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DreamRebel

My Jehovah Witness Encounter

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Posted (edited)

[Edit] Post removed

Edited by SaRuMaN

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She's trying to scare you into converting!

Tell her your Salvation Army apparently they hate each other!

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If that doesn't work I was thinking about setting the Watchtower brochures aflame in front of her face.

That might do it. laugh.gif

Gotta remember that one... wink2.gif

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If you're a metal head you can blare that stuff as loud as you can any time you see her in the neighborhood. devil.gifwhistling2.gifdevil.gif\m/

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Go get an automated weapon, dress in dessert robe, and shout "Allah be praised!" ... fire several rounds to the air for effect, then ask "So... are you coming here to join us?"

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Next time she calls invite her in she'll be that shocked she wont know where to put herself. If she does come in start to dress up like the gimp from pulp fiction while generally chatting away ask her to do up the last zip for you. Is she's still there crack a whip a few times.

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ROFL! Dear lords... I'm suprised that never happened to me when I ansered the door with my costume cloak, cat in one hand, mouse in the other and asking them if they wanted to stay for my weekly sacrifice! (which was.. cheerios to the mouse and tuna water for the cat... hehe) Damn never seen them with wider eyes and scrambling to leave!

Needless to say, they've never been back!

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Go get an automated weapon, dress in dessert robe, and shout "Allah be praised!" ... fire several rounds to the air for effect, then ask "So... are you coming here to join us?"

LOL That would do it grin2.gif

Actually I once had Jevoha's witnesses at the door ages ago, I said I was athiest and not interested, and then they said something about the end comming and we all had tobe prepared and waved a booklet with a pic of a fireman at me. And then when after a minute they hadn't made any headway with me they asked to see the other members of my family.... I think my response was "Sorry they don't beleive in that kinda rubbish either sorry, goodbye" and closed the door.

... i only realised what I said after... I didn't mean to sound rude, it was just so annoying. However, the moral of the story is they never came back thumbsup.gif

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It such a wonderful thing when your prey comes to you. I have had many encounters with the Jehovah Witness, and frankley I enjoy every one of them; because I just start my own preaching at them. Yoe see unlike most people I hold to no denomination, I have been a member of many different denominations and have learned what I could about them, but the closest I come in my beliefs would be an Evangelical Catholic. They don't quite know how to handle that and they generally hurry away while muttering how concerned they are about my salvation; they are usually almost as concerned about as the hard core Baptist.

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This is what you should do:

Make some fake cult thing (example: Order of the Bloodlust) and try and convert her. Hehehehe. Alot of effort but it would be worth it. The point of it is to freak her out. She was Haitian? Wow, good thing she isn't in Haiti right now. They should'nt of rededicated the Island to Satan last summer.

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Can you guys give me you input? It seemed kinda wierd to me.

That depends...are you looking for a serious solution, or a sarcastic line to deliver to her? huh.gif Living near Glasgow, I have had a wealth of encounters with a group of people who belong to a group known as "Gouranga" (those of you who have played the origonal Grand Theft Auto may remember running them over). Dealing with these people has left me very well armed when encountered by cultists in the street.

On the other hand, if you're looking for a serious solution, telling security isn't a bad idea, she sounds seriously warped, and to be honest, sounds like she's stalking you too. There's no telling how far things might escalate if you just let it go.

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Pentagram hanging over my front door seems to keep them away whistling2.gif

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I know what its like to be bugged by jehova witness's. Some times when i ditch school a jehova witness comes to my house and starts tapping on the gate with like a penny or something and man that annoys the hell outta me, I'm already freakin out that it could be someone i know and that they will rat me out. I'm in bed trying to get some sleeping.gif . I have a dog but he's only 6 months and he doesn't bark at them. thumbdown.gif. Hopefully some day all this freakin madness will end and i'll finally get to ditch school in peace. thumbsup.gif

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Here we go -

Ways to get rid of Jehovahs Witness:

When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!

Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.

Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country

A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...

Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.

Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.

Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils.

Hows that? You are probably looking for useful tips and advice but, How could I resist?

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Do what my friend did to get rid of Jehovah's...

One day they came over his house and here is how they're meeting went

"You got anything better to do?!"

"No"

"Well, p*** off anyways!!"

nice and short and the Jehovah's never came back and that was a year ago

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A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

That's my favorite...

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Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

lmao, I had them at my door only 2 days ago, they took one look at my dog baring his teeth and vanished !!!!!!! ................shame really, he only wanted to say hello whistling2.gif

But, this woman sounds like a complete fruitcake......I'd call security too

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Just dont answer the door to them....

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My friend's younger sister saw them coming one time and quickly changed into the most revealing outfit she had.

This other guy I used to go to school with would take off all his clothes to answer the door to them. grin2.gif

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Posted (edited)

once upon a time i had a mean chicken, and boy i tell you this was the most bad-assed chicken on earth. i still have scars from his bites and scratches. i loved him, but he could have been a little sweeter, especially to his owner. seven years ago we found out he had a sweet tooth for zealous religious orders. the witnesses pulled up and started to get out. instantly, the chicken slammed into the one at the wheel. he was guilty of over-kill, however, and landed in the mans lap, which surly was very painful considering the chickens strength and anger. the idiots opened the doors and tried to get up but had forgotten their seat belts were still on. the chicken jumped on the second guy in the car and begin to scratch his eyes out. the third guy jumped out the car and shut the door. the chicken was flying everywhere, bouncing off the windshield, scratching the witnesses, and getting feathers everywhere until both the morons secced in getting off their seatbelts, opening the door, and getting out. they slam the doors shut while the chicken is still in there. we where watching theis whole scene, not doing anything to stop it really. we tell them to get sticks (because the chicken fears them) leave the doors open until he jumps out, and then they go and stand on top the picnic tables since they were scared of him (not that he couldnt fly up there, though, but they didnt realize that). he does finally leave, but there is chicken crap, feathers, and blood (of the humans) all inside their car.

a jehovah witness didnt come back for five years.

then one day, one showed up. he asked us if that chicken was still there. we said yes, even though he had died two years earlier, and he left in a big hurry. we have never had one visit since.

Edited by man_in_mudboots

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Get a samurai sword, give her some crap about offending your honor and chase her down the street. grin2.gif

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I'm gonna get me one of them attack chickens MiM grin2.gif

As for the reason for the thread . Call security, Jehovas witness arn't generally symbol drwers and alike . This woman has serious issuse ..

And just becasue I can't help myself .

A Chrsitian a Budhist and an Agnostic are all chatting with St. Peter on the day of there deaths . St.Peter takes them each one at a time to there respective rooms. Each one being told to pass quietly by door number 4 . 'You mustn't make even a sound ' says good old St.Pete . Finally the Agnostic feels obliged to ask "Why do we have to be so quiet outside room number 4 ? The Reply.......

There the Jehovas Witness and they think there the only ones here ...Shhhhhh!!!

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Posted (edited)

Drawing symbols and crosses...that's weird, wittnesses don't do that, that I know of. ph34r.gif

You are right to be concerned. disgust.gif

Edited by Babs

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Question :

If I were to make in invention that involved a metal plate that looks like a doormat

....

...which delivers a quick and painfull , yet non lethal electrical shock to whosoever is standing on it when a button is pressed from inside the house...

...would anyone buy it ? original.gif

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