Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 7
Bracket

The Excuse Game

3,114 posts in this topic

Go barefoot. No one would notice since everyone is busy staring at your ass. That one on your face, I wouldn’t know about your ass that’s in your ass region.

Sign my “burkha for Junior” petition. He’s scaring the old and scarring the young with his appearance.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oooooo! It's very tempting, BUT ....... surely burkhas are for females only(except when male 'terrorists' or journalists are trying to disguise themselves), so I don't think you're going to get very far with that :(

Choose some suitable shoes and a bag to go with this coat ........ thnx

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can't do it, I'm fashion impaired by my masculinity.

Look for the eye in the sky.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately, the eye placed at the top of a pyramid is always the first bit to erode away.

Grind my corn.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*slaps*

Fry me some chips just how I like 'em!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Got no lard! soz.

Nuke my noisy neighbor.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We’re not in the Middle East. You can’t have people nuked just because they make noise you don't like.

On a second thought, I hate noisy people. Help me help acute alan nuke his neighbour.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Heavens! You don't need my help, I'd only get in the way. You two are more than capable of ruining a neighbour's life(and a large chunk of 'Mercia') by yourselves. I'd be saying annoying things like "Oh please wait until all the animals have left the vicinity!" and " Did everybody remember to bring a packed lunch with them?" and "Helen, have you brought any moist-wipes with you?" ....... see, it'd be hopeless.

Write all my Christmas cards for me.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Take another look at my signature. Come to conclusion that would be the most awkward Christmas ever. Ask someone else to do that for you.

Buy me an urn. We’re having a barbecue tomorrow so I’d like to try it out to see how it fits the ashes of someone approximately my size.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Urns are too expansive. The best I can afford is a coffee can.

Give me a book. I've read all of mine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wooould, but ....... I don't know where you live. I mean, if I send it to 'Bracket, Massachusetts' ...... nah, I'm not prepared to risk it.

Cut my hair for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hair works as antenna that connects you with the higher consciousness. I refuse to take part in your disconnecting.

Reboot me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the button is too small for my hooves to press

please brush my mane

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really, honestly would, but I have to post crap on the Internet instead.

Make me sane again.

Edited by Helen of Annoy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good Grief, Helen! That's waaay too big a job for me. You'll need a team of internationally renowned shrinks mental health specialists if you're even going to scratch the surface of the problem.

Help me into my diving gear ...... I want to go and annoy sharks.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You don’t need a diving gear for that... simply walk into their office, say you want to sue them for malpractice in this very law suit that you are about to start and promise them large percentage of the sum they extort from themselves.

Have your camera ready, there’s a chance a head or two will actually explode.

Sing me a lullaby.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OO, OO! I'm good at that(seriously) ...... which one do you fancy; I've got quite a repetoire? Oh no, wait ...... me here, you all the way over there ...... sorry :cry:

Haha! Forgot to make a request: taste some of these seeds for me, I'm not sure which ones can go in my baking/cooking and which ones ............. well, um .......... probably shouldn't be eaten .....

Edited by ouija ouija

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You need a canary in your kitchen. Miners used to take canaries with them in the mines so when poor little Tweety drops dead they know it’s time to evacuate humans too, because whichever poisonous gas killed the tiny bird will soon kill you too.

But if you put a canary in your kitchen, you have to get rid of anything with teflon coating, heating it up makes canaries drop dead too. Seriously.

Either way, I’m not a canary, I don’t do seed sampling, I just eat it all. If it tasted good, great, if it didn’t then it must be good for digestion. Throw it all in and call it “exotic new taste of plijesan” if anyone complains.

(Plijesan means mold, to save you the trip to translator.)

Give me strength to remain so concise in the future too.

Edited by Helen of Annoy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i would love to give you strength Helen, but i left my bible in my car, so without it I'm useless..

ive just been shot ten times by an intruder, can someone call an ambulance, im dddddyyy..iii..nggg.... heeeeelllllllppppppp.... meeeeee...

Edited by with bells on

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't! Your Avi is threating to shoot me right now.

Somebody get me a bullet proof vest, in case I make his avi's day by mistake.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But I’m on his side. Do not take a bullet proof vest from me even if I offer you one because that would mean today is “shoot him in the groin” day. No, no head-shots, it’s bad manners to obviously shoot to kill.

Read my mind.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*is struck dumb*................................. *but only for a short while* :D Where to start? I just don't have the many layers of protective clothing(starting with a lead bodysuit), required for such an operation ...... Good Grief! there could be just about anything in there; I couldn't stand the trauma of it. Sorry.

Help me practice my ballet routine, I need a partner who can lift me gracefully into the air.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m not saying you’re fat... but... maybe maybe I could lift you if there was a Chihuahua trapped under you, but that wouldn’t look gracefully at all.

Stage that, I want to see if I can do it.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is no lifting device robust enough to elevate my frame.

Take up Extreme Ironing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is no lifting device robust enough to elevate my frame.

Take up Extreme Ironing.

I can't because I do not exist in this realm.

Reply to this message.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 7

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.