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glorybebe

diamond necklace for 13 year old?

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OK, I am a single mom who is scraping by working two jobs. My ex lives with his parents (42 years old) , does not pay living expenses and pays child support. My beef is that instead of increasing the child support to improve the living standard for our child, he buys her a diamond necklace for Christmas. Can a male please give me some insight into the thought process here? Thank you.

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I'm not male,but that's retarded .That being said ,I still cherish a white gold cross,with a tiny diamond ,my uncle bought me when I was probably 11 or so .

It's a huge sentimental item for me now .

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Well not to be negative here but if he pays his child support what's wrong with him buying her a diamond necklace. I imagine she will cherish it since it came from her dad.

I do understand that its not fair his parents let him live off of them while all he pays is child support but that's life its not often fair.

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Well not to be negative here but if he pays his child support what's wrong with him buying her a diamond necklace. I imagine she will cherish it since it came from her dad.

I do understand that its not fair his parents let him live off of them while all he pays is child support but that's life its not often fair.

I see it as him trying to buy her love. Through his mental and emotional abuse to her she has refused to see him, and I see it as his way to get her to contact him. And yes, he pays child support, but almost half of what other mothers get.

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I'm not male,but that's retarded .That being said ,I still cherish a white gold cross,with a tiny diamond ,my uncle bought me when I was probably 11 or so .

It's a huge sentimental item for me now .

Part of my frustration is that I can't afford to buy her presents and had to go to get a hamper. I have to keep a rood over her head and food in her belly.

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So, I raised a daughter all alone...no father at all, and no support of any kind.

When her father bought her gifts I didn't kick up a fuss or even worry about nor did I try to compete with him about it either or allow myself to be agitated by it. I found it worked to mine and her advantage in the end. She knew who was there for her every day, she knew who supported her, and she knew that his gifts were more about him than they were about her. I was confident that I'd raised her distinguish who was doing something for her out of love, and who was doing something for her with other motives in mind.

I think the appropriate response to her would be "That's a lovely necklace and I'm happy you like it" Then let it be.

Edited by MissMelsWell
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I think in any relationship your always going to be let down when you expect people to be and behave the way you want them to...try talking to him but its a lovely gift and possibly from a man's point of view his way of saying I love you...

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I think in any relationship your always going to be let down when you expect people to be and behave the way you want them to...try talking to him but its a lovely gift and possibly from a man's point of view his way of saying I love you...

I guess. The hard part is all the things he has done in the past to hurt her and now that she decided she doesn't want to see him anymore he buys her a diamond necklace. Maybe I am being to protective, I have to work so hard to provide for her and he doesn't care for that aspect of her life, just what he can do to look like the cool one.

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So, I raised a daughter all alone...no father at all, and no support of any kind.

When her father bought her gifts I didn't kick up a fuss or even worry about nor did I try to compete with him about it either or allow myself to be agitated by it. I found it worked to mine and her advantage in the end. She knew who was there for her every day, she knew who supported her, and she knew that his gifts were more about him than they were about her. I was confident that I'd raised her distinguish who was doing something for her out of love, and who was doing something for her with other motives in mind.

I think the appropriate response to her would be "That's a lovely necklace and I'm happy you like it" Then let it be.

She has told me this, too, I just hate having her in the position that she has to see things in this way.

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Part of my frustration is that I can't afford to buy her presents and had to go to get a hamper. I have to keep a rood over her head and food in her belly.

You should be happy with the things you do, do for her.. buying her gifts at Christmas isn't a true reflection of love, and even tho she will probably hate you like any 13yr old would, be confident in knowing she'll appreciate it when older, trust me on this..love isnt a one day one gift wonder...its 365 days a year...but you do sound like a good mom.

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I guess. The hard part is all the things he has done in the past to hurt her and now that she decided she doesn't want to see him anymore he buys her a diamond necklace. Maybe I am being to protective, I have to work so hard to provide for her and he doesn't care for that aspect of her life, just what he can do to look like the cool one.

I cant comment on his reasons why, but I sometimes think the cheapest gift can mean the most, but in saying that all kids want these days is bling and ipads not exactly cheap :)

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She has told me this, too, I just hate having her in the position that she has to see things in this way.

Don't be... be very proud of it. That's a skill some people never learn and it's a VERY important one for her to have in her "life skills toolbox". This situation will come up again later in her life when other people are doing and buying things for her for selfish purposes.

And, the necklace might not be as expensive as you might think. I saw a whole table of diamond and sterling necklaces at Macys the other day that were under $40. These days, you can even buy diamond and plated pot metal for even less.

Edited by MissMelsWell

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Awww, you guys are making me cry. It has been so hard for so many years and I want to be able to give her things that I can't. But you are so right, I know she loves me and appreciates me. I just have to keep that foremost in mind.

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I think one of the most valuable things I was ever told when my ex and I split up was this "Work toward neutrality. When you see him, the goal is to not hate him, not love him. not let him rattle you... when you see or speak to him, you should feel... nothing." So that seems weird, but it really works. It took me about 5 years to get there though. It was hard getting to that place. I had to work at it every day.

But I think what really alerted me that my daughter had her father (actually stepfather, who she called "dad" for 12 years of her life) all figured out was when she was 14 and she came home from spending a few hours with him with about $1000 worth of snowboarding gear. I was FURIOUS inside, but instead I said to her "Wow, awesome board! You're gonna be the mostly stylin' kid on the ski bus this winter!" And she looked at me one eyebrow raised and said with all the irony in her voice she could muster: "Eh, ya, dad was pretty happy with himself." LMAO! She was grateful for the gift, she used it for several winters of fun. But on that comment alone, I knew she definitely knew the the motives behind it.

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He did it because he wanted to give her something expensive for her only, to improve

her living conditions would also improve yours and he couldn't have that. He will only

pay to you what he has too legally and not a penny more. Big A hole is what he is.

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Depending on the diamond they can be a good investment, (diamonds are a girls best friends), but as others said it might not be an expensive one. Find out what it is worth. I have found with children time is the greatest gift you can give them. If he is not giving her time he will pay for it in the end.

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Depending on the diamond they can be a good investment, (diamonds are a girls best friends), but as others said it might not be an expensive one. Find out what it is worth. I have found with children time is the greatest gift you can give them. If he is not giving her time he will pay for it in the end.

Actually, in 99% of cases, diamonds are like a new car; once they leave the showroom they're worth about half of what you paid, or less.

I would very rarely consider a diamond to be a good investment.

In fact, when two friends of mine recently got engaged, and he really wanted to buy a diamond for her but didn't want to overspend and wanted to keep it under $2000, I ended up taking him to a pawn shop (most good pawn shop owners know their diamonds pretty well) we selected a VERY ugly setting that had a nice one plus carat stone in it. He paid $525 for it. we then took it to a local jeweler who has his own on-site workshop, and had the diamond removed and a whole new ring made. Total cost was a hair over $1000 after buying the diamond and having the ring remade. The original ugly ring would have retailed for right around $4500. The reality was that the bulk of the value of her new engagement ring was in the gold, not the stone.

Edited by MissMelsWell
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I see it as him trying to buy her love. Through his mental and emotional abuse to her she has refused to see him, and I see it as his way to get her to contact him. And yes, he pays child support, but almost half of what other mothers get.

If he is abusing her he shouldn't be allowed around her. If he isn't paying enough child support can you make him pay more, court. I could see how him buying this necklace would upset you if he isn't paying his fair share. However if your daughter shows it to you tell her you think its pretty and let it go.

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If he is abusing her he shouldn't be allowed around her. If he isn't paying enough child support can you make him pay more, court. I could see how him buying this necklace would upset you if he isn't paying his fair share. However if your daughter shows it to you tell her you think its pretty and let it go.

He isn't around her, she has refused to visit him. Without going into the whole dirty bits, she is in councelling to deal with him always putting me down and positions he has put her in. After she refused to see him anymore, things started coming out, and some of the stuff she told me really had me up in arms. We are currently going through court to have no contact, but he continues to email me all the time.

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He did it because he wanted to give her something expensive for her only, to improve

her living conditions would also improve yours and he couldn't have that. He will only

pay to you what he has too legally and not a penny more. Big A hole is what he is.

Thank you, that is what my opinion is too. It has been over 13 years since I left him and he still is angry, trying to involve our daughter with his games.

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This present is not appropriate for young girl, but if you really want to buy it, you should choose necklace on the diamonds wholesale - it will be cheaped and not less beautiful

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A father's primary duties are to provide for his family (to the best of his abiltiy), to protect his family, and to teach his children...

Some fathers are very good teachers, by their example and active interest in their children, and they help teach their children to become good people and good parents themselves when the time comes... Other fathers are also 'good teachers', but they teach the negative side of life, through their example... But all fathers are teachers... one way or the other...

Obviously he is a failure at the protection thing, and his provision duties are somewhat suspect... but at least he is teaching his child... He is teaching her to not trust a man like him...

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In the current economy I would find buying diamonds for a 13 year old to be less then wise spending. I try to buy my kid things he will use or needs. We have a great relationship even though he lives with his mom. After years of not getting along the 2 of us parents have come to terms and now do whats best for our child.

It took some growing up on both are parts to get there but now it seems so much simpler.

Its funny though because back in the day I remember her making the same complaint about a gift bought by the dad of one of her other kids. But your situation sounds different otherwise.

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A father's primary duties are to provide for his family (to the best of his abiltiy), to protect his family, and to teach his children...

Some fathers are very good teachers, by their example and active interest in their children, and they help teach their children to become good people and good parents themselves when the time comes... Other fathers are also 'good teachers', but they teach the negative side of life, through their example... But all fathers are teachers... one way or the other...

Obviously he is a failure at the protection thing, and his provision duties are somewhat suspect... but at least he is teaching his child... He is teaching her to not trust a man like him...

I just don't want her to be jaded. I tell her that there are a lot of great emn out there and not to judge them all on this experience. One of our neighbours is like the big brother she never had and our landlord is a grandpa influence, so I am hoping that her interactions with these two awesome men will balance out what she is going through.

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In the current economy I would find buying diamonds for a 13 year old to be less then wise spending. I try to buy my kid things he will use or needs. We have a great relationship even though he lives with his mom. After years of not getting along the 2 of us parents have come to terms and now do whats best for our child.

It took some growing up on both are parts to get there but now it seems so much simpler.

Its funny though because back in the day I remember her making the same complaint about a gift bought by the dad of one of her other kids. But your situation sounds different otherwise.

Yeah, it is a silly, silly situation. At one point she had two cell phones, a laptop, 2 mp3 players, an iPod touch....and yet I was working two jobs to make sure that our rent was paid, food was on the table and clothes were on her back. I just don't get the thought process behind this.....

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