Identifying how people steal your energy

[Amy the Mighty]

Nothing about this is metaphysics. Poor Me, Aloof, Interrogator, Intimidator - these are all styles of learned behaviours, not psychic techniques. Some people never learn how to be responsible for their own emotions, and fall into the habit of demanding that other people feed their need for approval and emotional regulation. These behaviour styles are techniques that these individuals use to trap other people into attending to their emotional dysregulation, and feeding their need for approval. When you're not feeling at your emotional peak, you feel really good when another person authentically engages with you, understands how you're feeling, and acknowledges how you're feeling. For some people who have difficulty emotionally self-regulating, or have limited skills in managing their own emotional state, they aren't able to make themselves feel emotionally "better" when they're down, and they rely, intentionally or not, on the emotional reassurance and attention of others to restore themselves. This inability to manage your emotional state is a characteristic of some personality disorders, and can also be a post traumatic symptom.

When people use these techniques on you, you feel emotionally drained, because when you attend to another person emotionally in a focused and intense way, you are burning a whole lot of kilojoules. It's intellectually demanding because you're processing what they're saying, and intellectually processing your response. Ask emergency service workers, counselors, psychologists - anyone whose work involves close and intense periods of emotional attending to a patient/client, and they will tell you how exhausting it is. It's so exhausting, that in those fields of work, emotional burn-out (emotional exhaustion) can completely incapacitate people. When you burn out, your brain's ability to attend to, and process information, completely shuts down. It is utterly scary, but also a very predictable protective mechanism when you've been overwhelmed with actual and vicarious trauma.

These styles are merely communication techniques that some people use to get other people to manage their emotional state. A lot of the time, the people who engage in these behaviours, don't realise what they are doing, and don't realise that they aren't managing their emotional state in a healthy way. If you notice that someone is communicating with you in a way that makes you manage and pamper their feelings, just be a grown-up and point it out to them. They might deny it, and be embarrassed, but the odds are that no-one's ever told them, and they never even realised it. Whatever you do, don't deny or diminish your own instincts that you're being used to make someone feel happy. There's nothing mystical or magical about it.

[Q-C]

How to deal with the pathological Poor Me manipulator? Don't.

[Paracelse]

Ah, the tyranny of the weak, that's a tough one. It's all take take take on the victim's part, and give give give for the other party. My approach is to try to consistently hold these people capable & competent. To buy into their victimhood causes them harm by reinforcing and validating the victim state. Tell someone often enough that they are capable and competent to make their own decisions, and one of two things will happen. They'll eventually change their way or look for someone else to victimize.

Most of the time she has no one else to victimize

[Professor T]

Yes but the cause on their side is narcissism.

To defuse a narcissist you either -

1. Give them their narcissistic supply.

2. Play yourself down and fall into place below them.

3. Wait, take notes about what they say and times and witnesses, then when you have 3 incidences go complain about their attitude.

There is no other way to deal with a narcissist. It takes years of therapy to change them. If you look beyond the apparent behaviour of the four types of people you mentioned you'll see their behaviour is to make them feel good about themselves by using you or eliminating you.

Nothing about this is metaphysics. Poor Me, Aloof, Interrogator, Intimidator - these are all styles of learned behaviours, not psychic techniques. Some people never learn how to be responsible for their own emotions, and fall into the habit of demanding that other people feed their need for approval and emotional regulation. These behaviour styles are techniques that these individuals use to trap other people into attending to their emotional dysregulation, and feeding their need for approval. When you're not feeling at your emotional peak, you feel really good when another person authentically engages with you, understands how you're feeling, and acknowledges how you're feeling. For some people who have difficulty emotionally self-regulating, or have limited skills in managing their own emotional state, they aren't able to make themselves feel emotionally "better" when they're down, and they rely, intentionally or not, on the emotional reassurance and attention of others to restore themselves. This inability to manage your emotional state is a characteristic of some personality disorders, and can also be a post traumatic symptom.

When people use these techniques on you, you feel emotionally drained, because when you attend to another person emotionally in a focused and intense way, you are burning a whole lot of kilojoules. It's intellectually demanding because you're processing what they're saying, and intellectually processing your response. Ask emergency service workers, counselors, psychologists - anyone whose work involves close and intense periods of emotional attending to a patient/client, and they will tell you how exhausting it is. It's so exhausting, that in those fields of work, emotional burn-out (emotional exhaustion) can completely incapacitate people. When you burn out, your brain's ability to attend to, and process information, completely shuts down. It is utterly scary, but also a very predictable protective mechanism when you've been overwhelmed with actual and vicarious trauma.

These styles are merely communication techniques that some people use to get other people to manage their emotional state. A lot of the time, the people who engage in these behaviours, don't realise what they are doing, and don't realise that they aren't managing their emotional state in a healthy way. If you notice that someone is communicating with you in a way that makes you manage and pamper their feelings, just be a grown-up and point it out to them. They might deny it, and be embarrassed, but the odds are that no-one's ever told them, and they never even realised it. Whatever you do, don't deny or diminish your own instincts that you're being used to make someone feel happy. There's nothing mystical or magical about it.

As I said earlier, I hummed and ha'd about where to start this thread because there is a Psycological aspect to this as well. But not being a psycologist myself and only having a basic understanding of this I cannot really comment on these points, which are very interesting and no doupt based on a lot of study and truth. thanks for your input..

The discussion here, regards energy, feelings, and identifying these 4 control dramas that people use as well as identying our own use of these methods and how to stop or prevent their use. Self analysis, naming the game when people use them against us, Identifying when they are in use and pulling people up when they do try it on is why I posted this here in this section.. We are exposed to control dramas every day from when we switch on the tele to when we innocently use them on others unaware of the harnfull effect they cause to a persons energy.

Years of "therapy" does not have to be the only solution. Empowering people around these energy thieves to understand these control dramas and counter them humanely and productively is as good a cure as any therapy could offer.

I get the impression, Amy the Mighty, that you are ill-pleased that this funky energy thieft idea is nothing mysical or magical, and that it is purely a phycological and chemical reaction.. To that I would answer that not everyone sees the world the same, even though it is.. Respect that.. And thank's for your comments. I know a few people who are in the Emergency services, they are very unique people.

[AwakenAscension]

That's amazing because I only had one parent around who was a "poor me" and I used to be very aggressive and controling. I have gone through alot of changes over the years that have caused me to detach and seperate from myself to see what makes me 'tick' and have sought to be more compassionate. But I still have alot of arrogance and a demand for respect. I am more considerate now, and dont think I'm exactly an "Intimidator". I have become more in touch with how others feel by examining how I do. But the "old me" is still in there, just used more constructively. There is a time and place for everything.

[Imaginarynumber1]

I had a neighbor where I used to live that was stealing my energy, but I found the extension cord he had plugged into my patio socket and put a stop to it.

Edited November 16, 2012 by Imaginarynumber1

[Etu Malku]

The "vampires" mentioned in the OP are just people that wear you out emotionally and physically with their neediness and codependency.

What about Predatory Spiritualists like myself?

We find someone who fits our needs and by connecting tendrils from our Subtle Body to theirs we siphon their Life-Force (prana, chi, ka, etc.)

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

What about Predatory Spiritualists like myself?

We find someone who fits our needs and by connecting tendrils from our Subtle Body to theirs we siphon their Life-Force (prana, chi, ka, etc.)

Are you calling yourself a predator? If I were you, I would think long and hard on what your next answer will be.

[with bells on]

there are also the type that drain you of energy without even knowing it.. i know someone who only has to say "hi, how are you?" and im being drained.. she has no idea she is doing it.. clearly i dont see her anymore.. eek!!

[libstaK]

there are also the type that drain you of energy without even knowing it.. i know someone who only has to say "hi, how are you?" and im being drained.. she has no idea she is doing it.. clearly i dont see her anymore.. eek!!

Wouldn't that have more to do with what you associate with her in your own head? Of course she has no idea she is doing anything, most people would not have any idea what goes on in others heads when they are greeting them.

[Etu Malku]

Are you calling yourself a predator? If I were you, I would think long and hard on what your next answer will be.

Predatory Spiritualism is not what you are thinking it is.

Aside of the lack of knowledge on this subject, are you aware that Homo Sapiens are predators, matter of fact we're at the top of the food chain.

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

You called yourself a spiritual predator, that's a little different than the human race eating steak for dinner.

You are right, I do not have a deep understanding predatory spiritualism. To me it sounds like a bunch of self-absorbed, parasitic people who, if they can't in reality prey on weaker people at least like to pretend they do. Add to that mix vampires, werewolves and dragons.

[Etu Malku]

You called yourself a spiritual predator, that's a little different than the human race eating steak for dinner.

You are right, I do not have a deep understanding predatory spiritualism. To me it sounds like a bunch of self-absorbed, parasitic people who, if they can't in reality prey on weaker people at least like to pretend they do. Add to that mix vampires, werewolves and dragons.

And you have peerlessly displayed your ignorance of the subject after admitting you do not have a deep understanding, I applaude you

[booNyzarC]

The "vampires" mentioned in the OP are just people that wear you out emotionally and physically with their neediness and codependency.

What about Predatory Spiritualists like myself?

We find someone who fits our needs and by connecting tendrils from our Subtle Body to theirs we siphon their Life-Force (prana, chi, ka, etc.)

Ewww, that just sounds icky. Keep the tendrils from your Subtle Body to yourself bub. Whatever that means...

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

Whether or not you believe that I understand "Spiritual Predators" is irrelevant. You perceive yourself as a person who needs to prey on others. This I find distasteful and troubling.

We find someone who fits our needs

This is called grooming.

Again, I am warning you that you are treading a very fine line here.

[Etu Malku]

Whether or not you believe that I understand "Spiritual Predators" is irrelevant. You perceive yourself as a person who needs to prey on others. This I find distasteful and troubling.

This is called grooming.

Again, I am warning you that you are treading a very fine line here.

If you prefer, I can explain Predatory Spirituality here so that you have an understanding of what you are dismissing as wrong or immoral?

[Bendy Demon]

Here are a couple of links explaining this "Predatory Spirituality"....

http://forums.abraha...ry-Spirituality

http://www.esoterico...ry-spirituality

Apparently this practice utilizes "avatars to harness and channel "mental" energies or something...it is not what the name seems to imply...from what I read anyways.

Anyways..there seems to simply be those who just cannot maintain their own energy levels and they, often unintentionally and unconsciously, siphon that energy from others.

Often the elderly are like that, they unconsciously siphon energy from others...my dad's wife is like that, when I am with my dad alone then it is ok but once I am with them both then the draining begins.

Is it real I don't know, for all I know I could be imagining it all....

Edited November 16, 2012 by Ryu

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

If you prefer, I can explain Predatory Spirituality here so that you have an understanding of what you are dismissing as wrong or immoral?

I am by no means dismissing anything. In fact I pay very close attention to someone who names himself a predator. Period.

Here are a couple of links explaining this "Predatory Spirituality"....

*snip*.

Thank you for the links, Ryu. I actually read both those pages earlier this morning.

[booNyzarC]

I am by no means dismissing anything. In fact I pay very close attention to someone who names himself a predator. Period.

I know it's a serious subject, but it never hurts to laugh too.

[Professor T]

Here are a couple of links explaining this "Predatory Spirituality"....

.................................................

Apparently this practice utilizes "avatars to harness and channel "mental" energies or something...it is not what the name seems to imply...from what I read anyways.

Anyways..there seems to simply be those who just cannot maintain their own energy levels and they, often unintentionally and unconsciously, siphon that energy from others.

Often the elderly are like that, they unconsciously siphon energy from others...my dad's wife is like that, when I am with my dad alone then it is ok but once I am with them both then the draining begins.

Thanks for those links.. That was an interesting if not disturbing read i must say..

I don't know much if anything about Spiritual predators.. The thread is more about control dramas in our lives, identifying them, combating them, and stoping ourselves from using them.. but I guess there's something to discuss here..

I know it's a serious subject, but it never hurts to laugh too.

Lol, funnily enough that's how I imagine a Predatory Spiritualist would look like on the inside..

Disgusting and distorted.. I must say the whole concept of it sounds very disturbing..

[Etu Malku]

Thanks for those links.. That was an interesting if not disturbing read i must say..

I don't know much if anything about Spiritual predators.. The thread is more about control dramas in our lives, identifying them, combating them, and stoping ourselves from using them.. but I guess there's something to discuss here..

Lol, funnily enough that's how I imagine a Predatory Spiritualist would look like on the inside..

Disgusting and distorted.. I must say the whole concept of it sounds very disturbing..

If any of you here practice some form of magick, no matter how simple, you would then be harnessing the energy/current of an archetypal image (called an avatar in the article), storing it and using it in a ritual, ceremony, working, etc.

Predatory is not used in the sense that one is indulging in the pop - psuedo-vampire antics found on TV and online communities.

It is more along the lines of Tantric Kundalini work.

That isn't to say I don't take what I want when & where I find it without regard to permission.

[Professor T]

What about Predatory Spiritualists like myself?

We find someone who fits our needs and by connecting tendrils from our Subtle Body to theirs we siphon their Life-Force (prana, chi, ka, etc.)

This imo is disgusting.. I have heard of something similar as a consuntual sharing or giving of energy.. but not as a siphoning of it.. I really hope you are joking..

If you prefer, I can explain Predatory Spirituality here so that you have an understanding of what you are dismissing as wrong or immoral?

Yes, please do.. With empasis on identification of it's use or if it's being used, understanding how it's done, and how to block it..

That isn't to say I don't take what I want when & where I find it without regard to permission.

Again, this imo, is just wrong.. I hope you are joking..

[Etu Malku]

This imo is disgusting.. I have heard of something similar as a consuntual sharing or giving of energy.. but not as a siphoning of it.. I really hope you are joking..

Yes, please do.. With empasis on identification of it's use or if it's being used, understanding how it's done, and how to block it..

Again, this imo, is just wrong.. I hope you are joking..

Read the links/articles given, they are relative.

No, I don't joke and what exactly do you find "disgusting"?

I can only imagine Your Belief System . . . one of ignorance and fear? (just guessing)

[libstaK]

I'm curious, nothing actually comes for free. When something is taken without recourse to permission, then it stands to reason something has been stolen. It may appear to be a "win" for the thief but in the end appearances are deceptive.

What is lost when we steal from others? On a cosmic scale all things have their time and place, negative and positive forces are always ultimately balanced and takers always end up "paying the piper" at some point, call it cause and effect. You steal on the material plain, you end up in jail or in the company of thieves (with all the issues of pecking order that come with that). You steal on the spiritual plain and you end up with? Well, if that is the company you wish to keep - good luck with that, you're gonna need it.

[Etu Malku]

I'm curious, nothing actually comes for free. When something is taken without recourse to permission, then it stands to reason something has been stolen. It may appear to be a "win" for the thief but in the end appearances are deceptive.

What is lost when we steal from others? On a cosmic scale all things have their time and place, negative and positive forces are always ultimately balanced and takers always end up "paying the piper" at some point, call it cause and effect. You steal on the material plain, you end up in jail or in the company of thieves (with all the issues of pecking order that come with that). You steal on the spiritual plain and you end up with? Well, if that is the company you wish to keep - good luck with that, you're gonna need it.

You speak of Karma? That doesn't exist just as many other silly ideas of religion don't.