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The Bad Advice Game

2,262 posts in this topic

Engage in a battle to the death with me for the position! But ye be warned, I am a ninja in training.

My room's a mess but I don't feel like wasting precious UM time cleaning. What can I do to get the job done quickly?

Edited by Feenix Fire

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Pay someone in advance to do it for you. Preferably complete strangers that look like drug addicts.

How should I sharpen the pencil?

Edited by Helen of Annoy

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Gnaw at the tip until you achieve desired sharpness.

I'm all out of cooking utensils. What should i stir dinner with?

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your hands

I need a new computer, how can I get one free?

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well if you rob best buy it will be free. I WILL HELP YOU!

i keep losing my glasses. help?

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Super glue them to your face

I'm bored, what should I do?

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you should make me a special pair of glasses that wont fall off my face so i wont have to take your bad advice on the glue :w00t:

its 3am i should be still sleeping but i woke up. how do i fall back asleep?

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you should make me a special pair of glasses that wont fall off my face so i wont have to take your bad advice on the glue :w00t:

its 3am i should be still sleeping but i woke up. how do i fall back asleep?

That’s easy. Hammer yourself back to sleep. If you don’t have a hammer simply hit your head against the wall. If you don't like pain, put a plastic bag over your head. Leave a note with instructions for family to remove it in the morning.

I don’t like elevators. What’s the simplest and fastest way to climb the stairs?

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ask someone to give you a piggy-back ride up the stairs

My car needs a wash, what should I do to keep it clean?

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Pray. Not driving it and keeping it wrapped up in cellophane would help too.

What to do if you don’t want to forget your umbrella again?

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throw it out. if you dont have one you cant forget it.

im really really angry. how do i get rid of this feeling?

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Read a lot about politics. That should calm you down and make you realize this world is actually paradise.

Charge my battery.

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Hold the battery in one hand and stick your finger in a live socket with the other.

How do I get a red wine stain out of a white blouse?

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Well, you could cut the stained part out, but I suggest immersing the whole blouse in red wine.

What can I use instead of toothpaste?

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Bleach mixed with Ajax

I'm feeling sad, how can I get happy?

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Go get some Ecstacy, and remember: Two pills are always better than one!

I have lost my keys today. How do I get inside my house?

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Through the chimney, of course.

What’s the best way to clean a fish tank?

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Bring it with you to the tub when you're taking a bath.

How do I make sure that I have a good relationship with my boss?

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Offer him some "relief" when he is having a stressful day.

What should I buy my girlfriend for her birthday?

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I bet she'd love one of these...

kirk.jpg

What should I have for dinner?

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Roadkill.

My hands are cold, how could I keep them warm?

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Two minutes on High in the microwave should do nicely.

Where should I go for my next vacation?

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Croatia, of course. I’ll buy you one of those “I survived holiday in Croatia” tees if you do actually survive.

What’s the best way to travel?

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Hot air balloon. I suggest launching from a nice location in Tornado Alley though.

What's the best way to give my cat a bath?

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You need one large fish tank with some live fish. Just leave it somewhere in the house and cat will soon be in it. Then add some shampoo and let nature take its course.

(This is actually insane but almost good advice.)

How should I protect my ears from wind?

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