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OverSword

[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above

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Helen has a tendency to begin rotting again if she doesn't get her virgin blood/seahorse placenta face cream on time...

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The Queen of the North, only brings that up because she's Hells Avon lady, and is desperate for a sale.

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Bat never paid for haircut in his life.

No, it’s not because hairdressers are so fascinated with his charming personality, that’s because he’s as bald as bowling ball. When his mother noticed little baby bat is not growing any hair yet, they said he's a late bloomer and it will grow eventually. But it didn't. To prevent other kids from picking on him, bat's mother would draw short hair on his head with black marker. They were poor but resourceful.

Later in life, bat will take place of rich guy with conflicting bat issues and could afford wigs, but he remained true to the old ways so all he needs to keep his hairdo fresh and appealing is one black marker and a bit of artistic inspiration.

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Because using a squid as a toupee is a far more subtle approach. Isn't that right, Helen?

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Of course that’s right. Because there’s world of difference between having an abnormal hat and having abnormal head. Taking abnormal hat off is subtle compared to taking abnormal head off. And that brings us back to the world of difference, only this time between advisable and legal.

Speaking of abnormal heads, bat’s urologist never parts from bat private parts photos. You could say he practically made his career on them. Star of every urologist convention, announced with lively whispering: "Oh, oh, there he is, the guy with freak photos... I hope he brought Bifurcated Will." And that nick "Will" actually stands for "willow", tree whose branches wouldn't stand upright if their life depended on that.

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and Helen hangs upside down everynight with a banana in her mouth outside bats window exposing what she would like to have him take photos of, bat obliges of course and takes off with the banana. All this is difficult for helen for she also has to keep her head underwater (for the octopus' sake).

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SpiritWriter is compassionate, no, seriously, so she couldn’t bear watching my hatopus gasp for water under air.

In attack of ingenuity she invented air-diving fish tank. It’s a fish tank that allows aquatic creatures to dive in the air-filled space. Obviously. You put fish tank on aquatic creature’s head, screw it on to fit tightly on air-proof rubber suit, much like usual diving suit, only with water inside instead of outside and push it on dry land. Because everyone needs a little encouragement now and then.

Now SW is thinking of patenting the wet suit with fish tank helmet and slightly pressured water in bottles that can be strapped on larger creatures, such as sharks, or wheeled after gold fish.

The work is still in progress, but it is progressing and it is promising.

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Helen of Annoy isn't the brightest bead on the rosary, she once irritated a gentleman who finally told her" to knock it off or she'd be sleeping with the fishes"

Helen was so excited she went and scuba gear and a pillow.

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Santiodarc is OverSword's latest alter ego B) ...... oh dear! sussed out on first posting :lol:

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ouija ouija is still upset that Hollywood rejected her screenplay, "Barney the Dinosaur in Las Vegas"

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Almost as much as JK, a well known but not much respected method actor who has been prepping for the part by living as Barney for the last 3 years.

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OverSword was nicknamed Barney because he used to live in a barn until he was discovered by Hazmat team and adopted by people who wanted a child that looks like their own.

When they discovered little Barney doesn't look like them or anyone they know or anyone walking on two feet, they complained but the adoption agency presented them with photos of them and little Barney, taken from behind and thus proved the similarity is striking.

Edited by Helen of Annoy

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Santiodarc is OverSword's latest alter ego B) ...... oh dear! sussed out on first posting :lol:

'Santiodarc' is the phantom poster(see '(un)holy haiku' thread). He posted above me here, which is why I mentioned him by name ..... obviously :unsure2: ........ I think ....... ummm, anyone seen any marbles rolling around? I guess they must be mine :cry:

Oh, and flag is mine.

What? ....... WHAT??

Edited by ouija ouija

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:lol:

Welcome to the Wrong Threads’ Club!

Let me be your guide. We’ll start from Early Alzheimer’s Lobby, visit Library where books are sorted by associations and get lost in the garden.

Speaking of which, ouija once got lost in medium sized garden open to public. She had her phone with her but it was too embarrassing to call her friends and ask for help. So she tried the supermarket method of orientation and started taking one left - one right turn. But paths in not strictly formal gardens are not regular, so when she walked past same tree for the fourth time she decided to climb in it and take a good look from above.

But she dropped said phone while climbing, and it made a call. A dog came by right at that moment and started sniffing the phone while someone was repeating “Hello... hello... hello, ouija, I hear you, hello...”

ouija climbed down and picked the phone up but had no nerve to say anything or take a look at who her phone called and in whose ear dog panted.

In sunset she found the way out, by following swarm of Japanese tourists, and decided to toss her phone into trash can so she can rightfully say she doesn’t own it anymore and god knows who got it and what was happening to it before battery died.

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OverSword!! Helen's off her meds again.

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the1truebat likes to strike his favorite pose when high on a building in Gotham. However, the sad truth is that he accidentally glued his right hand to his right leg in a freak accident with the Bat Glue Gun.

Edited by J. K.
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What bat's is trying to tell me is that the ruffies he gave helen are wearing off so his date is over.

JK stepped on perhaps the greatest lie ever told.

JK is a huge Teddy Roosevelt fan, because he just loves a man with a big....mustache.

Edited by OverSword
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Speaking of which, OverSword is in possession of Teddy Roosevelt’s moustache. Lovely item. He was offered quite interesting sums of money but he doesn’t want to sell, hoping the price will only go up with facial hair revival we’re witnessing lately.

I think I channelled my grandma for a moment.

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Every year Helen's relatives all gather together in secret to decide which of them gets to fake thier death this year so that Helen will stop trying to always borrow money from them, plus she's just not very pleasant to be around. Her husband has a strong argument to be this years choice. A few cousins are mad and believe that two people should get to fake thier deaths this year since uncle Benrush faked his death last year and then really did die 2 weeks later.

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Actually, a member of my family was very fond of fake suicide by hanging himself on a rope he’d tie under his arms instead of around his neck. It worked fine for more than one time (!) but then everyone stopped falling for that attention whoring. And then he really hanged himself, just to prove his point.

OverSword asked if he can have a piece of that rope. He heard of old superstition that says your erection will never fail if you carry a piece of hanging rope in your pocket.

Since people rarely keep their clothes and therefore their pockets on in moments they wanted an erection for, you can imagine how well that charm worked.

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That's the story I told Helen because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. The truth is we started to make love and her bad breath caused me to have erectile dysfunction.

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OverSword can lie all he wants, I have the incriminating piece of rope photographed in his pocket to prove my claim. Does he have a piece of my alleged bad breath? No.

What he does have is my perfumed handkerchief. He takes it out sealed plastic bag only when he misses me unbearably, which is all the time.

All right, I lied.

It's not perfumed hanky, it's kitchen cloth and he takes it out when he misses my cooking and he does it rarely because it agitates neighbourhood dogs.

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In addition to her previous appearance on Hoarders, Helen will also be on two other programs soon. She took her cooking skills to Gordon Ramsey's Hell's Kitchen. Unfortunately, she was let go rather early in the competition, as her cooking did indeed disturb the neighborhood dogs. This necessitated calling in Animal Planet's Cesar the Dog Whisperer.

To cash in on her new-found fame, Helen has submitted a screenplay to the Sy Fy channel: Octo-Hair vs. the Octo-Mom.

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J.K. is my stylist. He insist on too much feathers and glittering details, but other than that I think he brings out my natural brightness out.

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Helen of Annoy, The Devils Aunt, The Niece of Darkness, so many titles for one "woman" , and she has earned them all, for she is about nine days older than God. She's been around since Shiva was a mess cook. That crazy lady has had lots of time to earn her accolades. She was a model back in the day too, yep, all those statues of Budha, they're actually based on his Body double, Helen.

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