Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 6
moosehead

My husband and I are done

102 posts in this topic

This thread should have it's own theme tune, Moosehead. Soap opera style. With "teasers" at the end of each day... "Can Moose survive?... Will Moose meet a new beau... or that serial-killer who lives down the street? Should she have salad or meatloaf for dinner?" *music*

:)

Disclaimer: Written in the spirit of, "If you don't laugh, you'll cry". Best wishes for a bright new future, Moosehead. :)

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Much as I hate to say it I've seen pet issues destroy marriages before, so it's not unheard of and divorce over something like this is no fun at all.

Although, he knew you had pets, he knew how you treated your pets.......and he didn't get it? I stopped dating a lady once because of her relationship with her pets........4 Dachshunds in the bed with us is not my idea of an intimate evening. Then too you had to watch where you walked and I wasn't use to that and God help you if you were doing something on the floor because the curious little buggers would be all up in your stuff. If he knew what your relationship was and he walked into it, then it's on him. I know that doesn't soften the blow but people need to understand when you marry someone with kids, pets, hobbies or crazy family members, or sexual deviancies, then you are marrying into that situation as well. If you can't deal with it then break it off.

I was married for thirty years and the most shocking thing that ever happened to me was when I was served divorce papers at work, completely blind sided and to this day I don't know why. Seriously, I suspect a number of issues, but instead of trying to understand it I just let her go with tears running down my face. Now, some eight years later she's remarried and wants us all to be one big happy family again, for some strange and inexplicable reason. I simply told her that she decided to leave, without talking to me about it or giving me the chance to fix whatever it was. All dramatic, complete with lawyers and police; the least she could do was have the decency to stay gone now.

My heart goes out to you my dear, been there, done that as well. Doesn't matter if it's two years or thirty, best thing in the end is to hold the door open for them and watch then walk out of your life and it's ok to be hurt and upset and everything else, just let them go because they were not worthy of you.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Apologies for going slightly off-topic here, but I feel compelled to comment on this link. The connection between cruelty to animals and cruelty to humans is proven, so where does that leave all the millions of people who condone the mass cruelty to animals bred for food? I see a double standard here: people are queuing up to condemn this guy who has shot at a pet dog, and yet by eating meat and dairy products

It's not a double standard in my mind, maybe yours, but not mine. Why? Because the person who either can not control themselves, or deliberately seek to hurt something be it an animal or person, to relieve themselves of their anger/ fear issues, are simply the walking the definition of what a dangerous individual is. It's about their lack of control and intention. The link is proven that those who take out their crap on animals are more likely to be abusive full stop to anything.

It can result from passive aggressive behaviour as well where the individual deliberate seeks to harm or hurt something connected to the person in order to hurt or disturb or control the person exyternally. In using your understanding of the situation, perhaps in a twisted sort of way if someone was with a known vegan, and knew that eating meat would upset/trigger them, then passive/aggressive behaviour would see fit to make that person deliberately eat meat infront of the vegan as a direct show of defiance, trolling, with the intention to disturb them. It's that intention in such individuals that society deems cruel.

Nowadays nobody directly kills their food, or very few do and when animals are bred and selected for our food chain, they are not exactly being beat by crazy passive aggressive maniacs who's only intention is to let off. When animals are killed for food the intention is for food supply - and when someone eats an animal, the intention is for food, feeding. This is all about intention at the end of the day. There is a major major difference in the intentions.

Anyway to the OP all the best to you with your move.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Moosehead,

It seems to me with all your issues and stress in finding a moving solution that maybe you are biting off too much at once - perhaps you can ultimately get all you want by taking smaller steps?

For instance, do you have a "self storage" depot withing 50-100 miles from your current home?

If so, you could consider renting it for your furniture for a month - or even a few/3 to 6mths. This way you could find a local removalist who could carry your stuff for you and manage the move out of the house in one day to the self storage instead of accross country.

You could take your personal effects, incl the animals (hopefully they will fit and you have a home in mind for your chickens?). If you don't already have an air mattress and sleeping bag, get one. Move yourself back home to L.A. and into a new place - you now have a place to sleep, your clothes and immediate personal effects and have taken your car with you.

You can call the company with the Semi and have them notify you when they are ready to move cross country and then arrange to meet them back at the self storage or maybe the depot will accept a letter of authorisation from you for the movers to collect your stuff?

If you find yourself in no real hurry after the initial move to get the stuff now safely stored, you could arrange a furniture rental for 3 to 6 months so you feel completely settled or if you are sufficiently cashed up, some second hand furniture purchases might be cheaper than moving your stuff in the short term until you are sure where you will permanently reside.

Anyway, it's food for thought and may not be as complex to arrange a big u-haul move on your own, with only the discomfort of not having your furnishings with you immediately as a penalty - but they will be out of the house and away from him which will save you dealing with him after you leave.

Good luck with the move, however you end up going about it.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

moose... are you looking for me..maybe you need to use your flashlights

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Moosehead,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Your husband sounds like a psychopath, someone who only cares for himself and has no feelings for other living beings.

When I married my husband, I had ten cats. He didn't like cats BUT he loved me. Now I have 20 beloved rescue cats and he is very kind to all of them.

I wish I could help you with your moving. You do have my emotional support. You are doing the right thing.

Stay safe and keep posting so we know you are safe.

joan+20

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to clear one thing up. Its not LA its Iowa. Ia. Moved from Tn back to Ia. I got here last wk. It was so good to get home. That part has made me very happy. I have been extrememly busy tho trying to find a job and a place. Need job before a place. No one will accept me w/o a job. The dogs have not been a problem being accepted.

I am stressed and worried however it is good to get out of Tn. I took a big chance here and am worried. I have several apps in tho for both a place and a job.

Thanks for all your concern. I have talked to him but only about important stuff like the insurance etc. I have not cried and when I left I did not look back nor cry.

Had to see an eye Dr tho. One of my eyes had bad broken blood vessels. He said it ws most likely the hi blood press or diabetes. Its not easty to stay on your diet when you have to eat out.

I always loved Ia. And the feeling now is FREE BIRD!

Wish me luck in finding a job and a place cause I can't keep staying at a motel. Money going fast that way.

I have worked in Humane Soc. before and donated. I am aware of the cruelty to animals being a problem in people as some will be serial killers etc. He just hated them because they shed. One does anyway and she is the one he hated most.

I am so happy to be back home but the cloud over me now is getting a place and job.

Hope all of you are well and thanks again for all the comments and help.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One thing is for sure ! A Good hug now and then really Helps out any case of pain! :tu:

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish you luck. I know it's not easy or quick finding a job. I'm not from that area so I don't know anyone there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well being back "home" is wonderful! I feel great as far as that is concerned. Getting a job and a place is going to be harder. Need a job first to be able to get a place. Hoping to hear something today but still going out and putting in applications just in case I don't.

I was supposed to hear on Fri however I didn't. The wkend has been long waiting til this morn to see if anything happens.

Has been beautiful weather here. And driving around the area has been great. I really like Iowa and don't want to have to return to Tn. ever.

I just need something to happen TODAY!

Was out walking the dogs and I saw 2 flocks of geese flying south. And also saw a prairie dog. But there are no poisonous snakes or spiders here. I was so afraid of snakes there. All kinds. And copperheads and cotton mouths and I am terrified of snakes.

Anyway guys please wish me luck today! I sure do need some good luck and FAST! Thanks for helping to keep me sane. Ha

M00SE SAGA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Moosehead, sorry 'bout the mix up with Ia and LA - didn't know Ia stood for Iowa tbh - blame it on Aussie ignorance (just on my part, I'll bet I could a been corrected by a local just as easily).

Glad you made the move and feel free. I wish you well job hunting, I know the feeling when you are waiting for something to come through and it feels like you just can't get a bite but I trust in your tenacity and you have proven you have it in spades, something will come your way at least your emotional space has some room to recover and that is a good thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I finally got a place. So yesterday we were able to move everything in and get the UHaul back. I feel a little better now. But what a mess I have to clean p and put away. Shopping too and still running around tcb.

I am still very tired. This thing has bout killed me. But there is too much to do.

How is everyone? Doing ok?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Moosehead,

So glad things are falling into place for you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

joan+20

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you spay/neuter. You must be an animal lover too. My dogs are interested in the newness of it all but I have to chain them outside to go potty. They were used to the farm and could run. They don't understand I dont' think.

But they have been so good and seems they know that changes have to come about.

Thanks again. You have all been so kind and helped me so much get thru this.!!!!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think this is a good time to remind you to keep your wits about you the next time a man asks you to marry him. You say you swore you would never get married again after your first marriage, then you 'rushed into' a second marriage to a man who had already been married three times. Give yourself(and your animals), a break!

If you do consider marriage again, then for goodness sake make it absolutely clear to the prospective partner how you envision married life on a daily basis, then listen very carefully to how he thinks things will be. Then, and only then, make your decision.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think this is a good time to remind you to keep your wits about you the next time a man asks you to marry him. You say you swore you would never get married again after your first marriage, then you 'rushed into' a second marriage to a man who had already been married three times. Give yourself(and your animals), a break!

If you do consider marriage again, then for goodness sake make it absolutely clear to the prospective partner how you envision married life on a daily basis, then listen very carefully to how he thinks things will be. Then, and only then, make your decision.

Well, yeah. But I think from what moosehead said that this particular man has psychopathic tendencies. Psychopathy are extremely charming and sincere when they want something. Sometimes what they want is total control.

He may start trying to get her back now.

joan+20

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are still talking but neither of us has even brought up getting back together or anything like that. I am happier now. No fighting and crazy stuff. It wasn't just about the dogs. As I told him if I had no dogs it would be something else. I am kind of head strong and he is too. We both just butted heads all the time.

As I had gone to school with him and kind of knew him and his family I thougth I had found 'THE ONE". But within 2 mts I even thought then I had made a mistake. But the marriage seemed to mean more to me than him. I thought it would be forever. I thought he was the one I needed for the rest of my life.

Thats what I get for thinking HUH?

NO I will not go back there. The only thing there for me is my grave plot next to my Daddys. Maybe then.

It is a horrible place to live. HORRIBLE.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

even so your first love is always the strongest.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's good to know that you are out of that abusive relationship. Your most recent post worries me, however, in that making statements such as "we're both headstrong," as well as comments about having been in school with him and thinking he was "The ONE" implies that you are starting to make excuses for his behavior. As a former volunteer at a center for abused women, I recognize statements like that. Once the abused woman has escaped from her abuser, the difficulties of starting a whole new life cause her to feel a degree of nostalgia for her old life--especially, her relationship with her abuser. All of a sudden, he's not such a bad guy after all. All of a sudden, it's as much your fault as it is his.

Nine times out of ten, women who make excuses for their abuser end up going back to him. And the abuse starts all over again. Oh, sure, they're contrite and apologetic at first...but if you really listen to what they are saying, even in their "apologies" they're making statements along the lines of "I'm so sorry for what I did to you but I couldn't help myself because you made me so angry." See where this is going? He isn't really apologizing to you, nor is he taking responsibility for his own behavior--rather, he's blaming you for making him angry enough to abuse you! That thought--that "she made me do it" then starts preying on his mind...and his anger grows: "Why does she keep making me angry this way? Why won't she just do what I say?" And guess who bears the brunt of his inability to control himself? YOU.

I would strongly suggest that you seek counseling from a professional who works with abused women and understands the thought processes that such women engage in. You need to figure out why you entered into a relationship when, by your own admission, you knew the guy hated dogs and had control issues. Forget about him; he'll either wake up or he won't. Given your remarks about his multiple marriages, my guess is he won't. He'll just keep right on preying on women who, for some reason known only to themselves, tolerate being victims.

Just don't let his next victim be you. Again.

Edited by lizzieboo
2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like cohabitation before marriage could have prevented a messy & expensive divorce! Best of luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's some information why animal abuse is a 'red flag' regarding a person's potential for negative/dangerous behaviour.

http://www.pet-abuse..._connection.php

That is so true... I personally could not trust anyone who can find it easy to torture and even kill a defenceless animal... Red flags would be up all over the place ...

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyone who cannot see the nobility of an animal can never find it in a person.

Especially themselves.

Edited by Dr. D
6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are still talking but neither of us has even brought up getting back together or anything like that. I am happier now. No fighting and crazy stuff. It wasn't just about the dogs. As I told him if I had no dogs it would be something else. I am kind of head strong and he is too. We both just butted heads all the time.

As I had gone to school with him and kind of knew him and his family I thougth I had found 'THE ONE". But within 2 mts I even thought then I had made a mistake. But the marriage seemed to mean more to me than him. I thought it would be forever. I thought he was the one I needed for the rest of my life.

Thats what I get for thinking HUH?

NO I will not go back there. The only thing there for me is my grave plot next to my Daddys. Maybe then.

It is a horrible place to live. HORRIBLE.

Moosehead,

Is he saying he is sorry? Is he justifying his actions. Do you feel he is trying to make you take the blame? Stay strong.

joan+20

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's good to know that you are out of that abusive relationship. Your most recent post worries me, however, in that making statements such as "we're both headstrong," as well as comments about having been in school with him and thinking he was "The ONE" implies that you are starting to make excuses for his behavior. As a former volunteer at a center for abused women, I recognize statements like that. Once the abused woman has escaped from her abuser, the difficulties of starting a whole new life cause her to feel a degree of nostalgia for her old life--especially, her relationship with her abuser. All of a sudden, he's not such a bad guy after all. All of a sudden, it's as much your fault as it is his.

Nine times out of ten, women who make excuses for their abuser end up going back to him. And the abuse starts all over again. Oh, sure, they're contrite and apologetic at first...but if you really listen to what they are saying, even in their "apologies" they're making statements along the lines of "I'm so sorry for what I did to you but I couldn't help myself because you made me so angry." See where this is going? He isn't really apologizing to you, nor is he taking responsibility for his own behavior--rather, he's blaming you for making him angry enough to abuse you! That thought--that "she made me do it" then starts preying on his mind...and his anger grows: "Why does she keep making me angry this way? Why won't she just do what I say?" And guess who bears the brunt of his inability to control himself? YOU.

I would strongly suggest that you seek counseling from a professional who works with abused women and understands the thought processes that such women engage in. You need to figure out why you entered into a relationship when, by your own admission, you knew the guy hated dogs and had control issues. Forget about him; he'll either wake up or he won't. Given your remarks about his multiple marriages, my guess is he won't. He'll just keep right on preying on women who, for some reason known only to themselves, tolerate being victims.

Just don't let his next victim be you. Again.

Lizzieboo,

You are so right. My favorite excuse is "I love you too much".

joan+20

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like cohabitation before marriage could have prevented a messy & expensive divorce! Best of luck.

Been there, done that, didn't work. Something about getting married changes the people who are interested in control. It's like they won and can treat you anyway they want.

joan+20

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 6

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.