Simbi Laveau Posted November 21, 2012 #4576 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Simbi is not exempt from the wiles of David Petraeus. She has dedicated all her cats to him, even the non-furry ones. Hey,leave my Casper out of this. He may be hairless,but he has better taste. Yes,I have a hairless cat ,for real Spirit Writer is just trying keep people from finding out about her and prune face ,and cast blame elsewhere. She has a tattoo of prune face on a part of her body ,where only he can see it . It's a tattoo of Karl roves face . It really turns him on . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted November 21, 2012 #4577 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Awwww. I knew you loved your hairless kitty! UM, well the new lie is - Simbi has a mound outside her window she keeps the bones of her ex-lover in. She brings him back to life and dances with his skeleton on his birthday, her birthday, valentines day, the 4th of July and sometimes just to keep her company when she's watching Judge Judy... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted November 21, 2012 Author #4578 Share Posted November 21, 2012 SpiritWriter's vision is getting worse as she gets older. That's probably a good thing because it makes it harder for her to see how her mustache is also getting thicker as she gets older. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 21, 2012 #4579 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Once again OverSword is displaying his all-consuming envy of other peoples' facial hair. First of all it was my luscious beard, now it's SpiritWriter's magnificent moustache. Good grief! You'd think that at his age he could manage at least one or two hairs! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted November 21, 2012 Author #4580 Share Posted November 21, 2012 ouija ouija is a pack rat who hasn't thrown a single thing out in 17 years. occassionaly the police search her home when there is a missing child or pet reported in her village, they're afraid a pile of newspapers may have fallen over on them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted November 21, 2012 #4581 Share Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) ouija used to donate her beard surplus until it had to be tested before being made into toupees, under new health and sanitation regulations. They turned her down after the results came, but on the brighter side, the yeti hunters are camping outside her house, trying to lure her out with various delicacies, promises, mating calls... imagine a guy blowing into large watering can while waving a piece of bacon in his hand next to another dancing seductively, putting cake with intricate frosting down only to thump his chest. What? How can they know what Yeti finds attractive? They can only guess. Edit: That photo OverSword posted comes from his private porn stash. Tastes should not be discussed, said Romans, only ridiculed, I'd add. Edited November 21, 2012 by Helen of Annoy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 21, 2012 #4582 Share Posted November 21, 2012 ouija ouija is a pack rat who hasn't thrown a single thing out in 17 years. occassionaly the police search her home when there is a missing child or pet reported in her village, they're afraid a pile of newspapers may have fallen over on them. For a brief, heart-stopping moment there I thought "How the HELL did that pic of me in my kitchen get posted here?!!". Then I spotted the difference: her white cupboards are spotless! ouija used to donate her beard surplus until it had to be tested before being made into toupees, under new health and sanitation regulations. They turned her down after the results came, but on the brighter side, the yeti hunters are camping outside her house, trying to lure her out with various delicacies, promises, mating calls... imagine a guy blowing into large watering can while waving a piece of bacon in his hand next to another dancing seductively, putting cake with intricate frosting down only to thump his chest. What? How can they know what Yeti finds attractive? They can only guess. Edit: That photo OverSword posted comes from his private porn stash. Tastes should not be discussed, said Romans, only ridiculed, I'd add. Update: I am playing the two yeti-hunters off against each other in their bid to win my 'affections' ....... 'intricate-frosting' man is in the lead at the moment(because I am vegetarian and so not tempted by bacon). Helen's favourite 'bedroom game' is dressing up as a yeti, eventually allowing lover to catch her and roll her in copious amounts of cake-frosting. It's because of this game that she was able to describe my alleged yeti-suitors in such detail. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted November 21, 2012 #4583 Share Posted November 21, 2012 See? This was the historic breakthrough in understanding Yeti. I think I can has Yeti-whisperer title too. And what can I say, it takes one to know one, you have to be a little Yeti to understand Yeti. Speaking of which, ouija’s postman doesn’t speak English. Or so she thought, trying to start casual conversation with him. He didn’t respond at all, so she tried in few other worldly languages, to no avail. Thank god for the Internet, she has moved on to learning basic phrases of more and more exotic languages and also thank god for hearing aids, because once the new batteries are finally in, her postman will suddenly hear her say: “Kakav krasan dan danas.” And think to himself: “Aw, ****, she doesn’t speak English... and my best pick-up lines are in English, since sign language can be misleading for the inexperienced.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted November 21, 2012 Author #4584 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Helen recently failed her IQ test. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 21, 2012 #4585 Share Posted November 21, 2012 OverSword had to Google 'IQ Test' to find out what one was. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tipotep Posted November 22, 2012 #4586 Share Posted November 22, 2012 OverSword had to Google 'IQ Test' to find out what one was. Ouija had to yahoo google to find out what google was , I guess having a dial up server in Alaska can be a pain at times ? TiP. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xCrimsonx Posted November 22, 2012 #4587 Share Posted November 22, 2012 (edited) Tips dreads have platted pink ribbons, "where can I get some of those". XD Edited November 22, 2012 by xCrimsonx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted November 22, 2012 #4588 Share Posted November 22, 2012 (edited) While complaining at the dinner table one evening, xCrimsonx was told by her Mom, 'Enough with the whining already! Shut up and drink your soup before it clots.' Edited November 22, 2012 by joc 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted November 22, 2012 #4589 Share Posted November 22, 2012 joc has childhood traumas. From clotted soup to seeing the monster from under the bed being killed by the monster from the closet. Or the other way around, in any case it was violent and traumatic. Dust bunnies and mothballs everywhere, the stuff nightmares are made of splattered on the walls. Since everyone has their nightmares made of slightly different material, joc’s parents didn’t know what that matter on the wall is, so they called an exorcist, just to be on the safe side. So, whatever joc does, he has a set of very convincing excuses. Do not startle him, by the time he stops only defending himself from danger so real in his mind, you will be dead. And he'll be sprinkling mothballs over your corpse to stop you from springing back to unlife and grabbing him by the ankle from under the bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted November 22, 2012 #4590 Share Posted November 22, 2012 After countless nights spent at cemeteries unsuccessfully looking for Spirits...Helen finally contacted a Medium, who told her that he had made contact with Spirits, which told him...Please keep Helen out of the cemetery! We are just trying to rest and she keeps scaring everybody with her OcotHat and her endless moaning mantra of: Ghosts in the graveyard come out to play, Helen is here, come out I say! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted November 22, 2012 #4591 Share Posted November 22, 2012 That’s how joc remembers that incident, but the truth is, when he was in the hospital vegetating after hitting his head against the concrete mixer twice... OK, I must explain that: first he hit his head when he was putting sea shells in said mixer, that’s very efficient and easy way to clean them, just let them spin in there for a while, you only have to take care you don’t put your head inside to check if they’re clean yet. The second time was when he regained his consciousness after the first blow and tried to stand up, hitting his head against the same mixer, now from the outside. So his body was lying in the hospital, vegetating, while his spirit was wandering around, met some other disembodieds and hanged out with them. Literally, they hanged out on a phone wire like drying laundry. Because spirits like electricity the way horses like oats or lesser people like the misery of others... it gives them an energy boost. I do not like my electricity or my land line disturbed so I commanded them to go back to their birthplace and leave the wire the **** alone, which resulted in sudden spiritual commotion and joc had his head hit again. Now, you see, when you hit your physical head it can catapult your mind out of it, but when you hit your mind while outside of your body it can kick it back in. And that’s precisely what happened to joc. Then the nurse came by and noticed he’s blinking, so they started resuscitating him, but if I tell you he was squashed out of his body again you’ll think I’m exaggerating here so I’ll withhold further details. I’ll just tell you joc finally woke up in the graveyard, true, with accidental help of two grave robbers whose grave robbing career was abruptly shortened by joc’s sudden loud inhale and “I’m coming, Helen, I’m coooooom-m-m-m-iiiiiiiinggggg.... aaah.” So he came, back to his senses. You’re welcome. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Shadows Posted November 22, 2012 #4592 Share Posted November 22, 2012 Helen was in rehab about 5 years ago, to finally kick that peanut butter habit. She got out and was doing good for a while, but now she's back to her old ways of sticking her finger in the jar. Yuck 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simbi Laveau Posted November 23, 2012 #4593 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Heartsareforbreaking is a hitman for the UM mob . No one knows this,but the moderators have us whacked ,when they get tired of of our whining . I heard hearts is very busy ,especially with the lot on the Bigfoot threads . Now you all know why some members just ..........vanish . *plays suspense backdrop music* 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted November 23, 2012 #4594 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Sometimes, late at night, when the moon is full, if you happen to look just at the right time, you might catch a glimpse of Simbi Laveau's silhouette as she takes her broomstick for a midnight ride. Often, you will see a hundred or so other broom riders following close behind. Rumor has it that these are the Hell's Angels...not the motorcycle club...the real Hell's Angels. No one is quite sure why they follow so closely behind Simbi. Some say it is because they are trying to catch her and take her home...others say they are just following their leader. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simbi Laveau Posted November 23, 2012 #4595 Share Posted November 23, 2012 (edited) Sometimes, late at night, when the moon is full, if you happen to look just at the right time, you might catch a glimpse of Simbi Laveau's silhouette as she takes her broomstick for a midnight ride. Often, you will see a hundred or so other broom riders following close behind. Rumor has it that these are the Hell's Angels...not the motorcycle club...the real Hell's Angels. No one is quite sure why they follow so closely behind Simbi. Some say it is because they are trying to catch her and take her home...others say they are just following their leader. None of this stuff y'all posting about me is lie . I do this stuff all the time.... Anyhooo....joc is really a Hollywood actor. He keeps it quite quiet . He's the body double for the guy that plays Howard ,on The Big Bang Theory . It's jocs only regular acting gig,but it pays the bills . Edited November 23, 2012 by Simbi Laveau 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted November 23, 2012 #4596 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Simbi has a big round head, a pointy hat and some sideways flying hair. She has two hands connected to her chin and other than that she has no body. She bounces up and down on her broomstick ALL DAY and she never stops smiling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted November 23, 2012 #4597 Share Posted November 23, 2012 SpiritWriter typed that with her nose, because she hasn’t chewed through her new straightjacket yet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted November 24, 2012 #4598 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Helen is an absolute genius at chewing through straight jackets. It was about 4 o'clock one morning, cold, dreary, rainy morning, dark as dark can be....Helen awoke from a fitful sleep...dreaming of jocs and dragons and hookers and Midnight Madness Sales at the Mall... When she awoke, she realized her bed was on fire...must have been that candle that she left burning on her pillow...hey, we're talking about Helen here...so anyways, as the reality of the burning bed begins to set in, the realization that she also is strapped into her nighty (in the real world we call it a straight jacket) and she suddenly has to move quickly, else she will be burned alive in her bed. Remembering the night before, when she was standing in line for an hour at Hollisters at the mall at 1:30am, the memory of biting her way to the front of the line came to her conscious mind. She tore into the jacket with full teeth engaged at mock speed. In as little as 45 seconds, she had nawed her way through not only the straps of the straight jacket, but also through the straps that held both feet and hands tight to the gurney. It all seemed like a dream to Helen...as most of life does...and so she wasn't sure what to believe and not believe...so she called Joc on the telephone at 3:00am....only to hear the recording...Hi this is joc, I really care...please leave me a message...I'll get back wicha. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted November 24, 2012 #4599 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Joc has flipper feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted November 24, 2012 #4600 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Spirtwriter's very first book, The Non-Sequential History of the Suburban Lizards and How They Transformed the World Through Audio-Synthetic Frequency Eruptions and Why We as a World are Better Off With Them Controlling Us , sold exactly 3 copies worldwide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts