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George Ford

The wagon. I fell off it.

29 posts in this topic

Well, what started a week ago as a few drinks has now ended with me being drunk for a full week and ended yesterday with me spending about £300 on Sunday night and bringing back a bottle of whisky and vodka and drinking all that on sunday night/monday. Also there were drugs involved as well.

Thank the gods that I'm physically too ill to drink anything today. Gonna try get some food into me.

I'm hoping that I dont drink ever again.

I've spent about £500 over the space of the week on drugs and alcohol. Feel like an idiot.

Edited by bulveye

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What the hell!

I'm fragile and disturbed enough as it is without having to see weirdness like that! :blink:

I'll blame it all on the fact that I am Bi-polar and went a bit manic. Weird that I've not had any depression.

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GASP! You've never seen the 1930s MGM classic "Freaks". I suggest you do, because it's fantastic. On a serious note though bul, good luck. I'm also attempting not to drink. Of course that's become, me trying to drink, as much.

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I've just found half a bottle of whisky and am drinking that now. I know there is a bottle of vodka in the shed to that I 'hid' from myself. Feel very emotional and shakey. :cry:

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I'm handing all my bank cards to my mother so I have no access to money. It's the only way to stop and it worked a couple of years ago when things were getting out of hand. Thank god there are no more drugs and the dealer is way to far away. Dunno why I'm telling yous lot this, buut I currently dont have anyone to talk to :hmm:

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I've spent about £500 over the space of the week on drugs and alcohol. Feel like an idiot.

I would feel horrible if I wasted that amount of doe on drink and drugs... Lets hope some day you look back on this and think - No more.. high time I put my money to good use ...I feel the same way if I have wasted a lot of money on something in the end I have nothing to show for it.. I feel terrible.. I learn by that and strive not to do that again..

On drinking, I do not miss it because I do not miss the horrible hangovers..

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Well, I'm drunk again and I feel fine now. I'm 37yrs old and getting my mam to look after my finances so I cant buy anymore booze. She's coming round later to pick up my stuff. Its pretty pathetic of me to be so freeking weak. I used to be solid, used to run and goto the gym and get nice girlfriends. Now I'm just a bit of a mess.

Spoke to one of my mates who no longer takes drugs or drinks and he has also agreed to help. He's coming round when he finishes work today. My brother is concerned as well.

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Well, I'm drunk again and I feel fine now. I'm 37yrs old and getting my mam to look after my finances so I cant buy anymore booze. She's coming round later to pick up my stuff. Its pretty pathetic of me to be so freeking weak. I used to be solid, used to run and goto the gym and get nice girlfriends. Now I'm just a bit of a mess.

Spoke to one of my mates who no longer takes drugs or drinks and he has also agreed to help. He's coming round when he finishes work today. My brother is concerned as well.

It's great that you reached out and have a support network. Don't be fussed that your mom is taking this on, at any age a mother will do whatever she can to save her children - that is the great thing about mothers for many people, they are always there for you and she wouldn't have it any other way judging by the effort she is making for you. You should be proud to have a friend, brother and mother like that, not everyone is blessed with such support.

I think it speaks volumes that you are honest about your situation and speak out - there is a will to get through this in there somewhere Bulveye and I think you will find it with a little help from those closest to you.

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It's great that you reached out and have a support network. Don't be fussed that your mom is taking this on, at any age a mother will do whatever she can to save her children - that is the great thing about mothers for many people, they are always there for you and she wouldn't have it any other way judging by the effort she is making for you. You should be proud to have a friend, brother and mother like that, not everyone is blessed with such support.

I think it speaks volumes that you are honest about your situation and speak out - there is a will to get through this in there somewhere Bulveye and I think you will find it with a little help from those closest to you.

libstaK is correct. A mother would do just about anything to keep their children from suffering. Accept her helping hand and don't bite it.

Just the fact that you are making this a public issue sounds like a huge cry for help. I've been where you are and I know it's no fun. Clean yourself up and take things as they come. Every day is what you make of it. I really don't know you and I certainly will not judge you. Take care of yourself, respect yourself.

rockbottom.jpg

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I'm on the vodka now the whisky has all been drank. I think this will be the last bottle of spirits i'll have. If I could work out why I have to drink to shut my mind down then I'd maybe get a handle on it.

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Been thinking hard. I might have worked out why I drink:- I dont have to act like a human when I'm drunk, I can just be myself.

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First of all, it happens. Don't beat yourself up too bad about it. I've been going through the same thing and all you can do is "try". I'm currently living with my Mom and step-Dad so don't feel bad. There are times when the only people you can trust are your parents, that's what they're there for. I always told myself that I felt too much and that's why I had to drink and do drugs. It kept me from feeling so much emotion and made tough situations easier...for a while. Then I got to the point where I was crying in front of people and getting all upset when I should be rational. It ended up having the oposite effect.

Now, I do the best I can. I'm not perfect and I have my times where I'm using a bit here and there but I don't kid myself anymore. I use because I like the way it feels, that's it. Drugs and alcohol are not "medicine" and will not help anything in the long haul. I know that none of this helps you but I'm here if you ever want to talk about it or anything for that matter. Just remember, you are not alone, people love you and don't be afraid to accept help from where ever you can get it.

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Well, I'm drunk again and I feel fine now. I'm 37yrs old and getting my mam to look after my finances so I cant buy anymore booze. She's coming round later to pick up my stuff. Its pretty pathetic of me to be so freeking weak. I used to be solid, used to run and goto the gym and get nice girlfriends. Now I'm just a bit of a mess.

Spoke to one of my mates who no longer takes drugs or drinks and he has also agreed to help. He's coming round when he finishes work today. My brother is concerned as well.

You poor guy...*hugs*... Listen.. I would love to see you get the help you need.. Then one day when you pull through and you see others who are going through the same thing, because lets face it, it goes on all the time.. Then maybe you could be the rock others need to get help... Who knows..

At least you are not sitting in denial of your problem

Edited by Beckys_Mom

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Thank you for being nice, I feel fine now. Just ordered pizza and beer, can you believe they have a pizza delivery place that also sells beer! Thats just wrong!

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Thank you for being nice, I feel fine now. Just ordered pizza and beer, can you believe they have a pizza delivery place that also sells beer! Thats just wrong!

I was once addicted to pain killers. that contained codeine ( which I think makes it more addictive) . I would have taken them 5- 6 times a day...I did it for 12 years or so... It made me think I was burning up and having headaches.......Amazing how an addiction can fool your body huh? I knew there was nothing wrong, and i knew I was addicted........ I was too lazy to do anything about it back then...

I knocked it on the head.eventually after getting a big sicker once too often.. Glad I did... It is never easy to just go cold turkey , but we do get there in the end for many... Good luck to you..

Edited by Beckys_Mom

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Got my pizza, the pizza delivery girl was pretty and I knew I knew her, turns out she used to work in the same office many years ago. She smiled and it was like the sun rising. Pizza is canny good too. :yes:

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Got my pizza, the pizza delivery girl was pretty and I knew I knew her, turns out she used to work in the same office many years ago. She smiled and it was like the sun rising. Pizza is canny good too. :yes:

One thing for sure, for being drunk for an entire week, your typing skills are impeccable. You even manage to know when type a new paragraph. :D

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One thing for sure, for being drunk for an entire week, your typing skills are impeccable. You even manage to know when type a new paragraph. :D

It's weird, I should be much more drunk then I am but I feel only a bit drunk, not wasted. Eyes are really itchy like sand in them, think I gave myself an eye infection.

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What kind of drugs had you been doing ?

Just wondering.

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What kind of drugs had you been doing ?

Just wondering.

My guess is coke or painkillers.

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Hi Marra,I've just picked up on your predicament,not good,but you will survive,I used to be like that when I came home from sea with a few bob until I woke up one morning halfway down the North Sea on the way to Australia.After a 10 month voyage I had been home 3 days and was on another 10 month round trip.I couldnt remember signing back on,but the lads aboard were pretty sympathetic,and so I decided not to kill myself with booze,although I still have 1 or 2 now and then,but in moderation.Good luck to you its hard giving up and you need to tell yourself that there's,loads of people in cemetaries who would gladly swap places with you.Remember the Sunderland motto NIL DESPERANDUM,or the Mackems motto CONSECTATIO EXCELLENTAIA (Striving for Excellance)....Go for it ! cheers.

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I wish you luck in your recovery efforts. I realize that fate could have switched us, and I could have been writing your post.

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Ok,

The pizza did not last long inside me, don't think my body wanted food in it. Only food I'd had since lunch on Sunday. Drugs over the last week included lots of weed, coke and shrooms.

Last night it took ages to get to sleep, felt terrible, my dreams were broken, it was just a still black and white image that was stuck in place for a few minutes then I would wake up. Then another image would be stuck in place for awhile. Looked like ink drawings of stones piled on each other. They got back to normal by about 5am. Then I was on my uncles farm in the summer with a bag full of art supplies and his wife was making a lime cordial with ice for us to drink. They are both dead in real life.

Woke up this morning and not feeling too ill. Have started the epic task of cleaning up this incredible mess. Rotting food all over the place, mostly the kitchen and lounge. Empty beer cans everywhere, literally hundreds. Every glass and plate has been used. Food in the fridge is off. Carpet is covered in charcoal, fag ash, fag burns, stains. Yak.

Starting to feel hungry and have kept half a pint of water down so far.

Keep getting flash backs of the stupidity I got up to over the last few days and cringe with shame. Keep having to tell myself I cant change the past, only the future.

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Ok, Lounge is looking better, carpet stinks. What Can I use to get the smell of beer, food and puke out of carpet with? :unsure2:

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