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White Crane Feather

Inner voice

234 posts in this topic

You are so right there is a LOT of confusion and mixed signals and what I was hoping is that he'll eventually just snap out of the confusion and realize that he wants to be committed to me. He already told me that he wants to live with me and was making plans to move in with me. I'm going to try to slow down and not go too fast. Thanks for the advice it's exactly what I was thinking, if I don't know, don't rush into anything just live life and see how much he really loves me.

I'm going to focus more of my energy on MYSELF. Of course I still love him and stuff, but I feel so confused not knowing what's going on and what's he doing, and this causing me to feel bad, and if this confusion is going to make our relationship AND friendship end, I'd rather not do anything, treat him as a friend, focus my love on myself so I won't feel lonely and see what happens as time passes. I would rather have him in my life even if just as a friend then to not have him at all, but I really do hope it's more, deep down inside. I guess I'll see, and until then I'll just keep focusing on me and how much I love myself.

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OK, I'm interested to see what you have to say about my situation.

I hate my job, but at least I have a job. I'm barely making enough to live on and have some outstanding bills (including a student loan) hanging over my head. I am feeling old and tired all the time. My house is...let's just call it very unorganized and needs some work. What should I be doing to change my circumstances and actually "have a life" during the remainder of my life here on earth. I don't feel like I am "living", just here going thru the motions & surviving. I will listen open-mindedly to anything. Thanks

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You are so right there is a LOT of confusion and mixed signals and what I was hoping is that he'll eventually just snap out of the confusion and realize that he wants to be committed to me. He already told me that he wants to live with me and was making plans to move in with me. I'm going to try to slow down and not go too fast. Thanks for the advice it's exactly what I was thinking, if I don't know, don't rush into anything just live life and see how much he really loves me.

I'm going to focus more of my energy on MYSELF. Of course I still love him and stuff, but I feel so confused not knowing what's going on and what's he doing, and this causing me to feel bad, and if this confusion is going to make our relationship AND friendship end, I'd rather not do anything, treat him as a friend, focus my love on myself so I won't feel lonely and see what happens as time passes. I would rather have him in my life even if just as a friend then to not have him at all, but I really do hope it's more, deep down inside. I guess I'll see, and until then I'll just keep focusing on me and how much I love myself.

Well arpee I think it's a wise way to go about it. In fact that's what my little boy guide impressed upon my first. That you have already answered your own questions. ( he always says that to me) If it's of any value, I was in a similar in ways situation with my wife before we were maried and my decision to let it be and be happy with what we had made her fall in love with me more and it worked out. You see you love others that care about by loveing yourself. True love is circular. And the gift of open doors (without being vulnerable of course) is a powerful gesture of love.

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Definitely, thank you so much.

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OK, I'm interested to see what you have to say about my situation.

I hate my job, but at least I have a job. I'm barely making enough to live on and have some outstanding bills (including a student loan) hanging over my head. I am feeling old and tired all the time. My house is...let's just call it very unorganized and needs some work. What should I be doing to change my circumstances and actually "have a life" during the remainder of my life here on earth. I don't feel like I am "living", just here going thru the motions & surviving. I will listen open-mindedly to anything. Thanks

Well my friend the answer is that you need to be bold. Money is a slave master... You don't need as much as you think. Consumerism and industrialization conspires to enslave you. There are many exciting things to live. Be a beech bumb somewhere warm, become intimately involved with philanthropy, join the peaice core. Be dramatic.

I know money seems important... But honestly it's not. Money is easy

Tomorrow look for something that You can by for $100 then sell for $120. %20 markup. Then take that $120 and repeat. Do it 53 times. 53 TIMES!!!!!!! Get it done In a year. You do the math of where that puts you.

Hard??!? Maby but not really. Not as hard as you are living now.

I'm serious my friend the spirits are saying you need to break out. Redefine what being Human is all about. It's not about working your life away, flirting with alcoholism ( yeah I know), and enslaveing yourself to banks. Mortgage = engagement till death!!!!!

Go for it be bold. Forget responsabilitis it's not worth Suffering over. ( unless children are involved)

You are also flirting with mild depression. You need to stay away from alcohol, make sure you are getting strenuous excercise, and eat a large breakfast every morning. Also...., at the risk of getting a mod lightning bolt comeing on down on me and check with your doctor first before takeing these harmless ( disclaimer :)) suppliments. St. Jhons Wort and passion flower will do you a world of good. You can get them at your healthfood store.

The spirits are saying you cannot continue like this, you know this already. You must mix it up dramatically and change everything. You also need to pay close attention to your brain chemistry and avoid vices. I hope that helps.

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OK, I'm interested to see what you have to say about my situation.

I hate my job, but at least I have a job. I'm barely making enough to live on and have some outstanding bills (including a student loan) hanging over my head. I am feeling old and tired all the time. My house is...let's just call it very unorganized and needs some work. What should I be doing to change my circumstances and actually "have a life" during the remainder of my life here on earth. I don't feel like I am "living", just here going thru the motions & surviving. I will listen open-mindedly to anything. Thanks

I would also sugest some spiritual persuits. I know that's hard for you.., but it will help aswell.

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Well my friend the answer is that you need to be bold. Money is a slave master... You don't need as much as you think. Consumerism and industrialization conspires to enslave you. There are many exciting things to live. Be a beech bumb somewhere warm, become intimately involved with philanthropy, join the peaice core. Be dramatic.

I know money seems important... But honestly it's not. Money is easy

Tomorrow look for something that You can by for $100 then sell for $120. %20 markup. Then take that $120 and repeat. Do it 53 times. 53 TIMES!!!!!!! Get it done In a year. You do the math of where that puts you.

Hard??!? Maby but not really. Not as hard as you are living now.

I'm serious my friend the spirits are saying you need to break out. Redefine what being Human is all about. It's not about working your life away, flirting with alcoholism ( yeah I know), and enslaveing yourself to banks. Mortgage = engagement till death!!!!!

Go for it be bold. Forget responsabilitis it's not worth Suffering over. ( unless children are involved)

You are also flirting with mild depression. You need to stay away from alcohol, make sure you are getting strenuous excercise, and eat a large breakfast every morning. Also...., at the risk of getting a mod lightning bolt comeing on down on me and check with your doctor first before takeing these harmless ( disclaimer :)) suppliments. St. Jhons Wort and passion flower will do you a world of good. You can get them at your healthfood store.

The spirits are saying you cannot continue like this, you know this already. You must mix it up dramatically and change everything. You also need to pay close attention to your brain chemistry and avoid vices. I hope that helps.

whoa! that's a mixed bag of ideas. I have never even come close to being alcoholic. While I do "have a beer" now and then, I can't tell you the date of the last one I had. I have stomach issues & mostly just don't drink.

Yes, I have mild depression. I don't have $100 to my name right now. I rent, so no mortgage. (repairs to the house are my responsibility because I caused the damage, at least some of it). Not needing money & living on less??? I'll tell you a secret. I earn & live on around $1,000 a month take home pay. Try that on for size. I have a student loan balance of $15,000 from ten yrs ago! so, yes, I need money to pay off some bills, as I stated. Not for consumerism.

The parts I agree with? I agree I need to be bold, would love to live on a beach somewhere warm (it's 23deg here right now), I cannot continue like this. I definitely need to mix it up dramatically & change everything. Thanks for the advice.

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I would also sugest some spiritual persuits. I know that's hard for you.., but it will help aswell.

I am a non-denominational Christian who does not believe a person has to attend Church to worship, but yes, I could study my Bible more & pray & meditate on God. Thanks again.

PS. I said I would be open-minded & I believe I have been. It's just that I feel your guides missed the mark on some of my problems. With the other people you were helping on here, you seemed to be interpreting what your guides had given you. Here it seemed you were stating your opinions, imo. It seems to me you have some sort of hang-ups when it comes to money & consumerism. I assure you I am not that way. I have lived on next to nothing, and raised 4 kids while doing it, for so long I don't know anything different. And yes, I am feeling old and sick and tired & wish I could just quit. Thanks again for the advice. I don't know what I can do to change my circumstances, but I know it rests with me, not anyone else. Thanks again.

Edited by msm57

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I am a non-denominational Christian who does not believe a person has to attend Church to worship, but yes, I could study my Bible more & pray & meditate on God. Thanks again.

PS. I said I would be open-minded & I believe I have been. It's just that I feel your guides missed the mark on some of my problems. With the other people you were helping on here, you seemed to be interpreting what your guides had given you. Here it seemed you were stating your opinions, imo. It seems to me you have some sort of hang-ups when it comes to money & consumerism. I assure you I am not that way. I have lived on next to nothing, and raised 4 kids while doing it, for so long I don't know anything different. And yes, I am feeling old and sick and tired & wish I could just quit. Thanks again for the advice. I don't know what I can do to change my circumstances, but I know it rests with me, not anyone else. Thanks again.

I'm glad there was something there you could use. By consumerism I didn't mean you need more money to do stuff. I mean the system as a whole has got it's grip into you. That is the problem here. You have all these bills and not enough salary, and you are stressing yourself into the grave over it. It's not so much of a problem with consumerism as it Is what it does to people just like you. I'll tell you this, I don't have as much of a problem with consumerism as the guides do. I have a degree in economics and could argue many virtues of trade and utility, They on the other hand consider it pointless. This constant persuit of dollars and keeping up with bills. Honestly my impressions are for you to forget about that student loan and not pay it. But I personally dont agree. The spirits care nothing for our economy and earthly responsibilities. Anti consumerism is them not me. We should probably listen more. I struggle with it aswell.

I'll stand by my impression that you need to avoid alcohol.. Weather that's something in your future or just general advice.

Can you do me a favor. Read back over your reply to me, and see if you can identify the seething negativity.

This is the culprit my friend. This attitude of yours Is damaging. This is why you are so stuck. In your mind the attitude is a result of your circumstances, in reality your circumstances are a result of your attitude. Which of course can also be a symptom of the depression we are talking about.

This is your battle. It's not against finances, or career choice, or being "old". Your not that old. Your only just turned what 55. Your birthday is the same as mine by the way. A small synchronistic event that forces me to Persue this.

This depression is worse than I thought. You should see a doctor. I loath parmacuticl depression medication, that's why I gave you advice on an herbal alternative, but if you have been living with it for long enough it can be the dominating factor in your life, and you would not even know it. This affects everything you do.

My friend if you can just remove this dark filter, I promise things will get better. Unfortunately, I think you may have been living with it for a very long time. Chemical intervention from a doctor can go a long ways. I have seen it completely about face some people. The st Jhons wort, and passion flower have a much milder dose if a chemical used in anti depressants ( again didclaimer.., chech with your doc). This chemical interceded with the enzyme that works with the metabolizstion of serotonin that is naturally produced in your body. As serotonin begins to build In your system you start to feel better, and these clouds that tint everything so negatively start to lift. Please talk to your doctor about it. Or just research yourself those two herbs and see what I am talking about.

You wanted a real answer to financial issues. I gave you one. That formula makes you a millionaire in 53 moves. You could collect cans to find a $100... But you seem unwilling to even consider it. The reason I'm pointing this out is because this is the depression talking. Think about it. Every financial problem you have ever had solved In 53 steps. That should be worth your attention, but instead you focus on what you don't have. You can do the same thing with $5 and 68 steps. Do you have $5? Can you find something at a flee market that you can buy for $5, then sell for $6. If you can you only have 67 steps to go before you are a millionaire. Just try it? In your spare time.

I'm sorry I missed the mark with a couple of things, but my innervoice is screaming at me to get you to see the real underlying problem. It's not money.

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Hi feelingz

My guides are impressing upon me that you have yet to discover self love. This is why you experience the turbulence that you do. Her in particular is stressing that until you work on you and stop trying replace something lost in childhood and haveing these expectations of your lovers, you will forever be dissatisfied. Feelingz ...... There is not going to be some man that makes it all better. There is no saviour knight. You have to be better And get better for yourself. Peaceful powerful love happens when two people who are centered come together a there are no demands from the other only a desire to give to each other. It certainly is rare but it's obtainable, but it bigins not with another but self.

You may return to your x or not those are your choices.... But none of the issues are just going to go away. Time amplifies things. Is sugest you find a way to center yourself and be the source of your emotional fulfillment.

Thank you. However, I do love myself though. The only reason I broke up with my ex was because of his anger and he had trouble with being affectionate. I did not lose anything in my child hood and I believe in true love. I always gave to my ex and he was lacking due to his child hood. I am balanced. Thanks for answering.

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Thank you. However, I do love myself though. The only reason I broke up with my ex was because of his anger and he had trouble with being affectionate. I did not lose anything in my child hood and I believe in true love. I always gave to my ex and he was lacking due to his child hood. I am balanced. Thanks for answering.

Was this the man before your current fiancé or did you break up with your fiancé? Are you considering leaving your fiancé to back to a previouse relationship, or did you break up with your fiancé and now are trying to figure out to go back or not.

I was off a bit. It's not what you were missing from childhood, it's what you are trying to get back. It makes perfect sense now.

Her: feelingz, you are trying to replace things inside of you that your father provided. It might be hard to see, but it's the truth. No man is ever going to live up to him. I'm so sorry this pain is still with you, but I can assure you he is still looking out for you just as vigilant as he used to.

--seeker--

The guides want me to post parts of our conversations, so that you can do some self reflection. Please feelingz. Dont think I am attacking you... But the turbulence in you is self evident. Healing starts with self revelation.

"For several months now my fiancee and I have been hearing the sounds of a baby

Hey Seeker, I have a new question:

Question: Is there a bundle of joy arriving inside of me soon?

My depression been when I was a teenager and progressed after the death of my father

 So, over time I had to close off my feelings to protect myself from violence. I use to go through that when my father was alive.

When he was alive he was a very strict parent that never let me go out, so I was sheltered but he was great at providing everything for me. There were no money issues. I could get what I wanted with no problems. He was wealthy. Til he died in front of my eyes (which I knew he was gonna die cus I have that ability to tell when a person is gonna die). Everything went downhill for my whole family. 

Self destruction makes me think of completely snapping but I'm at a calm ever since I shut down my thoughts and emotions except for contentment.

Yes. My fiancee is the father of my child

Question: Will I cheat on my spouse with another man and end up getting pregnant by this man?"

Do you see feelingz?

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Shewwww buisy morning. I think, I'll go back to breaking up each guides impressing instead of paraphrasing. I think people like them better than me :) it also might let them interpret what im seeing instead of just me.

Edited by Seeker79

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I'm glad there was something there you could use. By consumerism I didn't mean you need more money to do stuff. I mean the system as a whole has got it's grip into you. That is the problem here. You have all these bills and not enough salary, and you are stressing yourself into the grave over it. It's not so much of a problem with consumerism as it Is what it does to people just like you. I'll tell you this, I don't have as much of a problem with consumerism as the guides do. I have a degree in economics and could argue many virtues of trade and utility, They on the other hand consider it pointless. This constant persuit of dollars and keeping up with bills. Honestly my impressions are for you to forget about that student loan and not pay it. But I personally dont agree. The spirits care nothing for our economy and earthly responsibilities. Anti consumerism is them not me. We should probably listen more. I struggle with it aswell.

I'll stand by my impression that you need to avoid alcohol.. Weather that's something in your future or just general advice.

Can you do me a favor. Read back over your reply to me, and see if you can identify the seething negativity.

This is the culprit my friend. This attitude of yours Is damaging. This is why you are so stuck. In your mind the attitude is a result of your circumstances, in reality your circumstances are a result of your attitude. Which of course can also be a symptom of the depression we are talking about.

This is your battle. It's not against finances, or career choice, or being "old". Your not that old. Your only just turned what 55. Your birthday is the same as mine by the way. A small synchronistic event that forces me to Persue this.

This depression is worse than I thought. You should see a doctor. I loath parmacuticl depression medication, that's why I gave you advice on an herbal alternative, but if you have been living with it for long enough it can be the dominating factor in your life, and you would not even know it. This affects everything you do.

My friend if you can just remove this dark filter, I promise things will get better. Unfortunately, I think you may have been living with it for a very long time. Chemical intervention from a doctor can go a long ways. I have seen it completely about face some people. The st Jhons wort, and passion flower have a much milder dose if a chemical used in anti depressants ( again didclaimer.., chech with your doc). This chemical interceded with the enzyme that works with the metabolizstion of serotonin that is naturally produced in your body. As serotonin begins to build In your system you start to feel better, and these clouds that tint everything so negatively start to lift. Please talk to your doctor about it. Or just research yourself those two herbs and see what I am talking about.

You wanted a real answer to financial issues. I gave you one. That formula makes you a millionaire in 53 moves. You could collect cans to find a $100... But you seem unwilling to even consider it. The reason I'm pointing this out is because this is the depression talking. Think about it. Every financial problem you have ever had solved In 53 steps. That should be worth your attention, but instead you focus on what you don't have. You can do the same thing with $5 and 68 steps. Do you have $5? Can you find something at a flee market that you can buy for $5, then sell for $6. If you can you only have 67 steps to go before you are a millionaire. Just try it? In your spare time.

I'm sorry I missed the mark with a couple of things, but my innervoice is screaming at me to get you to see the real underlying problem. It's not money.

MUCH BETTER! :tu: I agree with very nearly everything you said here. As I said previously, the problem lies with me & I am the only one who can change it. I might just try that buying and re-selling items at a mark-up. I just didn't feel I could justify buying something for $100 (which should go toward a bill) and then having some item I may not sell for several days, if not months :( , and be stuck with it & try explaining that to the bill collectors :o Sales is so not my forté. There are consequences to not paying a student loan, and I would much rather avoid the consequences. While I don't have any medical coverage to go see a doctor, I will look into the other options you mentioned. Thanks. Oh, and Happy Belated Birthday!

Edited by msm57

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MUCH BETTER! :tu: I agree with very nearly everything you said here. As I said previously, the problem lies with me & I am the only one who can change it. I might just try that buying and re-selling items at a mark-up. I just didn't feel I could justify buying something for $100 (which should go toward a bill) and then having some item I may not sell for several days, if not months :( , and be stuck with it & try explaining that to the bill collectors :o Sales is so not my forté. There are consequences to not paying a student loan, and I would much rather avoid the consequences. While I don't have any medical coverage to go see a doctor, I will look into the other options you mentioned. Thanks. Oh, and Happy Belated Birthday!

:) you to my friend. The power of exponential growth is incredible. If you can find a way to apply it to finances you will be in good shape. Just as an exercise take 5 on a calculater and multiply it by 1.2 then just hit the equal button 68 times. I promise just doing it will inspire you. If you could accomplish 68 sales in a few years ( without dipping In :) Imagine how things will change.

Note. Once you start getting into the big money you have to educate yourself on high dollar items like houseflipping.

Good luck. Let me know how the supplements turn out. Im Interested. And I care. :)

Oh, thanks for the second chance.

Edited by Seeker79

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:) you to my friend. The power of exponential growth is incredible. If you can find a way to apply it to finances you will be in good shape. Just as an exercise take 5 on a calculater and multiply it by 1.2 then just hit the equal button 68 times. I promise just doing it will inspire you. If you could accomplish 68 sales in a few years ( without dipping In :) Imagine how things will change.

Note. Once you start getting into the big money you have to educate yourself on high dollar items like houseflipping.

Good luck. Let me know how the supplements turn out. Im Interested. And I care. :)

Oh, thanks for the second chance.

:yes: I believe everyone should have a second chance. I don't usually put much stock into folks being psychic (no offense), or having spirit guides (again, no offense), but something about your answers caught my attention. That's why I was so surprised and confused by your first reply. You most definitely confirmed some things I already knew about myself and hit the nail on the head more with the second shot at it. I believe you have a gift, my friend.

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:yes: I believe everyone should have a second chance. I don't usually put much stock into folks being psychic (no offense), or having spirit guides (again, no offense), but something about your answers caught my attention. That's why I was so surprised and confused by your first reply. You most definitely confirmed some things I already knew about myself and hit the nail on the head more with the second shot at it. I believe you have a gift, my friend.

Hahahah non taken. I would have said the same thing years ago. Im more of a profiler with a little help from the wisdom of guiding spirits. I don't consider myself psychic. Ancestrial spirits and angels are probably a more comfortable term for others. I gues a skeptic could look at them as psychological constructs that help me access different thought patterns or perspectives. But if you read my blogs " a man awake" you will see that they are very real characters to me. Just as real as you are. But I could be a little nuts to. But I'm ok with that :) As long as I know the difference between realities. ( by the way. There was a one in 365 chance we were both born on janury 9th.... Syncronicity always surrounds the path)

Take care. Keep us posted.

Edited by Seeker79

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Hey, I have been making some changes in my life, can you tell me anything about what my life will look like this spring or summer? Thanks!

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Hey, I have been making some changes in my life, can you tell me anything about what my life will look like this spring or summer? Thanks!

Hi there. What kinds of changes of changes are you making? My guides offer advice and wisdom...not really predictions some details would be helpful.

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Hi there. What kinds of changes of changes are you making? My guides offer advice and wisdom...not really predictions some details would be helpful.

Well I have always been hard on myself and I've realized that it is affecting my life. I am really lonely and I never understood why I have no close friends or a boyfriend. Now I realize that I push people away because I hate myself. I am trying to learn to love myself and let people in. Its a hard fight but I want change!!

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Well I have always been hard on myself and I've realized that it is affecting my life. I am really lonely and I never understood why I have no close friends or a boyfriend. Now I realize that I push people away because I hate myself. I am trying to learn to love myself and let people in. Its a hard fight but I want change!!

I see. well I can tell you this much. Your abilitity to self reflect is a great starting point. That is step one in healing and a step that many cannot get past.

Her: Oh dear... She is wanting to embrace you. You think it's your fault be it's not. You see you are being to hard on yourself for being to hard on yourself. You are on the right track observing it, but you musnt replace one demand of yourself for another.

Did Somone at home or in social circles bully you?

Boy: the course for healing in this is going to involve discovering the source of these problems and restructuring your reaction to them. While you can change things about yourself... It's just not as simple as that sometimes without deeper analysis and restructuring of the way things are viewed.

Grandfather is pointing to a city. This is telling me that this self loathing is not your own. It has been placed upon you.

Why do you feel you push people away?

What happened?

One thing that is going to have to change is how you identify milestones for improvment. Haveing friends or a boyfriend is not one of them. You are going to have to learn that haveing or not haveing friends or a boyfriend has absolutely nothing to do with your identity ( or at least it should not).

Can you answer those questions for me? You know you are leaving that one little detail out. The source of your self esteem problems. The healing will start when you admit it to me. So spit it out girl :) yell it at me if you want.

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I see. well I can tell you this much. Your abilitity to self reflect is a great starting point. That is step one in healing and a step that many cannot get past.

Her: Oh dear... She is wanting to embrace you. You think it's your fault be it's not. You see you are being to hard on yourself for being to hard on yourself. You are on the right track observing it, but you musnt replace one demand of yourself for another.

Did Somone at home or in social circles bully you?

Boy: the course for healing in this is going to involve discovering the source of these problems and restructuring your reaction to them. While you can change things about yourself... It's just not as simple as that sometimes without deeper analysis and restructuring of the way things are viewed.

Grandfather is pointing to a city. This is telling me that this self loathing is not your own. It has been placed upon you.

Why do you feel you push people away?

What happened?

One thing that is going to have to change is how you identify milestones for improvment. Haveing friends or a boyfriend is not one of them. You are going to have to learn that haveing or not haveing friends or a boyfriend has absolutely nothing to do with your identity ( or at least it should not).

Can you answer those questions for me? You know you are leaving that one little detail out. The source of your self esteem problems. The healing will start when you admit it to me. So spit it out girl :) yell it at me if you want.

Oh yeah I have been bullied as long as I can remember! I was overweight as a little kid and now that is completely what defines me. I have been working out but I am not really seeing any change. I want to love myself and be loved at whatever weight I happen to be! I feel like I am not a real person, like I am only seen as fat. I actually have people tell me I am beautiful constantly but I don't believe it. I feel like my face is cancelled out by my extra weight.

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Oh yeah I have been bullied as long as I can remember! I was overweight as a little kid and now that is completely what defines me. I have been working out but I am not really seeing any change. I want to love myself and be loved at whatever weight I happen to be! I feel like I am not a real person, like I am only seen as fat. I actually have people tell me I am beautiful constantly but I don't believe it. I feel like my face is cancelled out by my extra weight.

I think I push people away because I don't want them to like me. I know this is all crazy, because I can see that I am doing it but I can't stop! I think if someone likes me then they are desperate or something or maybe they just feel sorry for me.

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Oh yeah I have been bullied as long as I can remember! I was overweight as a little kid and now that is completely what defines me. I have been working out but I am not really seeing any change. I want to love myself and be loved at whatever weight I happen to be! I feel like I am not a real person, like I am only seen as fat. I actually have people tell me I am beautiful constantly but I don't believe it. I feel like my face is cancelled out by my extra weight.

*sending lots of good energy and cosmic hugs*

People bully because they're insecure about themselves. Even though you're sad and lonely right now I can feel your good energy from here! You're an awesome person, I hope you realize that yourself soon. And I've been in your situation before, I can tell you that it passes...but feel free to PM me if you ever feel like venting. :)

(sorry for butting in Seeker...it's Valentines so I wanted to spread the love :wub: )

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Good job girl. I am proud of you. I'm glad you were able to do that. This was the picture that was forming in my mind, but it needed to be you who spoke the truth. Now. I am going to meditate on this one for a while. I'm finishing an herbal tea that will relax me, and I will spend an hour or so meditating. You will be the focus. I then have to build something for my baby and clean the house for my wife (valentines day super clean), and then latter this evening I will post some things. Ok :) I'm not going anywhere. I will stick this out with you as long as you allow me to.

If possible, I would like to see an image of you. Can you post a picture of your face. If you do not want to, I understand. Or you could pm me. It's ok if you don't want to. I don't post pictures of myself either.

I'll post this afternoon or evening. :)

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Ok let's dig in.

The first and formost thing is to learn how tom be at ease and happy with yourself reguardless of what you think others think. This advice is good and all, but there are some hard realities here. Like grandfather was telling you societies have placed this burden upon you... Weather we like it or not we are stuck with people's perceptions and attitudes affecting us. It takes a very spiritual and enlightened person to shed that. the rest of us have to muddle through.

You have retreated into yourself because of the way people have treated you, now its a habit.

How to break the habit.... :) it's going to be very hard. The trick with these sort of things is to change your actions and make new habits. If you do it consistently enough the new action or reaction becomes the new habit.

Example: you push people away ... When you catch yourself doing it make an extra effort go being them closer.

Like I said not easy. You see it dosnt matter what happens from here on out. If you happen to accomplish makeing yourself what you have been taught is more beautiful, you are still stuck with scars. You have to work on those as much as the other stuff. It's relatively easy to change your body... But thought patterns is a war.

One way to start loveing yourself is to first realize that the negativity that you have encountered has nothing to do with you. People put other people down as a way of building themselves up. And any size that you think you have above what would be considered normal in true aboriginal societies would have made you the prize of and matriarch of your people. do you inderstand. Only now is are our societies obsessed with skin and bones.

Now you have some decisions to make. You can work on your body ( always good simply from a health and seritonin standpoint), you can work on your mind, and you can work on your spirit. This summer if you don't work on the other two besides your body, you will fall back into similar partterns and loose all your hard work.

You need someone go help you restructure your thoughts. You need a therapist that is talented and on an ongoing basis will help you manage your path to healing. This is very important. Most people refuse to go to therapy out of pride or skepticism.... But it can do you so much good. A good therapist is going to teach you how to restructure your reactions to people. You need to be doing this right alongside any diet anexcercise.

Her: she wants you to start to pamper yourself. Lots of massages, facials, and things designed to make you feel good. Focus on yourself love yourself.. Even physically. I know that sounds strange, but you should spend lots of time in the mirror makeing love to yourself. If you can get your mind back your body will follow, but it dosnt matter if it did not. Thats all way are in this world is whats in our mind, and the only thing we have to do while we are here is to choose who we are relative to our circumstances

Who do you want to be? Start acting as if you are that person even if it's hard, then one day you will wake up and relize you are exactly who you want to be.

Dear scars and hardship is what gives us powers and beauty. Show me the person without scars and I will show you you a person 1 tenth as wonderful as you can be.

Let me know if there is anything I can do. The fact that you are self reflecting and aware of yourself makes you an increadible person. Why not find a way to feel increadible. You deserve it.

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