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Divorce, loss, and starting over.

66 posts in this topic

Not your fault, brother - not your fault! She already had the ulcer due to her body's actions. Your wife is the one who started all this mess. If your mother is feeling stress, it's not anything you have done - it's due to a mother's love for her child that will always be there. You can stay strong through this, J.P. Don't get overwhelmed, just deal with what's immediately in front of you at the time. You are in my prayers. Hugs to ya, bro.

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Not your fault, brother - not your fault! She already had the ulcer due to her body's actions. Your wife is the one who started all this mess. If your mother is feeling stress, it's not anything you have done - it's due to a mother's love for her child that will always be there. You can stay strong through this, J.P. Don't get overwhelmed, just deal with what's immediately in front of you at the time. You are in my prayers. Hugs to ya, bro.

You don't know how much that means to me. I know it's not my fault...but it feels that way. I feel like a bad omen.

Kind of ironic that you're in Texas because that's were my son and ex are moving to. I plan on having him back and living with me in the near future though...if things stop falling down all around me.

I visited my Mom a few hours ago and the worse part was seeing how afraid she was. I've always seen my Mom as this pillar of strength but today she was simply terrified. Hooked up to all these machines and looking so frail just killed me.

I apologize for the rant. I have really no friends or contact with anyone. There were only 4 people that I ever used to talk to and one is in the I.C.U., one is divorcing me and moving, one is 11 years old and the last is my step dad. He's losing it because of all that's going on. I'm truly alone and it sucks, so thanks for caring J.K. because it seems like nobody does.

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I realize this is a very difficult time in your life. You should remember regarding your goals: “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” - old Chinese proverb.

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You don't know how much that means to me. I know it's not my fault...but it feels that way. I feel like a bad omen.

Kind of ironic that you're in Texas because that's were my son and ex are moving to. I plan on having him back and living with me in the near future though...if things stop falling down all around me.

I visited my Mom a few hours ago and the worse part was seeing how afraid she was. I've always seen my Mom as this pillar of strength but today she was simply terrified. Hooked up to all these machines and looking so frail just killed me.

I apologize for the rant. I have really no friends or contact with anyone. There were only 4 people that I ever used to talk to and one is in the I.C.U., one is divorcing me and moving, one is 11 years old and the last is my step dad. He's losing it because of all that's going on. I'm truly alone and it sucks, so thanks for caring J.K. because it seems like nobody does.

I am here for you, my friend.

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We need to remember that woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

warm spiced cider

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We need to remember that woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

warm spiced cider

In mythology. In reality, it was a genetic mutation that created sexes.

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I drove them to her parents tonight and said good bye. I'm on yahoo IM tonight if anyone wants to shoot the ****. I could really use the company.

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It is what it is the pride will heal and the pain will fade however I know it's a living hell right now best wishes my friend

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I'm also going through something similar after 21yrs of marriage, but until we sell our house (luckily it is a really big one) we are living as separated under one roof.

I find that really hard as it's hard to move on when your ex is in your face all the time, even in a big house the constant snipes go back and forth when the kids aren't around.

You'll have your good and bad days, today was a bad one for me. Yesterday was a positive one about a new start. I think everyone is different and it all comes down to how committed you were to the relationship and whether it hit you out of the blue or not that all reflects on your healing time.

A good counsellor can help and like the others said and sorry it's late here so I didn't read all the posts get your car back and protect anything of yours in regards to financial and obviously if children are involved make sure they know that you both love them and it has nothing to do with them that you are separating.

Good luck, know you're not alone.

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In mythology. In reality, it was a genetic mutation that created sexes.

Well... that would explain my ex...

Seriously though JP, you'll get through this... Try not to dwell on it and get out there and start doing things that you enjoy - It will help...

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Well, first of all thanks to everyone who took an interest and had kind words to say. There was one person who really took the time and kept in contact with me almost every day and it meant the world.

My last post in this topic was 5 months ago. On March 9th my wife (we are not divorced as of yet) and son flew to Florida and a week later moved to Texas for good. For about four months I lost my mind only being able to speak with him a few times a week. I fell on hard times and ended up losing not only them but my home as well. I packed my car with camping gear and planned to head into the woods to live. There was an intervention of sorts and I was persuaded to move in with my mother and step-father. Through those months I lost myself and all hope. I went from having a wife, child, job, a home, and a future to having nothing. A 31 year old, alone.

However, I have an update for the few of you who cared and/or care. About a month and a half ago I spoke with my ex who informed me that she noticed our son being very unhappy. He wanted to come to live with me. She told me that she'd like to try it because his happiness was most important thing to her. About a month ago he (as well as her) flew up from Texas to New Hampshire. We shared visiting time with him and then she left. I didn't see her while she was here and that was hard for me, but my boy stayed. He now lives with myself and my parents. I have him enrolled in school and he is doing so well. I admit that I'm very nervous being a single father, but he's home. There was no lawyer, no need to involve the state or make things turn into war. His wishes were seen to and she get's alot of my respect for that. So, that's the update. Life is starting over.

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Right now I'm at the start of a complicated divorce. We were married like 9 years and together about 13. High school sweethearts. Things have been rough for years but when she told me it was "really over", I couldn't believe it. Now she acts as if we are enemys. I left the appartment, lost my job, left my car (for her to use for now). Any advice? Been through it?

You're a free man now. No longer hooked up to the ball and chain. Forget her. Now you can go and live your life the way you want. You can go and score with a different girl every night.

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Man I'm sorry, I mean I grew up around a lot of divorce, and I know it sucks for everyone involved 99 percent of the time. I think even in divorce some rules of marriage still apply in a sense, like pick your battles. For one thing I agree with Becky's Mom, divorce and life in general are both easier if you can at least work with the people you have to without too much friction. That being said, the more you can work 'with' someone rather than against or around them, the better. There's no one size fits 'em all or easy solution for this, but try to stay happy and healthy I guess. Walking has probably saved my life 10 times over; it's not just good for your physical health, you know? Try getting your blood pumping and take a 15 minute walk somewhere where you can look around and let your mind wander onto things besides this current situation, and if you want to make friends, maybe find a hobbie or start trying something new and if you like it and stick with it long enough, you've found a new interest and chances are you'll eventually run into someone else who shares your enthusiasm for whatever it is you've chosen. I'm sorry, again, that you lost your job, I know employment worries can be among the worst stresses in life at times. I'm pretty sure I'd have to agree with another poster that the car might be an issue to discuss with your wife and attend to, but legally I'm not entirely sure what to say. All in all just be good to yourself and try and keep in mind that probably no one is having a walk in the park with this. I don't want to diverge too much, but I was with someone for almost 5 years of my life and from the day we decided to leave each other and move on it took about a month for him to get all of his stuff and completely move out, and seeing each other almost every day like that was really difficult, but I think one of the biggest things that helped us salvage our friendship through everything was being sympathetic of each other as much as we could. Best of luck to you, your ex-wife, and your son, I guess sometimes things just work out for the best whether we know it or not.

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Man I'm sorry, I mean I grew up around a lot of divorce, and I know it sucks for everyone involved 99 percent of the time. I think even in divorce some rules of marriage still apply in a sense, like pick your battles. For one thing I agree with Becky's Mom, divorce and life in general are both easier if you can at least work with the people you have to without too much friction. That being said, the more you can work 'with' someone rather than against or around them, the better. There's no one size fits 'em all or easy solution for this, but try to stay happy and healthy I guess. Walking has probably saved my life 10 times over; it's not just good for your physical health, you know? Try getting your blood pumping and take a 15 minute walk somewhere where you can look around and let your mind wander onto things besides this current situation, and if you want to make friends, maybe find a hobbie or start trying something new and if you like it and stick with it long enough, you've found a new interest and chances are you'll eventually run into someone else who shares your enthusiasm for whatever it is you've chosen. I'm sorry, again, that you lost your job, I know employment worries can be among the worst stresses in life at times. I'm pretty sure I'd have to agree with another poster that the car might be an issue to discuss with your wife and attend to, but legally I'm not entirely sure what to say. All in all just be good to yourself and try and keep in mind that probably no one is having a walk in the park with this. I don't want to diverge too much, but I was with someone for almost 5 years of my life and from the day we decided to leave each other and move on it took about a month for him to get all of his stuff and completely move out, and seeing each other almost every day like that was really difficult, but I think one of the biggest things that helped us salvage our friendship through everything was being sympathetic of each other as much as we could. Best of luck to you, your ex-wife, and your son, I guess sometimes things just work out for the best whether we know it or not.

Hey, you win some...and some...that's too hard to talk about. Thanks.

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I too am going thru this. Also trying to prepare to move out of state. Its been rough and still is. Like a death. Part of you is gone. But as they say time will heal. Someday that person will only be a distant memory. Hope we both get thru it. :yes:

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It would appear that marriage is the leading cause of DIVORCE

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