+ouija ouija Posted December 21, 2012 #4951 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Speaking of balls, ouija gives men blue balls for Christmas. I do my best! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 21, 2012 #4952 Share Posted December 21, 2012 ouija once forwarded “we’re pregnant!” mail to her dentist by mistake. He immediately responded with “I’m so sorry, I had no idea it’s possible to conceive that way and I swear on everything that is holy to me I had no idea you were awake.” Then, two minutes later he added: “So, if you were awake, how about next Tuesday at 8?” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Star Posted December 21, 2012 #4953 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Helen of Annoy uses her eye brow wiggle for the strangest of things, far too strange, even to type here...I mean........Strange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted December 21, 2012 Author #4954 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Blue Star re-uses tissues after they dry out. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Star Posted December 21, 2012 #4955 Share Posted December 21, 2012 OverSword only knows this is true because he rummages through my bins each week .....and tends to take a few memento's with him too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted December 21, 2012 Author #4956 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Blue Star is lucky I do that, just think how much it would have cost her to replace her false teeth had I not found them. By the way, they tatsed delicious, I tried them on before I gave them back. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Star Posted December 21, 2012 #4957 Share Posted December 21, 2012 (edited) OverSword isn't really weird at all...No...Not at all strange, nutty as a fruit loop or stringy as a runner bean, no, no.....Not in the least. Just a very, very normal guy....honest Edited December 21, 2012 by Blue Star Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted December 22, 2012 #4958 Share Posted December 22, 2012 blue star is very beautiful 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 22, 2012 #4959 Share Posted December 22, 2012 cenobite gives names to his reflections in the mirror. He always politely greets them, introduces himself, but they just mock him repeating his words. So he gives them names of his own choice, wondering are those people from the mirror so mean because they are so ugly or they are so ugly because they are so mean. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simbi Laveau Posted December 23, 2012 #4960 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Helen secretly replaces cenobites mirrors with paintings of necronomicon demons . She's evil that way . 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 23, 2012 #4961 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Simbi was the inventor of that prank. Only she used photos of various celebrities and politicians, put under glass for better effect. One of her co-workers was slightly high when she saw her reflection shows Yasser Arafat and it took four months and a visit from a Catholic priest to calm her down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted December 23, 2012 #4962 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Helen is the proud owner of....A CAR, she is the first person in her village to own one! her parents are so proud! its a lovely 1977 austin allegro sport with 'quartic' steering wheel! (google it) she sold her husband and two of her 27 children to buy it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 23, 2012 #4963 Share Posted December 23, 2012 You have no idea how close to the truth that was cenobite would never sell any of his children. Never. It’s unacceptable, since they are much more profitable rented and instructed to steal whatever they can while leased to better houses, like those with running water or windows with glass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted December 23, 2012 #4964 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Helen can only dream of glass windows, the windows in her 'house' are made of from the foam that gathers at the corners of her elderly mothers mouth, she collects it daily and stores it in a special pouch, or bra as we civilsed people call them, when she has enough she makes her 'windows' so far she has two windows in her house with plans for another four by 2048 when Helen will be 97 years old Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 24, 2012 #4965 Share Posted December 24, 2012 cenobite is so kind he doesn’t want me to wait that long so he donated the skin cut off his belly in gut reduction procedure. Social security covered the expenses because his obesity was keeping firefighters too busy. All they did was carrying him in and out the house, having no time left to deal with actual fires. At first we thought we’ll cover the windows, but then we realized it would be a shame to cut such nice big piece so we’ll make a wedding tent. Finally, all 200 guests under the same roof. Gut. Whatever, as long as everyone’s in. They removed his balls by the way, since they were dried out anyway. I planned a key pouch, but I have too many keys, so I’ll make slippers for my pet rat out of cenobite’s scrotum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted December 25, 2012 #4966 Share Posted December 25, 2012 Helen is my favourite xmas bunny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 25, 2012 #4967 Share Posted December 25, 2012 cenobite got stuck up his boyfriend's chimney. ho-ho-ho. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted December 25, 2012 #4968 Share Posted December 25, 2012 Helen was that chimney 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 25, 2012 #4969 Share Posted December 25, 2012 cenobite calls his boyfriend “Helen” after his late math teacher who introduced him to the world of trans-sexuality. He still keeps a lock of his favourite wig. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted December 26, 2012 #4970 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Helen can often be found collecting soot deposits from the exhaust pipes of coaches. Coming from a backward eastern european country she is doing her best to educate the locals in racial awareness, however her approach is sadly misguided and one day after an afternoon of soot collecting Helen 'blacked up' and headed back down the dusty trail to her village. On arriving back she encountered one of the village idots (there are many) who mistook her for a monster and promptly battered her around the head with a wooden phallus (the traditional mascot of her village) it wasnt until much later in the ducking pond that the soot washed off that the villagers reslised the mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted December 26, 2012 Author #4971 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Confused again this year, cenobite dressed as the easter bunny on Christmas. His children, being much smarter than he, pointed out his error. In a rage a yelled "Bullocks to this Santa aint even real then anyway now is he!" Children crying, holiday memories ruined, cenobite ended up down to the pub where he could finally enjoy a little quiet time and had a happy Christmas. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 26, 2012 #4972 Share Posted December 26, 2012 OverSword woke up with reindeer horns. No, not plush ones. These were made of plastic. No, not on his head. These were lodged... ahem. Anyway, now they’ve been safely removed and he has nice retro coat hanger for his living room that is also his kitchen, bathroom and everything else. What not to love about trailers? Everything is always at hand and you can’t get lost, no matter how drunk you are. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted December 27, 2012 Author #4973 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Trailers really aren't that great but they are better that where Helen lives. A hole 1.5 meters deep covered by plywood. During the rainy season it's not very comfortable but Helen insists that since Croatians are stronger than other people that it doesn't bother her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simbi Laveau Posted December 27, 2012 #4974 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Oversword rents Helens abode every vacation . He enjoys sitting in the dark ,while rain seeps through the plywood cracks ,and drips on his hair. Then he cries he has no detangler for his locks . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 27, 2012 #4975 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Simbi is jealous because we rented her the chicken coop for the same price. Don't be jealous, OverSword has to leave rats when the vacation is over, while you get to take your complimentary poultry lice with you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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