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OverSword

[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above

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The raw chicken legs were all that was left. Helen used the rest of the chicken to keep her hands warm, from making ice cream ya know.

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joc once got lost in the wilderness and had to keep warm by standing in fresh, warm cow pies. He’d go from one cow pie to another, until farmer lost his patience, went out the house and to joc and told him to get lost.

joc explained he’s already lost. In the wilderness.

So joc had nice, swift ride home in ambulance, only he was a little surprised when they dumped him in psychiatry instead of at home. But it feels like home there so there.

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Helen or 'crazy cat woman' as i like to call her has an extensive collection of hedgehog tongues, a strange collection you might think, but in Helen's backwards village they are a sign of wealth and standing within the community. Crazy cat woman's favourties are the tongues she collected in 1956, what a year for hedgehog killing that was!

FYI i call her crazy cat woman not because she has lots of cats, but because she likes to dress as a cat - not just any old cat mind you but a mexican hairless cat, she shaves of all her (copius) body hair sticks on her whiskers and tail then goes out and scares the bejesus out of the local kids, what a gal!

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cenobite’s wife put a mousetrap in a jar of mayonnaise to stop him from dipping his fingers in at night.

He ended up in ER because it wasn't his finger that was trapped in said mousetrap.

Divorce hasn’t been filed, but now she buys only mayonnaise packed in tubes and pouches.

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Helen of Annoy saves her toe nail clippings. She glues them together to create sculptures of her favorite Russian leaders, for whom she has nothing but the greatest respect

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Helen of Annoy saves her toe nail clippings. She glues them together to create sculptures of her favorite Russian leaders, for whom she has nothing but the greatest respect

To ensure all of the nail clipping are in the best condition OverSword cleans each one with his tongue.

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grendals_bane.......Supervises this process by personally checking each one with his, after OverSword has finished his licking routine.

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Aw, god damn it, I’m officially disgusted :lol:

Blue Star was the real life model after which Igi from the Gogs family was shaped.

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Helen of Annoy thinks men who are missing teeth are sexy because it shows they have more life experience.

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OverSword prefers his partners inexperienced, so they don’t notice he sometimes forgets what goes where.

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Helen has a collection of overswords teeth. She wears them on a chain around her neck ,with little swarovski crystals in between them.

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Simbi is obsessed with Japanese culture to the extent that she sent me a christmas card wishing me a meddy cdistmasu.

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OverSword gives names to sushi rolls and whispers dirty things to them, thinking people in the restaurant won’t notice what he’s doing.

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OverSword gives names to sushi rolls and whispers dirty things to them, thinking people in the restaurant won’t notice what he’s doing.

True, but I prefer sushimi.

Helen is trading several family members for a sauna.

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Oversword knows this because he is the one who is buying Helen's 'family members'. God only knows what he has plans for! (perhaps a major sushimi party...featuring hors d'oeuvres, compliments of Helens Family Sale.)

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joc once won a Billy Dee Williams look-a-like contest. He achieved this by threatening the judges with a broken glass bottle that once held the malt beverage Colt .45. As he was handed his trophy, he was heard muttering under his breath, "works every time."

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PlanB chose that name after PlanA got himself permanently banned.

Don’t worry, it happens all the time.

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joc once won a Billy Dee Williams look-a-like contest. He achieved this by threatening the judges with a broken glass bottle that once held the malt beverage Colt .45. As he was handed his trophy, he was heard muttering under his breath, "works every time."

Just a note: the name of this thread is tell a LIE....the above happened in 1993, 1995 and as recently as 2006...it does work every time!

PlanB chose that name after PlanA got himself permanently banned.

Don’t worry, it happens all the time.

The truth is we all call up Helen to help us with our plans...but the problem is, all of her plans are the same: Put an octopus on your head and call it done!

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You ungrateful son of squid, was it not done in 2007, when you pleaded "not guilty by the reason of insanity" in court and my octopus-on-head PlanAAndAOnly worked?!

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No, your Un-heiness...it was 2008 and what you said was, "Slap the judge in the head with this Octopus! Then they'll really think you are crazy." Instead, the judge found me in contempt of court and after 12 hours in the Emergency Room when I finally woke up from the convulsions that I underwent because of the Bailif's Tazer...I spent the next 14 months in jail. Thanks alot!

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It was not my fault. You overdid it. I said “slap the judge with this octopus” not “slap him with this octopus repeatedly until he falls down, then put a foot on his chest and spin the octopus in the air in triumphant fashion”.

Since judge tried to defend himself by grabbing you by your... ahem... family jewels, and you responded with kicking him in the ribs (points for quick reaction!), tazering was kind of expected.

Edited by Helen of Annoy
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Maybe, but what I never expected, and what the Bailiff never expected was for you to grab his Tazer Gun and shoot the barbs straight into my forehead...and then you yanked them out, reloaded and shot them into my left ear...I went unconscious at that point...but I was always curious why I had little holes and burn marks on my...uh...privates.

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Maybe, but what I never expected, and what the Bailiff never expected was for you to grab his Tazer Gun and shoot the barbs straight into my forehead...and then you yanked them out, reloaded and shot them into my left ear...I went unconscious at that point...but I was always curious why I had little holes and burn marks on my...uh...privates.

Everybody congratulated Helen on such fine shooting, especially when you consider how tiny the target was!

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Ealdwita sleeps in mouse turds. His wife serves him cereal (breakfast in bed) in the morning, he loves it with bananas and raisins.

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SpiritWriter pretends to be a ghost and runs around in sheets with chains.

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