Girls You Marry, Date, or Sleep With.

[WoIverine]

I've heard a lot of guys refer to girls in these three categories. Supposedly there's girls you marry, girls you date, and girls you sleep with. A friend and I just had a huge discussion on this.

Girls you date: They're the partying type, they like to go out, have fun, they tease, they're not looking for a "relationship", but they're also not looking for a "hook up" or whatever.

Girls you sleep with: That pretty much says it all. These types are interested in predominantly no commitment, no real attachment, just casual sex, temporary companionship and a one night stand. They don't want to deal with you, other than for a couple of hours...if you get my drift.

Girls you marry: These are the best type. They are fun, spontaneous, faithful, honest, non partying, non club going, non bar going, good girls, responsible, hard working, beautiful, independent, looking to be in love and to be loved. They're also compatible with your sex drive and love making love to you, just as much as you do to them. They make you the most important thing in their lives, while you do the same for them.

Ok, so...I'm not sure if these things are even relevant, I'd love to have some guy's opinions on them, as well as some ladies' to see what people think.

Edited February 8, 2010 by SpiderCyde

[Neognosis]

Opinion on what? Whether we agree with you?

[SRCivic98]

I think this is more of a status for a guy that's afraid of commitment. The same for a female as well. There could be catergories for men as well. For me I consider it more like this:

There is 1. The girl you hang with and talk to - she is supportive and there's a connection there but there's nothing more than friendship because you both know everything about each other and too much in common. 2. The girl that you would like to have - this usually the girl in your world that you know your chances are slim to none but you do anything and everything for but there's still nothing there. 3. The girl that you have for the rest of your life - to me this is the best type because if she's your type and your both passionate about your lifestyles and things you want to do then perfect. Because you both have a lot in common but also there is a few differences between each other to keep the curiousity up there a little bit. Also, these are usually the girl that you end up hanging with and like/love to have because you never looked for her and you two just found each other and there was an ultimately connected.

[ohio traveler]

The ideal woman is one who is not just your lover but also your best friend. If you find one, don't let her go. They are hard to find.

[WoIverine]

Say your significant other wants to go bar hopping with a same sex, single friend a couple times per week, but you're not down with that because you feel like that's something single / looking to be single people do. You respect her by not putting yourself into situations where you can be hit on by other women, but she doesn't feel the same and won't do that for you. I trust her, and know she wouldn't do anything with anyone else, but it's more of a respect issue to me. I'm really confused about this, don't know how to react, or respond to that. I guess I probably suck at the relationship thing.

Edited February 8, 2010 by SpiderCyde

[Hamlyn]

Say your significant other wants to go bar hopping with a same sex, single friend a couple times per week, but you're not down with that because you feel like that's something single / looking to be single people do. You respect her by not putting yourself into situations where you can be hit on by other women, but she doesn't feel the same and won't do that for you. I trust her, and know she wouldn't do anything with anyone else, but it's more of a respect issue to me. I'm really confused about this, don't know how to react, or respond to that. I guess I probably suck at the relationship thing.

It's much easier to relate to your question when you put it this way. I wasn't sure what you were driving at with the first post, but now I see.

The way I see it, the two of you have very different values, and so it will be hard for you to get along as a couple.

I believe that even if both of you had her values, it would be hard to get along.

That bar-hopping lifestyle puts punishing miles on people and their relationships.

Furthermore, it's normal and practically inevitable for either one of you to feel threatened and jealous when the other one is doing it.

She's not going out to a knitting class, after all.

I hope you're not thinking that you "shouldn't" feel jealous or that you will somehow master jealousy in this situation. I think that the vast majority of human beings can just forget about that. We are what we are.

Again, I'm not talking about never letting her out of your sight, as if you were jealous and threatened about a knitting class or something. You are not being paranoid. Her behavior is indistinguishable from that of a woman who is single and looking. That is a hard, hard thing to try to live with.

And there's no reason you should have to, and there's no reason she should have to live your way if her lifestyle is what she wants right now (and it clearly is).

I'm a believer in personal freedom. If two people want the same things in life, then that's great. If they don't, then "oh well." That is just the way it is. There are about 6 billion people on the planet with whom you will not be sharing your life, and a relatively tiny number with whom you will be sharing it.

So two people not quite finding each other is a normal story.

I make myself sound all fairness and no-blame, but the truth is that I'm biased toward your position. I think that you are wise for choosing not to party in bars several times a week. I think that a person who is doing that into his or her 30's is in for big trouble. I mean, it's rough enough in your 20's. Best to grow out of it before it really kicks your ass.

So. If you take advantage of your own freedom, and your respect your girlfriend's by letting her go her separate way, then I think you'll find a woman who meets your description of the marrying kind, and she'll find you.

My first wife partied off into the sunset. I came to a point at about age 30 where I wanted no part of that anymore. But I still used alcohol to deal with pain, and I had to find a better way. That was a long and rough road. Today I'm with a woman who simply doesn't see any use for booze and partying. Which is good, because neither do I.

If a wretch like me can have that, then so can you.

[WoIverine]

It's much easier to relate to your question when you put it this way. I wasn't sure what you were driving at with the first post, but now I see.

The way I see it, the two of you have very different values, and so it will be hard for you to get along as a couple.

I believe that even if both of you had her values, it would be hard to get along.

That bar-hopping lifestyle puts punishing miles on people and their relationships.

Furthermore, it's normal and practically inevitable for either one of you to feel threatened and jealous when the other one is doing it.

She's not going out to a knitting class, after all.

I hope you're not thinking that you "shouldn't" feel jealous or that you will somehow master jealousy in this situation. I think that the vast majority of human beings can just forget about that. We are what we are.

Again, I'm not talking about never letting her out of your sight, as if you were jealous and threatened about a knitting class or something. You are not being paranoid. Her behavior is indistinguishable from that of a woman who is single and looking. That is a hard, hard thing to try to live with.

And there's no reason you should have to, and there's no reason she should have to live your way if her lifestyle is what she wants right now (and it clearly is).

I'm a believer in personal freedom. If two people want the same things in life, then that's great. If they don't, then "oh well." That is just the way it is. There are about 6 billion people on the planet with whom you will not be sharing your life, and a relatively tiny number with whom you will be sharing it.

So two people not quite finding each other is a normal story.

I make myself sound all fairness and no-blame, but the truth is that I'm biased toward your position. I think that you are wise for choosing not to party in bars several times a week. I think that a person who is doing that into his or her 30's is in for big trouble. I mean, it's rough enough in your 20's. Best to grow out of it before it really kicks your ass.

So. If you take advantage of your own freedom, and your respect your girlfriend's by letting her go her separate way, then I think you'll find a woman who meets your description of the marrying kind, and she'll find you.

My first wife partied off into the sunset. I came to a point at about age 30 where I wanted no part of that anymore. But I still used alcohol to deal with pain, and I had to find a better way. That was a long and rough road. Today I'm with a woman who simply doesn't see any use for booze and partying. Which is good, because neither do I.

If a wretch like me can have that, then so can you.

I hear you, thanks for the advice, we've been arguing about it for a few days. I think we've come up with a solution though. If she wants to go out to a bar(s) I'm going with.

Edited February 8, 2010 by SpiderCyde

[Hamlyn]

I didn't even know that was an option on offer.

[_Nyx_]

I'm the marrying type Years ago, I was the other two. Most of us grow up and mature and life in the "fast lane" gets old after awhile.

[WoIverine]

I'm the marrying type Years ago, I was the other two. Most of us grow up and mature and life in the "fast lane" gets old after awhile.

Ahh, cool! So there is hope after all. lol

[_Nyx_]

Yeah, there is

[The_Griffin]

In my opinion these three types of girls are really the same girl just going through different phases in her life. You can't be quick to dismiss the first two types right away because they will eventually turn into the third one...the girls you marry

[TheBloom]

From a female perspective:

I think a guy who is quick to judge what 'type' I am isn't worth my time on anyway.

Can you imagine sleeping with a guy and then having him say 'but..it was just sex. I thought you were just a fling'.

OUCH. Then again, you could say to the girl 'you should have been more discrete about opening your legs!'

I have never been one for that sort of thing anyway. I'd classify myself in catagory 3. The marrying type. However, I DO enjoy going out. I DO enjoy going to clubs (on occasion). That doesn't mean I'm out to hook up with a random guy just because I enjoy the atmosphere of a club.

I enjoy my freedom (albiet monogamous freedom). I think it's empowering for each person in a relationship to have their alone time. Alone time doesn't mean alone from everyone. It means time away from your partner.

I spend a LOT of time with my boyfriend, and every now and then I end up ranting and saying 'I need to go to my friends house for a while'. He knows I'm not cheating, he also knows I am with whoever I say I'm with. Guy or girl. He trusts me that I just need time on my own.

The only thing that's needed between two people is HONEST COMMUNICATION.

As long as each other knows exactly where the other one stands there should be no misunderstandings.

[Neognosis]

I hear you, thanks for the advice, we've been arguing about it for a few days. I think we've come up with a solution though. If she wants to go out to a bar(s) I'm going with.

Can you be happy that way?

I am nearing the end of a very long and painful road, and I have realized, the hard way, that you can't keep being a little bit unhappy for a LONG time to avoid being VERY unhappy for a short time. The former will eat you alive and make you an empty shell.

[WoIverine]

Can you be happy that way?

I am nearing the end of a very long and painful road, and I have realized, the hard way, that you can't keep being a little bit unhappy for a LONG time to avoid being VERY unhappy for a short time. The former will eat you alive and make you an empty shell.

I hear you man, and I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough situation with yours. It literally is the toughest thing I've dealt with. If we don't make it, at least I will have learned a few things about myself and what I need to work on. I've learned to be even more discreet in the screening process for a potential significant other. If I decide to start dating again eventually, I'm not settling in the least for ANYTHING that I don't want, or like. Through every break up...the wall seems to get a lot larger, and tougher, it hurts, but not so much anymore.

[Bunny Munro]

I'm only into the marriage types, I don't know my brain just won't let me near the other types, as soon as I have an opportunity with the two others and all the lights are green they will suddenly start to repulse me to no end and I will not want to go near them as a result.

I don't see this as a bad thing, I like to think of it as my brain keeping my hormones in check and stopping me from doing something I would dislike myself for.

To me things like sex and everything else you could get out of the other two types are meaningless and both unfufilling and unsatisfying without a strong emotional connection and I just can't get that from the other two.

Edited February 27, 2010 by Bunny Munro

[Alien Being]

I've heard a lot of guys refer to girls in these three categories. Supposedly there's girls you marry, girls you date, and girls you sleep with. A friend and I just had a huge discussion on this.

Girls you date: They're the partying type, they like to go out, have fun, they tease, they're not looking for a "relationship", but they're also not looking for a "hook up" or whatever.

Girls you sleep with: That pretty much says it all. These types are interested in predominantly no commitment, no real attachment, just casual sex, temporary companionship and a one night stand. They don't want to deal with you, other than for a couple of hours...if you get my drift.

Girls you marry: These are the best type. They are fun, spontaneous, faithful, honest, non partying, non club going, non bar going, good girls, responsible, hard working, beautiful, independent, looking to be in love and to be loved. They're also compatible with your sex drive and love making love to you, just as much as you do to them. They make you the most important thing in their lives, while you do the same for them.

Ok, so...I'm not sure if these things are even relevant, I'd love to have some guy's opinions on them, as well as some ladies' to see what people think.

Just go with the flow and see what happens.

[icile_xele]

I personally don't see the value of grouping people in such a way. I guess I feel it's a little unfair to categorize people like this. I don't just say this because of my female perspective, as I don't think women should view men in this way either. (However, I understand how groupings are easier to work with.) My world view says that we go through many stages and down many roads in life. As well, as adults, we have different types of interests in or connections with other people.

When it comes to picking a partner for anything, I think the most important consideration is that you have the same objective/interests and are compatible in that way. For instance, just because someone goes to the clubs a lot and likes to party, that doesn't mean they would be the good friend with benefits. Further, you can't prejudge what a person is looking for simply because they enjoy the nightlife. Women don't always go to clubs to look for a lay. Believe it or not, many go just to let their hair down and dance away the week's stress. Some women really do look for husbands in the clubs. Some women (and men) may not even realize that their behaviors could potentially send the wrong message to perspective mates of any kind.

You know what type of relationship a person is interested in based on what they communicate to you. Many people would fall under the category of "the marrying kind" do have people in their lives who are merely lovers. In a mature relationship, it is understood by both parties that neither parties has any other motives or expectations beyond whatever "physical arrangements" are agreed upon. Mr. (or Ms.) Right Now as some would say. Similarly you may date, go out and have fun till the right one comes along. This doesn't make you or the other person necessarily a "type", but that you've created a type of relationship that works best for the two of you based on your interests and connection to one another.

However, I will say this for the theory... Some believe you attract to yourself what you put out into the world. And, if you're partying and dating casually, you will only attract more of the same to yourself. And, of course, that when a person is really ready to settle down (becoming the marrying kind), he/she will stay in more and eventually meet the right one. I can't say that I've seen any truth to this personally, as people might meet someone during their party phase and settle down because of that person. However, I think that there is certainly truth in this when it comes to the way you could be treated, based on how you're perceived.

[trubeliever101]

I've heard a lot of guys refer to girls in these three categories. Supposedly there's girls you marry, girls you date, and girls you sleep with. A friend and I just had a huge discussion on this.

Girls you date: They're the partying type, they like to go out, have fun, they tease, they're not looking for a "relationship", but they're also not looking for a "hook up" or whatever.

Girls you sleep with: That pretty much says it all. These types are interested in predominantly no commitment, no real attachment, just casual sex, temporary companionship and a one night stand. They don't want to deal with you, other than for a couple of hours...if you get my drift.

Girls you marry: These are the best type. They are fun, spontaneous, faithful, honest, non partying, non club going, non bar going, good girls, responsible, hard working, beautiful, independent, looking to be in love and to be loved. They're also compatible with your sex drive and love making love to you, just as much as you do to them. They make you the most important thing in their lives, while you do the same for them.

Ok, so...I'm not sure if these things are even relevant, I'd love to have some guy's opinions on them, as well as some ladies' to see what people think.

Ok...female here obviously...

I am 24 and I am happily married...I somewhat agree and somewhat disagree..

This is all about what type of person you are, you cant really go off of what one of your "buddies" say because that is his opinion. He may have a totally different view of the marrying type.

I am outgoing, I love to cook, I love to clean, I am indenpendent and I dont look for a man that will always support me financially, although it is nice to know he could. My husband is military and right now I am not working because I am a full time student and at this point in my life, medically I am not able to work. He is ok with that and some men wouldnt be.

I am trying to better my life and some guys are still stuck in the old fashion ways where women are supposed to stay at home and do the wifely duties. My husband wants me to do whatever it is that I want to do that would make me happy.

We are both into the same things, we love football so taht isnt a problem on Sundays...I dont get along with women and he knows that so most of my friends are male and he is ok with that because he is also friends with those same males.

Now like I said it is all up to you. I like to go out to a club or a bar everynow and than and yes sometimes I like to go out with the girls but it is always ten times more fun when my husband goes with. We like to go out maybe once or twice a month. If we arent doing that we are spending time together at home playing PS3 or watching our ghost hunting shows...or were out hunting ghosts together.

Its all in the connection you have with this female, and if you stop looking (as liches as that sounds) you will find her.

[Sthenno]

I agree with the sentiment but I'd be wary of how you judge each category - for example the perfect wife could turn out to cold and detached, while the party girl could be really warm and loving. Judge each person as they come, don't decide right away which category they fall into. I was convinced I just liked my boyfriend as a friend for ages when we met, but now we've been together for two years. Opinions can change.

[Murmur]

I've heard a lot of guys refer to girls in these three categories. Supposedly there's girls you marry, girls you date, and girls you sleep with. A friend and I just had a huge discussion on this.

Girls you date: They're the partying type, they like to go out, have fun, they tease, they're not looking for a "relationship", but they're also not looking for a "hook up" or whatever.

Girls you sleep with: That pretty much says it all. These types are interested in predominantly no commitment, no real attachment, just casual sex, temporary companionship and a one night stand. They don't want to deal with you, other than for a couple of hours...if you get my drift.

Girls you marry: These are the best type. They are fun, spontaneous, faithful, honest, non partying, non club going, non bar going, good girls, responsible, hard working, beautiful, independent, looking to be in love and to be loved. They're also compatible with your sex drive and love making love to you, just as much as you do to them. They make you the most important thing in their lives, while you do the same for them.

Ok, so...I'm not sure if these things are even relevant, I'd love to have some guy's opinions on them, as well as some ladies' to see what people think.

I thought back to my dating days pre-marriage, spoke to a few other women about this, and we decided to come up with our own three categories of men.

Men you date: Many women only date with the expectation of finding a mate, but for those of us who didn't, these men were as follows: Normally, a good-looking, slightly (sometimes seriously) arrogant man with whom you have little in common, but loves to go out and have a good time, spend money freely, and generally doesn't take much seriously. These men are usually judgmental, immature jerks who have little to offer emotionally in the long term, but are fun in the short term. AKA - Bad boys.

Men you sleep with: These men usually only come into the picture if a woman actually falls for a "man you date" who then breaks her heart. They are men with whom a woman would never consider a relationship, but they are good for boosting female self-confidence and "getting even" with a cheating or hurtful "man you date". AKA - Two can play at this game.

Men you marry: The ones who don't try to categorize, judge, or pigeon-hole you. They accept you as you are, warts and all. AKA - The Keepers.

See how silly that is? A man can just as easily fall into all three categories of mine as a woman call fall into all three categories of yours. It's all a matter of perspective, maturity, and the stages of one's life. No point in categorizing. Just get to know the other person, and let the chips fall where they may.

[trubeliever101]

Say your significant other wants to go bar hopping with a same sex, single friend a couple times per week, but you're not down with that because you feel like that's something single / looking to be single people do. You respect her by not putting yourself into situations where you can be hit on by other women, but she doesn't feel the same and won't do that for you. I trust her, and know she wouldn't do anything with anyone else, but it's more of a respect issue to me. I'm really confused about this, don't know how to react, or respond to that. I guess I probably suck at the relationship thing.

No sweetie, you dont suck...to me it seems like its her that sucks and I am sure you have heard this before but I would say leave her.

Look, we all know relationships are hard work. But to me it doesnt seem like shes willing to work. Grantit we all need some of our "own time" but multiple times a week ay a bar without you, seems somewhat extreme. Maybe if you try compromising with her asking her if she could narrow it down to maybe once every two weeks...for her to have a night out with her friends. And maybe you could play poker or just go have a beer with the guys or something (im sure they miss their bud)

That would allow for you two to spend more time together. Now if you trust your girl, than yes you have to come to the reality that she will get hit on especially if shes very good looking, but this will happen its inevitable. And this will not only happen at the bars but also at the mall, walmart, driving. But you have to learn to be ok with that and if you trust her dear, you have no reason to worry about.

I get hit on all the time, and my husband just takes it like it makes him even prouder to know taht he is with me (not conceited at all i am quoting him and what he has said to be in the past)

But she has to learn to meet you half way and if she isnt willing to do that, you seem like a man who knows what he wants, so I say go find you a nice woman that is willing to do this for you.

They are out there I promise.

[clark2400]

The ideal woman is one who is not just your lover but also your best friend. If you find one, don't let her go. They are hard to find.

I couldn't agree more with you on that statement. The ideal or perfect woman for any man in this world is one who loves him dearly for who he is and what he stands for, and will always be by his side through thick and thin, during the ups and downs of their relationship, and also stays truthful and honest to her man to avoid any unnecessary tension or trust issues from tearing both parties apart.

I'm no expert on dating and relationships, and there is so much written and preached about it that to me it's almost a science by itself, but as far as I know, the perfect woman (at least this is what I believe) should be loyal, truthful, honest, caring, beautiful both on the inside and outside, understanding, nurturing to her family and independent, and can take good care of both her husband, children and herself while not being materialistic or demanding like how some women are towards their husbands. The most important thing in a relationship is communication and trustworthiness, if these two things are missing then that relationship will suffer in the long run, so there must be a certain level of trust and good communication skills between the two individuals to sustain a long-lasting and happy relationship.

[BiffSplitkins]

All 3 are excellent, just make sure they never meet each other.

[Black Hound]

You don't do any of the 3 with the same woman. Trust me, been there, tried that.