Yep, 18 years ago today I was in labor with my little toot, Matthew. I was sick with toxemia so they had to induce labor. He weighed 4 pounds, 6 ounces.

He was perfect, anyway. He is now technically "a man"--do you have any words of wisdom I can share with him on his special day?

Any psychic impressions are welcome--though he is a skeptic. (I'm a skeptical believer.)

well he is old enough to die for his country i think he is old enough to drink for his country. LOL Happy birthday and when he is sad tell him "i was born with nothing, and i still got most of it"

Thanks for that! I was hoping for a little more to share with him on this momentous occasion, but this will do!

Tell him to go travel and see the world, love many women. have many friends. enjoy life. and have a few drinks along the way.

Man--I wish I could just get him out of the house! He is a World of Warcraft addict--and I know I need to pull the plug. He's losing the best years of his life because of a d*mn game!

Just a thought here.

Take him paint balling. I don't know why but that just came to mind. Tell him not to grow up too fast but explain morals and ethics (which I now you already do). Tell him to enjoy these days of youth and growing into a man.

Talk to him about what he wants from life and maybe if there's anything he might need from you to get him to his goals. Humor him here...let him speak.

Does he want to write programs for games or should I say create his own line of computer games?

Most of all listen. Listen and do not speak. Let HIM talk to you.

Also remember... even though the clocks keep ticking he will ALWAYS be YOUR little boy...even when he's 50!!

xo, Jody

tell him to get out and get a real life, stop playing WoW, get new experience before he's regret he missing too much
(damn..that was me...)

Tell him to discover, learn and know his own truth and live,laugh and love with joyfull passion!
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Teach him the courage to purchase condoms without embarrasment, call a taxi when he's had too much to drink, take it easy on the credit cards (I've seen many a teenager's credit destroyed within months of leaving home) and to follow his own convicions and not be led by others.

Happy birthday to the young man.

I hear ya, my roommate in San Diego was a WoW addict too...he would sit in front of his computer like 14h/day when the rest of us were at the beach or somewhere else, having a good time and enjoying the always great weather. And this carried on for months. It is a good game in my opinion (I was never addicted though; first things first you know ) but the world's not waiting; you need to go out there and experience it!

It is a sad state when you have to ask members of an International forum for words of advice on what to say to your 18 year old son. No one knows him better than you, just go with your heart.

I have already shared my words of wisdom with my son, and continue to do so on a daily basis.

Do you remember how you were when you were a teen-- how you would take advice better from an outsider than you would your own parents? Surely you remember--you can't be that old. Or--are you still a teen?

So--I see no harm, nor any embarrassment, from my request for outside suggestions.

Ha! This reminded me of his 17th birthday. I got a huge gift bag and filled it with some of his favorite stuff--you know, beef jerky, candy, t-shirts, batteries--and condoms (ribbed for her pleasure!) Anyway, I loved his expression when he pulled them out in front of family and friends. Hm. I love embarassing my sons. Is that sick?

Anyway--it was funny because he refuses to date--he says he is going to wait until he has a full-time job, a car (which he does have now), and lots of money, because in his words, "Girls cost money." So--my husband and I made the condoms disappear.

He and his friend came back looking for them, though. heh. No chance.

I am not the author of this but read it and thought it a very different spin on a mother's view of her son turning 18....whatcha think?




This week my son became Angola-eligible.

He turned 18.


For his dad, proud is not the word. "Scared" is the word.

That's quite the milestone, 18. "Legal" and all. He's not much different today than he was last week at this time, like a guy who is almost 10 is not much different than a guy who is 10 and a day. But you've got to start somewhere in legal adulthood, and 18 is it.

Such a landmark occasion is another reminder of life's checks and balances. For every plus there is a minus.

You gain a base with a sacrifice bunt -- but give up an out.

You get a bigger house but have to drive farther to work.

You have a child and experience unrestrained joy -- but you worry about them all the time.

And when they turn 18 and it is legal for them to do some things they couldn't legally do before -- vote and drink alcohol and serve on a jury -- they can also be sentenced by a jury for things they couldn't be sentenced for before, which is what I told my offspring the morning of his big day.

Angola-eligible.

"Congratulations," I said. "Welcome to my world."

And we talked about Angola, our imposing state pen, for a minute or two, about how pretty it is because the inmates are made to keep the grounds just so, and how the pansies this time of year line the miles and miles of roads in the complex, and how once you get back to where the cells are, it's not as pretty because you can dress a jail cell up but it's still a jail cell and a lot of people will be in those buildings for a long long time. All of them were 18 or older when they got here.

"Happy Birthday, Son!"

It was quite the festive moment. You could have heard a hope drop. When he blew out the candles, I think I know what his wish was.

So for every plus there is a minus. The stakes get higher as the number does. As The Statler Brothers sang in a hit song the year I turned that age, "Things get complicated when you get past 18."

The Big One Eight.

But I did not leave the boyhopeless. Nature has this wonderful give-and-take that works both ways: For every minus there is a plus. Addition by subtraction. I told him this, which is only about the third or fourth Dad Theory I've ever shared with him because these are the only ones I know. (The other is "Eat when hungry, sleep when tired.")

Adulthood opens the door wider to love, to true friendship, to travel and education and adventure. Clothes cost more and you'll have to buy a vacuum cleaner at some point, but the advantages of post-18 outweigh the advantages of pre-adult. I'm thrilled for him.

For you dads approaching this important date, remember that the beautiful thing about giving your son adult advice when he turns 18 is this: If the advice is wrong, you get a free pass because he's at the age where they don't really listen to you anyway. So while they are all becoming Angola-eligible, you are getting a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.

For every minus ...

I do remember being a teen and taking advice from many people, however I would be less inclined to listen to my Mum quoting me advice from a complete stranger from a forum? Non the less I hope your son had a great day.

You are under the assumption that I intend to take this seriously. I thought it would be a bit of fun.

Evidently not.

I have misunderstood your posts then.. My appologies.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR SON!!!! Ahhh to be young again.

Interesting thoughts, PlaneJane...I think what we are most concerned with, he is now "Iraq Eligible." He's worried they will reinstate the draft--and so am I.

My boy is still emotionally a baby. He's not ready to give his life for his country--but how many mother's sons are?

Don't get me wrong--I really, REALLY appreciate our armed forces. It takes courage beyond imagination to do what they are doing. I honor and respect those who have that courage, and I pray for all those who died defending our freedom.

I just know my boy isn't ready...like so many others that died for this country weren't.

War is an ugly thing. But it's something we tried to avoid on his special day. It still hangs over us, though. A big, ugly cloud.

No problem.