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BNDGK

Trapped

26 posts in this topic

Okay. So before you read this, i would like you to know that I am a servant to my imagination, and the poems that I compose may or may not reflect my views, feelings, or actions.

In this prison where I lay,

Someone help me, I can’t stay,

I won’t live another day,

If in this prison I must stay.

I must not be here, not at all,

Peering over the suicide wall,

Huge and oppressive, and very tall,

Im on the edge and just might fall.

In this prison where I lay,

Someone help me, I can’t stay,

I won’t live another day,

If in this prison I must stay.

Will anyone help me here on my knees?

I need a friend at times like these,

Can anyone help me? Somebody please,

But at last I have found a method of release.

In this prison where I lay,

Someone help me, I can’t stay,

I won’t live another day,

If in this prison I must stay.

The blade of the knife, which glints and shines,

I know what they’ll tell me, it’s all lies,

No more to suffer, soon I will fly,

I know that I’m leaving all of this behind.

In this prison where I once lay,

Someone didn’t help me, and I couldn’t stay,

I couldn’t live one more day,

Because in this prison I couldn't stay

Feedback please!!! Do you like it? Hate it? Suggestions?? (Be gentle please) :)

Edited by BNDGK
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I love it!

Well, not the suicidal feeling, of course, but I love the way you wrote this piece, short lines, fast rhythm, describing frantic mind that must but can’t stay there another day.

Suggestion: post some more of your work. I'm sure others will love it too :yes:

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I love it!

Well, not the suicidal feeling, of course, but I love the way you wrote this piece, short lines, fast rhythm, describing frantic mind that must but can’t stay there another day.

Suggestion: post some more of your work. I'm sure others will love it too :yes:

:D thanks a lot!!! <3

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I agree with Helen, I like the frantic flow of it. Nice job!

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I agree with Helen, I like the frantic flow of it. Nice job!

Thanks a bunch!!!

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I third! :tu:

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I like it :)

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I third! :tu:

Thankss!!!

I like it :)

Thank You too :D

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I liked it.. I like rhymey stuff..

But this I found even more interesting than the poem, lol

Okay. So before you read this, i would like you to know that I am a servant to my imagination, and the poems that I compose may or may not reflect my views, feelings, or actions.

That imo, is the mark of a true artist.. :tu:

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I liked it.. I like rhymey stuff..

But this I found even more interesting than the poem, lol

That imo, is the mark of a true artist.. :tu:

Thank You very much :) I was nervous about posting something so... morbid (?) but i kind of realized that it was doing no good only being read by me. Im glad to get lots of feedback, positive or negative :)

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Thank You very much :) I was nervous about posting something so... morbid (?) but i kind of realized that it was doing no good only being read by me. Im glad to get lots of feedback, positive or negative :)

It's been a bit rare for me lately, but occsionaly a story or poem or something artsy just comes to the mind and you need to get it out on paper or at least make it real.. I once wrote an entire novel because of this.. Your comment that you are a servant to your imagination is probably the best description of this that I've seen. It's something that cant be controlled, but must be done.

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It's been a bit rare for me lately, but occsionaly a story or poem or something artsy just comes to the mind and you need to get it out on paper or at least make it real.. I once wrote an entire novel because of this.. Your comment that you are a servant to your imagination is probably the best description of this that I've seen. It's something that cant be controlled, but must be done.

Thanks :) I just wanted people to know that im not like really suicidal and stuff. Like you said, when these things come to you, there is nothing you can do but bring the story to life and share it with others. Did you get your novel published?

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Thanks :) I just wanted people to know that im not like really suicidal and stuff. Like you said, when these things come to you, there is nothing you can do but bring the story to life and share it with others. Did you get your novel published?

Nope. It's unpublished & I havn't got an agent either.. Am pretty sure it would be popular, well, I guess most writers think that way. :lol: Have tried finding an agent and sent it to a few publishers, but Bahhhh, all I seem to collect is rejection slips, which I keep, and add to my display book to remind me how damn hard it is to get published.

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Nope. It's unpublished & I havn't got an agent either.. Am pretty sure it would be popular, well, I guess most writers think that way. :lol: Have tried finding an agent and sent it to a few publishers, but Bahhhh, all I seem to collect is rejection slips, which I keep, and add to my display book to remind me how damn hard it is to get published.

Well be sure to share when you get it published! I want to read it!!

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Wow!!! You must be tired of hearing this, but i like your poem :):tu:

Edited by CuriousGreek

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Wow!!! You must be tired of hearing this, but i like your poem :):tu:

No! Thanks a bunch, I love hearing that!!! I actually had written this like a few months ago but I was too shy to post it anywhere. Im glad people like it :lol:

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No! Thanks a bunch, I love hearing that!!! I actually had written this like a few months ago but I was too shy to post it anywhere. Im glad people like it :lol:

And we're glad you decided to start posting your poems. See, there was no reason to be shy?? :D:tsu:

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And we're glad you decided to start posting your poems. See, there was no reason to be shy?? :D:tsu:

:P Thanks! Well, its like where I live and the way my family is, they think it is weird that im artsy and sciency. It is very unusual for rednecks to be this way :geek:

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:P Thanks! Well, its like where I live and the way my family is, they think it is weird that im artsy and sciency. It is very unusual for rednecks to be this way :geek:

Oh, sorry to hear that. No one has the right to make you feel bad for writing poems <_<

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Oh, sorry to hear that. No one has the right to make you feel bad for writing poems <_<

Thanks :rolleyes: I will never stop though. There's just too much left unwritten. :sm

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We may be trapped, but our mind can take us anywhere we want to go :)

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Thanks :rolleyes: I will never stop though. There's just too much left unwritten. :sm

You're much welcome :innocent: . Absolutely agree!!! :tu:
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We may be trapped, but our mind can take us anywhere we want to go :)

Imagination is one of the best ways to go on long trips and enjoy them :yes:
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We may be trapped, but our mind can take us anywhere we want to go :)

Well said :yes:

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Words born of wisdom,

It's a crime not to speak them,

And they're lost if not written to page....

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