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Dr. D

Can cyber romances be real love?

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We have all known couples who met via internet and some claim to have relationships of love. Is this possible? On one hand if we say that you cannot love someone without seeing them, we are also saying that blind people are incapalbe of loving. If we say they need to touch, many romances are interrupted by military service, etc. where they cannot touch.

If we choose to believe such cyber love is possible, then we can see things such as communicating with another person as cyber infidelity. We can also claim that such a relationship would lack sincerity but real marriages have only a 50% chance of working.

Your opinions?

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Many people feel love as just an emotional thing, others feel love is a combination of emotions and the physical. I think it depends on the people involved in the relationship, and yes I do view a cyber relationship as a form of infidelity if you're already in a relationship.

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Many people feel love as just an emotional thing, others feel love is a combination of emotions and the physical. I think it depends on the people involved in the relationship, and yes I do view a cyber relationship as a form of infidelity if you're already in a relationship.

Want to clarify . . . . if you are in a real relationship a romantic chat relationship would be an infidelity or if you had one cyber relationship and conducted another at the same time?

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I honestly can't perceive an internet fling... it's so easy to cheat. The chick you may be chatting with maybe a sailor with forearms like my thigh and tattoos galore or vice versa, the guy the girl falls in love with might be a grandma with more wrinkles than puppy boxer. Come on, love is something that happen with an eye contact when gazillion of information are passed in the blink of an eye... Don't see that happen on the interdweeb.

PS welcome back Doc, long time no see (just a figure of speech)...How are the sunsets this time of the year?

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Cyber romances work to a point, in my experience with two of them in the past they didn't turn out all too good and wanting to meet the cyber love IRL wasn't going to happen. More like pen pals with limited chance of seeing photos of the person (there are virals I know) and you have no idea what they are really like on the other end. I became disappointed in the thought of having cyber romance again, makes me eager to find real love not involved with a computer screen and my parents warned me on cyber romance won't turn out great.

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I think that its tricky honestly because honestly there are many definitions of what constitutes love. Many people in relationships that are more traditional ie...going out to dinner, meeting for drinks, walks in the park - that kind of thing sometimes have trouble knowing whether or not they are in love.

I think that there are certain aspects of interacting romantically online that are definitely very much like love. Communication is important in a traditional relationship - in a cyber relationship communication IS the relationship entirely. This has advantages and pitfalls. The advantages is that you get to know a person very quickly because of the amount of information that can be shared via text, email, chat, etc... The downside is that you only get to learn whatever the other person is willing to share. There is very little opportunity to observe them in any sort of natural state, as one would get to experience in a real-life relationship.

I'd say that in cyber romances there exists also the peril of simply just running out of things to talk about. Which can happen in real life too, but in real life there are more aspects to keep a relationship going that can get thrown in. Chemistry for example.

I think that cyber interaction for some can be termed love, but that eventually it has to move beyond the cyber realm in order for it to become a full-fledged relationship. There are just so many aspects of a real-life relationship that have no corrolaries in the cyber world. Physical touch, chemistry, nonverbal language. All these are impossible to fully approximate online.

I think a purely cyber relationship is sort of like those "lite" versions of apps you can download. Functional but missing key features that allow for the full intended experience.

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I think a purely cyber relationship is sort of like those "lite" versions of apps you can download. Functional but missing key features that allow for the full intended experience.

I really like this part. I think it sums it up nicely

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I honestly can't perceive an internet fling... it's so easy to cheat. The chick you may be chatting with maybe a sailor with forearms like my thigh and tattoos galore or vice versa, the guy the girl falls in love with might be a grandma with more wrinkles than puppy boxer. Come on, love is something that happen with an eye contact when gazillion of information are passed in the blink of an eye... Don't see that happen on the interdweeb.

PS welcome back Doc, long time no see (just a figure of speech)...How are the sunsets this time of the year?

As beautiful as ever, Paaceise. Breath taking

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It may work, but there are pitfalls as Orange Peaceful 79 points out. My brother sadly lost his wife eight years ago and has been very lonely ever since his loss. Recently he has been communicating with a lady on the internet and has finally gotten to meet her. He is happy again and it's lovely to see his zest for life restored.... and why on earth not? He deserves another chance at life, he is only 55 and he can't go sitting in bars and restaurants alone forever.

However, I would be very cautious especially with young people getting involved in an internet relationship because of safety reasons. If the relationship blossoms and you eventually decide to meet up, take a friend or chaperone in the background and in a public place when you meet. There are so many fraudsters out there! My brother can take care of himself as an ex Royal Marine Commando and now retired ex Sergeant in the Police, so he is aware of the dangers.

Edited by Star of the Sea
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It may work, but there are pitfalls as Orange Peaceful 79 points out. My brother sadly lost his wife eight years ago and has been very lonely ever since his loss. Recently he has been communicating with a lady on the internet and has finally gotten to meet her. He is happy again and it's lovely to see his zest for life restored.... and why on earth not? He deserves another chance at life, he is only 55 and he can't go sitting in bars and restaurants alone forever.

However, I would be very cautious especially with young people getting involved in an internet relationship because of safety reasons. If the relationship blossoms and you eventually meet and decide to meet up, take a friend or chaperone in the background and in a public place when you meet. There are so many fraudsters out there! My brother can take care of himself as an ex Royal Marine Commando and now retired ex Sergeant in the Police, so he is aware of the dangers.

I also know of two cases of couples, now happily married, who met through the internet. Many people object to that type of relationship but, in reality, you never know a person completely until you live with them. In many cultures, like where I live, young men and women essentially marry strangers because the real character never emerges until intimacy in its finest forms, sets in.

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A cyber romance is a romance just on a different level and can be taken as cheating. The thing is you don't really know that person. They are going to be painting the best picture possible of themselves which may not be factual. To really get to know someone you have to spend time with them and the only way to see if there is any real chemistry is to meet them.

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Want to clarify . . . . if you are in a real relationship a romantic chat relationship would be an infidelity or if you had one cyber relationship and conducted another at the same time?

The former was what I was thinking about but since you've made me think of the latter, it applies as well. The thing is, many people have a different definition of what a romantic relationship is and whether a online one can even count as one. Online relationships are new emotional territories.

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A cyber romance is a romance just on a different level and can be taken as cheating. The thing is you don't really know that person. They are going to be painting the best picture possible of themselves which may not be factual. To really get to know someone you have to spend time with them and the only way to see if there is any real chemistry is to meet them.

Don't people do the same thing when dating? Best foot forward, best possible image, etc.?

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A cyber romance is a romance just on a different level and can be taken as cheating. The thing is you don't really know that person. They are going to be painting the best picture possible of themselves which may not be factual. To really get to know someone you have to spend time with them and the only way to see if there is any real chemistry is to meet them.

Even meeting in person, a person can lie through their teeth about who they are. The only way you'd actually know a person is to read their mind, which isn't even possible. Trust is the foundation of a romantic relationship. Trust that the person isn't lying, trust that they won't wound your heart.

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I also know of two cases of couples, now happily married, who met through the internet. Many people object to that type of relationship but, in reality, you never know a person completely until you live with them. In many cultures, like where I live, young men and women essentially marry strangers because the real character never emerges until intimacy in its finest forms, sets in.

Exactly Dr. D! Until you are under one roof you can't possibly know a person intimately.. warts and all lol! You could meet someone in the"normal" way (if you will!) date, end up marrying and then the marriage fails. In someway communicating though 'prose' can be very romantic, a bit like love letters to one another, how lovely! Each to their own :)

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Even meeting in person, a person can lie through their teeth about who they are. The only way you'd actually know a person is to read their mind, which isn't even possible. Trust is the foundation of a romantic relationship. Trust that the person isn't lying, trust that they won't wound your heart.

Couldn't agree more

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Exactly Dr. D! Until you are under one roof you can't possibly know a person intimately.. warts and all lol! You could meet someone in the"normal" way (if you will!) date, end up marrying and then the marriage fails. In someway communicating though 'prose' can be very romantic, a bit like love letters to one another, how lovely! Each to their own :)

Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett exchanged more than 600 letters and loved each other passionately without ever touching or seeing one another. They eventually married, but their love was established through the magic of words.

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If a cyber relationship turns into a real life relationship, as mine did, then yes it's good, it's simply a modern way to meet people rather than hang around pubs. But a relationship that is purely based online can only be as fulfulling as the participants make it. If it works for them then great...maybe that's all they need. But unless they are brave enough to bring it into real life it will always be words on a computer screen.

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Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett exchanged more than 600 letters and loved each other passionately without ever touching or seeing one another. They eventually married, but their love was established through the magic of words.

The power of words through writing can not be underestimated. One kind word for instance from a virtual stranger can lift a persons spirits.. I see it happen a lot, especially here on UM.

Edited by Star of the Sea
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We have all known couples who met via internet and some claim to have relationships of love. Is this possible? On one hand if we say that you cannot love someone without seeing them, we are also saying that blind people are incapalbe of loving. If we say they need to touch, many romances are interrupted by military service, etc. where they cannot touch.

If we choose to believe such cyber love is possible, then we can see things such as communicating with another person as cyber infidelity. We can also claim that such a relationship would lack sincerity but real marriages have only a 50% chance of working.

Your opinions?

Actually, I think you would have to redefine 'communicating' with another person as cyber infidelity. Just talking to someone in person and harmless flirtations outside of cyberspace are not considered infidelity. So, if you are having a cyber sexual relationship...and then you cyber-sex with someone else that would be cyber infidelity. Just keeping it real......

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Actually, I think you would have to redefine 'communicating' with another person as cyber infidelity. Just talking to someone in person and harmless flirtations outside of cyberspace are not considered infidelity. So, if you are having a cyber sexual relationship...and then you cyber-sex with someone else that would be cyber infidelity. Just keeping it real......

Is flirting in a real relationship being unfaithful?

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I don't think so...what do you think?

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Well love is a connection between two people, physical, emotional etc. whatever it may be, I definitely think it is possible. As long as you get to know them, it would take longer but definitely possible.

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Is flirting in a real relationship being unfaithful?

I don't think so...what do you think?

I think there was thread several month ago on the various perceptions of faithfulness. I'm going to look for it after I had my 3rd cup of coffee

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Emotional cheating or an emotional affair is an old concept but does cover cyber or online cheating.

http://en.wikipedia....motional_affair

As far as the quality of online relationships?

Even a normal frienship requires face to face contact and the sense of touch to receive the full benefits of friendship. What happens, on fb for instance, is that we receive dopamine rewards whenever we get a new like or read a new comment, and dopamine is part of our reward system but value-neutral so it will reward us when it thinks we are going to get a pay off, in a normal friendship the pay off is actually having someone before you, that you can see, and touch, because that activates serotonin which tells the dopamine to stop making more because the desired goal is achieved, the warm-fuzzy feeling of bonding.

What happens on facebook is the serotonin never gets signalled in, it never kicks in, thus dopamine keeps pouring in which in the end makes for a less quality relationship, and can even be the start of an addiction.

All dopamine but no actual reward, dopamine just steers us towards rewards, but the dopamine system can be hijacked where one either gets too much of something (salt, sugar, fat) and keeps consuming more, or when one doesn't get enough of something, serotonin in a real world relationship, and dopamine keeps being made toward that end but is never satisfied. This can make online relationships exciting (dopamine rush) but utlimately not satisfying (no serotonin).

Edited by Chasingtherabbit
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