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Professor T

Identifying how people steal your energy

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Control Dramas..

How people control others when they need to be controlled or want to get their own way?

http://www.stopthero....com/Drama.html

These are the 4 ways people steal your energy.

1. POOR ME

The “Poor Me” is a passive-aggressive and the most secretly manipulative of the four styles. This person will portray a false sense of being a victim in order to appeal to another person’s compassion, guilt or obligation through the manipulation of their sympathies.

2. ALOOF

The “Aloof” is just a less passive and manipulative than the “Poor Me,” but more secretive. The “Aloof” approach is to create a vagueness and facade around themselves, forcing an undeserved investment of energy to gain information, commitment and emotion which should normally be shared in a straight-up, direct way.

3. INTERROGATOR

More aggressive but less manipulative than the two passive-secretive types, the “Interrogator” uses this style of drama by evaluating and asking questions with the specific purpose of finding something wrong or corrupt.

4. INTIMIDATOR

“Intimidators” are the most aggressive of the four types. Their presence is well stated and felt and there is a threatening air of danger conveyed from them. They are unpredictable and can threaten, use harsh words and abusive actions uncontrollably. They will demonstrate a capacity for rage or violence.

Also,

If both your parents are Intimidators or Interrogators chances are, you are a Poor me or Aloof.

If both your parent are Poor Me's or Aloof, chances are, you are an Intimidator or Interrogator.

This is from the book "The Celestine Prophecy"

So, discuss...

Edited by Professor T
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I agree 100% with the 4 descriptions, but I don't understand the "steal your energy" part. #1 "Poor Me's" can steal everything from you if they are someone you love or live with or see frequently, imo.

I see now this is under Psychic Abilities, so I wouldn't know about "stealing your energy".

Do you know how many people (percentage of population) fall into one of these 4 categories?

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Good thread, great read. Thanks! I think I can relate to the above and I believe I have come across people of all the four different types... However, I feel that the 'Poor Me' types are the worst. I heavily dislike people who draw on sympathy or use emotional blackmail as a control-tactic.

Having said that, I prefer using humor mingled with sarcasm in a typical situation, let's say an argument or a debate. Often words or sentences with double meanings, plus being extremely sweet and gentlemanly, leaving very little room for a fight-back from the other person, else he/she should end up looking like the bad guy in that picture. When it comes to decision-making involving two or more parties which also includes me, I usually employ bribes in the form of gifts or surprises (or extra affection if the person is my girlfriend or family) to tilt things in my favor. Being super-nice (and still a jerk, but not in a bad way but sort of like Bugs Bunny) works, especially when there are witnesses! :yes:

P.S. - Wow, reading what I just wrote, I realized that I too use emotional blackmail in certain situations. Or rather inflict emotional dilemma on others. The world, it seems, is indeed a mirror... LOL.

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I agree 100% with the 4 descriptions, but I don't understand the "steal your energy" part. #1 "Poor Me's" can steal everything from you if they are someone you love or live with or see frequently, imo.

I see now this is under Psychic Abilities, so I wouldn't know about "stealing your energy".

Do you know how many people (percentage of population) fall into one of these 4 categories?

The poor Me's steal your energy by by creating feelings of guilt and obligation, or a need to appease or conform the person to their desires and beliefs. I think they start down the Poor me path (i guess you'd call it that) from a young age when the child learns that they get their way when they ball their eyes out, stamp their feet, or act all hurt and do what they can to make others feel guilt ridden.. I know someone who is 45 years old, and is a Poor me.. If I tell her anything that she's done or is doing wrong in her life she turns on the whole Poor Me attitude to try to evoke my sympathy rather than dealing with her own problems.. When she turns on this poor me control drama I can feel it trying to drain me. (but more resently, my own energy kind of flares up in defence)

I hummed and haa'd about what section to put this in, because I believe this could equally sit in the Philosophy & Psycology section as well. These control Drama's seem to belong to both sections I think, there's a psycologial aspect in the actions of these control dramas, but overall the underlying intention is Energy thieft.

As far as I know, many people on fall into one or all of these catagories whether we know it or not. Not even sure if a study has been done to determine how many.. I know I can be Aloof if I want to be, I quess that is the product having parents that were Interigator & Poor Me.

Edited by Professor T

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Good thread, great read. Thanks! I think I can relate to the above and I believe I have come across people of all the four different types... However, I feel that the 'Poor Me' types are the worst. I heavily dislike people who draw on sympathy or use emotional blackmail as a control-tactic.

Having said that, I prefer using humor mingled with sarcasm in a typical situation, let's say an argument or a debate. Often words or sentences with double meanings, plus being extremely sweet and gentlemanly, leaving very little room for a fight-back from the other person, else he/she should end up looking like the bad guy in that picture. When it comes to decision-making involving two or more parties which also includes me, I usually employ bribes in the form of gifts or surprises (or extra affection if the person is my girlfriend or family) to tilt things in my favor. Being super-nice (and still a jerk, but not in a bad way but sort of like Bugs Bunny) works, especially when there are witnesses! :yes:

P.S. - Wow, reading what I just wrote, I realized that I too use emotional blackmail in certain situations. Or rather inflict emotional dilemma on others. The world, it seems, is indeed a mirror... LOL.

Tee he, understanding this is the first step to cure.. We have all done this or are still doing this in various degrees or levels.

There are three levels of personal Control Dramas:

Healthy-Driven:

These individuals are aware of their natural style and inclination to control, but instead make a conscious effort to use alternative ways to communicate their needs and desires in a way that supports a healthier interest for those concerned.

Unconsciously-Dangerous:

These individuals employ control dramas and genuinely don’t realize they are victimizing another person by doing so. There is no ill intent here as these individuals come by their styles naturally and unconsciously but may still be considered harmful or dangerous.

Deliberately-Dangerous:

These individuals pose the greatest risk to those they interact with. They have an awareness of their actions but have little regard for the implications. They will rely on a combination of the following styles and tactics to manipulate and control people and situations.

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Interesting! What about manipulators and decievers though? Is there a category for them? I've always believed that if you conduct yourself as a human being, then you ought to be treated like one. The "poor me's" are attention hams, to me. Been around those wackadoodles too many times, they feel like the world owes them everything.

These 4 Control dramas are the manipulators and decievers that people use to get their own way and control people and their energy. Everyone has a natural tendency to rely on a form of control in their dealings with others. It’s within our nature to have these styles and feel inclined to use them in response to real or perceived threats.

The dark side of these control dramas becomes clear when a desire to shape another person’s personal progress, compromise their free will or guarantee a desired outcome, becomes the prime intention for their use.

The trick is, knowing them, being able to identify them.. Once you've got that nailed, no one can really steal your energy because you can name their game, and say "hey, stop playing the Poor me drama. that won't work on me"

The Ultimate trick though, is for people to stop using them at all because they are just manipulators and decievers.

Edited by Professor T

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Control Dramas..

How people control others when they need to be controlled or want to get their own way?

http://www.stopthero....com/Drama.html

These are the 4 ways people steal your energy.

1. POOR ME

The “Poor Me” is a passive-aggressive and the most secretly manipulative of the four styles. This person will portray a false sense of being a victim in order to appeal to another person’s compassion, guilt or obligation through the manipulation of their sympathies.

2. ALOOF

The “Aloof” is just a less passive and manipulative than the “Poor Me,” but more secretive. The “Aloof” approach is to create a vagueness and facade around themselves, forcing an undeserved investment of energy to gain information, commitment and emotion which should normally be shared in a straight-up, direct way.

3. INTERROGATOR

More aggressive but less manipulative than the two passive-secretive types, the “Interrogator” uses this style of drama by evaluating and asking questions with the specific purpose of finding something wrong or corrupt.

4. INTIMIDATOR

“Intimidators” are the most aggressive of the four types. Their presence is well stated and felt and there is a threatening air of danger conveyed from them. They are unpredictable and can threaten, use harsh words and abusive actions uncontrollably. They will demonstrate a capacity for rage or violence.

Also,

If both your parents are Intimidators or Interrogators chances are, you are a Poor me or Aloof.

If both your parent are Poor Me's or Aloof, chances are, you are an Intimidator or Interrogator.

This is from the book "The Celestine Prophecy"

So, discuss...

You think this is metaphysical or psychic though?

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You think this is metaphysical or psychic though?

I think this could quite easily crossover from Metaphysics into the Psychic as it primarily deals with energy.

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Hi,

In my view, those who control your beliefs also control your life.

There are only a few who have taken their self discovery process to the point where they know and are able to live Their Truth. The rest of the population is under the control of those who define their beliefs fot them.

John

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There's only one problem with everyone falling into all of the categories .

Then everyone steals energy ,and its just a vicious cycle.

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There's only one problem with everyone falling into all of the categories .

Then everyone steals energy ,and its just a vicious cycle.

I think to a point this is the case. Humans for the most part are emotionally manipulative beings, but that is also what makes them so easy to manipulate (tapping into Johns post about how who controls your beliefs ego can control your life)

There is various way to put this across - these relationship dynamics basically covers what every human does and at least starts out to do. Another way of viewing it is ego engaging ego, where energy is the currency and control is the desired outcome. Wars can be based on this simple sum. but at the end of the day it is pure ego.

In an alt view, where ego is not the driving force, stealing energy would be replaced with energy exchange. An acknowledgement that humans are able to exchange energy and align themselves to who they are more align with frequency wise, and reject those and the ideas of those who they are less so. Polarities and dualities and what not all feed into this equation.

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The way it is explained in the book, at the first level the control dramas are about controling peoples physical actions.. second level, about controling their emotions, third level, controlling and stealing their energy. (most don't realise the energy part). In every sense, it's about someone or something controling a situation and getting empowered by the use of them. Also, in using control dramas when raising children creates I guess what you would call the viscious cycle of unconsiously teaching it to our young and replenishing the cycle.. But that is not to say that people can't in older life discover this and put a halt to it.

Hmmm, Two people fall in love, their Energies comes together to create the super-dooperness of physical, emotional and energetic force that one gets when they fall in love. All is happy and groovy for a long time, but after a while the couple starts to fight over who is in control over this wonderful energy they share.. The bikering starts, then out come what for most people are the only tools they have for controling and manipulating energy, control dramas, and it's all down hill from there. The battle of Ego's begins, and at stake is the control over the energy they share.

I think that ultimately these control dramas are the cause of all disharmony because they are at their most basic level manipulators and decievers used to steal energy. Once people can identify their own style of control drama they can simply drop it or just stop using them, and more easily identify when control dramas are being used against them and so block that. I guess the alternatives to using control drama's to control others is Truth, Honesty, experiance...

Edited by Professor T

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People steal my energy because they keep demanding things from me and I've about run out of anything to give until they start giving me what I want.

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Lessons about how we let people steal our energy from us would be helpful, or lessons about how to keep people from stealing our energy. IMHO, I think most of us are complicit in letting others suck our energy, we allow it to happen, which is unhealthy for everyone involved.

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Control Dramas..

How people control others when they need to be controlled or want to get their own way?

http://www.stopthero....com/Drama.html

These are the 4 ways people steal your energy.

1. POOR ME

The “Poor Me” is a passive-aggressive and the most secretly manipulative of the four styles. This person will portray a false sense of being a victim in order to appeal to another person’s compassion, guilt or obligation through the manipulation of their sympathies.

2. ALOOF

The “Aloof” is just a less passive and manipulative than the “Poor Me,” but more secretive. The “Aloof” approach is to create a vagueness and facade around themselves, forcing an undeserved investment of energy to gain information, commitment and emotion which should normally be shared in a straight-up, direct way.

3. INTERROGATOR

More aggressive but less manipulative than the two passive-secretive types, the “Interrogator” uses this style of drama by evaluating and asking questions with the specific purpose of finding something wrong or corrupt.

4. INTIMIDATOR

“Intimidators” are the most aggressive of the four types. Their presence is well stated and felt and there is a threatening air of danger conveyed from them. They are unpredictable and can threaten, use harsh words and abusive actions uncontrollably. They will demonstrate a capacity for rage or violence.

Also,

If both your parents are Intimidators or Interrogators chances are, you are a Poor me or Aloof.

If both your parent are Poor Me's or Aloof, chances are, you are an Intimidator or Interrogator.

This is from the book "The Celestine Prophecy"

So, discuss...

What happen when you have to care for a person who's is a poor me as well as a manipulator (actually those two I've noticed appear to be the same) and an interrogator? And the worse part is she's the person who also raised you?

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What happen when you have to care for a person who's is a poor me as well as a manipulator (actually those two I've noticed appear to be the same) and an interrogator? And the worse part is she's the person who also raised you?

ohh hush you know she's an angel and you love her to bits .. don't lie !

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ohh hush you know she's an angel and you love her to bits .. don't lie !

You're still alive ???? without vodka and cigs????

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You're still alive ???? without vodka and cigs????

well it's complicated .. am not at home anymore it gotten ugly but moved temporarly to another place

where there is plenty of cigarettes and vodka too ! the only thing seems to be missing is cash ! ... but am handling :D

so your angel is stealing your energy eh ? come on in that age i don't think you got any energy left in those old bones :P

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Control Dramas..

How people control others when they need to be controlled or want to get their own way?

http://www.stopthero....com/Drama.html

These are the 4 ways people steal your energy.

1. POOR ME

The “Poor Me” is a passive-aggressive and the most secretly manipulative of the four styles. This person will portray a false sense of being a victim in order to appeal to another person’s compassion, guilt or obligation through the manipulation of their sympathies.

2. ALOOF

The “Aloof” is just a less passive and manipulative than the “Poor Me,” but more secretive. The “Aloof” approach is to create a vagueness and facade around themselves, forcing an undeserved investment of energy to gain information, commitment and emotion which should normally be shared in a straight-up, direct way.

3. INTERROGATOR

More aggressive but less manipulative than the two passive-secretive types, the “Interrogator” uses this style of drama by evaluating and asking questions with the specific purpose of finding something wrong or corrupt.

4. INTIMIDATOR

“Intimidators” are the most aggressive of the four types. Their presence is well stated and felt and there is a threatening air of danger conveyed from them. They are unpredictable and can threaten, use harsh words and abusive actions uncontrollably. They will demonstrate a capacity for rage or violence.

Also,

If both your parents are Intimidators or Interrogators chances are, you are a Poor me or Aloof.

If both your parent are Poor Me's or Aloof, chances are, you are an Intimidator or Interrogator.

This is from the book "The Celestine Prophecy"

So, discuss...

This is actually a debate on narcissism and theres two main types.

Defective self-image

These are the interrogators and intimidators you mention. For them parental abuse and neglect led to them developing a defective self-image -

1. They never moved beyond seeing themselves as defective.

2. They are hyper-sensitive to anything which makes them feel defective.

3. Their hyper-sensitivity gives out the impression they're self-absorbed and lacking in empathy.

Whenever this type of narcissist encounters another person who makes them feel defective they try to destroy them or undermine them as a way of making themselves feel better -

1. Violance - The high school bully who beat others up.

2. Destruction - The guy/gal who keys your sports car.

3. Sabotage - The employee who deliberately sabotages others work.

4. Undermine - The employee who tries to find things wrong with other people.

5. Delusion - The one that attaches false attributes to you such as labelling you as a weirdo.

6. Friends - They only allow similar self-defectives to be friends with them.

Self-esteem Seeking

These are the 'poor me' people you mention. For them their parents wrapped them up in so much cotton wool that they never encountered anything to dent their egos -

1. They see themselves as perfect and seek out people who make them feel perfect.

2. They cant cope with anything that destroys their illusion of perfection because they never learnt how.

This type of person seeks narcissistic supply from others which means they like people who make them feel perfect. The 'poor me' attitude is an hidden attempt to get people to provide it. They try to destroy and undermine those who wont supply it -

1. Alienation - They will alienate others that dont provide narcissistic supply.

2. Favourites - Those who provide it become the persons favourites.

3. Friends - Both them and their friends are the type who spend their days kissing each others behinds lol/

Number 1s are dangerous and number 2s will discriminate against you in the workplace unless you provide what they want.

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Lessons about how we let people steal our energy from us would be helpful, or lessons about how to keep people from stealing our energy. IMHO, I think most of us are complicit in letting others suck our energy, we allow it to happen, which is unhealthy for everyone involved.

I think this is the best way to prevent or diffuse these types of attack..

1. POOR ME

Angry confrontation is ineffective as it just perpetuates the victimization and facade by giving the “Poor Me” and their supporters more to justify and fuel to re-enforce the drama.

The best response is to avoid being thrown off balance by their ploys and avoid buying into their guilt. Keep a sense of perspective and emotional distance while maintaining priorities and boundaries. Confront their games and have a clearly stated and firm position. Evaluate the real extent, need or desire that is behind their manipulation and only give the appropriate amount of compassion.

2. ALOOF

These are individuals who are wounded by a perceived betrayal of their expectations. They believe that essentially no one can be trusted fully. After having exchanged trust and intimacy with someone, they may suddenly turn against the very person they were getting close to. The most effective way to deal with this style is by avoiding the defensive behaviors. Indulging their behaviors will only fuel their anxieties, fears, and mistrust. The key is to call the individual on their behavior and underlying fears. Typically, the individual will either admit to the observations or they will take the extreme step of severing the relationship.

3. INTERROGATOR

Don’t be drawn into a never ending cycle of accusations and explanations with the “Interrogator”. This is a tactic meant to perpetuate confusion and uncertainty. Avoid defensive behaviors like cowering back and giving in; recognize that the questioning is a set-up to prove their fears or perceptions. Confront the reasoning or intent behind the questioning. The “Interrogator” will then likely re-frame the questioning in a way that is more genuine to what he or she really needs to know. Don’t surrender to anger or frustration. The key is to be patient, moderate and confidently firm about your integrity and character.

4. INTIMIDATOR

“Intimidators” often attack when others are least able or unwilling to confront them. The best response for dealing with them is to 1) name the game, 2) consider whether the accusations are right and correct and 3) refuse to be knocked “off balance”. Where possible, create distance from the individual to minimize control but stay close enough to know what he or she doing. When the “Intimidator” recognizes that the tactics can’t overcome resolution or haven’t invoked fear, the individual may get uglier and plan a more dramatic move. Patience, control and persistence will eventually outlast the “Intimidator”.

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What happen when you have to care for a person who's is a poor me as well as a manipulator (actually those two I've noticed appear to be the same) and an interrogator? And the worse part is she's the person who also raised you?

hmmmm, tricky..

I quess the first step is to evaluate if the Poor me genuinely needs that time/effort/energy from you.

1. POOR ME

Angry confrontation is ineffective as it just perpetuates the victimization and facade by giving the “Poor Me” and their supporters more to justify and fuel to re-enforce the drama.

The best response is to avoid being thrown off balance by their ploys and avoid buying into their guilt. Keep a sense of perspective and emotional distance while maintaining priorities and boundaries. Confront their games and have a clearly stated and firm position. Evaluate the real extent, need or desire that is behind their manipulation and only give the appropriate amount of compassion.

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This is actually a debate on narcissism and theres two main types.

No, it's actually a debate on Control dramas.

But thanks for your input anyway.

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hmmmm, tricky..

I quess the first step is to evaluate if the Poor me genuinely needs that time/effort/energy from you.

Tell you what over the years I've learned to become quit the manipulator myself ... but just toward that particular person, not anyone else. In fact in any argument, even if I have all the tools to win, I back out. It's my aloofness.

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What happen when you have to care for a person who's is a poor me as well as a manipulator (actually those two I've noticed appear to be the same) and an interrogator? And the worse part is she's the person who also raised you?

Ah, the tyranny of the weak, that's a tough one. It's all take take take on the victim's part, and give give give for the other party. My approach is to try to consistently hold these people capable & competent. To buy into their victimhood causes them harm by reinforcing and validating the victim state. Tell someone often enough that they are capable and competent to make their own decisions, and one of two things will happen. They'll eventually change their way or look for someone else to victimize.

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No, it's actually a debate on Control dramas.

But thanks for your input anyway.

Yes but the cause on their side is narcissism.

To defuse a narcissist you either -

1. Give them their narcissistic supply.

2. Play yourself down and fall into place below them.

3. Wait, take notes about what they say and times and witnesses, then when you have 3 incidences go complain about their attitude.

There is no other way to deal with a narcissist. It takes years of therapy to change them. If you look beyond the apparent behaviour of the four types of people you mentioned you'll see their behaviour is to make them feel good about themselves by using you or eliminating you.

Edited by Mr Right Wing

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