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Eldorado

Dear Dr Eldorado!

339 posts in this topic

Dear Dr. El,

I have a cat who is in heat and she just won't shut up. Do you have any advice for how to deal with the situation?

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Dear Dr. El,

I have a cat who is in heat and she just won't shut up. Do you have any advice for how to deal with the situation?

Strangle it. Tis your own fault for having a daft cat. A dog is a man's best friend!

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Strangle it. Tis your own fault for having a daft cat. A dog is a man's best friend!

That's the worst advice I've ever received from anyone, and though I can tell it was an attempt at humor, it wasn't funny.

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That's the worst advice I've ever received from anyone, and though I can tell it was an attempt at humor, it wasn't funny.

Tough.

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Tough.

I care pretty deeply about my cats. I meant no offense.

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I care pretty deeply about my cats. I meant no offense.

Apologies, for upsetting you. This is a joke thread so my advice is not to be taken seriously.

This is not a snide question but would you be just as upset if I had advised someone to strangle their wife cos she never shuts the hell up?

Anways... sorry for causing you distress.

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Dear Dr. El:

When i throw my pizzezza at a wall, why doesn't it turn into an ice cube?

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Apologies, for upsetting you. This is a joke thread so my advice is not to be taken seriously.

And here I thought you were a real Dr.

This is not a snide question but would you be just as upset if I had advised someone to strangle their wife cos she never shuts the hell up?

Of course not, who cares about some random bloke's wife anyway? Far less important than my cats.

Anways... sorry for causing you distress.

You'd better be mister. You'd better be! :angry:

:P

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Posted (edited)

Dear Dr. El:

When i throw my pizzezza at a wall, why doesn't it turn into an ice cube?

Cos you're not cool enough.

Yet.

:P

Edited by Eldorado
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can i ask for your advice on something else?...

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can i ask for your advice on something else?...

Of course.

Best ever advice I can give a young lass like yourself though is this...

Trust the boy who's always looking into your eyes and not the one who's eyes are elsewhere.

:)

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Thanks for the wonderful advice. Can I get a second opinion? Does anyone know what is wrong with me out there in Disneyland?

Your local mental health professionals may be able to help.

Sincere best wishes in finding a "cure"!

(I mean that. No joke)

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Dear Dr. El:

what's the best way to dispose of a body? im having some...eerrrm...ya know, difficulties here... *covered in blood*

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Parsnips - what's the point?

Also, i've bent my chopper - what's the best way of straightening it?

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Dear Dr. El:

what's the best way to dispose of a body? im having some...eerrrm...ya know, difficulties here... *covered in blood*

Throw it in a skip. Then go home and clean the place and yourself up. The coppers will blame immigrants anyway so have no fears.

Should you need assistance, call on the services of some boy that fancies you. He'll keep his mouth shut, for just a kiss.

Good luck, young psycho!

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Parsnips - what's the point?

Also, i've bent my chopper - what's the best way of straightening it?

Parsnips? I have no idea, SS. Sorry about that.

Now, choppers. (I'm taking it for granted that you're referring to the blade and not the handle as handles are easy replaced.)

It obviously depends on the material. Some are easily pliable, some not so much. If it's a light metal chopper just a mallet usually works but if it's steel you'd probably need a wee blast of heat and a mallet. Maybe even a big blast of heat.

A tighten-up in a vice can also work a treat with lighter metals. (remember to cushion the metal so as not to mark it)

Other choppers need no such endeavour and will straighten themselves out in good time. Usually when you least need it or expect it. It's a nice surprise however.

Hope this helps. :)

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Parsnips? I have no idea, SS. Sorry about that.

Now, choppers. (I'm taking it for granted that you're referring to the blade and not the handle as handles are easy replaced.)

It obviously depends on the material. Some are easily pliable, some not so much. If it's a light metal chopper just a mallet usually works but if it's steel you'd probably need a wee blast of heat and a mallet. Maybe even a big blast of heat.

A tighten-up in a vice can also work a treat with lighter metals. (remember to cushion the metal so as not to mark it)

Other choppers need no such endeavour and will straighten themselves out in good time. Usually when you least need it or expect it. It's a nice surprise however.

Hope this helps. :)

It does, thanks... but not in the way you think, I wasn't referring to blades, but your reply reminded me that I do have a machete that needs straightening :)

I was referring to a custom chopper, about 9ft long with extended forks and a fat back tire, the frame is bent...and am looking for any alternative then spending hundreds on a new one.....I think i'm doomed there though.... cheers anyway :tu:

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Dear Dr El

Purple or Red?

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Dear Dr El

Purple or Red?

Purple = Royal

Enough said?

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Doctor

My computer is a little old and unstable, should I get a new one or save the money for something more important?

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Posted (edited)

It does, thanks... but not in the way you think, I wasn't referring to blades, but your reply reminded me that I do have a machete that needs straightening :)

I was referring to a custom chopper, about 9ft long with extended forks and a fat back tire, the frame is bent...and am looking for any alternative then spending hundreds on a new one.....I think i'm doomed there though.... cheers anyway :tu:

Is the frame made of pipe? Round metal, flat? (I'm a marine plumber & coppersmith btw) You can't muscle it back it into shape?

If it's not buckled a heat with a blowtorch and some manipulation will fix it. If buckled, a cut & replace could work.

Best have a man do it, though. Some pipes ain't for heating!

Edited by Eldorado

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Throw it in a skip. Then go home and clean the place and yourself up. The coppers will blame immigrants anyway so have no fears.

Should you need assistance, call on the services of some boy that fancies you. He'll keep his mouth shut, for just a kiss.

Good luck, young psycho!

this is proving difficult. i have no skips near me, and no wet wipes. or bleach. should i put in in my freezer?

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Posted (edited)

Doctor

My computer is a little old and unstable, should I get a new one or save the money for something more important?

It could just need some TLC, matey.

I'd ask around for a local system-builder and ask them, face to face. These guys love fixing-up computers and will do it cheaply and sometimes for free.

Edited by Eldorado
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this is proving difficult. i have no skips near me, and no wet wipes. or bleach. should i put in in my freezer?

Only if you want to eat it later.

Call your Dad.

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Only if you want to eat it later.

Call your Dad.

i did. he said 'well that's nice honey' then started watching football again. im ALL ALONE!! D: i don't know what to do! should i call my brother? oh wait, he's the one whose wrapped in clingfilm on the dining table...

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