A Gift On Easter

[_Only]

Am up now in the middle of the night, after an almost indescribable experience. I have taken lately to trying to meditate to find a connection to "something more" I have quite recently come to be aware of. To be completely honest, it was always a bit of a struggle to actually let go during these meditations, but I have never let it discourage me. I always felt better at least in some way after doing it, hoping that one time I would taste what it can be like to truly let go and become part of something more that I now know exists everywhere all of the time.

Well, tonight after many hours of listening to music and thinking, I got into bed. I know that often when I spend nights like this thinking about this, my mind starts to race when I try to sleep, so I decided it was a good idea to meditate to calm my mind down until I fell asleep. This time I did it differently. I never liked to just follow my breathing, because often it is uneasy breathing, and gets my mind off track. Well tonight my breathing seemed so "fine". After awhile, as I kept paying attention to it only, it went from "fine" to nice. Intrusive thoughts popped up here and there, but as I rarely have been able to see before, they simply passed by.

Then something happened that rocked my world in so many ways. Nice turned to beautiful. I felt that feeling that I feel times when I like a girl, and find out she likes me too, in a love way. You know, that good buzzing kind of feeling in your chest. I couldn't help noticing myself smile so purely. The feeling grew so strong, stronger than I've ever felt before, all over my body. I wish I could explain how it felt better; pure ecstasy. Then a voice in my head said "did you forget your name?", and a couple seconds later it processed and I started to tear up. I had to come back and open my eyes. I thought about what that meant. And I cried.

I have been struggling lately over what I have heard by many before about learning to really "know yourself". I was reminded earlier today of a time when my friend told me that your real mind isn't the one we use consciously; it is what we use when we are able to bypass that. Then he said you have to know yourself. It struck me as a really weird thing for him to say to me randomly, but I never forgot it.

Well, tonight I feel I have finally started to figure out what he meant, after what I just felt minutes ago. I let go past my labored brain of thoughts, and listened to the one behind the scenes. And it asked me if I had forgotten my name.

Much earlier today I had remembered the translation of my name. Matthew: "gift from God".

I hadn't believed in any religion up to now, and I still don't. But I had a vague idea of who God is, and she is all of us, everything. I had said earlier I would be willing to believe in a God if they wanted to slap me in the face with their existence. Well, tonight "She" (just my personal interpretation of God) did.

Was an awesome Easter gift, the day of rebirth.

Going to go back and have to meditate again, because my mind is spinning. I don't expect anything near that to happen again tonight or in the near future, and that's okay.

[libstaK]

Am up now in the middle of the night, after an almost indescribable experience. I have taken lately to trying to meditate to find a connection to "something more" I have quite recently come to be aware of. To be completely honest, it was always a bit of a struggle to actually let go during these meditations, but I have never let it discourage me. I always felt better at least in some way after doing it, hoping that one time I would taste what it can be like to truly let go and become part of something more that I now know exists everywhere all of the time.

Well, tonight after many hours of listening to music and thinking, I got into bed. I know that often when I spend nights like this thinking about this, my mind starts to race when I try to sleep, so I decided it was a good idea to meditate to calm my mind down until I fell asleep. This time I did it differently. I never liked to just follow my breathing, because often it is uneasy breathing, and gets my mind off track. Well tonight my breathing seemed so "fine". After awhile, as I kept paying attention to it only, it went from "fine" to nice. Intrusive thoughts popped up here and there, but as I rarely have been able to see before, they simply passed by.

Then something happened that rocked my world in so many ways. Nice turned to beautiful. I felt that feeling that I feel times when I like a girl, and find out she likes me too, in a love way. You know, that good buzzing kind of feeling in your chest. I couldn't help noticing myself smile so purely. The feeling grew so strong, stronger than I've ever felt before, all over my body. I wish I could explain how it felt better; pure ecstasy. Then a voice in my head said "did you forget your name?", and a couple seconds later it processed and I started to tear up. I had to come back and open my eyes. I thought about what that meant. And I cried.

I have been struggling lately over what I have heard by many before about learning to really "know yourself". I was reminded earlier today of a time when my friend told me that your real mind isn't the one we use consciously; it is what we use when we are able to bypass that. Then he said you have to know yourself. It struck me as a really weird thing for him to say to me randomly, but I never forgot it.

Well, tonight I feel I have finally started to figure out what he meant, after what I just felt minutes ago. I let go past my labored brain of thoughts, and listened to the one behind the scenes. And it asked me if I had forgotten my name.

Much earlier today I had remembered the translation of my name. Matthew: "gift from God".

I hadn't believed in any religion up to now, and I still don't. But I had a vague idea of who God is, and she is all of us, everything. I had said earlier I would be willing to believe in a God if they wanted to slap me in the face with their existence. Well, tonight "She" (just my personal interpretation of God) did.

Was an awesome Easter gift, the day of rebirth.

Going to go back and have to meditate again, because my mind is spinning. I don't expect anything near that to happen again tonight or in the near future, and that's okay.

That brought a tear to my eye I have to say, it seems you have been hearing the same advice in different ways for awhile now and your friend is obviously someone who know you well enough for you to understand what they meant - critical mass achieved Happy Easter -Only .

Edit to add: My own name Libby originates from the hebrew Elizabeth which translates as Oath of God or "God is my Oath". I always liked that too.

Edited April 8, 2012 by libstaK

[+and-then]

What an awesome thing to have happen. I'm happy for you.

[White Crane Feather]

Am up now in the middle of the night, after an almost indescribable experience. I have taken lately to trying to meditate to find a connection to "something more" I have quite recently come to be aware of. To be completely honest, it was always a bit of a struggle to actually let go during these meditations, but I have never let it discourage me. I always felt better at least in some way after doing it, hoping that one time I would taste what it can be like to truly let go and become part of something more that I now know exists everywhere all of the time.

Well, tonight after many hours of listening to music and thinking, I got into bed. I know that often when I spend nights like this thinking about this, my mind starts to race when I try to sleep, so I decided it was a good idea to meditate to calm my mind down until I fell asleep. This time I did it differently. I never liked to just follow my breathing, because often it is uneasy breathing, and gets my mind off track. Well tonight my breathing seemed so "fine". After awhile, as I kept paying attention to it only, it went from "fine" to nice. Intrusive thoughts popped up here and there, but as I rarely have been able to see before, they simply passed by.

Then something happened that rocked my world in so many ways. Nice turned to beautiful. I felt that feeling that I feel times when I like a girl, and find out she likes me too, in a love way. You know, that good buzzing kind of feeling in your chest. I couldn't help noticing myself smile so purely. The feeling grew so strong, stronger than I've ever felt before, all over my body. I wish I could explain how it felt better; pure ecstasy. Then a voice in my head said "did you forget your name?", and a couple seconds later it processed and I started to tear up. I had to come back and open my eyes. I thought about what that meant. And I cried.

I have been struggling lately over what I have heard by many before about learning to really "know yourself". I was reminded earlier today of a time when my friend told me that your real mind isn't the one we use consciously; it is what we use when we are able to bypass that. Then he said you have to know yourself. It struck me as a really weird thing for him to say to me randomly, but I never forgot it.

Well, tonight I feel I have finally started to figure out what he meant, after what I just felt minutes ago. I let go past my labored brain of thoughts, and listened to the one behind the scenes. And it asked me if I had forgotten my name.

Much earlier today I had remembered the translation of my name. Matthew: "gift from God".

I hadn't believed in any religion up to now, and I still don't. But I had a vague idea of who God is, and she is all of us, everything. I had said earlier I would be willing to believe in a God if they wanted to slap me in the face with their existence. Well, tonight "She" (just my personal interpretation of God) did.

Was an awesome Easter gift, the day of rebirth.

Going to go back and have to meditate again, because my mind is spinning. I don't expect anything near that to happen again tonight or in the near future, and that's okay.

Very awesome.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Seeker79

[dreamgoddess11]

Beautiful!

[Its Mii]

That's wonderful... I 'm happy for you, that connection to everything truly is beautiful. Self discovery is probably the most important part of the journey for true peace comes with self acceptance. Thanks for sharing.

[sarah_444]

Sounds like it was an amazing experiance, I'm happy for you too.