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OverSword

[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above

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Except you.

We told you hundred times your grandpa lied and it is important on what kind of mammal the orifice is.

Or to use grandpa’s words: “Hole is a hole is a hole.” Well, it’s not.

You can’t just sleep around with desperate girls, withholding from them your genome is only ¼ human, 2/5 raccoon, and the rest is still under investigation.

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The truth is (truth meaning not a lie) Helen is jealous because I'll sleep with anyone but her. Trust me Helen, I'm doing you a favor, you definetly would have to call in sick to work the next day.

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The Truth is it sounds like Oversword wouldn't know what to do with a real girlfriend.

And the lie is that he's made both soup and a hat out of that raccoon Helen was talking about.

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Spirit Writer is really another secret love slave of David Petraeus .

She too has a twin,but its a brother ,and her brother,is ...quite actually ,joc.

We all have no idea what they see in David Petraeus ,but she's so in love with him,she bough the Raccoon hat from oversword ,to give to him for Christmas .

Word is, ,Petraeus is into "furry".

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Simbi is not exempt from the wiles of David Petraeus. She has dedicated all her cats to him, even the non-furry ones.

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Simbi is not exempt from the wiles of David Petraeus. She has dedicated all her cats to him, even the non-furry ones.

Hey,leave my Casper out of this. He may be hairless,but he has better taste. Yes,I have a hairless cat ,for real :)

Spirit Writer is just trying keep people from finding out about her and prune face ,and cast blame elsewhere. She has a tattoo of prune face on a part of her body ,where only he can see it . It's a tattoo of Karl roves face . It really turns him on .

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Awwww. I knew you loved your hairless kitty!

UM, well the new lie is -

Simbi has a mound outside her window she keeps the bones of her ex-lover in. She brings him back to life and dances with his skeleton on his birthday, her birthday, valentines day, the 4th of July and sometimes just to keep her company when she's watching Judge Judy...

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SpiritWriter's vision is getting worse as she gets older. That's probably a good thing because it makes it harder for her to see how her mustache is also getting thicker as she gets older.

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Once again OverSword is displaying his all-consuming envy of other peoples' facial hair. First of all it was my luscious beard, now it's SpiritWriter's magnificent moustache. Good grief! You'd think that at his age he could manage at least one or two hairs! :lol:

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ouija ouija is a pack rat who hasn't thrown a single thing out in 17 years. occassionaly the police search her home when there is a missing child or pet reported in her village, they're afraid a pile of newspapers may have fallen over on them.

esq-hoarders-0410-lg.jpg

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ouija used to donate her beard surplus until it had to be tested before being made into toupees, under new health and sanitation regulations. They turned her down after the results came, but on the brighter side, the yeti hunters are camping outside her house, trying to lure her out with various delicacies, promises, mating calls... imagine a guy blowing into large watering can while waving a piece of bacon in his hand next to another dancing seductively, putting cake with intricate frosting down only to thump his chest.

What? How can they know what Yeti finds attractive? They can only guess.

Edit: That photo OverSword posted comes from his private porn stash. Tastes should not be discussed, said Romans, only ridiculed, I'd add.

Edited by Helen of Annoy
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ouija ouija is a pack rat who hasn't thrown a single thing out in 17 years. occassionaly the police search her home when there is a missing child or pet reported in her village, they're afraid a pile of newspapers may have fallen over on them.

esq-hoarders-0410-lg.jpg

For a brief, heart-stopping moment there I thought "How the HELL did that pic of me in my kitchen get posted here?!!". Then I spotted the difference: her white cupboards are spotless! :lol:

ouija used to donate her beard surplus until it had to be tested before being made into toupees, under new health and sanitation regulations. They turned her down after the results came, but on the brighter side, the yeti hunters are camping outside her house, trying to lure her out with various delicacies, promises, mating calls... imagine a guy blowing into large watering can while waving a piece of bacon in his hand next to another dancing seductively, putting cake with intricate frosting down only to thump his chest.

What? How can they know what Yeti finds attractive? They can only guess.

Edit: That photo OverSword posted comes from his private porn stash. Tastes should not be discussed, said Romans, only ridiculed, I'd add.

Update: I am playing the two yeti-hunters off against each other in their bid to win my 'affections' ....... 'intricate-frosting' man is in the lead at the moment(because I am vegetarian and so not tempted by bacon).

Helen's favourite 'bedroom game' is dressing up as a yeti, eventually allowing lover to catch her and roll her in copious amounts of cake-frosting. It's because of this game that she was able to describe my alleged yeti-suitors in such detail.

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See? This was the historic breakthrough in understanding Yeti. I think I can has Yeti-whisperer title too. And what can I say, it takes one to know one, you have to be a little Yeti to understand Yeti.

Speaking of which, ouija’s postman doesn’t speak English. Or so she thought, trying to start casual conversation with him. He didn’t respond at all, so she tried in few other worldly languages, to no avail.

Thank god for the Internet, she has moved on to learning basic phrases of more and more exotic languages and also thank god for hearing aids, because once the new batteries are finally in, her postman will suddenly hear her say: “Kakav krasan dan danas.” And think to himself: “Aw, ****, she doesn’t speak English... and my best pick-up lines are in English, since sign language can be misleading for the inexperienced.”

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Helen recently failed her IQ test.

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OverSword had to Google 'IQ Test' to find out what one was.

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OverSword had to Google 'IQ Test' to find out what one was.

Ouija had to yahoo google to find out what google was , I guess having a dial up server in Alaska can be a pain at times ?

TiP.

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Tips dreads have platted pink ribbons, "where can I get some of those". XD

Edited by xCrimsonx
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While complaining at the dinner table one evening, xCrimsonx was told by her Mom, 'Enough with the whining already! Shut up and drink your soup before it clots.'

Edited by joc
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joc has childhood traumas. From clotted soup to seeing the monster from under the bed being killed by the monster from the closet. Or the other way around, in any case it was violent and traumatic. Dust bunnies and mothballs everywhere, the stuff nightmares are made of splattered on the walls.

Since everyone has their nightmares made of slightly different material, joc’s parents didn’t know what that matter on the wall is, so they called an exorcist, just to be on the safe side.

So, whatever joc does, he has a set of very convincing excuses. Do not startle him, by the time he stops only defending himself from danger so real in his mind, you will be dead. And he'll be sprinkling mothballs over your corpse to stop you from springing back to unlife and grabbing him by the ankle from under the bed.

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After countless nights spent at cemeteries unsuccessfully looking for Spirits...Helen finally contacted a Medium, who told her that he had made contact with Spirits, which told him...Please keep Helen out of the cemetery! We are just trying to rest and she keeps scaring everybody with her OcotHat and her endless moaning mantra of: Ghosts in the graveyard come out to play, Helen is here, come out I say!

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That’s how joc remembers that incident, but the truth is, when he was in the hospital vegetating after hitting his head against the concrete mixer twice... OK, I must explain that: first he hit his head when he was putting sea shells in said mixer, that’s very efficient and easy way to clean them, just let them spin in there for a while, you only have to take care you don’t put your head inside to check if they’re clean yet.

The second time was when he regained his consciousness after the first blow and tried to stand up, hitting his head against the same mixer, now from the outside.

So his body was lying in the hospital, vegetating, while his spirit was wandering around, met some other disembodieds and hanged out with them. Literally, they hanged out on a phone wire like drying laundry. Because spirits like electricity the way horses like oats or lesser people like the misery of others... it gives them an energy boost.

I do not like my electricity or my land line disturbed so I commanded them to go back to their birthplace and leave the wire the **** alone, which resulted in sudden spiritual commotion and joc had his head hit again.

Now, you see, when you hit your physical head it can catapult your mind out of it, but when you hit your mind while outside of your body it can kick it back in.

And that’s precisely what happened to joc.

Then the nurse came by and noticed he’s blinking, so they started resuscitating him, but if I tell you he was squashed out of his body again you’ll think I’m exaggerating here so I’ll withhold further details.

I’ll just tell you joc finally woke up in the graveyard, true, with accidental help of two grave robbers whose grave robbing career was abruptly shortened by joc’s sudden loud inhale and “I’m coming, Helen, I’m coooooom-m-m-m-iiiiiiiinggggg.... aaah.”

So he came, back to his senses.

You’re welcome.

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Helen was in rehab about 5 years ago, to finally kick that peanut butter habit. She got out and was doing good for a while, but now she's back to her old ways of sticking her finger in the jar. Yuck :P

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Heartsareforbreaking is a hitman for the UM mob . No one knows this,but the moderators have us whacked ,when they get tired of of our whining . I heard hearts is very busy ,especially with the lot on the Bigfoot threads . Now you all know why some members just ..........vanish .

*plays suspense backdrop music*

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Sometimes, late at night, when the moon is full, if you happen to look just at the right time, you might catch a glimpse of Simbi Laveau's silhouette as she takes her broomstick for a midnight ride. Often, you will see a hundred or so other broom riders following close behind. Rumor has it that these are the Hell's Angels...not the motorcycle club...the real Hell's Angels. No one is quite sure why they follow so closely behind Simbi. Some say it is because they are trying to catch her and take her home...others say they are just following their leader.

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Sometimes, late at night, when the moon is full, if you happen to look just at the right time, you might catch a glimpse of Simbi Laveau's silhouette as she takes her broomstick for a midnight ride. Often, you will see a hundred or so other broom riders following close behind. Rumor has it that these are the Hell's Angels...not the motorcycle club...the real Hell's Angels. No one is quite sure why they follow so closely behind Simbi. Some say it is because they are trying to catch her and take her home...others say they are just following their leader.

None of this stuff y'all posting about me is lie . I do this stuff all the time....

Anyhooo....joc is really a Hollywood actor. He keeps it quite quiet .

He's the body double for the guy that plays Howard ,on The Big Bang Theory . It's jocs only regular acting gig,but it pays the bills .

Edited by Simbi Laveau
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