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Dr. D

Can cyber romances be real love?

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Is flirting in a real relationship being unfaithful?

No I find flirting makes life much more fun just keep it friendly and playful just make sure you do it correctly and do not forget to give the best of your flirtation tactics to your spouse.(People forget that part). I find flirting to be like juggling chainsaws if you do it correctly it can be interesting and entertaining.... if you do it wrong it can ruin your life and possibly get you killed.

I think that whole "lite" thing is the perfect response to cyber relationships.

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In my opinion, it all depends on the two individuals involved. Many people find it easier to open up in front of a computer screen than in person. It all boils down to what your definition of love is. For some love is spending time together, going out on dates and for some its transcends the physical realm and relies more on the emotional level.

A cyber relationship involves the same quality needed for a normal one to work - commitment.

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If you know your real life partner will be hurt and do it anyway, you negate the validity of their feelings.

The level of comitment and loyalty cannot be guaranteed.

A relationship is a contract. What breaks the contract depends on what can be forgiven by either individual.

It's bad form to yell out the name of your lover's best friend in the heat of sexual passion.

In your mind, were you cheating?

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I've met my partner online on a social network .. It was 2 years after we got together that we've seen each other in person for the 1st time .. We're about 4000km apart. They are of different race, religion, nationality and culture.

That was 7 years ago and we are still together.

So yea, I'd say it's possible and it does work. It's all about finding your soulmate. No matter how and where you find them.

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The real question is: Why do people go online to find a fling or "love"? I mean isn't the world big enough to go out and meet people in real life? What is stopping one person to do so? The first answer that comes to mind is: FEAR! Fear to get caught if you already involved with someone else, less guilt doing so, fear of the self, poor perception of the self. I'm introvert and I hate going out. But at least I'm smart enough to know that what stops me outside is just as real online. So stop kidding yourself. Maybe you've met someone online and things are going great. BUT ARE YOU AWARE OF WHAT YOU MISS OUTSIDE?

Edited by Paracelse

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Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

Hook, line and...sink her!

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Don't people do the same thing when dating? Best foot forward, best possible image, etc.?

Yes they do but they can't send you a picture of someone else saying its them or lie about weight etc. Plus when you are face to face with someone its easier to read them.

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Actually, I think you would have to redefine 'communicating' with another person as cyber infidelity. Just talking to someone in person and harmless flirtations outside of cyberspace are not considered infidelity. So, if you are having a cyber sexual relationship...and then you cyber-sex with someone else that would be cyber infidelity. Just keeping it real......

If there has been infidelity before flirting can be considered cheating. It can also be considered emotional cheating.

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Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

So does the presence of scam artists negate the possibility of virtual romance?

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So does the presence of scam artists negate the possibility of virtual romance?

No, but it seems (to me anyway) to be inherently more risky.

And, like Hilander pointed out, it's far easier for a person to lie about their height/weight/age etc. online verses real life. Right now one of my girlfriends is doing online dating. She posted a recent picture of herself and told the truth about her appearance. However, she's met several men who were not so honest in their profiles. Now, so that I'm not called sexist, I'm certain many women are lying in their profiles as well. Obviously one can still lie in person, but not so easily (especially regarding age and appearance).

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No, but it seems (to me anyway) to be inherently more risky.

And, like Hilander pointed out, it's far easier for a person to lie about their height/weight/age etc. online verses real life. Right now one of my girlfriends is doing online dating. She posted a recent picture of herself and told the truth about her appearance. However, she's met several men who were not so honest in their profiles. Now, so that I'm not called sexist, I'm certain many women are lying in their profiles as well. Obviously one can still lie in person, but not so easily (especially regarding age and appearance).

Apart from the scam artists (who exist in all arenas of communication) people entering relationships on internet understand that one day they will be asked to meet. If they have lied, it will be known. Simple. If they have not, the relationship can continue. If they refuse to meet because of their lies, there still is nothing lost.

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Apart from the scam artists (who exist in all arenas of communication) people entering relationships on internet understand that one day they will be asked to meet. If they have lied, it will be known. Simple. If they have not, the relationship can continue. If they refuse to meet because of their lies, there still is nothing lost.

I don't agree. To say that nothing is lost when one party has fallen in love (even if it is online - those feelings can be very strong) with a somebody that has misrepresented themselves is to say that those emotional feelings of connectedness and the trust that is broken when lies are discovered are nothing. When people lie, other people get hurt. We have been talking mostly about folks who lie 30 pounds off their midsection or post a photo of themselves 15 years ago when they had more hair. That's a lie, but a pretty shallow variety. What about those folks who lie and say that they aren't married when they really are? Someone falls for them only to discover that they aren't really who they say they are at all. It happens and it hurts like hell. The ability to trust others is lost, which isn't inconsequential.

I'll be completely and totally honest here and say that I've been that a$$hole that lied to women online to gain their trust. I have been a total piece of **** in my lifetime. I have many, many regrets because of it too. I lost my marriage to this kind of thing. I've been to years and years of therapy and counseling to become a better person now and to not use the internet to decieve people. I'm honest now - why would I tell this story otherwise? - but I was not always and it took a huge emotional toll on many, many people, myself included.

I would strongly caution women especially who meet men online to be very careful. Its too easy to lie, especially when the liar figures out exactly what you want to hear. If he sounds too good to be true ladies, he probably is. Thanks for reading.

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I don't agree. To say that nothing is lost when one party has fallen in love (even if it is online - those feelings can be very strong) with a somebody that has misrepresented themselves is to say that those emotional feelings of connectedness and the trust that is broken when lies are discovered are nothing. When people lie, other people get hurt. We have been talking mostly about folks who lie 30 pounds off their midsection or post a photo of themselves 15 years ago when they had more hair. That's a lie, but a pretty shallow variety. What about those folks who lie and say that they aren't married when they really are? Someone falls for them only to discover that they aren't really who they say they are at all. It happens and it hurts like hell. The ability to trust others is lost, which isn't inconsequential.

I'll be completely and totally honest here and say that I've been that a$$hole that lied to women online to gain their trust. I have been a total piece of **** in my lifetime. I have many, many regrets because of it too. I lost my marriage to this kind of thing. I've been to years and years of therapy and counseling to become a better person now and to not use the internet to decieve people. I'm honest now - why would I tell this story otherwise? - but I was not always and it took a huge emotional toll on many, many people, myself included.

I would strongly caution women especially who meet men online to be very careful. Its too easy to lie, especially when the liar figures out exactly what you want to hear. If he sounds too good to be true ladies, he probably is. Thanks for reading.

I appreciate your comments and in essence you answered the question if cyber love is possible.

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I was just hoping that my story could help people to protect themselves in their futures. I tend to feel that the only good that can come out of my actions now is to tell my truths and hope that my story can help other people to make good decisions regarding their online romances.

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I think sparking that initial interest in somebody is possible online, but personally, I would suggest backing up that initial impression with some face-to-face contact. And, ever the Luddite, I don't think that Skype cuts the mustard. Whether you are a person with full vision, or you're vision impaired, there is so much information conveyed between people when they are in the same space, like tone and pitch of voice, smell, the person's physical presence (whether they are a big person, or a smaller person). Vision-impaired people pick up on plenty of data to ascertain whether someone is hot or not.

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I counseled my friend to insist upon meeting (in a very public place) the men she's corresponding with on a dating site. If they refuse to meet in person then she should refuse any further discussion with them. Wasting time with someone who isn't 'real' is just a fools errand.

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To set up a rendez-vous for a cyber romances: Not the worth the time and cost of a plane or bus ticket to meet someone it turns not to be who they are. The cyber romance could be a trick to hoax you, he/she could be married setting up some trouble or wanting affairs, a dangerous sign of ligitation around the corner. Important for all of us to watch out for traps when it comes to cyber romantic relationships.

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There are many different kinds of love, so I guess you can love online to some level. I've certainly been there....

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I don't think it's possible to have real love if it remains only online. Sure, people have initially met online, but any real relationship has to meet in person eventually. IMO, the people that are lying about themselves are the ones who only want their *love* to remain online. These people are the ones who've lied about their marital status, age, appearance, life circumstances etc. Such people will put off any real life meeting that would serve to out their deception. There are also those that will meet only for quick affairs, a big clue that they are married or just players.

All in all, cyber-space isn't all that safe a place to wear ones heart on ones sleeve.

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ya you can cheat online, its just easier.

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All in all, cyber-space isn't all that safe a place to wear ones heart on ones sleeve.

Well said, and that's the bottom line.

If anyone on-line hasn't seen the doc. Catfish, I think they should.

It's amazing how easily and quickly one can be taken in, and it's amazing how a total scam can be carried out to such lengths where it would seem impossible.

After I saw the doc., I came across an equally fascinating and enlightening article from The LA Times about how this woman was completely snookered...by another woman. The first woman had become acquainted with the second woman on some sort of mutual interest message board, and she was eventually "introduced" to a man who was known to the second woman.

This whole thing went on over a very extended period of time.

It's mind-blowing and yes, eye-opening!

I'll try to locate the article.

Edited by regi

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I believe love can be with anyone as long as you have spoken to them long enough to gain an understanding of that person.

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There is not going to be a universal answer on whether love over the internet can exist or not. The answer will be dependant on each individual. For instance it is likely Millenials would be more inclined to search for romance and even friendship online since they grew up in a digital world. Baby boomers on the other hand will be less inclined. Those from larger cities might be less likely than those from small towns to search online for affection because your choices are really limited in a small town.

Now if one could walk to the beach or go in a wheel chair most would opt to walk unless there was a really cool hill to go down to get there. The point being a relationship that exists online is going to be a handicap version of a real world relationship but some just do not have a choice and have to look for love where they can get it even if that means online. For those who have no choice but to turn to the net I do believe love can be as real, as real and romantic as hand written letters, but if real love always will the two crave to be with each other in real life.

There are going to be plenty of horrid examples of online behaviors when it comes to love, i.e., scammers, users, abusers, liars, but you pretty much find this irl too so I would not use any of those as a reason to stay away from love online if you would not use any of those reason to stay away from love in the real world. Really the world can be ugly but that is no reason not to live in it and enjoy all that is beautiful and love in any format is beautiful.

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Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

Perhaps it is easier for some. It isn't easy for me to lie (as in misrepresenting myself) in any venue, whether it be "real life" or online. I wear my heart on my sleeve, regardless.

I also believe that anyone who is seeking love would be a fool to deliberately misrepresent themselves. If you pretend to be what you are not, in any way, it isn't "you" who is being loved...it is the fictional character you have created. I don't want to be loved on false pretenses. I want to be loved as I am, for who I am...flaws and all. And that applies to both "real world" and virtual love.

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