Between REM & Reality

[Dark Star]

Okay, I'm just starting on this writing trip adn I want to know what you think about the beginning of my story. I know it's kind of corney adn sort of overused but I think I can make somethign out of it. I put the first paragraph adn then the bios of the characters of the story. If anyone has any ideas for me I'd be grateful

There is a place between REM and the conscious state of being. It is a world that you go to when you wake up but don’t open your eyes. In this world your dreams are as real as you, your fears are scarier then ever and, there is only one way out . . . living long enough to wake up. Welcome to Between REM & Reality.

CHARACTERS:

Name: Scarlet Casper

Age: 16

Personality: Into the unknown, tries to be invisible, hides emotions.

Friends: Erica, Fox

State of mind: Out there

Dreams: Usually on the dark side, she lets her fears take over a lot; she only has good dreams when she isn’t thinking about her problems.

Name: Marcus Casper

Age: 19

Personality: Up to date, tries to be mature, hates unexplainable things.

Friends: Parry, Nina

State of mind: Logical thinker

Dreams: Hollywood dreamer (Walking down the street naked, wakes up before you hit the ground, turns around right when the killer is about to strike)

Name: Erica Jolt

Age: 15

Personality: always interested, reads a lot, doesn’t look too hard for an explanation.

Friends: Scarlet, Fox, Parry

State of mind: Normal, likes fantasy but it doesn’t get the best of her.

Dreams: usually very easy going dreams, no real emotion.

Name: Parry Leer

Age: 18

Personality: All American gamer, his world revolves around his PS2 and a box of pizza.

Friends: Marcus, Fox, Nina

State of mind: nothing out of the usual, thinks based on what he learns from his games.

Dreams: Win or loose the game over his life.

Name: Fox Daniels

Age: 17

Personality: The government is out to get you, professional hacker

Friends: Scarlet, Erica, Parry

State of mind: Suspicious, overactive imagination

Dreams: usually nightmares about being caught by the govt.

Name: Nina Blossom

Age: 18

Personality: Popular but nice, realistic but takes interest in Scarlet’s studies of the psyche.

Friends: Marcus, Parry

State of Mind: Depends on the day

Dreams: Dreams of things without meaning, (Orange Donkeys, flying cell phones)

[Agent_21]

Sounds alright to me.

You may need some way to bring your characters, or most of them, together - to connect them. Maybe they form a 'Dream Group' to discuss what they dream about and then they find the same things start occurring in them; or someone comes up with a mechanism to keep the sleeper at the right level, only it's faulty.

[Dark Star]

I was thinking along those lines. Thanks for the advice!