This thread is dedicated to the ridiculously stupid things politicians do, and how one might modify their proposals and/or policies to better suit the character of the politician in question. A hypothetical example would be Ted Kennedy demanding revival of prohibition legislation, with an addendum devoted to home delivery masked as a disposal system.

You can be as brief or detailed as you like. In the interest of keeping this thread semi-educational, please base your satire on actual current events and be sure to post a link.

Below is my contribution:

I heard the news of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's idea to ban city departments, eventually SF county, from purchasing bottled water [Story here], and decided for myself that he's not being true to form in his battle against man-made Global Warming.

A genuine Socialist and environmental alarmist would call for the immediate, mandatory sterilization of anyone measuring greater than three feet in height. If one wishes to reduce consumption and carbon foot prints, smaller feet would seem the wisest approach.

Perhaps jockeys could be spared sterilization since horse racing has such a long standing reputation of conscientious animal husbandry, gambling addiction prevention advocacy, and maintenance of drug-free equines whose whinnies consistently translate to: "Nay! That was pain-relieving muscle cream."

Anyway, the horse track could be an opportunity for future generations to observe "those abnormally tall people riding on animals." The sport could also replace human jockeys with uncharacteristically docile monkeys in my humble opinion.

Basketball would be a challenge again, or officials would lower the hoops, permitting sensational dunks to appease fans who seem not to mind judges waiving traveling penalties.

Anyone who grows to a height exceeding 3 feet would be subject to an altitude tax when purchasing large quantities of food, over-sized appliances, and filing State and Federal income returns. Medical treatment for lower back and/or knee strain caused by ducking for doorways would be tax deductible. However, the altitude tax upon the acquisition and transport of extra large medical equipment would nullify the benefit of the tax deduction.

Ultimately, decades following implementation, the ACLU declares genetic height disorder sufferers a protected class and halts sterilization. This amounts to one among only a handful of sensible acts they've performed since their inception.


On a serious note, I'm wondering what water purification filter manufacturer may have bought off Mayor Newsom for city and county contracts. Whether it's in that realm or not, who knows? But I smell corruption given the futility and minuscule nature of the proposal.