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Diebytheflyguy

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4 posts in this topic

Ok, well, for an English assigment I had to write some poems and eventually pick my best one... I have NO experience writing poems before and was wonder what YOU, the people think is best...I tried... Be Honest...

Your tears fell as murderous shrapnel

Manipulating their cause,

Sorrow once fell below

Your impenetrable surface.

Your anger causes pain

While others vast in ability

Left behind in this consuming race,

Swallowed by the eastern beast.

OR

As I failed to see the truth in the sky

I soon turned to nature.

My distrust in man has turned me away,

Away towards the trusting wisdom.

The faceless trees have spoken multicolored thoughts,

Which answered questions of the unspoken youth.

Disconnected from comprehension

My mind, my soul, my existence

Has turned; dizzying the truth,

As a child happily spins a top.

We hear through a funnel

And see through a crack,

A crack in the morals of our lives;

So insignificant only the true know the truth

The innocent know knowledge itself,

But with knowledge comes power

And with power comes control…

No one is innocent

OR

Wasting away; mindlessly and dull

You grow as you deteriorate

Useful to no one, useless to all

Blaming yourself on God

Belief is fearful,

As is Apostle charm.

You’re conforming to temptation.

Good is evil.

In the wild you seal your defeat

To your enemies the cause is lost

No one helps to stop,

The savage world is easy

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I've had to write poems for Language arts also... ( never voluntarily laugh.gif )

If I had to pick, I would go with the second one, it seems the best.

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Honestly the second one . The other two are sorta O.K. but the second one manages to conjure up imagery in a short span of time . It's got more impact than the other two original.gif Go with the second one .

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I have to agree with the others.The second one is the best as it leaves a stronger "feel" on the reader thumbsup.gif

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