Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 1
Dr. D

If the Bible was written today

34 posts in this topic

Yes Professor T, the bible is quite racy...

Yep, lot's of begetting going on.. lol.

reminds me of a poem request in the poets challenge thread..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 

The more I think about it, the more I see the Bible needs more editing especially with the main character. I was talking about how God smacked the Israelites hard (except for Aaron) over the golden calf thing in another thread. He didn't waste any time -- it was "Golden calf? Take this you blasphemous jerks! <BOOM!>"

I remembered that later on in Kings I King Rehoboam built not just one but two golden calves to persuade folks from traveling to Jerusalem which was in control of a tribe he wasn't getting along with. What does God do? Nothing! No plagues or earthquakes or anything. In a related incident, Rehoboam's arm becomes paralyzed but that's it.

A general problem in the Old Testament is how God eventually becomes a background character. In Genesis He's always in their faces. In Exodus He prefers to chat with Moses up on a mountain and only makes appearances to punish people. By 1 & II Samuel, God is like an actor that quit a television series. He sometimes talks directly to people like David but never appears like He used to. For some reason He starts appearing in people's dreams (Solomon) instead of just talking to them directly. Sometimes He doesn't even bother with dreams and sends prophets like Nathan and Gad to deliver messages to important people with no explanation as to how these guys got God's message. It's like they couldn't hire God to make a guest appearance so they hired a guest actor to deliver His lines for that episode.

Not only is it inconsistent but it's confusing. How did the kings know these alleged prophets are really prophets? The whole storyline suffers because God the main character becomes less and less involved with absolutely no explanation.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want a golden calf for my yard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Random events taken from an expanse of history could not be compared to the parting of the sea and manna falling in sufficient quantities to provide for thousands of people for forty years. Those "returning from the dead" didn't do it after being called forth by a messiah. And a man swallowed by a whale? We all know the reputation of sailor stories.

Yes I appreciate that, but my point was that weird thngs happen. It is how ,or to what, they are attributed which makes it interesting. As far as i can ascertain the story about the whale is true. The sailor was quite badly burned by stomach acid. I first read it 40 or 50 years ago.People who believe in god(s) attribute things to them. Those who do not, do not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well you could do what many have done... Edit the bible again..This time take out the weird nonsense and violence it preaches ...Remove all contradictions and wipe out anything in it that is judgemental .and the rules ...... And it would look like this....See below

Genesis chapter one- verse.1 ...... - In the beginning... ....? :P

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It would probably look something like this first verse of "Genesis", at least after the lawyers got a hold of it...

In the beginning (or at some point of time infinitesimally small just prior to the current cycle of this version of the multi-verses probable rapid expansion phase of universe evolution) God* (at least one of a type of supreme being more commonly thought by many to be tied to the Judeo-Christian-Islamic faiths, but not to be considered exclusively so, nor to necessarily be considered as a factual being, but perhaps in some circles – mainly scientific and atheistic circles – to be considered as primal forces of quantum, multi-planer physics) created (or caused to evolve or otherwise develop, through as yet not fully understood use of either other planar powers as yet unknown, quantum physics, multi-dimensional string physics, or divine powers) the heavens and the Earth (which is not to be construed as only creating a spiritual heaven but also every part and particle of the universe in the ‘poetic’ meaning of the word ‘heavens’)”

* Void where prohibted by law.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One more suggestion: more talking animals!

Right now it only has a talking snake and a talking donkey (only one line!). People love talking animals. Give them major parts. Have them perform songs. Kids loved the Davey and Goliath series so it could be a major Pixar blockbuster.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One more suggestion: more talking animals!

Right now it only has a talking snake and a talking donkey (only one line!). People love talking animals. Give them major parts. Have them perform songs. Kids loved the Davey and Goliath series so it could be a major Pixar blockbuster.

They would also probably put in a warm up joke at the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount... Something like "Two Romans, Marcus and Lucius, walked into the Senate the other day. Marcus looked around and saw a couple of horses standing behind a Senator, so he said "Is that horses behind the Senator?" Lucius said "He always has been" ....

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess they would also need a disclaimer especially since it would be under fiction.

it would have to be... Any resemblance between the characters in this book and persons, living or dead, is purely a miracle.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 1

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.