Gardian angel, ghost, or wishful imagination?

[redmitten]

This is such a deeply personal story, I feel hesitant to share it on a forum to complete strangers. In part because of the skepticism encountered in a previous retelling, and also because I doubt the accuracy of my memory, or the reality of what might have been just the fancy of a melodramatic teenager over 15 years ago

When I was young (maybe 12-15?) I became convinced that I had an otherworldly protector and friend whose name I was certain was, well, let’s call him “Will” here (for some reason I feel compelled not to write out the name here). He had distinct (and very handsome) physical characteristics that as an adult I now believe I must have seen on t.v. and just projected onto this imaginary friend. For a few years I imagined him stroking my hair and hand when I couldn’t sleep, keeping me company when I felt lonely or upset.

During this time some strange things were going on in our home – items such as my bus pass or house keys would go missing. Frustrated I would ask “Will” to give these back and they would show up in obvious places where I had already looked, or unexplainable ones such as the aquarium floor in my bedroom. My mother complained that fruit in our crisper had bites taken out of it and dirty handprints on the upper walls and ceiling.

In 9th grade while this was still going on, I tutored a boy from my class who suffered from learning difficulties. He told to me that he saw “angels”, as did his aunt and grandmother. I was a bit perturbed by this declaration that our classroom was buzzing with spirits sitting walking around, even sitting on our teacher’s desk. I remember whispering for “Will”, and the boy said an “angel” from the back of the room came to stand behind me. I was so shaken by this experience that I walked to my best friend’s home and confided in her about all of the strange events and my imaginary friend “Will”. Her reaction wasn’t a very warm one and I’m pretty sure that from that day on I didn’t mention it again to anyone for years. I wrote short stories for school and for leisure, all of them featuring an incarnation of “Will”, but left it at that.

At 16-17 I had my first major heartbreak when my boyfriend of over a year called it quits. I took the breakup badly and struggled with chronic depression. I was put on antidepressants. One night, while saying my nightly prayers (I was a semi-practicing Catholic at the time) I decided to address “Will”. I told him that I needed him now, that I was ready to see him, willed him to show himself to me. I woke up in the middle of the night to an increasingly bright light next to my dresser. As the light became larger and brighter, a figure materialized in the centre of it. I panicked, completely frightened, and hid under my covers while shrieking for my mother. She came into my room, attempted to calm me down. She was concerned that I was now seeing things and a few weeks later I was sent to a sleep-study clinic where I spent the night hooked up to wires. They determined that I never reached deep sleep and therefore was not dreaming at night, but rather hallucinating, which would explain whatever being I had claimed to see in my room. I felt terribly guilty to have bothered everyone, and I never talked about it, any of it, again. Until now, I guess. I feel the need to talk about “Will”, or perhaps my difficulty coping with adolescence, or whatever it was that propelled those events. I love my husband, but I know he wouldn’t understand, and would chalk up the whole experience to teenage hormones and my colorful imagination. Which, I have to say, is both a fair and reasonable interpretation, one that I share, most of the time. But there are other times when, and I know how crazy this sounds, I wonder if “Will” feels that I betrayed him or abandoned him somehow. If he’s still around, or if I will ever see him again.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Do you, as an adult, still believe in the conclusion you drew as a teen? Have you reached a point where you feel peace with what happened and are able to leave it behind you?

Thanks a million for your time, I really appreciate it.

[Sakari]

This is such a deeply personal story, I feel hesitant to share it on a forum to complete strangers. In part because of the skepticism encountered in a previous retelling, and also because I doubt the accuracy of my memory, or the reality of what might have been just the fancy of a melodramatic teenager over 15 years ago

When I was young (maybe 12-15?) I became convinced that I had an otherworldly protector and friend whose name I was certain was, well, let's call him "Will" here (for some reason I feel compelled not to write out the name here). He had distinct (and very handsome) physical characteristics that as an adult I now believe I must have seen on t.v. and just projected onto this imaginary friend. For a few years I imagined him stroking my hair and hand when I couldn't sleep, keeping me company when I felt lonely or upset.

During this time some strange things were going on in our home – items such as my bus pass or house keys would go missing. Frustrated I would ask "Will" to give these back and they would show up in obvious places where I had already looked, or unexplainable ones such as the aquarium floor in my bedroom. My mother complained that fruit in our crisper had bites taken out of it and dirty handprints on the upper walls and ceiling.

In 9th grade while this was still going on, I tutored a boy from my class who suffered from learning difficulties. He told to me that he saw "angels", as did his aunt and grandmother. I was a bit perturbed by this declaration that our classroom was buzzing with spirits sitting walking around, even sitting on our teacher's desk. I remember whispering for "Will", and the boy said an "angel" from the back of the room came to stand behind me. I was so shaken by this experience that I walked to my best friend's home and confided in her about all of the strange events and my imaginary friend "Will". Her reaction wasn't a very warm one and I'm pretty sure that from that day on I didn't mention it again to anyone for years. I wrote short stories for school and for leisure, all of them featuring an incarnation of "Will", but left it at that.

At 16-17 I had my first major heartbreak when my boyfriend of over a year called it quits. I took the breakup badly and struggled with chronic depression. I was put on antidepressants. One night, while saying my nightly prayers (I was a semi-practicing Catholic at the time) I decided to address "Will". I told him that I needed him now, that I was ready to see him, willed him to show himself to me. I woke up in the middle of the night to an increasingly bright light next to my dresser. As the light became larger and brighter, a figure materialized in the centre of it. I panicked, completely frightened, and hid under my covers while shrieking for my mother. She came into my room, attempted to calm me down. She was concerned that I was now seeing things and a few weeks later I was sent to a sleep-study clinic where I spent the night hooked up to wires. They determined that I never reached deep sleep and therefore was not dreaming at night, but rather hallucinating, which would explain whatever being I had claimed to see in my room. I felt terribly guilty to have bothered everyone, and I never talked about it, any of it, again. Until now, I guess. I feel the need to talk about "Will", or perhaps my difficulty coping with adolescence, or whatever it was that propelled those events. I love my husband, but I know he wouldn't understand, and would chalk up the whole experience to teenage hormones and my colorful imagination. Which, I have to say, is both a fair and reasonable interpretation, one that I share, most of the time. But there are other times when, and I know how crazy this sounds, I wonder if "Will" feels that I betrayed him or abandoned him somehow. If he's still around, or if I will ever see him again.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Do you, as an adult, still believe in the conclusion you drew as a teen? Have you reached a point where you feel peace with what happened and are able to leave it behind you?

Thanks a million for your time, I really appreciate it.

here are a couple of links for you to check out.....And welcome to UM

A Popular Companion

Approximately thirty percent of American children between the ages of three and six develop an imaginary companion.

In many cases this fantasy friend is thought of as real by the child, so real in fact that a child will often accommodate for the companion's physical presence, sleeping on only one side of the bed, for example, so the friend can have room to lie down.

Many children even believe they can see and hear their imaginary playmate while they converse with them.

http://indianapublic...ginary_friends/

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. With dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability to recall key personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, there are also highly distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with the person's split personality.

The "alters" or different identities have their own age, sex, or race. Each has his or her own postures, gestures, and distinct way of talking. Sometimes the alters are imaginary people; sometimes they are animals. As each personality reveals itself and controls the individuals' behavior and thoughts, it's called "switching." Switching can take seconds to minutes to days. When under hypnosis, the person's different "alters" or identities may be very responsive to the therapist's requests.

http://www.webmd.com...nality-disorder

I am by no means a expert on this, and I am not offering medical advice.I am however asking you to look at the Psychological side of this, and not just the " Paranormal ".......I have given you only two possibilities, known causes.There are more.

Try reading through this forum, and see if maybe you can also find answers there, I think it will help :

http://community.men...read.php?t=1934

Actually this topic there is better.....And it fits your story....There seem to be some pretty good logical answers.

Hello everyone! First off, I'm new here. Just registered.

I feel a bit stupid admitting this but am quite curious about if this is harmless or the result of a disorder or hidden problem...

It's not uncommon for children to have imaginary friends. I never had one as a kid though. Which is funny, because now I do. I'm 17.

If I remember correctly, I would daydream and resort to talking to a made up character on rare occasions when I was 15. However, as I grow older, that friend is around much more often. If I am not occupied with something else such as school work, games, computer, reading, etc and am alone, I'm talking in my head to what I call an imaginary companion.

Once or twice I've caught myself mumbling out loud, though it's in my head most of the time. It is hard to explain how it is to have it around to others (especially without sounding a bit batty or loopy ). The best way I can explain is he is male (I'm female), always has the same look and personality. He seems to be in his mid 20's and is very friendly and comforting toward me but has a negative view toward a lot of other people.

Perhaps it's because I don't and have never had a friend who I really enjoy being around?

I do have friends at school, but not one that I'm really close to. I don't talk on the phone with anyone, go to the mall, or visit anyone's house. I'm pretty much solo. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I just don't care. I'm horrible with talking to people anyway. It's uncomfortable and I stumble and mix up my words a lot.

At one time I thought I had social anxiety (I went to a counselor a while back but it did littler for me), but am not sure if I really have it that bad because I don't mind being alone most of the time and I just seem to have problems communicating with others.

I've read online and have had two people (also online) tell me that imaginary friends in older teens and adults can be an early sign of schizophrenia...

That's scary. Can it be true that it is an early sign, or is it possible it is another disorder that I have?

Or is it just a harmless thing?

Any comments or advice is welcomed and greatly appreciated.

http://community.men...hread.php?t=570

Edited February 27, 2012 by Sakari

[+and-then]

Welcome, redmitten. You can expect to encounter much skepticism here at UM but it's usually friendly and not mean spirited.

Again, welcome to UM...nice avatar pic BTW

[redmitten]

Hi Sakari,

Thank you for the warm welcome. I appreciate you taking the time to find those encyclopedic entries. Having minored in psychology in university, I'm familiar with a good number of DSM-IV disorders. As mentioned in my post, I was under the supervision of a psychiatrist as a teenager for treatment of depression. I respect the psychiatric assessment I was given at that time, and I repeat that the diagnosis was depression - certainly not Dissociative Identity Disorder (which is in fact quite rare). Nevertheless, I have always been willing to explore the potential physiological causes for the experience I described, particularly now as my memories of it are fading. Only recently have I been willing to also explore any metaphysical possibilities, which is what brought me to this forum.

Kind redards,

Redmitten

[redmitten]

Thanks Psychic Spy! I'm happy to encounter skepticism, I think it's healthy to approach issues from as many angles as possible. What seems great about UM to me is that those angles include some less conventional points of view. I say bring it on, all of it

[Sakari]

Thanks Psychic Spy! I'm happy to encounter skepticism, I think it's healthy to approach issues from as many angles as possible. What seems great about UM to me is that those angles include some less conventional points of view. I say bring it on, all of it

[Cybele]

Hi redmitten,

Your story is very sweet.

I felt the need to comment because a particular aspect of your story mirrors very closely something I once experienced. I, too, was feeling very alone and uncertain about my future. I was seeking some sort of guidance and emotional healing that I wasn't getting from the people in my life at the time.

Someone I conversed with online suggested that I attempt to contact my "spirit guide" through prayer. She said that even if I didn't get a sign right away, once I had made the call, something was eventually coming. Well, I prayed very fervently, saying "Please just give me a sign this once and I'll never ask again." I gave up and ended up lying in bed, watching t.v. for a few hours. Then, suddenly, I felt as though something had brushed my hand, which was hanging over the side of the bed. Well, I looked up and saw a white, vaguely human-shaped apparition. "It" felt human and female, and seemed very gentle. It walked about 5 feet before vanishing into thin air. All I can say is that when I first saw it, my jaw dropped and I closed and rubbed my eyes before opening them again to make sure that it was really there.

So I haven't seen this apparition since, nor am I convinced that I really have a spirit guide. As in your case, a sleep disturbance may have been responsible. I hadn't slept a wink the night before; though I should also add that insomnia had never caused me to hallucinate before either. I was, unfortunately, the only witness. This did stimulate my interest in all things spiritual, though. I have had more strange, but not nearly as tangible experiences since then, but I can't rule out psychological causes for any one of them. I always doubted everything I experienced. I knew that it was very possible that my desires and expectations led me to create these experiences for myself or to interpret and remember things in a biased manner. The latter is the reason why I've always (from that day on) recorded my experiences almost immediately afterwards in a journal.

I don't think anyone on here can give you answers, unfortunately. My spiritual and rational sides have been at war for a long time.

Edit: depression has been and issue for me as well, though I was on low doses of an ssri at the time.

Edited February 27, 2012 by Cybele

[Soul Kitchen]

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. With dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability to recall key personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, there are also highly distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with the person's split personality

Jesus christ, what is it with skeptics and Personality Disorders on this site? It seems to be a real go-to explanation, as unlikely as they are generally supposed to be.

Edited February 27, 2012 by Soul Kitchen

[Sakari]

Jesus christ, what is it with skeptics and Personality Disorders on this site? It seems to be a real go-to explanation, as unlikely as they are generally supposed to be.

Why don't you read about it and learn something.........

Isn't it odd you got so upset, yet the OP actually thanked me for my input?

What is more un-likely....A demon is visiting the OP, or she has a imaginary friend ?

Again to the OP, welcome to UM, and I apologise for the above type of reply that has nothing to do with your question......You will see this a lot un-fortunatley.

[redmitten]

What a neat and lovely story! Thanks for sharing! There are some strong resemblances there. Although you were much braver than I, calmly rubbing your eyes and blinking - if only you'd heard me shriek like a banshee, it's a miracle I didn't pee myself It's funny you should mention "spirit guides" - I remember that one of the items that had gone missing and reappeared was a novel I had been reading about a young indigenous boy and his spirit guide. I was so frustrated having read almost all of it before it went missing suddenly and was pretty peeved at "Will" if he was in fact the culprit Which of course now just sounds like the most outrageous way to justify a misplaced item! Anyway, I'd forgotten about this until now, thanks for the memory jog!

I was on a low dose of SSRI at the time as well, which the sleep clinic suggested I cease as it could have been the cause for my lack of deep sleep. I can also appreciate the likelihood of simply having seen what I wanted to see, clinging to whatever "signs" corroborated with the idea of "Will", allowing what was at first just a whimsical thought to snowball into an eventual apparition. Besides, after that I was spooked enough to avoid thinking about it for quite some time

[Sakari]

What a neat and lovely story! Thanks for sharing! There are some strong resemblances there. Although you were much braver than I, calmly rubbing your eyes and blinking - if only you'd heard me shriek like a banshee, it's a miracle I didn't pee myself It's funny you should mention "spirit guides" - I remember that one of the items that had gone missing and reappeared was a novel I had been reading about a young indigenous boy and his spirit guide. I was so frustrated having read almost all of it before it went missing suddenly and was pretty peeved at "Will" if he was in fact the culprit Which of course now just sounds like the most outrageous way to justify a misplaced item! Anyway, I'd forgotten about this until now, thanks for the memory jog!

I was on a low dose of SSRI at the time as well, which the sleep clinic suggested I cease as it could have been the cause for my lack of deep sleep. I can also appreciate the likelihood of simply having seen what I wanted to see, clinging to whatever "signs" corroborated with the idea of "Will", allowing what was at first just a whimsical thought to snowball into an eventual apparition. Besides, after that I was spooked enough to avoid thinking about it for quite some time

I have been reading more about the things I gave you.....Sure seems like a match to me, especially with the facts you have given..

The missing items, you could have very well moved them, and put them back....Not even knowing you did it.

[Soul Kitchen]

Why don't you read about it and learn something.........

Isn't it odd you got so upset, yet the OP actually thanked me for my input?

What is more un-likely....A demon is visiting the OP, or she has a imaginary friend ?

Again to the OP, welcome to UM, and I apologise for the above type of reply that has nothing to do with your question......You will see this a lot un-fortunatley.

I know plenty about personality disorders, Sakari, and I wasn't upset. I guess I may have sounded a little rude, but such is the nature of my commenting.

And there is no way to really calculate the likelihood of a Demon, that is subject to opinion. What I do know is the UNlikelihood of that particular personality disorder, given what the OP said in response to your post. That's not to say I necessarily believe it was a Demon, but I didn't find the explanation you originally presented convincing.

Edited February 27, 2012 by Soul Kitchen

[Simbi Laveau]

I find it completely disheartening to see so many people jump on someone for asking an honest question,and immediately being told they're disturbed,by people not even remotely qualified to dispense such such advice.

This is an unexplained mysteries forum,not a free therapy clinic.

I also dont get why people in such a forum,allegedly come to discuss the unseen,but claim none of it exists,and anyone who says it does,is a nutter.

For all of you,look up the actual definition of the word OCCULT.

All that aside;

Um,anyone who knows even a little about guardian spirits,knows we all have them.

Most of us have more than one.Some come in and out of our lives as needed.Some are with us for life.

If you have an understanding of spirit hierarchy,guardians are a separate class.

In cases of say a parent dying suddenly,and wanting to watch over their children ,its a special case.

I think we can see them when when we are younger.

I personally,have never seen mine,but I have 3 ,from what I am told.

You probably have more than one as well,but Will is probably your main protector,so you could see him before your veil closed,as you got older.

Ignore the amateur psychologists here .They are quite abundant,and have a host of psych websites on hand to cut and paste from .

[Simbi Laveau]

And for the record,I have degrees and licenses in TWO allied heath fields.Ive actually worked with people with psychiatric disorders.

I have also trained with bonafid shaman ,padrinos and high priestesses,of Palo mahyombe,Santeria,voodoo,and Wicca.

I have seen things you cannot imagine.Ive assisted in exorcisms.

I know how to do real voodoo rituals,amongst others.

Not everyone who "see dead people" ,are in need of a lesson in the who's who of psych disorders.

Edited February 27, 2012 by missymoo999

[Timothy]

And for the record,I have degrees and licenses in TWO allied heath fields.Ive actually worked with people with psychiatric disorders.

I have also trained with bonafid shaman ,padrinos and high priestesses,of Palo mahyombe,Santeria,voodoo,and Wicca.

I have seen things you cannot imagine.Ive assisted in exorcisms.

I know how to do real voodoo rituals,amongst others.

Not everyone who "see dead people" ,are in need of a lesson in the who's who of psych disorders.

Oh no, now you've done it...

Can we have your 2 posts moved to a separate thread? There are a number of things I want to address, but I don't want to derail the OP!!

PM me if you start a new thread

Thanks.

[redmitten]

I’d like to thank everyone who’s contributed to my post. I came here looking for open minds and an outside perspective, and it looks like that’s exactly what I’m getting.

However, I think I need to make a few points clear:

To Sakari: While I’m open to everyone’s opinions and input, I have to strongly disagree with your suggestion that my experience can be explained by a severe mental disorder. I just can’t entertain the notion that I would have suffered from a rare dissociative disorder or schizophrenia for a period of three years in my youth. Sorry!

To missymoo999: I’m afraid I know nothing about angels or angelic hierarchy… That’s what brought me to this forum, hoping to learn more about what was at the core of this experience and hopefully hear from people who have had similar events in their lives. It looks like I have a bit of research to do. Thanks for weighing in!

[Cybele]

Oh no, now you've done it...

Can we have your 2 posts moved to a separate thread? There are a number of things I want to address, but I don't want to derail the OP!!

PM me if you start a new thread

Thanks.

I second this motion.

Edited February 27, 2012 by Cybele

[Cybele]

I have a question for the OP.

Since the incident when you were 16-17, after which point you stopped talking about Will, have you at all felt as though you were being guided or protected by something? Or did you mostly just stop thinking about the subject altogether?

Edited February 27, 2012 by Cybele

[Sakari]

To Sakari: While I'm open to everyone's opinions and input, I have to strongly disagree with your suggestion that my experience can be explained by a severe mental disorder. I just can't entertain the notion that I would have suffered from a rare dissociative disorder or schizophrenia for a period of three years in my youth. Sorry!

It was just a suggestion.Everything I had read ( especially the forum link I gave you ) seems almost identical to your story.....Some of them are so close to yours they could almost be the same person.

Anyway, as said, was just trying to help, good luck with your search.

[Blueogre2]

Well first of all my thanks to the OP for sharing this experience with the forum. As for what you experienced? I have a few opinions... One I think that you have encountered a spirit being of some sort, if it's an angel or spirit guide or perhaps even an spirit of one of your ancestors remains to be seen. Regardless if you want to learn more about angels than their are very many sources available online. My only point of concern is that you make sure that this spirit is positive in nature and not some type of fiend playing a deception with you.

[redmitten]

I have a question for the OP.

Since the incident when you were 16-17, after which point you stopped talking about Will, have you at all felt as though you were being guided or protected by something? Or did you mostly just stop thinking about the subject altogether?

That's a good question. I think the honest answer is no, and I miss it. While I feel that I've matured and grown more cynical in 15 years, a small part of me still wants to stay in that world where I believed in ghosts and magic

I get a flashback maybe once a year, which sends me down memory lane, but there have been no distinct *feelings* that I can think of. Except maybe regret at being such a chicken that night and calling for my mom. My memory of that night is so vivid, particularly in contrast to anything else that that happened that long ago, I can't help but wonder if I missed out on a really special opportunity. Another memory I've started to dwell on for the first time was that boy I tutored with his... "gift"? I don't even know what you would call it. I wish I could get in contact with him now, and ask if he was just pulling me leg!

[redmitten]

It was just a suggestion.Everything I had read ( especially the forum link I gave you ) seems almost identical to your story.....Some of them are so close to yours they could almost be the same person.

Anyway, as said, was just trying to help, good luck with your search.

I understand where you are coming from, I and I know you were trying to help. No hard feelings

[redmitten]

Well first of all my thanks to the OP for sharing this experience with the forum. As for what you experienced? I have a few opinions... One I think that you have encountered a spirit being of some sort, if it's an angel or spirit guide or perhaps even an spirit of one of your ancestors remains to be seen. Regardless if you want to learn more about angels than their are very many sources available online. My only point of concern is that you make sure that this spirit is positive in nature and not some type of fiend playing a deception with you.

Your last sentence is a scary thought, one that I hadn't considered. When I was browsing through the many topics of the forum I saw some that scared me silly. Seriously. I'm one of those people who needs to sleep with the lights and the television on for a solid week after watching a TLC Halloween special! Just the thought of there being something malevolent in my midst makes me want to just forget any of this ever happened

[Sakari]

Redmitten,

I am curious, and I hope you do not mind me asking.( not trying to derail, just very curious )......In a reply to me you said :

Having minored in psychology in university.....

I am wondering, I doubt anyone could find a Psychologist that believes in " ghosts ".......What has you looking into this area ?

Sorry, had to ask.

[redmitten]

Redmitten,

I am curious, and I hope you do not mind me asking.( not trying to derail, just very curious )......In a reply to me you said :

I am wondering, I doubt anyone could find a Psychologist that believes in " ghosts ".......What has you looking into this area ?

Sorry, had to ask.

As I'm not a psychologist, I can't tell you if there are professionals in the field with belief in ghosts. I'm not sure I'd know the answer to that even if I were - I'm in no position to make such generalizations. In regards to your question as to what has me "looking into this area" (by this I'm assuming you mean the paranormal forums), I was wondering if I would encounter someone here with a similar experience - whether it was a life-changing event or simply a childhood fantasy they grew out of. I'm keeping my mind open to a variety of possibilities. What I'm not willing to do however, at least not here, is enter into a debate about the legitimacy of the paranormal.