QUOTE(rosenrot @ Jun 14 2007, 02:48 AM) [snapback]1723586[/snapback]
You are a very interesting person. This makes me think that something has attached itself to you. You are abnormal. Maybe you have something they want. Because these feelings have increased, maybe it means that they are getting ready to take it.
What other abnormal or supernatural things have you encountered over the years?
And is it possible that these three women are simply one entity that expresses itself as a trio?
What would attach itself to me? And why? What do they want and by "take it" you mean by force? - To tell the truth, I'm not all that keen about that. I don't like the way that sounds and I think it's something that could turn to happen, but if I can, I will defend myself. Well, I shouldn't say
if I can I should more say that I will do everything I can. Still, what would they want from me that they could take?
Abnormal and supernatural experiences? In the years I've trained, I've worked on raising my power spiritually. Allowing my Chakra to flow freely, if you would. Focusing it and learning to control that energy that is in each human being. One of the things I have focused on greatly has been my Ajna Chakra which is the Third Eye. ( Direct perception, intuition, visualization, concentration, Self-mastery, and Extra Sensory Perception. ) something that during my training has revealed things to me that others cannot see or sense. For instance, the hospital. I spent a lot of time in the hospital during my fathers last years. - In that time a good majority was spent in the ICU and it was non too enjoyable. I could not only feel the line between life and death in the area, but I could see others that were not there or that were there and could not be seen by others. Most people do not believe me when I tell them something like this, which is why I keep it to myself. I try not to stare at these things that I can see, but often and a few times it happens.. My eyes would follow them without my really realizing it.
To explain it a little more, at all times that I am aware.. Or want to be. I have what can be explained as a 360 degree sight. So to speak that regardless of not having eyes in the back of my head, the third eye can see everything. I can sense, hear, and feel everything around and behind me. Allowing me to make a mental video in the back of my mind.. Not just normal things I notice either.
Of course although this is the one I focus on most because I feel it aids me best, on some days between I will take the time to train my other -
Sahasrara ( Union,Bliss , Sense of empathy ), Viśuddha ( Creativity, communication, expression, eloquence, Intuition, synthesis, hearing ), Anāhata ( Love, wisdom, stability, perseverance, mental patience and equilibrium, or pleasure, Compassion, Touch ), Maṇipūra ( Will, determination, assertion, personal power, laughter, joy, anger, sight ) - ( This is another one of the Chakra that I focus more than the others. Although I may feel good will towards most, my life has left me with a boiling rage that can only be explained as a horrifyingly ruthless feeling. As I said, towards the one man who I could kill with my bare hands and feel no remorse, my 'birth father' - There have only been a handful of times when even a quarter of this has escaped me and it has been maddening. A feeling of utter insanity and god-like strength. You see, I am adopted. My parents, Father, and my Mother are my grandparents. Those are the two that raised me, they are who I consider my true parents. Not my 'birth parents', they are nothing. I was abandoned with I was young, both of my 'birth parents' were druggies. Neither thought anything of spawning me into a world that didn't want me and a world where I should not have been. My 'birth mother' vanished and my 'birth father' remained, causing me endless pain. You see.. Through life, I have given him chance after chance to change his ways. When I was younger, he would say that he was coming to get me. I would wait outside for hours for him to come pick me up so that I could spend time with him, like any child. I was stupid and fond of him. Each time the same excuse came. "I was busy", (Off doing drugs) - When finally I got tired. The first time I cut contact for several weeks until he begged forgiveness. Of course, being a child.. I also had no concept of the way the world worked, so.. I stupidly accepted and brought more pain. Each time he would screw up, he would claim change, and then he would do something else. Once, I even was left with the decision of whether I wanted him to be allowed to live in our house ( He was homeless at the time ) or to turn him away. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and allowed him to move in. ( My choice entirely as a child. ) and.. In response to that, one night. He got drunk, let his friends break into the garage, and stole many priceless things of my parents including one of my fathers fathers pearl handled pistols. (I don't care for guns, but this was a piece that meant a lot to my father, of course.) - They tried to keep what happened from me and lied to me telling me they didn't know who did it, but the day it happened, I of course figured it out. - More pain has come from him than any other source in my life. Finally over the past few years, I decided that I would give him a final chance. I moved in with him in Florida to give him another chance. It was utter Hell. He became worse than he had ever been. He beat me, demoralized me, told me that I was worthless, and exploded on me over the smallest things that had nothing to do with me. In that time I became suicidal and self destructive. - When I finally moved back in with my parents after I got away from him, I began to snap out of it. I began to realize more and more the way the world worked.. It is not a pretty place, life is not what you make of it, and more bad will come than good.. But.. One thing always echoed through my mind. "The strong survive while the weak will die out", as rough as it sounds, it's a very true statement. The weak of the world will be engulfed by these feelings and become useless and mundane, the strong will rise above it, use it to their advantage, and become powerful and truly special. The time that I realized these things was the time that my rage and hatred began to manifest itself in disturbing ways. I became a darker person and began to hate everything, I was losing a fight.. Then, one day. When he was egging me on, trying to act tough, and calling me out. Saying.. "Lets go outside", I finally responded, and I said "LETS. I'm done allowing you to push me around." - Outside he began to taunt me, push me, and tried to get me to attack him. Not wanting to take a violent approach, but wanting to make a point, I jumped at him in a bluff-shot. He jumped back and seemed to freak out, I stood straight, smirked, and simply said "As I had surmised." - When I turned to walk away from him and to go back inside, intending to leave it behind me, he suddenly began to hit me from behind. Punching me over and over in the back and the back of the head. At that moment, I felt something bubbling up inside me. So I calmly huddled against the door, covered my head, and continued to take his blows. Suddenly, I snapped. I felt something in my head just go "CRACK!" - I felt as if demons were stirring inside of me, as if evil incarnate had taken over my body. I yelled in rage, turned, and with one punch, I sent him flying through the garage door, breaking the lock from the hinges, busting the door open, and knocking him onto the floor. Instantly, I calmed myself and turned away to retreat inside, of course.. Disturbed by the feeling. I had never been a violent person, it was the first time I had ever struck anyone. - That was the end of that altercation, but one more came before he stopped all together. One night he came in, and ahead of time we had established that he was not so much as to speak to me, let alone address me. I had cut off all ties with him and was done. I wanted nothing more to do with him, the hate was too strong to allow him to cause me any more pain. I felt that it had reached the point that I very well may lose my mind if it continued. He demanded the phone from me, in a bad mood, and began to get in my face. Threatening me and all that, so.. I just smirked and tossed the phone down, deciding to leave it at that. Stood again, started to walk out of the room, and he grabbed me by my hair. He pushed me against the table in between my mother and fathers chairs and began to bludgeon me in the back of the head with the phone. I calmly stepped back on his foot, threw my fist backwards, hit him in the face, and when he let loose, grabbed him by the arms and swung him down to the ground. The scary part was. The rage was there, but.. It had manifested itself so fully that it wasn't me controlling my body, my body moved off it's own will. It was ruthless and it was too wrong feeling. In an instant I had my hand around his throat, holding him on all fours, with my fingers dug into the side. I held him down and began to speak.. In what sounded like two voices to me. I seemed to be watching myself from the outside looking in. One growling overlaying my own voice. "If you EVER ****ing touch me again, I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT WITH MY BARE HANDS!" - I spat in his face, and catching control of myself, pulled my hands away and walked off. The final time that he ever approached me again. So far, at least. - That would be just two times that this rage has gotten out even a quarter of the way, the most recent time was in July of 06 when my father past away, at his viewing.. For some reason, for the longest time. I was blocked up. Nothing would flow, I was like a rag doll, I wouldn't accept or admit that he was gone. And when I saw his body, everything suddenly started flowing again. I lost control and ran out of the room and into the street. I put a twelve inch hole in the ground, screaming, and crying as I punched the ground. Totally unable to stop myself.. It's a horrible feeling having that much pain and hatred.. Seventeen years of anger, hatred, pain, sorrow, everything bad building up and forcing it down inside me to my deepest darkest regions.. Then to have it exploded out like that. It felt like my mind slipped, like I nearly went insane.. And I fear the next time worst of all. When my mother passes, I actually question if there will be anything of me left. - This is one of my darkest secrets that I will openly share with anyone here that cares, to help you understand me better. ), Svādhiṣṭhāna ( Creativity, sexual energy (for women), desire, pleasure, Stability, self confidence, well-being, taste ), Mūlādhāra ( Survival, grounding, sexuality (for men), stability, smell )
To elaborate on the reason why I am not working right now, these are some of the reasons. I am still dealing with myself, I am not a perfect person, I wouldn't claim to be. My training is how I express myself, the Martial Arts are my passion, and I am balancing myself out - For the normal person, this is not going to make any sense. But I'm not like everyone else, I don't know what to call myself.
As for the women? I have no idea. They defy all my reason and attempts to make reason of them - Thats why I'm here asking others for help in unraveling this.
( I was a scrawny kid when I was younger. Thirteen up to almost fifteen, I was smaller than most girls. Then suddenly, I hit my growth spurt. By sixteen I was bigger than the typical guy and much stronger ) - This is me now - 
- 
( And now I'm twenty years old, 6'2, and 205 LBS - A practitioner of the Martial Arts and Shaolin Kung Fu to be precise. So I'm fit. )
really do...the pale skin, their beauty, the fact they could effortlessly keep up to you...
