Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 6
moosehead

My husband and I are done

102 posts in this topic

When one marries, they marry the family as well...if you don't like the family...don't marry into it! And dogs...are family!

Good luck...you will be better off without the guy! :yes:

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Been there, done that, didn't work. Something about getting married changes the people who are interested in control. It's like they won and can treat you anyway they want.

joan+20

:( scary! What are the best ways to figure out if a SO is interested in control? Does this battle for control suddenly manifest itself after marriage or are their some warning signs beforehand?

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are always warning signs...control freaks don't suddenly become control freaks...but the chemical reaction in our brains that we call...Being in Love...often clouds the truth of much.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know you are all right. Like I said we do still talk but let me give you an example... I told him about Krystal getting off her chain and chasing a rabbit. And that I fell running after her. His respnse was " That POS is going to kill you".

No he will never change and neither will I. He knows now I am home and I like it too much and I am happy to be free with my dogs. However I hate to see them chained. After being on the farm and could run all over they do not understand why they are having to be chained. I am sorry I have sort of taken their lives from them. No farm to enjoy or be free on but they are so close to me and seem to understand. Yet they are bored. I just haven't had time yet to take them walking or do anything with them.

I was in a real abusive relationship back in the 80's so I know the signs. I also know that anyone who does not have a soft place for animals are usually controlling people or at least tell me a lot about them. As I said he lied to me about that. How he loved dogs and all. He also told me he wasn't seeing anyone and he was. So he could have been honest up front and this would never have came to this pt.

I love animals. They have to depend on you for their food and water and love. He should accept me for who and what I am. And not constantly find fault in everything and then blame the dogs somehow everytime.

I am much happier. The dogs aren't tho. They miss the farm. I was single many yrs and faced many mountains and somehow I always got thru it. And I will this time too.

I don't cry anymore. I don't miss him. I have told him before that I didn't like him. I did cry some when K got off her chain and got back inside. I feel awful that they can not go free on the farm. Krystal is an Australian Shephard and they need a lot o room to run. I have taken that from them. But you know what? They still are beside me, love me and that part has not changed and won't.

Don't know if I mentioned it but in Tn. and esp. in W Tn there are huge problems with animal abuse and many puppy mills. To give you an idea of the mind set of people go to the Dresden Tn Forum. There is a case there that drew nat. attention. These 2 should be shot for what they did. The punishment even if it is the max. won't be enough.

Please read some o it and let me know what you think.

This kind of stuff happens a lot there and several counties' humane societies have closed down. No support of any kind. They just don't care.

Well guys thanks again. I always feel so much better after reading your posts. I don't think there has been one single person that has been mean. You all have supported me and I feel even if I don't know you I do get some support to trudge on.

Thanks and I really appreciate you all!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:( scary! What are the best ways to figure out if a SO is interested in control? Does this battle for control suddenly manifest itself after marriage or are their some warning signs beforehand?

Sometimes there aren't any warning signs that sane people can see. And these signs are scary. Beware if your love interest is too perfect. They can be totally charming and agreeable. Real people in relationships have disagreements and bad days. How disagreements are handled is the true test of a good marriage partner.

And things are always on a continuum. From kinda sorta would like control to total domination.

joan+20

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are always warning signs...control freaks don't suddenly become control freaks...but the chemical reaction in our brains that we call...Being in Love...often clouds the truth of much.

Joc,

You are so right. "Being in love" chemicals are some of the strongest most pleasurable in our bodies. Who can resist that? I never have been able to.

joan+20

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"I am much happier. The dogs aren't tho. They miss the farm. I was single many yrs and faced many mountains and somehow I always got thru it. And I will this time too.

I don't cry anymore. I don't miss him. I have told him before that I didn't like him. I did cry some when K got off her chain and got back inside. I feel awful that they can not go free on the farm. Krystal is an Australian Shephard and they need a lot o room to run. I have taken that from them. But you know what? They still are beside me, love me and that part has not changed and won't."

Moosehead,

YOU didn't take anything from your dogs ! That insensitive cruel man took the farm away from them ! Now they are safe from him. You can't put a price on that. You will get settled and have more time for walks. Maybe there are dog parks in your area? If you're happier, then your dogs are happier. And they knew he didn't like them and they probably thought it was their fault.

joan+20

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yea I have been so busy and today will be another busy day running around. I still haven't changed license and registration, get key for p.o. box and bank and groceries I haven't had time to buy yet either.

The car had to have a new battery so between that and the tire I lost about a day or 2 doing that. The dogs are being good but I can tell they do not understand. Yes there is a pretty lake here. Hoped to take them walking before it gets too cold.

I still haven't gotten a job and now that is worrying me.

But when I lay my head on the pillow I am at peace. No more gripping about everything and the dogs, the dogs the dogs.

My daughter came yesterday and helped me awhile. So that always helps. Still have so so much to do. I knew this would be a hard move but so much running around I can't get stuff done here.

I am up early to get an early start this morn. Being construction all over that too is a problem with traffic.

I also want to get my hair done. It has looked awful and kept it tied up most of the time while moving. Need a new style. And a color job. Ha.

Also have to buy some salt and a sno shovel. OMG shoveling snow. Hate it. But I do love the snow better than 125 degree heat indexes.

I do not miss there at all! Don't miss him. NOTHING to miss. I just need a couple wks to get things in order and hopefully find a job and get back on track with my life and my dogs.

Guess I was destined to just be alone. But I once told a friend of mine that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Don't feel lonley at all. Need a break and do not want to date or anything. Just move on.

I dread all the stuff I need to do today. Too much. Wow. Can't stop running.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You will get a job and everything will come together then you will be able to relax some.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello All,

Well things are slowing down a bit. Got most everything taken care of. Can;t believe how much there was to do and the running around I had to do. Now I'm gonna stay home a couple days and try to organize the place.

Been trying to reach the man that I need to talk to about this job. Seems he won't 'get to the application'. Gonna try again today.

Have to get a job soon.

How is everyone? Hilander I haven't talked with you for awhile. Think you are the one with the bull. Right?

Keep in touch everyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello All,

Well I got a job yesterday and start Oct 8th. I was happy to find a job and something I do like doing but now I am little scared I guess. I haven't worked for about 7 yrs and they have 10 hr days for 4 days a wk. Think thats gonna kill me. Ha. My puppies will be alone all day and I hate that. Won't be getting out much at all and with winter coming it won't be much either. I hate that I have to have them chained on a 15 to 20 ft leash when they were used to going free. They are doing real good tho.

Its an electronics assembly plant. I have done that kind of work before and liked it. This is a small co and only about 30 employees. He took me thru a tour and the strange thing is that it was so quiet in there you could hear a pin drop. NO ONE was talking. NO radios. NOTHING and it was HOT as Hell in there. It was a nice cool day and still very hot and stuffy in there. I don't do well with heat and hated it in Tn. Hope they just hadn't opened a door or something. Plus you have to wear a smock. Why I don't know. I have had sev. of these jobs and never had to wear a smock. Seems silly for so few people.

I will give it a go tho and hope it works out. Know I can't be so picky but I am diabetic and have sweating spells if my sugar levels are off and I need air.

Anyway I'm sure this is not the end of the moosehead saga. Ha so stay tuned..... LOL.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congratulations on the new job moose... im sure you will do just fine!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello All,

Well I got a job yesterday and start Oct 8th. I was happy to find a job and something I do like doing but now I am little scared I guess. I haven't worked for about 7 yrs and they have 10 hr days for 4 days a wk. Think thats gonna kill me. Ha. My puppies will be alone all day and I hate that. Won't be getting out much at all and with winter coming it won't be much either. I hate that I have to have them chained on a 15 to 20 ft leash when they were used to going free. They are doing real good tho.

Its an electronics assembly plant. I have done that kind of work before and liked it. This is a small co and only about 30 employees. He took me thru a tour and the strange thing is that it was so quiet in there you could hear a pin drop. NO ONE was talking. NO radios. NOTHING and it was HOT as Hell in there. It was a nice cool day and still very hot and stuffy in there. I don't do well with heat and hated it in Tn. Hope they just hadn't opened a door or something. Plus you have to wear a smock. Why I don't know. I have had sev. of these jobs and never had to wear a smock. Seems silly for so few people.

I will give it a go tho and hope it works out. Know I can't be so picky but I am diabetic and have sweating spells if my sugar levels are off and I need air.

Anyway I'm sure this is not the end of the moosehead saga. Ha so stay tuned..... LOL.

Hi Moose,

Glad you got a job but the working conditions sound grim. Keep on looking for a more comfortable job while you are working at the one you got. I'm diabetic type 1 and I have trouble regulating my internal temperature. Be careful of heat strokes.

Might as well keep looking for a house to rent with a fenced yard for your furkids too.

Has what's-his-face been calling?

joan+20

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yea I do have some concerns about that. Seems there was NO air in that place at all. I wonder why it was so hot in there and it was a cool day, plus everyone was so quite you could hear a pin drop. Anywhere else I have worked in this kind of work we had radios or would talk amoung ourselves. Seemed strange. However the pay in pretty good and all so will try it. Its a long day tho and my babies will be shut up for about 11 hrs before I get home and then will be so tired I will go to bed shortly after.

Yes I have been talking to "whats his name". still he blames me and its all YOU said that or YOU do this. YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

My goodness. Yet he also says that if I need to come back or want to I can. :td: to what? Your bs?

Oh well I just take one day at a time and see what happens.

Having diabetes you know you have to eat small amts several times a day. This work place has 2 breaks and one lunch break. Don't know how I will be ablle to monitor and eat as I need to. I didnt' see anyone snacking either. Seemed so odd. Its bothering me.

Guess I will see. If it doesn't work out there are other jobs here. However their insurance sounds pretty good.

Thats important too. But leaving the heat of Tn was a plus too. I just couldn't stand that heat. Have to have air of some kind. And usually keep it cold in the house. My kids freeze when they come. The older I get the worse that gets too.

I am a bit afraid of this job and what it may be like. I guess I am a bit afraid period. Its been 7 yrs since I have worked. NOT gonna be easy.

Well today I have to go get groceries. I still haven't done that. Have to today. Hope you all have a great day and will check back with you later.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yea I do have some concerns about that. Seems there was NO air in that place at all. I wonder why it was so hot in there and it was a cool day, plus everyone was so quite you could hear a pin drop. Anywhere else I have worked in this kind of work we had radios or would talk amoung ourselves. Seemed strange. However the pay in pretty good and all so will try it. Its a long day tho and my babies will be shut up for about 11 hrs before I get home and then will be so tired I will go to bed shortly after.

Yes I have been talking to "whats his name". still he blames me and its all YOU said that or YOU do this. YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

My goodness. Yet he also says that if I need to come back or want to I can. :td: to what? Your bs?

Oh well I just take one day at a time and see what happens.

Having diabetes you know you have to eat small amts several times a day. This work place has 2 breaks and one lunch break. Don't know how I will be ablle to monitor and eat as I need to. I didnt' see anyone snacking either. Seemed so odd. Its bothering me.

Guess I will see. If it doesn't work out there are other jobs here. However their insurance sounds pretty good.

Thats important too. But leaving the heat of Tn was a plus too. I just couldn't stand that heat. Have to have air of some kind. And usually keep it cold in the house. My kids freeze when they come. The older I get the worse that gets too.

I am a bit afraid of this job and what it may be like. I guess I am a bit afraid period. Its been 7 yrs since I have worked. NOT gonna be easy.

Well today I have to go get groceries. I still haven't done that. Have to today. Hope you all have a great day and will check back with you later.

I wish you the best of luck with your new job. I hope it will be easier than it sounds.

I keep our house very cool. I can't control my inner temperature as well as I could when I was younger. I read being diabetic has something to do with that too.

What's-his-name sounds kind of arrogant, " he also says that if I need to come back or want to I can" Maybe the begging and promises to change will come later.

If he promises to go to couple's therapy with you, would you consider it?

joan+20

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes we have talked about me coming back and doing some kind of therapy. I am not sure I want to at this pt. I am happy here and I can tell by talking to him, he has not changed.

I want to continue on this course and see what happens. He just wants someone to take care of his everyday needs. Not a wife. I used to tell him I am not June Cleaver.

Today my daughter and I and granddaughter are going to get our pics made together. 3 generations. Will be awesome. Prob go shopping a little and have lunch.

I am looking forward to it a lot. I got a Smart Phone yesterday and I am NOT as smart. Ha. My gdaughter is showing me more about it. So everyone have a great day and wil catch you later.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes we have talked about me coming back and doing some kind of therapy. I am not sure I want to at this pt. I am happy here and I can tell by talking to him, he has not changed.

I want to continue on this course and see what happens. He just wants someone to take care of his everyday needs. Not a wife. I used to tell him I am not June Cleaver.

Today my daughter and I and granddaughter are going to get our pics made together. 3 generations. Will be awesome. Prob go shopping a little and have lunch.

I am looking forward to it a lot. I got a Smart Phone yesterday and I am NOT as smart. Ha. My gdaughter is showing me more about it. So everyone have a great day and wil catch you later.

Oh, I wouldn't move back in with him until after a bit of counselling How far do you two live apart? Can he come to your town for appointments? That would be a good test to see how serious he is about changing.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, I wouldn't move back in with him until after a bit of counselling How far do you two live apart? Can he come to your town for appointments? That would be a good test to see how serious he is about changing.

I wouldn't move back in with him period! And you don't need counseling Moosehead...you are doing fine...you know your own heart and your own gut. And most importantly...people do NOT change..that is a myth...people will change like a camelion to get what they want...but they never, ever, not in a thousand million years change...ever!

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yea I know. We are now about 500 miles apart. He wants me to come back and try counseling. But I have thought a lot about it. I think I gave in and tried already. I told him if I ever got out of there I would never come back. I am facing some diffucult problems tho w my health and other things too. I don't know if I will be able to do this job. have had trouble for sev mts with my eyes getting blurry and esp. one. And after looking down like reading or being on the computer and I look up It takes forever for my eyes to clear up. I do have diabetes and that is off I am sure. But have been to 2 eye drs and they can't see anything wrong. Goin to today to a dentist to see if it is a tooth.

Sometimes my eyes are so blurry and will not clear up at all. Getting old I guess is a big part of that. But something is not right and don't even know what kind of Dr to go to to see about it.

I don't think at this pt I want to go back. I hated it there in Tn. I feel so much better just being home. I know how men promise this and that. I doubt counseling would help anyway. And he works 12 plus sometimes hrs a day. When is he gonna have time to go for counseling?

And he still doesn't want Krystal. Wants me to leave her here w my daughter. I wouldn't mind that but she is the one closest to me now. Pickles will have to be put to sleep soon and Minnie is 'his' dog. She loves him to death and he does her. Odd. She would ride the tractor with him or run in the fields as he bushhogged. She misses that now a nd so does K. Krystla needs a farm to roam and run on. NOt like this. I have about 12 ft of yard so that is awful for them.

Supposed to start this job tues. and not near ready to. Need to get in some Drs appts. etc.

Anyway how is everyone today? I have some new posters I see. Thanks and hello.

This is one nice site. I really like it and my 'friends' on here have been a lot of support and help.

Welcome

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would like to emphasise what joc says; people may make the effort to change for a short while until they get what they want, then they will slip right back to being their old selves. This means you should take absolutely no notice of declarations about 'Give me another chance ..... everyone deserves a second chance, don't they?'. Notice how that second phrase attempts to make you out to be a bad person if you don't give a second chance? If you go back to him that is as good as saying 'Your behaviour is OK, it is acceptable. I am the one who is wrong because I am the one who moved out'.

Regarding your eyesight: do you eat stuff with sugar in it? (This would include fruit & fruit juices). Because if you do, that could be making your eyes blurry. I have had this problem occasionally(I have diabetes), and my optician told me that it wouldn't show up in an eye test if I hadn't had any sugar in the previous 24hrs(he made a definite connection between the blurriness and eating sugar).

I'm concerned about your dogs ...... is there someone who could take them out while you were working, even if only for a short time? Might be a good way to make friends in your new neighbourhood. Do your dogs howl when left alone? If they do, you might find yourself in trouble with your neighbours ........ better to get in first and try to head off the problem before it starts. Good luck.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The only thing I agree with is the counseling issue. He needs counseling, but sweetie, so do you. The reason you need counseling is to find out why you would even entertain the notion of returning to a man who threatened to shoot your dogs.

I wrote before about having done volunteer work at a center for abused women. I heard it all from both sides, and 100% of the time the man blamed the woman. Far too often, the women agreed! I couldn't believe it when I heard these women making excuses for men who had brutalized them mentally and physically.

If I left an abusive relationship and stayed in touch with the abuser, and he told me that his abuse was my fault, I'd say, "Know what? You're right. It was my fault for putting up with your crap as long as I did. I need to get some counseling to find out why I am attracted to a**holes like you. Thanks, pal, for the one and only good thing you ever did for me: helping me see that I need to avoid creeps like you like the plague you are."

No one here can help you if you are seriously considering returning to that man. To be honest with you--and this is harsh, but it's my honest feeling--I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your dogs, whom you say you love but are willing to put in harm's way by taking them back into a situation where they will, more than likely, end up being shot.

Edited by lizzieboo
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No one here can help you if you are seriously considering returning to that man. To be honest with you--and this is harsh, but it's my honest feeling--I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your dogs, whom you say you love but are willing to put in harm's way by taking them back into a situation where they will, more than likely, end up being shot.

Being cruel to be kind ........ I agree with what Lizzie says. IF you go back, leave the dogs behind(in a good place, obviously). But, I'm willing to bet that if you go back, minus the animals, he will find something else to kick off about! It could be you having a shot fired in your general direction next time. Not sure if this has been mentioned further back in this thread or not: people who are cruel to animals sooner or later also turn to being cruel to people too.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I have no intention to go back. He has not changed and won't. I just feel bad that my dogs are so restrained now. And K has broken a 3rd collar. But like I said I am happier just being home. When I go out to do things I feel so much better. Its been about 5 or 6 yrs since I cm here to visit. Things have changed a lot. But I found a job and a place which I don't think he thought I could do. I told him I was a survivor and would make it.

He only wants someone to do his laundry and dote on him constantly. He asked me if I was coming back and I said no. That he hasn't changed and never will.

Just being home helped my depression a lot. I still worry so much about everything but that is me. I am a worrier.

Thanks again. I have just gotten most everything unpacked. The place is looking nice now and I feel like my own person once again. I dont' like to be told what to do in a marriage. I like just being me. Too bad he didn't.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I have no intention to go back. He has not changed and won't. I just feel bad that my dogs are so restrained now. And K has broken a 3rd collar. But like I said I am happier just being home. When I go out to do things I feel so much better. Its been about 5 or 6 yrs since I cm here to visit. Things have changed a lot. But I found a job and a place which I don't think he thought I could do. I told him I was a survivor and would make it.

He only wants someone to do his laundry and dote on him constantly. He asked me if I was coming back and I said no. That he hasn't changed and never will.

Just being home helped my depression a lot. I still worry so much about everything but that is me. I am a worrier.

Thanks again. I have just gotten most everything unpacked. The place is looking nice now and I feel like my own person once again. I dont' like to be told what to do in a marriage. I like just being me. Too bad he didn't.

You sound happy and strong. You are going to be fine. And your furbabies will be fine too. You will see to that.

joan+20

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stay away from him and things will keep on getting better

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 6

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.