll bounce back. I'm already on the hunt for the next girl, King James and the Cavs will win the series.

How does that work?