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HATHORS LAMP

"THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT" (PARODY)

46 posts in this topic

INTERIOR-PRESS CONFERENCE ROMM-EARLY MORNING

(REPORTER)

-Will the president responds to Newt Gingrich allegations of conducting a "Class Warfare" soon?

The president Obama steps in leaving his top advisers and the bodyguards 10 feet behind...

(OBAMA)

- Yes he will! The last couple of months Newt Gingrich has been attacking me of being using rich americans to blame my incompetence and my natural lack of leadership... For the records! Being a liberal like I am requires both otherwise Nancy Pelosy and Reid kick my butt away from the White House.

(OBAMA CONTINUES)

... For the records, I am the one blaming rich americans and the one without leadership, but who are you Newt?

America is not easy.... America is advanced citizenship.

We have serious problem and I'm not the least interested in solving it. I'm interested in two things and two things only: Getting re-elected in 2012 and buying Michelle a Lexus SUV...

You want a fight? you better keep it with me, Newt cause the Pipeline is out of your league.

Newt Gingrich problems is not that he is better than I am as a leader, Newt problems is that he can't sell it!

the pipeline has nothing to do with my plan, Newt. You better take it with the other rep candidates and leave me in peace for a while.

You step in front of a microphone and you call me a "marxist"... Marx has nothing wrong, Newt. He fought for the rights of the blue collar workers and the building of a Comunist nation, you want a debate, Newt? You better take it with me!

(OBAMA SHOWS TEARS IN HIS EYES AND CONTINUE)

... I'VE loved two pets in my life, I lost one to cancer and I lost the other because I was getting of from AIR FORCE ONE and the d... dog got stuck in the proppels...nasty!

Today I will sent two proposals to the house; one is the reduction of opportunities to invest capital in this country and the other is the HEALTH CARE... As for now the Health care no longer exist, I will throw it up and stick it in Pelosi's rearend! You can hope to prevent sickness without taking more money from the already poor people and the rich together. I will write one that makes sense.

We need serious candidates and you, Newt are ahead in the polls for a few points, I am Barack Obama and I am the PRESIDENT!

(MUSIC AND THE AIDS TRYING TO CATCH UP WITH HIM)

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This is a parody of what? Obama? I don't get it. This does not resemble Obama at all.

And what is "advanced citizenship"?

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love this!

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More to come from the same movie tonite! :)

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Wow. Mr. Obama isn't awesome, but neither is Mr. Gingrich.

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Tonight the love drama will continue with the State Dinner in honor to the Colombian president and his wife. Don't miss it! :)

Tonight the love drama will continue with the State Dinner in honor to the Colombian president and his wife. Don't miss it! :)

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love this!

THE STATE DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE

Lady GAGA is staying at her sister’s apartment until her own is ready to move in.

The phone rings

LADY GAGA

Hello Richard! No Richard I don’t want to hear you Barack Obama’s imitation.

SISTER

I wanna hear it!

LADY GAGA

Bye Richard!

After a while the phone rings again.

LADY GAGA

I don’t believe it!

SISTER

You want me to answer the phone?

LADY GAGA

Oh, no! I made the ridicule in front of everyone during the EMMY AWARDS, Richard… I can handle it myself!

Hello?

BARACK OBAMA

Gaga?

LADY GAGA

(talking to her sister ironically)

Oh, It’s Barack Obama! Wow, Richard you are a heck of a ride!

BARACK OBAMA

No! It’s the president not Richard!

LADY GAGA

It’s was good that you called since I forgot to tell you how nice azz you had…

BARACK OBAMA

No, It’s Obama not Richard…

LADY GAGA

Bye Richard!

BARACK OBAMA

Gaga! Please, hang up the phone! Hang up the phone and call 555-5555 and ask to talk with the president!

LADY GAGA

I can’t believe this! (sister ask “what’s going on?”) I can’t believe that I did this twice in one day!

Lady Gaga dial the number given by Obama and is transferred to Obama’s phone.

(CONTINUES)

Mr. President… maybe there is a form of apology, a word to say sorry… I don’t quite have it right now; come to think of it: how did you get this number?

BARACK OBAMA

I don’t know maybe Kim Kardashian?

Let’s going to the point… The Colombians have elected themselves a new dictator and we are going to have an expensive dinner paid for by the tax payers and I was thinking, and you are in no obligation-law, but I was thinking that you and I could go together… and that’s why I called you.

Lady Gaga is confused and after 5 seconds responds.

LADY GAGA

Mr. president: I’m honor to represent you in that dinner, I’m ready to the task, Sr.! I won’t let you down…

BARACK OBAMA

We are only having dinner and some joint (chief of staff you know…) we are not going to do espionage or anything…

LADY GAGA

Of course! How do I do? I mean… should I wear the red meat again like the Emmy Award or maybe nude…

BARACK OBAMA

I will have a very nice lady calling you, Nancy Pelosi. When she calls you and tell you her name Nancy Pelosi, it will help to give the benefit of the doubt.

LADY GAGA

Mr. president… Thanks! It’s my first with a president…

BARACK OBAMA

Me too! Since Michelle and the kids are in Japan.

(continues with the State Dinner at the White House)

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THE ACTUAL STATE DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

Barack Obama is sit with Lady Gaga who is representing an absent Michelle, two other extras, Axelrod and his wife and the Colombian president accompanied by his wife. The music played by an orchestra is creating a nice environment and the dinner is about to be served. Lady Gaga realized that Jose, the Colombian president and his partner are bored and try to make Obama aware of it.

BARACK OBAMA

(Looking at the direction of Axelrod’s wife)

Do you speak Spanish?

AXELROD’S WIFE

Latin! I speak Latin!

BARACK OBAMA

Ok! Next time Julius Cesar comes to town you are up…

LADY GAGA

(surprising everyone)

Sr. presidente, es cierto que la cocaina que ud. Exporta es de mas calidad?

JOSE

Creo que mejor alguien baile y despues hablamos del tema.

BARACK OBAMA

You are not deciding our trade agreement with Colombia… are you?

LADY GAGA

No! I was asking Jose why the cocaine imported from Colombia is better and stronger than before.

JOSE

I said to her that someone better dance and we talk about this later.

JOSE’S WIFE

Absolutamente!

BARACK OBAMA

Lady Gaga would you dance with me?

LADY GAGA

YES… I guess… I mean, yes Sr.!

Lady Gaga and Obama begin dancing and Gaga ask a question to the president

LADY GAGA

How you do it?

BARACK OBAMA

Henry Reid’s dancing class…

LADY GAGA

No, I mean how you do it? Two hundred pair of eyes are looking at this girl with one question: “Who is she and why is she dancing with the president?”

BARACK OBAMA

Well… Let’s clarify this point… Two hundred pair of eyes are not focused on you, they are focused on me and the answers are Lady Gaga, because you endorse my presidency before.

(Will continue with the first dinner and the dish room)

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THE STATE DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE

Lady GAGA is staying at her sister’s apartment until her own is ready to move in.

The phone rings

LADY GAGA

Hello Richard! No Richard I don’t want to hear you Barack Obama’s imitation.

SISTER

I wanna hear it!

LADY GAGA

Bye Richard!

After a while the phone rings again.

LADY GAGA

I don’t believe it!

SISTER

You want me to answer the phone?

LADY GAGA

Oh, no! I made the ridicule in front of everyone during the EMMY AWARDS, Richard… I can handle it myself!

Hello?

BARACK OBAMA

Gaga?

LADY GAGA

(talking to her sister ironically)

Oh, It’s Barack Obama! Wow, Richard you are a heck of a ride!

BARACK OBAMA

No! It’s the president not Richard!

LADY GAGA

It’s was good that you called since I forgot to tell you how nice azz you had…

BARACK OBAMA

No, It’s Obama not Richard…

LADY GAGA

Bye Richard!

BARACK OBAMA

Gaga! Please, hang up the phone! Hang up the phone and call 555-5555 and ask to talk with the president!

LADY GAGA

I can’t believe this! (sister ask “what’s going on?”) I can’t believe that I did this twice in one day!

Lady Gaga dial the number given by Obama and is transferred to Obama’s phone.

(CONTINUES)

Mr. President… maybe there is a form of apology, a word to say sorry… I don’t quite have it right now; come to think of it: how did you get this number?

BARACK OBAMA

I don’t know maybe Kim Kardashian?

Let’s going to the point… The Colombians have elected themselves a new dictator and we are going to have an expensive dinner paid for by the tax payers and I was thinking, and you are in no obligation-law, but I was thinking that it may be fun and we could go together… and that’s why I called you.

Lady Gaga is confused and after 5 seconds responds.

LADY GAGA

Mr. president: I’m honor to represent you in that dinner, I’m ready to the task, Sr.! I won’t let you down…

BARACK OBAMA

We are only having dinner and some joint (chief of staff you know…) we are not going to do espionage or anything…

LADY GAGA

Of course! How do I do? I mean… should I wear the red meat again like the Emmy Award or maybe nude with only a white wig...

BARACK OBAMA

I will have a very nice lady calling you, Nancy Pelosi. When she calls you and tell you her name Nancy Pelosi, it will help to give the benefit of the doubt.

LADY GAGA

Mr. president… Thanks! It’s my first with a president…

BARACK OBAMA

Me too! Since Michelle and the kids are in Japan.

(continues with the State Dinner at the White House)

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THE PRESIDENT INVITES LADY GAGA TO HAVE CASUAL DINNER WITH HIM AND ONE OF THE GIRLS

Lady Gaga is wearing a blue wig and a dress made by bones, the little girl comes to welcome her and introduce herself.

LADY GAGA

Where is your father?

LITTLE GIRL

My father told me to tell you that he is on the phone with the Israel prime minister, he wants you to believe that he is doing presidential things…

LADY GAGA

You dad is at the phone with the Israel PM?

LITTLE GIRL

Of course not! He is at the phone with the owner of the video store around the corner… they are discussing an abbreviation I can’t never remember…

LADY GAGA

M.I.4?

LITTLE GIRL

Yeah!

LADY GAGA

Mission Impossible four?

The president enters the room…

LADY GAGA

How is the situation with Israel?

BARACK OBAMA

Oh! Fine! A lot of sand they say…

LADY GAGA

You have an illegal DVD movie coming in from the video store around the corner.

Barack Obama grabs her daughter’s ears and they all begin to dine.

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This is a parody of what? Obama? I don't get it. This does not resemble Obama at all.

And what is "advanced citizenship"?

The "Colombian Dinner" with Jose:

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Wow. Mr. Obama isn't awesome, but neither is Mr. Gingrich.

CONCLUSION OF THE PARODY

(VOICE OF A TV CORRESPONDENT)

"We are only minutes Aaway from president Barack Obama delivering his speech in the State of the Union Address... Do you know what type of activities is the president engaged in?...

BARACK OBAMA

I've been trying to give you this but somehow it always came something in between...

LADY GAGA

(Smiling in her purple dress with a green wig on)

They are beautiful! Thanks!

JENNY

It's time Mr. president!

LADY GAGA

(confused)

Should I stay here?

BARACK OBAMA

No... walk with me.

IN THE CORRIDOR THAT LEADS TO THE HALL

LADY GAGA

(SMILING)

How did you manage...?

BARACK OBAMA

Manage what?

LADY GAGA

Being president and giving a singer plants?

BARACK OBAMA

It turns out I had a "marihuana garden"!

A VOICE ANNOUNCE...

Mr. Speaker! The president of the United States!

THE END.

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INSIDE LADY GAGAS APPARTMENT AFTER SHE MOVED IN

Lady Gagas sister enters the room with a box…

SISTER

Gaga this box only says miscellanea, is it guns miscellanea or drug miscellanea?

Lady Gaga seems preoccupied and she is handling her things carelessly

Why I had to kiss him? (talking to herself)

SISTER

You kissed him!?

Lady Gaga moves her head confirming it.

SISTER

You didnt mentioned that… Where!

LADY GAGA

In the Dish Room!... The China Room!

SISTER

No! Where in his body?

LADY GAGA

His butt! Oh! This has catastrophe written all over…

SISTER

In what language? Gaga, the guy is a Marxist, a communist, he built Solyndra, is above an average dancer… Isnt it possible that your expectations are a little bit too high?

Phone rings…

SISTER

Answer the phone! Answer the phone! Answer the d… phone!...

Oh! One last thing:

I am the author of this PARODY and I am giving you and everyone who wants to print, copy or produce it in a movie my complete conscent.I authorize everyone to read it, copy or use it as paper toillet. Thanks!

Edited by HATHORS LAMP

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- Yes he will! The last couple of months Newt Gingrich has been attacking me of being using rich americans to blame my incompetence and my natural lack of leadership... For the records! Being a liberal like I am requires both otherwise Nancy Pelosy and Reid kick my butt away from the White House.

You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership.

In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language.

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You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership.

In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language.

With all due respect Dr. Strange, I think that we should clarify a couple of points here:

First... I'm not willing to engage in a language debate here and second if I've never had the chance to see the inside of a 12ve Grade classroom is not the business of the American People!

We have serious artistic work to do here and if you want to have a debate about the term "liberal" FINE!

Tell me when and where and I send someone else!

Man... This is the artist's hangout site. If you want to talk politics you better go to U.S. POLITICS, as a matter of fact -derived by my lack of experience in this FORUM- I started this PARODY in the wrong place too. The administrator moved "my things" from the POLITICS department to this one and I'm glad he did it... HERE IS VERY GOOD!

So I suggest you to do the right thing and follow my steps left in the sand but in the opposite direction: BACK TO POLITICS!

If you want to stay here with me and the rest of the crazy people "living here" I suggest you to bring a joke or something.

THE WHITE HOUSE HAS NO OFFICIAL COMMENTS IN THE LIFE OF THE WRITERS IN THIS SITE!

Thanks for visiting us! Oh! One last thing... My English may be sucks but I certainly made some people laugh here so I suggest you trying to do the same for the sake of the Christmas spirit.

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THE DAY AFTER THE STATE DINNER WITH JOSE

A happy president Obama enters his aides office to speak to JENNY

BARACK OBAMA

Jenny I need the phone number of the nearest liquor store, please!

JENNY

I handle it, Sr. Who you want to send a whisky bottle, Sr.?

BARACK OBAMA

Jenny I don’t want it to be a presidential order I want it to be personal , I just want the phone number.

JENNY

But Sr. ….!

BARACK OBAMA

JENNY, Do you want me to kick your butt and brake your funny eyeglasses with my bare foot?

JENNY

I get it right away Sr. !

An old lady aide who also starred in the movie “Clear and Present Danger” talks to Obama.

OLD LADY AIDE

Mr. president, Nancy Pelosi and Henry Reid are in your office, Sr. they say they need five minutes with you.

Once in the office sitting in his desk with both idiots standing in front of him. Jenny brings the phone number requested.

BARACK OBAMA

Thanks, Jenny!

REID

Who are you calling Sr. ?

BARACK OBAMA

I’m calling the Organization for the Civil Unions of Pets, Reid! It’s is not of your business, Henry…

The two idiots leave the Oval Office leaving the president alone.

BARACK OBAMA

Could I get an outside line, please?

OPERATOR

Push the bottom that read “OUTSIDE LINE”, dummy!

BARACK OBAMA

This was easy!

Obama dials the phone number given by Jenny a moment ago.

BARACK OBAMA

Is this the presidential liquor store “TED KENNEDY”…?

STORE MANAGER

Yeah!

BARACK OBAMA

I’d like to order some bottles, please… wait a second, please.

President Obama transfer the phone line to Jenny.

BARACK OBAMA

Jenny… what is the State Liquor of Virginia?

Jenny turns to the OLD LADY AIDE for an answer.

OLD LADY AIDE

Tequila.

JENNY

Tequila, Sr.

BARACK OBAMA

This is a small world indeed, same as Mexican!

Changing the line back to the liquor store

BARACK OBAMA

I’d like to order two dozen, please!

(pause)

Line change

BARACK OBAMA

Jenny where are my credit cards?

JENNY

They were cancelled as well as your personal credit after you won the election, Sr.!

Line change

BARACK OBAMA

Well I don’t know if you recognize my voice… I’m the president!

(pause) …of the United State! Yellow….?

The two idiots are standing in front of the president again.

PELOSI

Mr. president, how are we going to handle the “GAGA ISSUE”…?

REID

We should have a definite consensus how to handle it…

BARACK OBAMA

The “GAGA ISSUE”…? There is no GAGA ISSUE here! I’m done here!

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You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership.

In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language.

Nazi scientist...? I HATE THOSE GUYS!

Tell me some, Adolph, did you got stuck in "Dupon Circle" again?

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OBAMA PLAYING POLL WITH BILL AYERS

BILL THE TERRORIST

Oh! Leon Sullivan called about the deal that you made with Lady GAGA…?

BARACK OBAMA

I forgot to tell you…

BILL THE TERRORIST

Its a waste of time.

BARACK OBAMA

But it isnt our time! Lady GAGA comes short with the votes and I don't have to buy her the OSCAR...… and everybody happy!

BILL THE TERRORIST

Also, Lady Gaga call to apologize this morning.

The president misses the shot.

BARACK OBAMA

Did she say anything about me?

BILL THE TERRORIST

About you…?

BARACK OBAMA

We made a duo singing one of her songs, I messed up with her wig… we didnt have anything to eat but I thought there was a connection…

BILL THE TERRORIST

No, but I can waste more taxpayers money trying to send her a note before the State of the Union...

BARACK OBAMA

Yes… No! I dont want Michelle to know about it, like the way happened with Bill Clinton! Lobbing using those leftist liberals from Hollywood is not the business of the American people!

BILL THE TERRORIST

With all due respect, Sr. but the American people have its own funny way to decided whether what and what is not their business!

BARACK OBAMA

I like her B.T.

Bill looks at Obama with curiosity.

BARACK OBAMA

Stop being my best political adviser for one moment!

BILL THE TERRORIST

Give her a call!

BARACK OBAMA

She didnt say anything about me?

BILL THE TERRORIST

Well… she did say that you sound like a liar and a Marxist S.O.B….

BARACK OBAMA

Thats something!

Obama calls Jenny loud

BARACK OBAMA

Jenny! I need to track a number for me, please!

Edited by HATHORS LAMP

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PRESIDENT OBAMA IS SITTING IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM WITH B.T. AND THE JOINT CHIEF OF STAFF AND HIGH-RANK MILITARY LEADERS.

GENERAL NO 1

Mr. President, Iran is in possession of our drone and all negotiations to get it back have failed, we have our forces ready to attack when you give the order, Sr.

BARACK OBAMA

What is the estimate of casualties?

GENERAL NO 2

We will hit with everything we’ve got, Mr. President, We will drop thousands of your autographed books from the air causing significant damage to the infrastructure.

GENERAL NO 1

We will level the building

BARACK OBAMA

What else are we going to hit?

GENERAL NO 2

Nothing else unless we miss…

BARACK OBAMA

Are we going to miss?

GENERAL NO 2

No Sr.!

BARACK OBAMA

What is the lower shift… the night shift right?

GENERAL NO 2

Yes, Sr. …mainly American tourists and CNN correspondents.

BARACK OBAMA

B.T.?

BILL THE TERRORIST

Sr. It’s immediate, it’s decisive and it is a proportional response.

BARACK OBAMA

One day someone will have to explain me how do you spell the words “proportional response”… Attack!

NEXT DAY IN A PRESS CONFERENCE

CORRESPONDENT NO 1

Mr. president is it possible that the Iranians could have mistakenly take the drone for a U.F.O.?

BARACK OBAMA

We specifically told the CIA to use DURACELL batteries to power the drone, they waited until our personal went to sleep.

PELOSI

Next question!

CORRESPONDENT NO 2

There are unconfirmed reports that LADY GAGA spent the night in the White House, could you confirmed that, Sr.?

BARACK OBAMA

We’ve just had dinner!

PELOSI

Next question!

CORRESPONDENT NO 3

Sr. would you comment on the status of the relationship?

B ARACK OBAMA

Folks! A lot of people were hit by my books last night, let’s keep the eye on the ball… OK?

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BARACK OBAMA AND HIS BEST FRIEND BILL AYERS ARE PLAYING POOL AFTER LADY GAGA DECIDED NOT TO ENDORSE HIM FOR 2012 RE-ELECTION

BARACK OBAMA

“Eight on the hole”… You have a nice trip Gaga! Nebraska, the garbage capitol of the world… Good luck Gaga!

BILL THE TERRORIST

What’s in Nebraska?

BARACK OBAMA

Charley Reynolds’s adult movie production.

BILL THE TERRORIST

Listen… I’ll have Jenny to clear up your schedule for the rest of the week.

BARACK OBAMA

Are you handling me B.T.?

BILL THE TERRORIST

No, but I will if you don’t take your head out of your azz!

BARACK OBAMA

I bet your pardon!

BILL THE TERRORIST

Reid is right! Take on Newt Gingrich!

BARACK OBAMA

Has he lied?

BILL THE TERRORIST

Has he lied...?

BARACK OBAMA

Has he said something that it's not true?

Am I not a marxist community organizer? Am I not a president without a birth certificate? Am I not conducting a class warfare the day I told Joe the Plumber about redistributing the wealth?

BILL THE TERRORIST

And you think you're wrong?

BARACK OBAMA

You don't get re-elected telling 250 million people that they are!

BILL THE TERRORIST

You fight the fight that needs fighting!

BARACK OBAMA

Are you that good on fighting, cause I’ve never seen your name on a ballot!

BILL THE TERRORIST

I bet your pardon?

Why! Why are you always two steps behind me?

BILL THE TERRORIST

Because if I wasn’t, you would be the best community organizer in the poor districts of Chicago!

BARACK OBAMA

**** you!!!

(As he walks) Let Reid to have a copy of the state of the union address on my desk first thing in the morning!

BILL THE TERRORIST

Yes, Sr.!

Obama throw the poll’s stick on the table and head to the exit door to leave but before he does he poses a question to B.T.

BARACK OBAMA

(with a soft and sad tone of the voice)

If “Kiki” hadn’t die… Would we have won?

BILL THE TERRORIST

(Inquiring tone)

Would we have won?

BARACK OBAMA

Four years ago we went to VEGAS and played in those new ‘slots machines’.. If my dog “Kiki” hadn’t die from cancer… Would we have won?

BILL THE TERRORIST

I don’t know… but I would like to win the red corvette for the first prize, my best friend Barack Obama didn’t like those slot machine very much.

BARACK OBAMA

(Talking with a sense of regret)

Yeah…

Edited by HATHORS LAMP

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NEWT GINGRICH CAMPAIGN’S HEADQUARTER. SNOWING OUTSIDE.

NEWT’S ACTIVIST

Merry Christmas, Mr. Speaker I bring a Christmas present for you!

NEWT GINGRICH

What you got?

NEWT’S ACTIVIST

Lady GAGA has an F.B.I. file!

NEWT GINGRICH

Oh please! My mother has an F.B.I. file!

NEWT’S ACTIVIST

Yeah but I got art! The picture is old and the faces are cover with wigs but that is Lady GAGA and that is a burning Barbie.

NEWT GINGRICH

(SINGING)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

CHANGE OF SCENE TO THE WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENT OBAMA IS LEAVING TO A FUND RAISING EVENT.

BARACK OBAMA

(ON THE PHONE WITH ONE OF HIS EX-SUPPORTER)

Jerry, how many times do I have to appear on TV to rally those protesters? I’m practically daily in the White House press conference for God sake! (Pause) Jerry I don’t have time to discuss it I got to go...

JENNY

Mr. President, you are incredibly late…

Bill the terrorist enters the Oval Office giving a bad news.

BILL THE TERRORIST

I’ve just got off the phone with Georgia’s governor, people are out of control with those new Jordan air shoes, the Georgian police and fire fighters are in high alert and according to union members if the situation remains as it is it won’t be a pair of shoes for you, Mr. President.

BARACK OBAMA

You know what I learned from the masters?

BILL THE TERRORIST

“Don’t let a Christmas end without grabbing pair of Jordan’s air shoes”

BARACK OBAMA

We are flying tonight to Atlanta to avoid a disaster like that.

BILL THE TERRORIST

You are living straight from the fund raising, Mr. President.

ONCE IN THE PRESIDENTIAL LIMOUSINE HENRY REID AND NANCY PELOSI GET ON BOARD TO GIVE OBAMA THE BAD NEWS.

(BOTH ARE HAVING A SHORT ARGUMENT ABOUT WHERE THE NEWS ORIGINATED FIRST)

BARACK OBAMA

Guys! Do I have to be here in this “meeting”?

HENRY REID

I’m sorry Mr. President …

NANCY PELOSI

(Interrupting Reid)

It’s got a bullet!

HENRY REID

The third news tonight is that five years ago GAGA participated in a rally supporting a multi-color wig for the Barbie dolls and she was seen burning a blond Barbie in protest.

BARACK OBAMA

Let me get this straight! The third news tonight is that a person I didn’t know five years ago, burned a doll in protest where no laws were broken and protested against something many little girls were against and don’t exist anymore… out of a curiosity, what was the forth new?

HENRY REID

SEE…?

BARACK OBAMA

Newt is trying to find someone to swing the ball it will go away!

HENRY REID

Sr. …. with all due respect, I don’t think that is a good course of action.

NANCY PELOSI

(Resting importance to Reid’s advise)

You see? He is distracting you again, Mr. President.

BARACK OBAMA

Look! “Teddy K” liquor store! I need to get her some bottles of tequila! Stop the car I’m going to hop out a second!

HENRY REID

No! No! No hopping, Sr.!

BARACK OBAMA

(TO REID)

You think there is going to be someone planning an assassination in case I decided to buy some buzz?

HENRY REID

Maybe…

President Obama hop in the store and meet a drunken clerk on the phone with someone.

DRUNKEN CLERK

I’m telling you it was a PET PARTY in the White House… I’m telling you that KIKI wasn’t even there!

Hold on!

(The drunken sales manager is trying to concentrate in the direction of the customer)

BARACK OBAMA

Is this “TEDDY K” liquor store? Do you remember me? Tequila… President?

THE DRUNKEN CLERK PASS AWAY FROM THE EFFECT OF THE ALCOHOL.

BARACK OBAMA

(Talking to himself)

The same guy, he was so drunk that he couldn’t recognize me…

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NEWT GINGRICH SITS IN AN INFORMAL REUNION AT A GULF CLUB AND RESORT HOTEL IN WASHINGTON DC. HE IS HAVING A FRIENDLY DISCUSSION WITH POTENTIAL SUPPORTERS OF HIS CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012.

NEWT GINGRICH

Gentlemen I finally decided to make the announcement of my candidacy and I call upon you to support me with some financial details. I believe this is the moment to run a campaign on issues we couldn’t four years ago.

FAT CONSERVATIVE SUPPORTER

Newt, I think I speak for all of us here, the guy’s approval ratings are high and his popularity soars among independent voters…

EVERYONE BUT THE FAT GUY LAUGH AT HIM

NEWT GINGRICH

Gentlemen you have to excuse my friend, he’s been in a hunting trip in the North Pole, it seems that his I-phone have no coverage lately.

FAT CONSERVATIVE SUPPORTER

What’s going on…?

THE OTHER SUPPORTERS DROP DIFFERENT NEWSPAPERS ON TOP OF THE TEA TABLE WITH PICTURES OF A CUTE BLACK POPPY TAKING A LEAK AND SPREADING DOGSHIT ALL OVER THE WHITE HOUSE.

NEWT GINGRICH

(SPEAKING WITH A TONE OF IRONY)

The President has a new dog called “BO”…

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BARACK OBAMA ENTERS THE PRIVATE RESIDENCY AND FINDS ONE OF HIS DAUGHTERS PLAYING “CONGAS” THE LITTLE GIRL STOPS PLAYING AS SOON AS SHE REALIZES THAT HIS FATHER JUST STEPPED IN.

BARACK OBAMA

Oh! Don’t stop it sounds great! What is it?

LITTLE GIRL

(Answering her father’s question with a dosage of skepticism)

Scales…

BARACK OBAMA

Well… They sound great!

LITTLE GIRL

What is it that you hide behind your back?

BARACK OBAMA

(Showing her a shoebox with “Jordan’s air shoes”)

It took me the intervention of all my bodyguards and “Union Families” in Atlanta but I finally got it for you.

LITTLE GIRL

Thank you Dad! Dad why is GAGA mad?

BARACK OBAMA

Why? Is she here?

LITTLE GIRL

Yes… She is in your bedroom. Why is she mad?

BARACK OBAMA

(Answering the question as he walks to his bedroom)

Play your “congas”!

LITTLE GIRL

Were you a dork? Cause if you were a dork you say sorry! Girls like that.

(BARACK OBAMA ENTERS HIS PRIVATE ROOM AND FINDS GAGAUPSET AND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING)

BARACK OBAMA

Hi GAGA! What are you doing in my room?

LADY GAGA

Looking for my purple wig, I love this wig and I couldn’t leave without it.

BARACK OBAMA

Why are you leaving?

LADY GAGA

I was cancelled from the OSCAR’s list; you know how it is with those jurors in the Academy Awards… It’s always something! If is not Angelina Jolie who is adopting a new baby is J-Lo marrying someone new for Christmas… Is always something wrong with them…

BARACK OBAMA

Where are you going?

LADY GAGA

Nebraska! Richard Reynolds offered me a roll in his new movie “Hot Wig Barbies”…

BARACK OBAMA

What happened with your old job?

LADY GAGA

I lost it! (Quoting) “Failure to achieve the OSCAR nomination for the best singer in movies”!

You know what happened here… I got screwed!!! You couldn’t get the votes to be re-elected and I got screwed!!!

BARACK OBAMA

The Hollywood unions got screwed, not you GAGA… Government is choosing, government is prioritizing I always underlined the fact that the HEALTH CARE legislation was my first priority.

LADY GAGA

Well then congratulation, Mr. President! You will pass a health care legislation that it has no hope on preventing deaths!

BARACK OBAMA

GAGA, I don’t want an issue over that.

LADY GAGA

I’m sorry Mr. President… You have more problems than losing my friendship you just lost my vote!

Edited by HATHORS LAMP

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