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markdohle

The hearts longing

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The hearts longing

Love, the desire for union and also the suffering that flows from this longing, is often spoken of as centered in the heart. The heart does respond to human emotions in a powerful way, be it from love, hatred, anger or fear. Often when someone is under great emotional stress, the heart is often felt as a pounding against the rib cage. However, it is the area of relationships that the heart is meant, when speaking in terms of the heart being broken or wounded and in need of healing.

When in my early twenties, I would say I was either 22 or 23, there came a time when I actually felt like my heart was an abyss of pain and darkness; it felt like an untended, sore, oozing infection. I felt a great deal of pain in my chest area, a great weight actually in which I could not alleviate in any way. If I tried to find some surcease it only made the pain worse, so I learned from experience that it was best to simply sit with it, though it was of course very difficult; I simply had no choice. I would often just sit, praying and looking into this abyss wondering what was going and if there was anything I could do about it. Slowly over the years healing has come, though there is still more that needs to be done. The deep inner abyss, at least as felt in the heart area is now longer there, nor the pressure or great weight. I would suppose it was the search for love and union that was the cause of this pain. I think it started after I had an inner ‘vision’ (a natural event for I have a very intense inner life), in this experience I saw myself (I was an outside observer) at the bottom of a stair case looking up towards the top of the stairs, which were quite wide and steep, at the entrance was a door made of bone, very white and on the sides there were large teeth that would interlock if the gate closed. The only thing I can say is that I was given the choice to keep the gate open or to allow it to close in on me forever. I chose life and so the gate remained open. It was soon after that that I began to experience this specific kind of pain that had no physical cause. So I guess my saying ‘yes’, was in some way giving permission for this to emerge So if the heart is the gate way to love and union, it is also the portal that allows all that needs healing or blocks that union to be felt, seen and healed. This is of course a common human experience, though how one expresses this human condition will vary from person to person. There are many artists who deal with this in their songs. The hearts search for the living water that will quench its thirst. In the Old Testament, the “Song of Songs” also deals with this longing in deeply sexual and sensual terms. Yet it is about our relationship with God and God’s relationship with us.

I suppose that one of the ways that people seek to escape this kind of pain is to shut down, but that comes with a heavy price. Some deal with this existential problem through addictions, which gives some temporary respite but in the end only increases suffering. For I believe that mankind being made in the image of God is made to love and for love and all that gets in the way of that has to be pruned or burned away. John of the Cross talks about this in his book “The dark night of the soul” and it seems that for most people this is an experience that has to be gone through if healing is to be attained. If healing is forestalled then an endless cycle of pain, confusion and despair may have to be gone through over and over again. The death to self that is needed in order to experience a broader existence cannot be sidestepped. Just ask any good and loving parent when they have children. The love of a parent for his or her child can be very painful and healing at the same time. For the child needs must come first, theirs second. Parents who cannot feel this, need to be pitied and not condemned, for often through no fault of their own they are incapable of this kind of relationship……though grace, at least according to my faith is always at work.

In welcoming people into his kingdom, in the Last Judgment scene in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus surprised many by saying they will be welcomed because they visited him in prison, fed and clothed him and took care of him when ill. This is a very interesting part of the New Testament that is often overlooked or passed by. Again it is all about the heart and how it loves. Not as a work, but as something that flows from the heart in concern for those outside ones tribe or circle; it is an expression of ones inner self and also about their relationship with God, even if it is perhaps unconscious. There are people who as they grow, their heart expands and they see beauty in the lowly, the despised, the forgotten and those in prison. Those who often don’t have a tribe or a place to rest their heads; they are often homeless and bereft of comfort and support and are not overlooked by a loving heart that is healed and guided by grace.

There is faith, hope and charity. Charity is the greatest for it is the one virtue that will survive death, the rest die here, no longer needed, at least as far as this experience in life is concerned. Jesus did say “It is not those who say Lord, Lord, who will enter the gates of heaven, but those who do the will of the Father”. Which seems to be to love one another, not in some pious sentimental way, but in a down to earth, sweating blood sort of thing, real and rooted in reality, with the courage not to seek escape through contempt, hatred and anger toward those outside ones tribe, religion, or country. Faith is not the crutch, for it leads to the cross, the ability to love in spite of the pain of others or even rejection. This is the work of grace.

I fail, when I forget the above. When I fear to truly see those before me as another self, also as one beloved by God and made in God’s image and likeness. The problem I think is when we make God into our image and likeness, which happens, for idols still abound both within and without. Yet we are each the beloved of God, hard as that is to see at times. The intimacy that God has with each of us, something that the Christian faith teaches, is that God in Christ bears our pain, our shame and suffering and also our inner alienation and our feeling of being cut of from God and one another.

God’s power is love, man’s power is to control, objectify and use. The subject disappears and all that is left is a thing, less than human, that can be sold as a slave, abused in the sex trade or to simply be one of the populace to be manipulated to spend ones money on what is not needed. Blindness to the subjectivity of the other brings forth bitter fruit that actually seems to be getting worse as the world grows weary and ages.

Those in power are there because they want it, crave it and will often do anything to get to the top. The will-to-power trumps over love every time, hence the corruption both in religion and politics. I have no answer, except from what I have learned from my own inner experience and also experiences that are shared by many others. The ability to love comes about by being open to grace and to the pain that has to be gotten through to have a more expansive heart for others and by that I mean those ‘outside’. Outsiders are less than human, easy to feel contempt for and even easier to enslave and kill. To love ones family and friends is truly a wonderful thing but it is not what Christ is calling those who follow him to. Love of family is for most a given, natural, good and healing. It is also natural to hate and despise those outside. Christ is found in those outside, for the heart has to expand in order to do that. This is grace at work, something freely given to all who seek, knock and strive to grow in love and compassion.

All human striving towards compassion and love is in actuality a response to an invitation that is offered to all. Each will respond uniquely, some will not, the fate of each in the hand of a loving and compassionate God, whose love, which is infinite, can often be experienced or seen as cruel.

I feel that mankind is caught in a web of its own making, bound with tight strong threads that show its self in how our cultures actually work in spite of our high ideals. Only grace can cut those cords, allowing each of us to allow Christ love to enter the world through each one of us.

Edited by markdohle
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Very beautiful, it brings out our longing clearly and reminds in of the 'song of song'.

peace

mark

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"The dark night of the soul"...alienation and our feeling of being cut of from God and one another.

Your words have moved me to tears this morning, not in the sense of overwhelming but in the awe-verwhelming for you didn't leave either of my loves out in your sharing...God and one another

I have lived with this belief of being alienated from God and I have lived with this belief of being alienated from others (the all of you out there), my heart longs for both...

Why do you suppose that we use the term and description of "Making Love"... If I were to try and explain that term to a child words would fail me in my attempt to explain love and I could ramble for all eternity on what exactly love is yet I would never cover the whole of it...but making can be easily explained to a child with very few words, "we can make a sand castle, we can make a mud pie, etc.." If I have ever been sure of one thing it would have to be that the word make does not have anything what so ever to do with Love...and by placing the word make with love I have unknowingly helped the child into an understanding of love is not until we do something that will cause it to be..."There is no love until you make it" is the message we send out with the use of this small unimportant everyday phrase...yet it will rule the child's life and way of thinking setting them on a path and course to doing whatever it takes to make that which "does not exist in creation already" because we have to...make it! And what's more the child will be expecting to see everyone else being busy with this business of "making love" in one way or another because we don't have any LOVE! Holy shizzz it's the one thing that was left out in all of God's creating...peeps are silently panicking all around me over this...well okay, some are not so silent with their panic..

"Those in power are there because they want it, crave it and will often do anything to get to the top."

What compels this desire... I've heard it said somewhere before (?) "freedom will come when the throne releases the king" top dawg having power to make/control what? to make others love you? to get proof that others love you...?

Thank you for another wonderful post! :yes: As you can see it has me thinking and considering inward and outward. I would agree with you again, mankind is caught in a web of its own making...

Edited by Ciss
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Very beautiful, it brings out our longing clearly and reminds in of the 'song of song'.

I feel that mankind is caught in a web of its own making, bound with tight strong threads that show its self in how our cultures actually work in spite of our high ideals. Only grace can cut those cords, allowing each of us to allow Christ love to enter the world through each one of us.

peace

mark

Thank you, Mark.

I appreciate your deep faith in Jesus Christ.

I agree, "Only grace can cut those cords." Is the grace by God(?), Itself? That, I don't know, for my God(?) is not in this world. There are, however, other helping entities in this world. I stopped figuring out why mankind is caught in a web. There are too many factors. One factor is the fact that we're merely responding to the ever-unfolding stories of our lives. The constant bombardment, more often than not, overwhelms our senses. Most of us aren't trained to handle complicated situations. We scour our lives while, at the same time, creating more horrible consequences. I could only look at my life and the harsh realities thrust upon me. According to PSB, "What have I done to deserve this?" Well, "it's over and done" -- for now. I'm learning how to accept my realities; however, "accept" is just a word. What does it really mean! Regardless, I'm doing it my way. I have enough training in psychology and human services and spirituality to figure things out. In spite of everything, the scars will leave their impressions. The good thing about having scars is its humbling nature. I don't walk around feeling smug and puffy, as if the world is my oyster.

Peace.

Paul

Edited by braveone2u
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"Those in power are there because they want it, crave it and will often do anything to get to the top."

What compels this desire...

"You have nothing in your hands. Any power you have, comes to you from far beyond. Everything is fixed, and you can't change it." JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR

Hello,

It doesn't mean one cannot react to it...or just look at it for what it is without doing anything about it. The story of our lives will unfold, regardless of every thing we do (while we are alive). Earthly power is ephemeral anyway. Nice work if you can keep it, but like water, it will trickle down your hands. Have you ever looked at people who still act as if they're still "it," but in reality, the ship has already passed them by years ago? Sad or not, class reunions are notorious this way.

Peace.

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"The dark night of the soul"...alienation and our feeling of being cut of from God and one another.

Your words have moved me to tears this morning, not in the sense of overwhelming but in the awe-verwhelming for you didn't leave either of my loves out in your sharing...God and one another

I have lived with this belief of being alienated from God and I have lived with this belief of being alienated from others (the all of you out there), my heart longs for both...

Why do you suppose that we use the term and description of "Making Love"... If I were to try and explain that term to a child words would fail me in my attempt to explain love and I could ramble for all eternity on what exactly love is yet I would never cover the whole of it...but making can be easily explained to a child with very few words, "we can make a sand castle, we can make a mud pie, etc.." If I have ever been sure of one thing it would have to be that the word make does not have anything what so ever to do with Love...and by placing the word make with love I have unknowingly helped the child into an understanding of love is not until we do something that will cause it to be..."There is no love until you make it" is the message we send out with the use of this small unimportant everyday phrase...yet it will rule the child's life and way of thinking setting them on a path and course to doing whatever it takes to make that which "does not exist in creation already" because we have to...make it! And what's more the child will be expecting to see everyone else being busy with this business of "making love" in one way or another because we don't have any LOVE! Holy shizzz it's the one thing that was left out in all of God's creating...peeps are silently panicking all around me over this...well okay, some are not so silent with their panic..

"Those in power are there because they want it, crave it and will often do anything to get to the top."

What compels this desire... I've heard it said somewhere before (?) "freedom will come when the throne releases the king" top dawg having power to make/control what? to make others love you? to get proof that others love you...?

Thank you for another wonderful post! :yes: As you can see it has me thinking and considering inward and outward. I would agree with you again, mankind is caught in a web of its own making...

Thank you for your thoughtful comment, well said.

peace

Mark

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Thank you, Mark.

I appreciate your deep faith in Jesus Christ.

I agree, "Only grace can cut those cords." Is the grace by God(?), Itself? That, I don't know, for my God(?) is not in this world. There are, however, other helping entities in this world. I stopped figuring out why mankind is caught in a web. There are too many factors. One factor is the fact that we're merely responding to the ever-unfolding stories of our lives. The constant bombardment, more often than not, overwhelms our senses. Most of us aren't trained to handle complicated situations. We scour our lives while, at the same time, creating more horrible consequences. I could only look at my life and the harsh realities thrust upon me. According to PSB, "What have I done to deserve this?" Well, "it's over and done" -- for now. I'm learning how to accept my realities; however, "accept" is just a word. What does it really mean! Regardless, I'm doing it my way. I have enough training in psychology and human services and spirituality to figure things out. In spite of everything, the scars will leave their impressions. The good thing about having scars is its humbling nature. I don't walk around feeling smug and puffy, as if the world is my oyster.

Peace.

Paul

I don't think grace is something apart from life, it is God's love, our openess is what allows it to work, God's love is relational as shown through Christ Jesus. God is at work in all paths, though I believe Jesus is a special revelation....of course being a Christian I would say that ;-).

peace

mark

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I don't think grace is something apart from life,

as shown through Christ Jesus.

Grace is not apart from life. How it works is beyond me. After hearing my life's story, my friends and acquaintances gave me this look of disbelief. They probably thought to themselves, "I'm glad I don't believe in your God," or "Your God is horrible and vendictive and selfish!" They seem to forget: My spirituality is about the spirit, not materiality. I'm not destitute, and I usually get what I need most. I have a creative mind to keep me amused. My spirituality is old-skool this way. On the other hand, I've heard people say that quite a number of underserving folks receive grace -- who are we to decide who is underserving or not!

I like that part: "...as shown through...," since the God(?), with whom I'm hoping to merge, is totally oblivious of this world. I keep myself open to the posibility that certain beings (such as Jesus, Holy Spirit, and others) have or had a specific "programming" to bestow grace.

Peace.

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Grace is not apart from life. How it works is beyond me. After hearing my life's story, my friends and acquaintances gave me this look of disbelief. They probably thought to themselves, "I'm glad I don't believe in your God," or "Your God is horrible and vendictive and selfish!" They seem to forget: My spirituality is about the spirit, not materiality. I'm not destitute, and I usually get what I need most. I have a creative mind to keep me amused. My spirituality is old-skool this way. On the other hand, I've heard people say that quite a number of underserving folks receive grace -- who are we to decide who is underserving or not!

I like that part: "...as shown through...," since the God(?), with whom I'm hoping to merge, is totally oblivious of this world. I keep myself open to the posibility that certain beings (such as Jesus, Holy Spirit, and others) have or had a specific "programming" to bestow grace.

Peace.

I believe that the greatest longing in the heart is love, or union, and that longing is personal. Perhaps that is because God is personal since I believe we are made in God's image and likeness....., though in a way the is well beyond anything we can comprehend. I did once, have a very intense experience of God's love for me, it would have destroyed my body if it lasted for the fraction of a second that I experienced it.

Too bad we can't have coffee and talk LOL....like what you have to say.

peace

mark

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"I believe that the greatest longing in the heart is love, or union, and that longing is personal." Speaking of love and heart, I'm still healing... Hello Mark.

I agree with you. It's the reason why I'm basing my life on the the promise of Nirvana, the merging (union) or shedding of one's "unique awareness" (the "I think; therefore, I am," I exist separately). This promise is something I acquired during my Void experience. It's actually more than a promise because I believe it's more of a "reprogramming" of my soul or core being or "awareness."

On the other hand (while in the Void), if I had merged completely with God(?), I would have remained in union with It, for It's tremendous love-presence was beyond compare. Alas, I'm back in this world, partly out of choice. I'm still addicted(?) to my "unique awareness." In the end, the Void had the final say to send me back to this world; I didn't have a map to figure out my way back here, after all.

To this day, even though I have gone through quite a number of misfortunes, I'm still not 300% sure I'm ready to merge or shed my "unique awareness," and believe me, I don't say this lightly. Interesting to say, my "unique awareness" cancelled out God(?)'s love-beyond-compare. My intense love for my separation must be that strong. Then again, perhaps God(?) knew my soul's sincere desire, to begin with, and let me go, but...the Void kept this reprogramming intact for my earthly thought to remember the event, enough to share.

You liked what I have said probably because "you" could sense that I have been speaking from the depths of my being...and the truth of my Void experience.

Well, I'm in California. Even though I'm in my hermit mood, coffee with cake and torte sounds great, doesn't it? I'm not on a diet.

Peace.

Paul

=====================================

"You know as well as I do that the DEAD don't stay interested in us living people for very long. Gradually, gradually, they lose hold of the earth...and the ambitions they had...and the pleasures they had...and the things they suffered...and the people they loved. They get weaned away from earth -- that's the way I put it, weaned away. And they stay here (the Void) while the earth part of 'em burns away, burns out; and all that time they slowly get indifferent to what's goin' on in Grover's Corners.

They're waitin'. They're waitin' for something that they feel is comin'. Something important, and GREAT. Aren't they waitin' for the eternal part in them to come out clear?

And what's left when memory's gone, and your identity, Mrs. Smith?" THORNTON WILDER'S OUR TOWN

Edited by braveone2u
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"You have nothing in your hands. Any power you have, comes to you from far beyond. Everything is fixed, and you can't change it." JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR

Hello,

It doesn't mean one cannot react to it...or just look at it for what it is without doing anything about it. The story of our lives will unfold, regardless of every thing we do (while we are alive). Earthly power is ephemeral anyway. Nice work if you can keep it, but like water, it will trickle down your hands. Have you ever looked at people who still act as if they're still "it," but in reality, the ship has already passed them by years ago? Sad or not, class reunions are notorious this way.

Peace.

We have a power that I can only describe as "nothing", open and empty hands are always ready to receive...as soon as I close my hands in grasping to hold on to something, like a child with a favorite toy who doesn't want to let it go, if I remain like that then the toy is all I can ever have...to receive "all things" we have to be willing and ready...open and empty hands will start the flow of all things coming but remember our hands are small and can only hold so much of "all things" at a given time, let it trickle through and flow onward so we can keep receiving ...so when I see my empty hands that are holding to "nothing" then I know I have "all things"

Reminds me of where Jesus said "take nothing for your journey" ... "nothing"... is the sum of all things being seen in small amounts at any given time...

As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and [yet] possessing all things.

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"I believe that the greatest longing in the heart is love, or union, and that longing is personal." Speaking of love and heart, I'm still healing... Hello Mark.

I agree with you. It's the reason why I'm basing my life on the the promise of Nirvana, the merging (union) or shedding of one's "unique awareness" (the "I think; therefore, I am," I exist separately). This promise is something I acquired during my Void experience. It's actually more than a promise because I believe it's more of a "reprogramming" of my soul or core being or "awareness."

On the other hand (while in the Void), if I had merged completely with God(?), I would have remained in union with It, for It's tremendous love-presence was beyond compare. Alas, I'm back in this world, partly out of choice. I'm still addicted(?) to my "unique awareness." In the end, the Void had the final say to send me back to this world; I didn't have a map to figure out my way back here, after all.

To this day, even though I have gone through quite a number of misfortunes, I'm still not 300% sure I'm ready to merge or shed my "unique awareness," and believe me, I don't say this lightly. Interesting to say, my "unique awareness" cancelled out God(?)'s love-beyond-compare. My intense love for my separation must be that strong. Then again, perhaps God(?) knew my soul's sincere desire, to begin with, and let me go, but...the Void kept this reprogramming intact for my earthly thought to remember the event, enough to share.

You liked what I have said probably because "you" could sense that I have been speaking from the depths of my being...and the truth of my Void experience.

Well, I'm in California. Even though I'm in my hermit mood, coffee with cake and torte sounds great, doesn't it? I'm not on a diet.

Peace.

Paul

=====================================

"You know as well as I do that the DEAD don't stay interested in us living people for very long. Gradually, gradually, they lose hold of the earth...and the ambitions they had...and the pleasures they had...and the things they suffered...and the people they loved. They get weaned away from earth -- that's the way I put it, weaned away. And they stay here (the Void) while the earth part of 'em burns away, burns out; and all that time they slowly get indifferent to what's goin' on in Grover's Corners.

They're waitin'. They're waitin' for something that they feel is comin'. Something important, and GREAT. Aren't they waitin' for the eternal part in them to come out clear?

And what's left when memory's gone, and your identity, Mrs. Smith?" THORNTON WILDER'S OUR TOWN

"unique awareness"...now that jumps out at me! I was listening to a speaker that was trying to share a message last night, she lost me when she said "When we know that god loves us..."

I can't tell you what she said after that although I do know she repeated that phrase again..."when we know that god loves us"

My mind was screaming "get real! shizzzz we have yet to come to the knowing that another human loves us much less that god loves us!" I like where you said "I'm still not 300% sure"...doubt, we always doubt the love of others and I have yet to not hear a sound and valid reason for having doubts, we may feel loved by our mates one minute only to have our mate do something in the next minute that can have us doubt their love for us...so when I say "the knowing" that another loves us what I mean is the 300% sure that you describe...to know without doubt and that be unchangeable from moment to moment...

Being in "unique awareness" is not something I struggle to get past anymore, it is just what is at the moment...when I can accept that then I can also accept that being in this state only allows for me to have 300% surety in one thing...

It does not matter if another human or even if god loves me...I can doubt that..

what can I know for sure without doubt... do I know that I love another human and do I know that I love god...

Some say I love my mate and then set off on a course of trying to prove that...if you have to prove it then you are in doubt...know what you know and stand firm in that...some say I love god then spend their selves trying to prove it...

perhaps God(?) knew my soul's sincere desire, to begin with,

do I know my own sincere desire...when we know our own sincere desire then we can see that in others...do I know what compels me to the desire to prove that I love, ...why did I ever doubt that?

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"unique awareness"...now that jumps out at me!

Being in "unique awareness" is not something I struggle to get past anymore, it is just what is at the moment...

when we know our own sincere desire then we can see that in others...

Hi Ciss,

"Unique awareness" is "just what is at the moment"; however, in that moment, you still know that you are separate from me, your friends, lover, husband (if you're married), gawd (since there is only 1 gawd), and so on. Therefore, while a person is in that "unique awareness" mode, his or her ever-changing identity is still intact. In this current incarnation, your name is Ciss with its collective makeup. You and I still live in duality. It's neither good, nor bad. It just is.

"...when we know our own sincere desire then we can see that in others..." Yes, that's a true statement; however, I can only speak for myself on this since I have proven this to myself. In that void, in that specific reality (after my physical death...), I realized my sincere desire, and I was forced to acknowledge it, for it could mean the total annihalation of my past and present (collective) indentity ("unique awareness")...and be one with God(?), forever and ever -- to let God(?) out, so to speak. They say that God(?) is one; therefore, God(?) doesn't have any memory residues of other realities outside of ITs Godhead, and ITs reality must be separate. The way I got it is that God(?) is ABSOLUTELY oblivious of this world.

Advaitism believe that everything in the universe is one or gawd. That may be so; however, spirituality is ALSO about being in the now. Therefore, as long as we are alive, we live in this world in constant duality. One cannot go around this; otherwise, one is in denial. One is being phony to oneself. You ignore the world, you're bound to get bitten up, suffer, etc. Yes, yes: in the end, everything is created by God(?) via domino effect (the universe is self-sustaining after the initial activation), but do we really know that we are God(?), Itself. Should a car worship another car, etc.? Just because a human being invented my posh Swisswatch doesn't mean that this jewelry is a human being...let alone God(?). I think, not.

"Prove to me that you're divine -- change my water into wine." JC Superstar

Again, I can see or feel that specific element in people. We are here because we are not ready to merge or shed our "unique awareness." Bottom line. Remember Frodo trying to let go of his One Ring? It's not that easy, and it's the reason why I don't point fingers, and being compassionate has nothing to do with it, either. Nirvana is real, but what price "true freedom"! Besides, God(?) is not waiting for us to be one with IT. That offer is always there; actually, offer is really not the right word. It's not like a gift or anything. Plus, we have all the time in the world. God(?) is not forcing us. I believe it's the reason why this concept of Free Will came into being. On the other hand, living in this material plane of existence has many consequences, and don't we all know it. It's like the song "Ol' Man River," I suppose, at least there are times...

The age of the 21st century is, indeed, new. To be "born again" (in spirit) is really that important because a person will see the world in a new way, and Christianity doesn't have a corner on this. Some call it "awakening," but "true awakening" has the necessary element of the Lazarus Syndrome and other concrete personal evidences to make sure that it's not just a dream or wishful thinking.

Peace.

Paul

Edited by braveone2u
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Hi Mark,

I can relate to some of your experiences and I too believe that God/Jesus is the one person whom we can always count on, talk to and find answers. We are humans and it is but natural to "feel". Believe it or not, these feelings are one of the most important things that describes us and I believe one of the greatest factors that we own. We cannot fully enjoy life without "feelings", right. Sometimes it is good to bleed because we know we are alive :)

Thanks for the thoughts.

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"I believe that the greatest longing in the heart is love, or union, and that longing is personal." Speaking of love and heart, I'm still healing... Hello Mark.

I agree with you. It's the reason why I'm basing my life on the the promise of Nirvana, the merging (union) or shedding of one's "unique awareness" (the "I think; therefore, I am," I exist separately). This promise is something I acquired during my Void experience. It's actually more than a promise because I believe it's more of a "reprogramming" of my soul or core being or "awareness."

On the other hand (while in the Void), if I had merged completely with God(?), I would have remained in union with It, for It's tremendous love-presence was beyond compare. Alas, I'm back in this world, partly out of choice. I'm still addicted(?) to my "unique awareness." In the end, the Void had the final say to send me back to this world; I didn't have a map to figure out my way back here, after all.

To this day, even though I have gone through quite a number of misfortunes, I'm still not 300% sure I'm ready to merge or shed my "unique awareness," and believe me, I don't say this lightly. Interesting to say, my "unique awareness" cancelled out God(?)'s love-beyond-compare. My intense love for my separation must be that strong. Then again, perhaps God(?) knew my soul's sincere desire, to begin with, and let me go, but...the Void kept this reprogramming intact for my earthly thought to remember the event, enough to share.

You liked what I have said probably because "you" could sense that I have been speaking from the depths of my being...and the truth of my Void experience.

Well, I'm in California. Even though I'm in my hermit mood, coffee with cake and torte sounds great, doesn't it? I'm not on a diet.

Peace.

Paul

=====================================

"You know as well as I do that the DEAD don't stay interested in us living people for very long. Gradually, gradually, they lose hold of the earth...and the ambitions they had...and the pleasures they had...and the things they suffered...and the people they loved. They get weaned away from earth -- that's the way I put it, weaned away. And they stay here (the Void) while the earth part of 'em burns away, burns out; and all that time they slowly get indifferent to what's goin' on in Grover's Corners.

They're waitin'. They're waitin' for something that they feel is comin'. Something important, and GREAT. Aren't they waitin' for the eternal part in them to come out clear?

And what's left when memory's gone, and your identity, Mrs. Smith?" THORNTON WILDER'S OUR TOWN

I am not sure we are that much apart in many ways. What comes after, you say you exerienced, I have not. I think whatever happens it will be beyond words. I like the way you express yourself.

Peace

mark

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Hi Mark,

I can relate to some of your experiences and I too believe that God/Jesus is the one person whom we can always count on, talk to and find answers. We are humans and it is but natural to "feel". Believe it or not, these feelings are one of the most important things that describes us and I believe one of the greatest factors that we own. We cannot fully enjoy life without "feelings", right. Sometimes it is good to bleed because we know we are alive :)

Thanks for the thoughts.

Thank you for sharing this, it was beautiful.

peace

mark

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I am not sure we are that much apart in many ways. What comes after, you say you exerienced, I have not. I think whatever happens it will be beyond words. I like the way you express yourself.

Peace

mark

What comes after physical life, yes, I have experienced, not just an NDE. I have not, however, experienced Nirvana -- just its (ultra) first stage. Hello Mark. I believe I'm going to need a Gollum-like character to push me to let go of my "unique awareness"; however, I would prefer a gentle and trustworthy Christ-like guide to keep me from turning back, seeing that merging process to the very end. True, in the end, a being must face God(?) alone in order for that being to be one with IT. The way I got it is that the shedding of one's "unique awareness" doesn't happen in an instant. I had time to assess, recoup, and freak out (as in "Let me out of here!"). Again, I can only speak for myself on this since it is the journey of my "unique awareness."

I agree: whatever happens will be beyond our wildest imagination, but apparently, I'm not ready for that ride. Again, what price freedom?

Here's my mantra for the 21st century: "Assess, recoup, and freak out."

Thank you for the compliment.

Peace.

Paul

Edited by braveone2u

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I believe that the greatest longing in the heart is love, or union, and that longing is personal. Perhaps that is because God is personal since I believe we are made in God's image and likeness....., though in a way the is well beyond anything we can comprehend. I did once, have a very intense experience of God's love for me, it would have destroyed my body if it lasted for the fraction of a second that I experienced it.

Too bad we can't have coffee and talk LOL....like what you have to say.

peace

mark

Hello Mark,

I was thinking about you the moment I got up this morning: to be specific, I was thinking about this particular post, "I did once, have a very intense experience of God's love for me, it would have destroyed my body if it lasted for the fraction of a second that I experienced it." Did this happen while you're praying, or did it happen during sleep (dreaming)? If praying or meditating, it sounds like you were having kriya, the physical displays or symptoms of the kundalini's movement when releasing psychic and physical tensions.

Next time, ride it all the way. If your mind was able to abort the process and regain your composure, this "very intense experience of God's love" knew when to stop, for I'm sure, this process knew your limitations and was in sync with your mind. At any rate, if it were "God's" doing, wouldn't it be good to see it through, dead or alive?

Peace.

Edited by braveone2u

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The hearts longing

Love, the desire for union and also the suffering that flows from this longing, is often spoken of as centered in the heart. The heart does respond to human emotions in a powerful way, be it from love, hatred, anger or fear. Often when someone is under great emotional stress, the heart is often felt as a pounding against the rib cage. However, it is the area of relationships that the heart is meant, when speaking in terms of the heart being broken or wounded and in need of healing.

there came a time when I actually felt like my heart was an abyss of pain and darkness; it felt like an untended, sore, oozing infection. I felt a great deal of pain in my chest area, a great weight actually in which I could not alleviate in any way. If I tried to find some surcease it only made the pain worse,

I suppose that one of the ways that people seek to escape this kind of pain is to shut down, but that comes with a heavy price.

Anyone who follows a valid spiritual practice cannot ignore emotions. My robot girlfriend and I had this debate. She used Tony Parsons' teachings too often as an excuse not to deal with her passive aggressive behaviours. I've learned that lesson if you know what I mean. I'm not sure if I loved her. I think it was just a "happening". Touché!
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Anyone who follows a valid spiritual practice cannot ignore emotions. My robot girlfriend and I had this debate. She used Tony Parsons' teachings too often as an excuse not to deal with her passive aggressive behaviours. I've learned that lesson if you know what I mean. I'm not sure if I loved her. I think it was just a "happening". Touché!

Thank you, well said, yes I understand what you mean. Witout emotions and dealing with them we are less than fully human, robotic in fact.

Peace

mark

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I tolerated her new fad but fooling around with another guy is not right. We don't have an open relationship. That was a week ago she said. That's in the past and it doesn't exist anymore she also said. She's not apologetic. Total robot girl. What if I had caught a disease because of her past mess up? The AIDS virus incubates for up to 10 years!

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I tolerated her new fad but fooling around with another guy is not right. We don't have an open relationship. That was a week ago she said. That's in the past and it doesn't exist anymore she also said. She's not apologetic. Total robot girl. What if I had caught a disease because of her past mess up? The AIDS virus incubates for up to 10 years!

Get checked in six months, also I believe it is harder for a man to get aids from a women than the other way around. Sorry for your loss.

peace

mark

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Getting tested is irritating but that's reality. Just had my second. That maybe so if you like the typical positions. We were adventurous with our bodies when we were monogamous. Body fluids went both ways. I'm not a selfish lover.

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Getting tested is irritating but that's reality. Just had my second. That maybe so if you like the typical positions. We were adventurous with our bodies when we were monogamous. Body fluids went both ways. I'm not a selfish lover.

She will probably regret what she did, not too many unselfish lovers out there ;-)

Peace

mark

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