My husband and I are done

[moosehead]

Last night he told me he would like to shoot me and then shoot the dogs. He hates them so much. Me too I guess. He is a perfectionist and OCD and probably other things too. Im not saying he is completely at fault here but I do think he just decided one day he didn't want this anymore. I told him to stop marrying people then. (Im the 4th). He is one who wants 100% of attention. Sorry but I have other things to do and that are in my life also. Expects me to come sit beside him and rub his back. Etc. I had 2 back surgeries. Did he do that for me? NO> In fact he made it such a deal that I left after 1 wk. Went to my house (recently sold) with my 3 dogs only after 1 wk of having back surgery. No one to help me. The older dog is blind and had to take her up and down steps to take her outside. It was hard and trying to stand long enough to fix something to eat. Not to mention the pain and pain pills I was not able to take because of this. Again, in his mind they are a burden and cost. Thing is if it wasn't the dogs it would be something else. Think he has more than 1 personality. Anyone out there see my side? I love my dogs. I had them when we met. He thought I would love him so much that I wouldn't NEED the dogs. Don't work that way. He has admitted he was wrong about that. So he changed his mind about us.

Not worth my time. And my heart is not broken anymore. Already been thru all that. But I do dread this 3 day wkend. It will not be fun.

Trying to arrange to leave asap but things just aren't coming together yet. Need help moving and I have none. But I will make it and be better off.

Thanks for all your support and anyone also is welcome to pm me too.

I am so impressed by the responses I have gotten. Guess I am not the only one who understands that love you have for animals. The ironic thing is that I'm having problems finding somewhere to live BECAUSE OF THE DOGS. Of course he pointed that out too.

Seems I am between a rock and hard place but my dogs are staying with me if we have to live in my car!

I am sad about my oldest dog tho. She will have to be put to sleep soon. For now NO and the vet said she will let me know when the time is. So far she hasn't and 20 yrs is a long time to have a best friend. The farm here is beautiful and I wanted to be able to bury her here. Then again now, I don't. I have lost my husband and will loose my best friend soon. So I have to try to be strong. How can I do that>? How can I take her to the vet when she knows where she is and shakes and all knowing I'm there to put her down. Do I hold her while she is put down>? I think it may kill me to do that but in a way I have to. She has always been there for me and I will be there for her til the end. Sorry got myself crying now. Again thanks for the support. I REALLY NEEDED IT.

[libstaK]

Aw Moosehead, I am so sorry your dog has to be put down. 20 years though, is a rich and good life for any dog, she must have been very well cared for to make it to that ancient age in dog years. You need to accept that it is an act of love not to allow them to suffer with no hope of healing (she isn't going to get any younger or less frail at this point).

I've lost pets through illness, accidents (being hit by cars) and old age. I have no regrets with those in my life that died of old age, not even in putting them down because they milked every bit of life there was for their species in their life. It's the ones that passed too soon that I wish had lived a fuller life - it is the natural order and she is reaching her natural time to rest, we can't stop that from coming to pass, only make it peaceful for them by putting them down before the suffering is all consuming for them.

I hope you have better luck in the coming days finding a place and a mover, just keep your eye on your goal and don't be distracted by the little hiccups along the way.

[ThePhantomFlanFlinger]

Never an easy decision to make... ..and they are never with us for long enough.My wife always reminds herself of Rainbow Bridge-you may have heard of it... i'll put a link but if you have then just ignore it..

http://rainbowsbridge.com/

Edited August 30, 2012 by BrianPotter

[libstaK]

Never an easy decision to make... ..and they are never with us for long enough.My wife always reminds herself of Rainbow Bridge-you may have heard of it... i'll put a link but if you have then just ignore it..

http://rainbowsbridge.com/

I hadn't heard of it Brian, and I thank you for the link, how wonderful.

[ThePhantomFlanFlinger]

I hadn't heard of it Brian, and I thank you for the link, how wonderful.

No problem...my wife found it when we lost two of our dogs a few years ago and she always got some comfort from it..,

eta...will say it really did help her..

Edited August 30, 2012 by BrianPotter

[moosehead]

Yes I have a copy too of Rainbow Bridge. It is touching. My girl is not suffering. Or in pain. She is blind and of course some arthritis. I took her to the vet and we talked about when the time comes. After our talk I just did not feel it was quite time yet. She maintains her weight and goes to the bathroom ok. Doesn't seem to be in pain. If she was I would have no problem putting her down. I just think she has a few mts left maybe. She has been the best dog. She is a long haired mini dashchund. I would post a pic but my computer crashed last wk and I lost my pics. I did have a disc so can reload them but finding it now in the stuff packed for moving would be impossible. People used to stop me and ask me what kind of dog she was and comment on how cute she was.

Thanks for your support. Seems everything right now is topsy turvy.

[ThePhantomFlanFlinger]

Yes I have a copy too of Rainbow Bridge. It is touching. My girl is not suffering. Or in pain. She is blind and of course some arthritis. I took her to the vet and we talked about when the time comes. After our talk I just did not feel it was quite time yet. She maintains her weight and goes to the bathroom ok. Doesn't seem to be in pain. If she was I would have no problem putting her down. I just think she has a few mts left maybe. She has been the best dog. She is a long haired mini dashchund. I would post a pic but my computer crashed last wk and I lost my pics. I did have a disc so can reload them but finding it now in the stuff packed for moving would be impossible. People used to stop me and ask me what kind of dog she was and comment on how cute she was.

Thanks for your support. Seems everything right now is topsy turvy.

She'll let you know when its time.....good luck for the future..!

[Ashotep]

I wouldn't do anything until I had to. But when that time comes, choke back your tears and do whats best for her. I wish I had of had my dog put to sleep, she would of been better off, I loved her so much.

[Bendy Demon]

Oh Moosehead..I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through.

After reading all you have said, divorcing the man is the only thing you can do.

When someone makes threats like that to you then you must leave ASAP. No second chances, not in a case like this.

I wish you well.

[moosehead]

Thank you so much. This has helped more than you all know. Each day now is a struggle. I don't even want to get up anymore. Just be glad to get thru this wkend.

[SereneScene]

I like dogs but in a family I would only want one dog max if I have kids and all that, I really dont like when people go too overboard with dogs and place their value higher than family and constantly treating them as if they are humans but still animals are great and loving and deserve respect, the whole bb gun thing is stupid, not sure why he would do that..

[Lilly]

Here's some information why animal abuse is a 'red flag' regarding a person's potential for negative/dangerous behaviour.

http://www.pet-abuse.com/pages/abuse_connection.php

[lizzieboo]

I will be leaving next wk. My husband and I have done nothing but fight since about 2 mts after our marriage. ALL OVER DOGS. MY DOGS. Have 3 and one is 20 yrs old and blind. Now I had 4 when we met. He does not want the dogs in the house. He should have mentioned that from the beginning. But he didn't and seemed all was well. I have always been an animal lover and I stood my ground. He should have been honest with me. I did give one away. And the 20 yr old will not be with me much longer. The other is an Australian Shep. I rescued her from euthanism. She had heart worm and only weighed 23 lbs. Her pic is on my profile.

I divorced my first husband back in the 80's and NEVER wanted to remarry. However, this happened to be a man I had actually went to school with. I left here and was gone for 33 yrs. When I returned we met up and then married.

I can see his point too but I am not willing to get rid of my dogs. He is not worth it. So...I have all my stuff packed and now am just waiting to leave after the Labor Day wkend. Do not want to travel moving then.

I thought this marriage would be for the rest of my life. But I have always said nothing lasts forever.

I hate it has come to this but during these 2 yrs I have also endured 3 surgeries. And he had one too. Things have been against us from the start. I think we could have maybe worked it out but we both are stubborn. This is his 4th marriage. Hmmmm. That should have been a red flag for me! And we rushed in to it too.

I will not miss the arguing or him. I have already gone thru the crying, being down all the time, etc. I am going back home and already have a job lined up so I will be ok. AND WILL HAVE MY DOGS HOWEVER AND WHENEVER I WANT THEM IN MY HOUSE. Never thought it would end this way but I have just had enough. Last night he said "I wish they would all die". He can be mean and I think 2 yrs is enough. Few more days and I will be gone out of this place and back home where I belong. I will be much happier. I don't think I have ever seen this man smile or laugh. You have to have some fun in life and show it. I'm just done. And now I wish I could leave before the holiday. But I just don't have things ready yet. Loose ends to tie up and all.

I know some of you will feel the same about animals as he does. But he actually shot my A Shep w a bb gun. Close range too. He is just mean sometimes. Oh well. Another chapter about to begin in my life. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I am northern bound.

Sweetheart, I admire you deeply for your commitment to your dogs. I have two dogs (a Newfie puppy that my husband gave me last Christmas, and an elderly pug we recently rescued from a puppy mill). I also have three cats, all adopted. When I met my hubby, I had 17 cats (I used to take in lots of strays). He was the first guy who not only wasn't repulsed by all the cats, but actually remembered all their names after only being told once. Oddly, he had the same attitude that your soon-to-be ex has about animals: He didn't want them in the house. But he changed because he cared enough to get to know me, which meant getting to know my cats, too. Five years after we met (three years after we got married), he joined me in volunteering for a feral cat rescue group.

What I'm getting at here is that you are completely in the right. Paul McCartney once said, "You can judge a man's true character by the way he treats his fellow animals." Your dogs love you unconditionally; apparently your estranged husband was not able to learn the lesson of loving unconditionally from them. It's his loss, not yours.

Have faith; I sense a beautiful spirit in your post; you will find a man who cherishes both you and your beloved dogs. And if you ever need to talk, send me a PM. I am always available to lend a sympathetic ear or a crying shoulder to a fellow animal lover.

[Mistydawn]

He sounds like a proper s***. As soon as he had shot at my dog, I would have been out the door and long gone, regardless of any possessions left behind.

Get out and stay out, that's my advise and if you can get ahold of his silly gun.....

[moosehead]

It isn't always so easy to just pick up and leave. But I am trying. Can't do a thing now w the holiday. He is home for 3 days. So far no real arguments or drama. Doesn't mean that can't change in a min. You all have been so nice and will never know how much you have helped me. For awhile I thought maybe I should do whatever it took to keep the marriage. But this is not right. If he really loved me he wouldn't ask me to do this knowing it is the one thing that would hurt me the most.

It has been such a boring day. I layed down to take a nap and awoke with a horrible dream. I was really upset. Now, just sitting here on the computer.

Hope you all are out and enjoying the last holidays of the summer. I am so glad summer is almost over. HERE the heat is awful and I can't stand it. Glad to see cooler weather coming soon.

Please tell me what all you all have done and how your wkends are. Mine sucks right now. Oh well.

Hopefully soon I will be back home and 1 daughter and 1 gdaughter are there and they always keep me laughing. Something I haven't done now in 2 yrs. I guess I need that! Have fun and be safe!

[lizzieboo]

It isn't always so easy to just pick up and leave. But I am trying. Can't do a thing now w the holiday. He is home for 3 days. So far no real arguments or drama. Doesn't mean that can't change in a min. You all have been so nice and will never know how much you have helped me. For awhile I thought maybe I should do whatever it took to keep the marriage. But this is not right. If he really loved me he wouldn't ask me to do this knowing it is the one thing that would hurt me the most.

It has been such a boring day. I layed down to take a nap and awoke with a horrible dream. I was really upset. Now, just sitting here on the computer.

Hope you all are out and enjoying the last holidays of the summer. I am so glad summer is almost over. HERE the heat is awful and I can't stand it. Glad to see cooler weather coming soon.

Please tell me what all you all have done and how your wkends are. Mine sucks right now. Oh well.

Hopefully soon I will be back home and 1 daughter and 1 gdaughter are there and they always keep me laughing. Something I haven't done now in 2 yrs. I guess I need that! Have fun and be safe!

You are very right when you state that it's difficult, often impossible, to just pack up and go. I hope things stay peaceful until you are able to leave.

We ran errands today, and I took Maxim, my Newfie, for two long rambles, one in the woods and one just around the fields across the street. I need to take my camera on tomorrow morning's walk because I saw some wildflowers in the woods that I haven't seen before. I like to photograph wildflowers and then find them online so that I can learn their names and growth info. Oh, I also saw a huge deer this morning. It was a bit funny, because we spotted each other at the same time, and both reacted the same way: We froze and just stood there, 50 yards or so apart, gaping at one another. He came to his senses first, and bolted into the woods. I heard the green heron whose nest is beside the pond across the street, but didn't get to see him today. He IS a beauty, though; I've been blessed to see him several times, gliding just above the surface of the pond.

Tomorrow I'm going to cook a huge pot full of marinara sauce with meatballs and sausage. So we'll either have meatball or sausage parm sandwiches for supper, or big bowls of pasta. I love to cook; it's a sort of therapy for me.

I hope your day is tranquil, hon. Maybe you could do something special for yourself...take your dogs for a nice long ramble, or something like that? Or, if it's too hard for your old dog to walk distances, just let them all hop into bed with you while you read a book. Isn't it great to snuggle in bed with a big pile of dogs?

Hugs til we chat again!

[moosehead]

Well thats pretty much what I did. Took a nap. But had bad dreams. Didn't do much today. Has been a long day and boring. I have so much to do but at a stand still right now.

Sent you a pm I think. Still learning about this site but I do like it. Later. have a great wkend.!!!!

[The Gremlin]

Hope the move is going ok, and that you are now FAR away from that nasty sounding man.

Best Wishes.

[moosehead]

Lizzie I wish I had some of those meatballs and sauce. Sounds so good.!

[moosehead]

Well somehow I got my dogs pic on finally. Don't know whats up with this computer. Anyway, you can't really see her beautiful eyes. They are so blue.

[K_Bonita]

Your dogs will never let you down,put you down or make you feel bad. They will always be there to comfort you and keep you company and happy. I say good for you!.

[+ouija ouija]

Here's some information why animal abuse is a 'red flag' regarding a person's potential for negative/dangerous behaviour.

http://www.pet-abuse..._connection.php

Apologies for going slightly off-topic here, but I feel compelled to comment on this link. The connection between cruelty to animals and cruelty to humans is proven, so where does that leave all the millions of people who condone the mass cruelty to animals bred for food? I see a double standard here: people are queuing up to condemn this guy who has shot at a pet dog, and yet by eating meat and dairy products(I'm assuming most of the posters here aren't vegetarians/vegans), they are directly responsible for millions of animals having miserable lives and cruel deaths. I believe that this callous disregard for the suffering of animals on a daily basis is directly connected to the majority's callous disregard of the suffering of other humans, whether they are the poor in their own country, or 'foreigners' in a country their own country is currently at war with.

[lizzieboo]

Lizzie I wish I had some of those meatballs and sauce. Sounds so good.!

Someday we'll get to meet, and I'll cook a huge pot of marinara sauce and meatballs for you. (We can even set some meatballs without sauce aside for our dogs to enjoy.)

Oh, what a day. It's gray and gloomy looking outside (I haven't been out yet, Max let me sleep for once) but we put the AC on last night because it was hideously humid yesterday, so it's freezing in here!

Hope all is well; I'll check in with you in a while.

[moosehead]

Oh Ms Lizzie, I feel awful this morn. I had another horrible horrible dream. Woke up really upset and crying. Don't know what is up with these bad dreams. Almost every nite now. Today I am supposed to pick my contacts up and again my eyes are swollen.

I did locate my debit card. The bank has it and have to also go pick it up.

The movers finally called but that isn't going to work either. Its a semi. They wait til they have several families going to the same general area. NOPE. Dont want that. So now, my only option is Uhaul. Question is how do I tow my car? I'm afraid of doing it myself. Never towed a car and OMG just so much that isn't going right. My granddaughter has been looking at some places up in Davenport for me. But each day is getting more and more depressing and hard. Seems nothing is working out. I have no one to drive the uhaul and me drive my car.

Last nite with the bad dreams I thought maybe I am loosing it. Kind of don't know what to do now. Or when.

I don't know what to do. I feel like all I want to do is sleep. At least sleeping I'm not in such pain yet the dreams are making it hard to go to sleep.

I am going to stop again today at the uhaul place and check again on all of that. Need someone also to help me load it. I want to go when he is at work. I dont want any goodbyes. Just want to go.

Did you see the pic I managed to post of Krystal? It is small tho and you can't see her pretty eyes.

I will try to give you a call today. I don't want to keep burdening you with all this 'bad crap'. And sometimes I get to crying and can't stop.

The farm here is beautiful and I will really miss that. May get a mobile home but living in a court will be bad compared to this farm. Dogs won't be able to run and have a very very small yard.

I don't even know at this pt if this is what I should be doing. Seems all my life I have made the wrong decisions. Now its like starting over again. I'm afraid, and the anxiety and worry is getting to me.

Have to give my chickens away too. Have a few silkies and kind of got attached to them too. My whole life has gone topsy turvy.

Sorry, very depressed this morn. The love I had has turned to HATE for him for what he has done. He gave me the world and then yanked it away.

Leavin me alone once again. I will try to call you later today when I get back from town. Hope to accomplish something today.

Well once again I really appreciate you and being able to at least talk to someone. I can't stop the tears. Even tho I hate it here in W Tn and do want to go back home I wonder if its the right thing to do. My dogs will be depressed too and won't understand why there is no farm and nowhere to run. I gotta go before the waterfall starts again. Is your name Lizzie?

THANKS SO MUCH. Thanks. Right now I just rather "check out". If you know what I mean.

Hope u and urs are doing well and will catch you later.

[lizzieboo]

A few quick thoughts: Yes, I LOVE the photo of Krystal--she is a beautiful lass!

As for your vehicle, there are agencies that connect drivers who need to get to an area with people who have cars that need to be transported to the same area. Say, for example, Gary and I move to Maine. We hire a Uhaul truck to move our things, and I'll drive that, but that still leaves us with no way to get our car up to Maine because, like you, I don't want to tow it. I would contact one of these agencies and have them put me in touch with a licensed driver who is heading to Maine and needs a car. You just interview the people until you find a driver you trust. (I think the agencies do background checks on both potential drivers and the people whose cars are available for transport.) Just an idea.

Here in the East you can also take an "auto train" from anywhere on the Northeast corridor to Florida. The way that works is that your car is loaded onto a train and transported, and you pick it up at your destination.

Sigh...more later. I'm having problems with my landlord, and have to try to get things sorted out. I adore Gary, but it is very, very hard for me to have to be the head of the household. I am not in the best of health myself, and it's tremendous pressure to care for him, take care of myself and the animals, AND handle the household finances. Sigh.

More later; hugs til then.