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OlliRecklessLoveFan

Anxiety and worried

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I'm 29, jobless, no car, i do however have money coming in from an incident at birth, but i live at home with my mom ( yes i do contribute financially ) it's just i'm afraid to do anything that may flare up the anxiety such as getting involved with a girl, afraid it'll change who i am and have me believe i'm too good to spend time with my siblings because i'd have a girl in my life.

Me and my mom aren't close at all, but for some reason i think if i go out, get a job, get a girlfriend that it'll cause problems, i know i shouldn't be thinking this way with me being an adult and all, but i'm so confused on what to do.

I'm also having a very hard time getting myself to the dentist for procedures because i'm extremely scared of death and whatnot so as you can tell i'm a mess.

P.S. i'm not a bad looking guy, but i can't seem to get girls to notice me atleast i don't think they do.

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Posted (edited)

Too much thinking Olli!

All those thoughts and fears aren't real. They're just a swarm of invisible mental patterns swirling about your head.

Drop each and every one of them as soon as you notice they have arisen. Just don't take the thoughts seriously and let them go.

Practice doing this by beginning to move in the direction you want to go and keeping an eye out for these saboteur thoughts which you can guarantee will pop up again and again to try to stop you from changing.

And don't try to do too much at once. Focus on going to the dentist first, or getting a job, or going out, or making friends or finding a girlfriend, or whatever, but don't try to solve all your issues at once.

Easy-peasy.

Just relax, stay focused on relaxing, let go of your thoughts when they arise, and make a start.

Edited by Golly Buster
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I think I can relate to that, brother.

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This seems an odd comment to me: "...... getting involved with a girl, afraid it'll change who I am and have me believe I'm too good to spend time with my siblings because I'd have a girl in my life". How do you make a connection between having a girlfriend and being too good to spend time with your siblings?

Secondly, people don't die at the dentist's ................. do they? If you are afraid of pain then you need to discuss that with your dentist. If he isn't sympathetic then find one who is. I found the best way to approach this was by talking to my dentist before I sat in the treatment chair (a place where I felt vulnerable and at a disadvantage). I found a dentist who was willing to give me a painkilling injection before doing anything else. I also found hypnosis helped me through treatment.

Does your mum depend on you a lot to do stuff around the house and shopping?

You are not a mess, but you do have some things that need to be clarified and then faced squarely. Get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper then you can look at them properly and decide exactly which ones need dealing with. Write out all the possibilities and then decide which ones are realistic.

Good Luck :D

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I'm 29, jobless, no car, i do however have money coming in from an incident at birth, but i live at home with my mom ( yes i do contribute financially ) it's just i'm afraid to do anything that may flare up the anxiety such as getting involved with a girl, afraid it'll change who i am and have me believe i'm too good to spend time with my siblings because i'd have a girl in my life.

Me and my mom aren't close at all, but for some reason i think if i go out, get a job, get a girlfriend that it'll cause problems, i know i shouldn't be thinking this way with me being an adult and all, but i'm so confused on what to do.

I'm also having a very hard time getting myself to the dentist for procedures because i'm extremely scared of death and whatnot so as you can tell i'm a mess.

P.S. i'm not a bad looking guy, but i can't seem to get girls to notice me atleast i don't think they do.

I had anxiety problems for ten years.I did had my bad times.All i did was...i stopped caring what others think about me.

Slowly that way i recovered.I know not all people with anxiety can do this.Now iam stronger,but as i had it for that long,i wasted days in home.So i dont have proper qualification.I do have job problem.

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Welcome to UM Olli. :yes:

Say, one thing you didn't mention, do you have any close, similar-age friends that you talk with?

You said you don't have a car, but are you able to get out, either on your own or with friends, to other places than home?

In any event, you have friends here. :clap:

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Posted (edited)

Thanks everyone and sorry about my rant, i guess my question is does anyone see me getting a girlfriend any time soon? and will i cure anxiety on my own without any health risks? i think that is what's keeping me from facing my fears.

My mom doesn't depend on me too much, but i do pay bills and such as well as help take care of my siblings, I'm hoping as a young guy that my future will get better.

Edited by OlliRecklessLoveFan

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This seems an odd comment to me: "...... getting involved with a girl, afraid it'll change who I am and have me believe I'm too good to spend time with my siblings because I'd have a girl in my life". How do you make a connection between having a girlfriend and being too good to spend time with your siblings?

Secondly, people don't die at the dentist's ................. do they? If you are afraid of pain then you need to discuss that with your dentist. If he isn't sympathetic then find one who is. I found the best way to approach this was by talking to my dentist before I sat in the treatment chair (a place where I felt vulnerable and at a disadvantage). I found a dentist who was willing to give me a painkilling injection before doing anything else. I also found hypnosis helped me through treatment.

Does your mum depend on you a lot to do stuff around the house and shopping?

You are not a mess, but you do have some things that need to be clarified and then faced squarely. Get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper then you can look at them properly and decide exactly which ones need dealing with. Write out all the possibilities and then decide which ones are realistic.

Good Luck :D

What i mean is i'm afraid i'll lose interest in being a "Child at heart" with my siblings and i'll lose that bond with them because i'd be in a relationship

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What i mean is i'm afraid i'll lose interest in being a "Child at heart" with my siblings and i'll lose that bond with them because i'd be in a relationship

A "relationship" with a girlfriend is natural and normal.

If you feel the need and do not persue it, it will actually increase your anxiety.

As apparently it is.

Talk with your siblings, if you must, but really, it's none of their business regarding your personal life.

Losing "bond" is rediculous, as it should in fact strengthen it as you would set an example of normality.

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I can relate to the teeth..

I had bad teeth, and put it off for a long time for fear of pain, not death..

Eventually I made that first move and got them pulled.

It amazed me how much better I felt within myself afterwards. Emotionally, I felt stronger. Health-wise I felt better. My confidence in my own self increased too.

Issues with bad teeth can be the cause of a lot of health & emotional problems.

Anyway, just thought I'd share this..

This is not a psychic reading by the way. It's just my own experience.. Something to ponder..

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Ollie,

Do loud noises bother you?

Does your anxiety with change extend to other areas of your life... Like Mabey routs to the grocery store or some other thing.

When you were in high school what was your peers reactions to you?

I know these things seem random, but they might be relevant.

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Ollie,

Do loud noises bother you?

Does your anxiety with change extend to other areas of your life... Like Mabey routs to the grocery store or some other thing.

When you were in high school what was your peers reactions to you?

I know these things seem random, but they might be relevant.

That's what confuses me, i can go to the store without a problem, talk to strangers with no problem, but Dentists, good looking girls, new places, and crowds get me very anxious, but after i get sick from it it's like i was never nervous in the first place.

In school i was well liked with a few bullies, but nothing too serious, it's mostly anticipation that triggers the anxiety and if i return to that same location or talk to that same person a few days later there's no anxiety so yeah it confuses me.

Loud noises don't bother me at all

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Olli, there are simple energy techniques which may be able to assist with gently releasing your anxiety. I highly recommend TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique), here's a link to the how-to: http://www.tatlife.com/booklet. Just feel the yucky feeling as intensely as you can, then put your hands in the proper position and allow the feelings to drain.

There are other energy release techniques such as stress release and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), but TAT to me is the simplest and most effective for starting out. You can drain a lot of negative stored energy without even knowing the source and, once released, the yuk feelings won't come back. Techniques such as these ar deceptively simple and can be life-altering. I hope this is something that can assist you in moving fearlessly forward in your life.

Namaste.

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Olli, there are simple energy techniques which may be able to assist with gently releasing your anxiety. I highly recommend TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique), here's a link to the how-to: http://www.tatlife.com/booklet. Just feel the yucky feeling as intensely as you can, then put your hands in the proper position and allow the feelings to drain.

There are other energy release techniques such as stress release and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), but TAT to me is the simplest and most effective for starting out. You can drain a lot of negative stored energy without even knowing the source and, once released, the yuk feelings won't come back. Techniques such as these ar deceptively simple and can be life-altering. I hope this is something that can assist you in moving fearlessly forward in your life.

Namaste.

Yeah, anxiety can be a real bear.

I suffer from it, on a hard clinical level, and I find little relief other than intoxication or CNS depressant medications(ativan and such)

I seriously wish Olli the best.

Perhaps I should also try what you've suggested above.

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Yeah, anxiety can be a real bear.

I suffer from it, on a hard clinical level, and I find little relief other than intoxication or CNS depressant medications(ativan and such)

I seriously wish Olli the best.

Perhaps I should also try what you've suggested above.

I have anxiety as well and take medication, but energy techniques do make a big difference for me. TAT is great for releasing imprints - for example, every time you remember a certain event where you made an ass out of yourself, you still carry those yucky feelings. Using TAT, you can drain the yucky feelings, the energetic imprint of the event, and it won't come back.

Three other good tricks to use for anxiety: 1) stress release - hold your palm across your forehead; you can also bring in healing colors if this feels right to you; 2) gently tap the tips of your fingers just over the middle of your eyebrows; 3) cross your arms and tap the tips of your fingers on either side of your sternum.

Finally, check out Donna Eden's 5-minute energy routine on YouTube. It's a great way to start your day and get your energies all flowing properly. This also helps with anxiety.

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That's what confuses me, i can go to the store without a problem, talk to strangers with no problem, but Dentists, good looking girls, new places, and crowds get me very anxious, but after i get sick from it it's like i was never nervous in the first place.

In school i was well liked with a few bullies, but nothing too serious, it's mostly anticipation that triggers the anxiety and if i return to that same location or talk to that same person a few days later there's no anxiety so yeah it confuses me.

Loud noises don't bother me at all

Well... That takes care of that hypothesis. Did you have separation anxiety when you were say 6-9 years old?

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Experiencing the blues is how I'm seeing things for you right now and turning things around is what you'll need to do if wanted. Forgetting the spiritual, things staying the same. If you would like to turn things around, not too sure what exactly it is for the field you could find out more about, you'll be needing to discover this field and i'm seeing maybe five months is whenever you should come around to it, whatever it is. Whenever the truth is discovered however, you'll then experience serenity

Other stuff I got was needing a synthesis, a lack of simplecontent - studying and research the facts, condescending=having your dreams come true. if/whenever you turn things around, you will experience growth. not much else I can do to help but that's what I've got for you for right now.

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Anxiety is so horrible. I hope this gets easier for you!

You seem like you give yourself to your lifestyle and have started to want to take it back and do your thing. You know, the first step is to acknowledge that change is needed, which is what it looks like you've done. :)

The best advice I've seen here for you is to put it all on paper, make a mind map. Your wants, needs, current situation, desired future self etc (google mind mapping) it's set up for essays and such but works really well for working out personal issues too.

Your only 29! The world is at your feet!

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I'm 29, jobless, no car, i do however have money coming in from an incident at birth, but i live at home with my mom ( yes i do contribute financially ) it's just i'm afraid to do anything that may flare up the anxiety such as getting involved with a girl, afraid it'll change who i am and have me believe i'm too good to spend time with my siblings because i'd have a girl in my life.

Me and my mom aren't close at all, but for some reason i think if i go out, get a job, get a girlfriend that it'll cause problems, i know i shouldn't be thinking this way with me being an adult and all, but i'm so confused on what to do.

I'm also having a very hard time getting myself to the dentist for procedures because i'm extremely scared of death and whatnot so as you can tell i'm a mess.

P.S. i'm not a bad looking guy, but i can't seem to get girls to notice me atleast i don't think they do.

Dude, you just have got to chill out. Try to relax and you'll be fine. Seriously, for some people, 'herbal' solutions work wonders for anxiety if smo...err...consumed, but that's up to you haha. Anyway, girls like a guy who's confident, sure of himself, but not someone who is self centered. They also like a guy who takes care of himself, is self reliant, and self sufficient. Start to work on yourself one small step at a time and you'll get there. Might take a while, but you'll be better for it, and you'll feel a lot better, women will notice that. Go to a bookstore and start reading self-help, it works. Check out a video on youtube called the secret. When you do get in a relationship, it has to have balance in all things (do not make the other person the center of your world, you are the center of your world), or it will become a mess, took me a long time to figure that one out.

Edited by Spid3rCyd3

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Dude, you just have got to chill out. Try to relax and you'll be fine. Seriously, for some people, 'herbal' solutions work wonders for anxiety if smo...err...consumed, but that's up to you haha. Anyway, girls like a guy who's confident, sure of himself, but not someone who is self centered. They also like a guy who takes care of himself, is self reliant, and self sufficient. Start to work on yourself one small step at a time and you'll get there. Might take a while, but you'll be better for it, and you'll feel a lot better, women will notice that. Go to a bookstore and start reading self-help, it works. Check out a video on youtube called the secret. When you do get in a relationship, it has to have balance in all things (do not make the other person the center of your world, you are the center of your world), or it will become a mess, took me a long time to figure that one out.

Good advice.

"do not make the other person the center of your world" < this makes girls think the guy lacks this > "girls like a guy who's confident, sure of himself". Confidence and self respect go so far for guys when it comes to girls!

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Good advice.

"do not make the other person the center of your world" < this makes girls think the guy lacks this > "girls like a guy who's confident, sure of himself". Confidence and self respect go so far for guys when it comes to girls!

Yeah, I noticed that when I made an ex the center of my world (I had it bad for her, ugh) I stopped hanging out with friends, focused on making her happy, stopped my interest in hobbies (it just happened that way or something) it threw everything off balance and she felt...drum roll, smothered! How many guys have heard that one before? So in the next relationship, I took it easy, even though I loved the new girl, I had to focus more on myself and the things that made me happy. She did the same and we met in the middle, adding balance back worked pretty well.

Edited by Spid3rCyd3
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No, I do not see you with a woman in the near future and I don't need psychic powers to predict that. I don't know any quality women who are interested in dating a a guy who is almost 30, doesn't work, has no car, and lives with his mom. Sorry, but it's the truth. If you aren't already, you should consider seeking professional medical advice and/or counseling help to address your anxiety so you can have a real life. It might be a good idea to solve some of your anxiety and no-job-type issues PRIOR to worrying about getting a girlfriend. Good luck!

Edited by starfire2012

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