Out Of The Mouth Of Babes
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead
of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I
was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't
wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the
bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in
the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too
then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed
his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,
"The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the
child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to
the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't
you ever seen a little boy before?"
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please
tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at
me and then the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances
of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One
day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.
" What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in
the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear.
...then we were like