I would like an explanation for this, for this is one of the most disturbing experiences I've ever had. It all started about 6-7 months ago, but this morning I got such a shock that I had to post it here.

First of all, I'm 19 years old and I'm a student at a University. I am a calm person and I very rarely get nervous. I like to study and practice esoteric things, such as astral travel, meditation, etc...I have experienced many things but the one I just had crossed the line. Here it is.

About 6-7 months earlier I had a dream about numbers, shapes, and signs running across in my head in all directions. It had no sense for me and I still can't figure out why they were there. This dream was accompanied by a feeling I cannot fully describe, it was a sort of "madness", or "folly", a feeling you want to escape at all costs. This feeling haunted me during the whole dream, and it was so ugly I hope none of you will ever experience it. It is because of this feeling I am writing this thread. In fact, it was so bad I wanted to faint. Eventually, it stopped. Now, I woke up and everything was normal.

About 3-4 months after that, I had the same dream accompanied by the feeling, and felt the same desire to "get out of it at all costs". It also stopped eventually. When I woke up, I was grateful I was in the real world, but paradoxically I wanted this feeling to happen while I am conscious, to examine it and to deal with it.

This morning it happened again. But this time, it happened when I was fully awake. I knew it was there and I also knew that I was in the real world. This feeling is very demoralizing and ... I don't know how to describe it. I was FULLY AWAKE and in FULL CONSCIOUSNESS, but I had no control whatsoever over this thing. It was very disturbing to notice that even awake, this feeling "governed" me and did to me the following : I got quickly out of my bead and started running up an down in my room reaching the limit of saneness. I squeezed my head with my two hands and nearly screamed. Something was in my head. And it wouldn't let go. Just like in my dreams, i wanted to get out of this feeling "at all costs". By "all costs", I mean I nearly decided to bang my head onto something rigid like a table, or the wall, just to get it out of my head, caring not if I would die. I knew if I had to get out of this, I had to find a way to concentrate on something else, maybe interact with a person, anything. I quickly got out of my room and went into that of my little brother. I asked him the first question that came out of my mind, and we exchanged about two sentences, then it got out of me. But in a very weird way. In fact, it just vanished and like if nothing had just happened, I continued my daily routines. I wasn't even aware this happened to me. It wasn't until this afternoon that i started remembering what happened this morning, and it came back to my memory.

I have several theories, one of which is that it was some kind of being. I say this because being fully awake, and being a relatively calm person, having this experience is very disturbing. In fact, to get it out of my head I nearly was ready to injure myself by hitting my head against something, or even worse. No sane person would think a thing like that. And the way it just vanished out of my active memory for 7-8 hours is also a weird thing.

If anyone can help me explain this, please do so. Thank you,

Leslie

If you recognize that a thought you had seems insane, then you haven't lost your grip on reality. Still, your experience sounds extremely uncomfortable. I'd advise that you get a psychiatric evaluation. People who describe what you're describing are sometimes suffering from acute anxiety attacks, a dissociative disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or a manic episode. It's impossible to say, but it has to be ruled out before you go looking for an external or paranormal cause. If it is one of those things, then there's no sense trying to tough it out on your own. And if a psychiatrist can't give you a helpful opinion, then it's time to look in other directions.

That's exactly why I insisted on saying that I am a calm person very rarely get angry. I do not suffer from any kind of anxiety attacks, or anything of the kind. That is why I posted this here, I don't understand what it is and why I had it. So please, stop saying I'm insane or having some kind of disorder, because this is not the case.

Hello Soel,
welcome to the forum.

I don't think that Boorite was suggesting that, it seemed that Boorite was giving you mundane examples of what may have triggered the experience... another words, asking you to rule out those things first before looking to the paranormal as an explanation.

College can be a stress filled time there are a lot of changes that go on during those years and you may not even be aware how much pressure that can cause hence it might be showing itself as a series of bad dreams. (Note that I said might only you can know for sure since you were the one who had the experience.)
In the meantime you might consider writing down your dreams and keeping a dream journal. Write them down as soon as you wake in as much detail as you can remember. Keeping a dream journal lets you get to know your dreaming cycles and may provide you insight into this particular dream. You give examples of the mood of your dream but not the events that caused the panic. There are several sites on the net and books about dreaming and the symbols in dreams.

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

Regards,
Mabon.

Thank you,

A dream journal sounds quite good for a start. I will look into my dreams as soon as possible.



I don't know why I had this "thing". I cannot say if it is connected to an event or not. It just "came out of nowhere". If I could tell it was related to anything (child trauma) or any bad events I would not have posted this on this site. Up to now, my life was very good and I never had any bad events which could have triggered this.

And if it was some kind of insanity (which I do doubt), why would it have vanished from my memory for nearly the whole day? Why did I continue to do my daily routines like if nothing had happened right after it? And why did it come in 4-5 month intervals?

Leslie

welcome to the real world!! we are all crazy!

On a serious note, remember that what is happening in your head is that, IN YOUR HEAD if it happens again 1 thing i can advise you on is just breath relax chill out and concentrate on your breathing. nothing will hurt you or kill you, you only think its gonna happen.
If you got some mates go out for a beer and talk it out and have a good time, and watch bill hicks, i cant watch him without losing a pound in tears .

right it all down and see if you can make sense of it.

you did say you felt like hitting your head, not worth it, it will only hurt. ive seen people who set themselves on fire and lived, get the point. not worth it.

i totally agree with chemical-licker

I'm sorry Soel, I should have made myself plainer. (I knew what I meant, LOL)
Also I'm going to go with garden variety explanations first....

You describe numbers, shapes and signs in your dreams but it's unclear how they caused such a state of anxiety for you.

Depending on what the numbers and symbols were (and this is the hard part) your dream could have been based on fear of passing exams, numbers and signs could represent grades and the symbols for the grades. If the symbols weren't common such as %,@,&,* , a cross, square, triangle, male, female symbol but were something completely new then that may also reflect on what is going on at school, the dream could represent not feeling like you are comprehending all the new info... So it is difficult (for me) to understand how seeing those things caused you such distress, you know what you saw in your dreams but when you relate it as numbers and symbols it's a very vague description. I hope that made sense.

Waking up and still being under the sway of a nightmare isn't unheard of especially, if the nightmare was horrific or stressful. A bad dream, or the after effects of one, can sour the rest of the day I think most people can say that they have had that kind of experience.

If you don't remember you should ask your younger brother to refresh your memory about what question you asked him and the dialog that followed. It may provide you some further insight on this dream or dream series.

I do have to say that sometimes people may think that they are fully awake but they aren't, they are in the process of waking and during those few moments it can be very strange. Again I'm only offering this as a possible cause not as a definitive answer.

To hopefully offer suggestions on your two questions...
It doesn't have to be childhood trauma surfacing in your dreams, yet on that note, if it were a bad event from your childhood you might not consciously remember it. People do block out things that are traumatic seeing or being in a bad car accident (or similar incident) as a child may be blocked out and resurface much later. Sometimes the memories return and sometimes they never do. It doesn't mean that is what is going on for you it's only a possibility.

Again only a possibility... if you weren't fully awake you finished your 'dream' but in a semi waking state, when you did 'wake up' the dream came back to you later when something triggered the memory of it. Have you ever woke up knew that you had a dream but couldn't remember it right away or didn't even remember dreaming? Then later in the day you see something, or smell something that triggers the memory of the dream.

Having months go by between similar dreams could be caused by a number of reasons. It could be that time of year or seasonal similarities such as rain, cold, heat is inspiring them. It could be the time between semesters/tests, lots of things.

And you're most welcome!
I hope that you do keep a dream journal. They really are great tools!
Regards,
Mabon.

Lol no problem!!




I don't think they were related in any way to school or exams. When I try to remember what I saw, I see little blobs marching around in the void in an organized manner...some going up an invisible staircase, others flying in a straight line... these are things that I cannot qualify as related to the outside world. I cannot describe the feeling I had to you, because I never sensed it before. It was like being in a completely new world of nonsense, but the nonsense is itself very organized. I don't know if you understand this lol...



I remember fully what I asked him and I was fully 100 percent conscious when it happened. I wasn't in any form of semi-waking state. That's exactly the weird part, it is why I was so shocked. Being unable to do anything whilst in a perfectly consious state...
So, I first asked him the first thing that came into my mind : "why isn't he at school at 8:20 in the morning?". He replied that he has an exam today, he only has to be there at about 11:00. So I asked him if he has already eaten something, he responded "no, but will shortly". After that it went out of my memory. I went down the stairs like every morning, and had breakfast.



Yes, yes, happens often. But this case is completely different. As I said, this time it got me while in a 100 percent conscious state.



Thank you. By the way, I know it wont physically hurt me or kill me or anything lol, I never thought of that.



That's why I finally decided not to do it...

Leslie

LOL! Yeah, I kind of do, in a strange way it reminds me of a cartoon from years ago.. can't remember if it was a Warner Brothers or Disney but it was about numbers that came to life and began to fight one another, they even pulled the alphabet into their war using them as weapons.... it was a really surreal cartoon. But dreams can inspire art so... it's not really that odd that the connection is there for me because the cartoon was like some dreams fluid but whimsical yet unnerving too.

The imagery will hopefully make itself known to you through your journal. (I keep one.) One of the things you'll learn is that although dream guides are a great source to help you riddle out what this means, there is no hard and fast rule. For example, white in one culture may mean purity but in another death, so your own feelings about colors, smells etc. will temper the meanings.
Ascending, ladders and stairs can mean stages of development, personal growth or levels of consciousness. Rooms are usually areas of self. the higher up or lower where the person has stored the information in relation to the conscious or finding rooms blocked can mean hidden memories or cutting off a part of yourself. Say you want to do a certain thing but feel that it won't be well received you might dream that a room in a house is blocked.

About being able to talk to your brother but not really coming to it until later may be the result of the dream. Wanting to talk/connect with someone after a nightmare/disturbing dream is a way of reconnecting with the waking world. Ick I remember a dream that I had recently that disturbed me greatly, I still shudder somewhat about it now! But the feeling of dread and all the other tangle of emotions that went with that dream took me a full day to recover from and a couple of days to 'get over'. I would find myself thinking of it and not wanting to. And I felt a sense of detachment for the day of the dream. It wasn't a great day but it didn't mean that I'd lot my wits, had a break down or any other thing (at least I hope so, LOL!). Some people are just more sensitive to images or feelings and if the dream is particularly disturbing there is a sense of 'dream lag', kind of like jet lag.. LOL! Takes a little bit of time to get back to yourself.

Regards,
Mabon.

Hi Soel - I don't know it this should be considered "mundane" as a previous poster said but the symptoms you have described are congruent with an anxiety or panic attacks. That does not mean you are insane or even have a disorder.
I consider myself to be a calm person who has never been diagnosed with any kind psychiatric disorder but I have had panic attacks that come out of nowhere and are not triggered by a discernable event. I was not abused as a child or anything like that. I will go for months, even years without any kind of anxiety and then I can be sitting on the couch watching tv and wham it will hit me like a freight train. I have a read a lot about this since I experience it and they can come out of the blue and happen to people who never would of expected it. The first time it happened to me I was sitting in my high school math class.
It seems that this dream you had really effected you and you spent a lot of time thinking about it and trying to figure out the what it means. Obviously I don't know the extent of how much you have thought about it but I would speculate by focusing on this without coming to any kind of conclusion as to what it means causes stress which can lead to an anxiety attack especially since the dream caused the feelings it did. I think it is important to consider the rational cause of things before we entertain the idea it is paranormal. Sometimes things are just what they are; sometimes a dream is just a dream.

Think about something funny.

I don't think that will help, but thanks.

Gaia, you say you had this experience as well. Did you act the same way as I did (running around etc...)? Do you think it was the same? Because if it was, I don't know how you managed to survive in your math class...

I don't think that will help, but thanks.

Gaia, you say you had this experience as well. Did you act the same way as I did (running around etc...)? Do you think it was the same? Because if it was, I don't know how you managed to survive in your math class...

EDIT : sorry for double posting

I agree with "Gaia".... My boyfriend has panic attacks like you (Soel) described. ( I do to but I have to sit still cause running around make mine worse) In the middle of the night sometimes he will suddenly wake up and jump out of bed and start dashing about the house in a complete state of fear and panic. He also grabs his head in his hands, shaking it. Sometimes (not always) he sweats and starts to feel faint. These panic attacks happen when he is stressed out. For instance when he lost his job he had them a couple nights a week, he got a new job they stopped. Then when I found a lump in my breast and we had to go through the whole procedure (mammogram, ultra sound, biopsy, etc) which took awhile the attacks came back. When I got the results ( no cancer thank god) they stopped again. His Doc gave him anti anxiety meds awhile back and he hasn't had an attack since.

Thank you very much!

Do you smoke cannabis? Because if you get really high on cannabis then you would start feeling like what u explained or even worse.

No, I do not take drugs and I don't smoke.

Well, first off I said the first time it happened - I didn't say everytime I was in math class I had panic attacks. And yes, I do/did behave like you - every
person I know or have read about who has anxiety attacks doesn't just sit there calmly. Of course, I pace back and forth, ring my hands, am in a state of panic and nervousness, when I was younger I would use a sponge and squeeze water all over my self. I have since learned that pacing around and being nervous only makes it worse. Any time I feel anything like that coming on I meditate - concentrate on my breathing, try to be in control of the situation instead of letting it control me, etc.

Well thank you, will try it the next time...although statistically that will be in a long time! Or even never. I hope.