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glorybebe

diamond necklace for 13 year old?

40 posts in this topic

I dont get it either. I mean we have Ipod, Kindle and a few nice things for my 10 year old but the kindle is because hes a bookworm and we cant buy enough books to keep him stocked up. heh. But those things stay at our house and dont go back to his moms with him. Hes a really great kid so he gets a bit more freedoms then you might expect for the average 10 year old. But hes earned that by his behavior and school performance, You know kinda like rewarding him for doing the right thing instead of punishing him for doing the wrong thing. I think the positive reinforcement has made a huge difference in his life. His mom uses more negative reinforcement and I can tell which is working over the longterm. I always stay neutral when talking about his mom and even try to be friendly by asking how shes doing and stuff to let him know that even though we are not together that both his parents care about him and do our best for him. Im so happy this is where we are today as we spent years in court and the negative feelings that were going on between us was so unhealthy. Id never let things go back to the way it was.

Well she has a bad habit of not returning things. Used to make me so mad. But now Ive just come to realize shes a busybody person and truly just cant get it organized enough to do that type of thing so we just keep them here. Problem was solved and nobody had bad feelings at the end of the day.

Did kinda erk me however when I got my son a wallet and had like $20 in it. I sent it to his moms with him and he told me later she took it from him and he hasnt ever got it back. So I went got him another wallet and it stays down here. I dont know just have to work with my situation and make it work. Kinda like letting the little things go.

I know every parents situation is different and you sound like a great parent.

Edited by AsteroidX
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Misguided sense of value, He loves his kid a lot and society puts a huge sentiment on diamond necklaces being valuable. Just a really really bad judgement call on his part.

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I dont get it either. I mean we have Ipod, Kindle and a few nice things for my 10 year old but the kindle is because hes a bookworm and we cant buy enough books to keep him stocked up. heh. But those things stay at our house and dont go back to his moms with him. Hes a really great kid so he gets a bit more freedoms then you might expect for the average 10 year old. But hes earned that by his behavior and school performance, You know kinda like rewarding him for doing the right thing instead of punishing him for doing the wrong thing. I think the positive reinforcement has made a huge difference in his life. His mom uses more negative reinforcement and I can tell which is working over the longterm. I always stay neutral when talking about his mom and even try to be friendly by asking how shes doing and stuff to let him know that even though we are not together that both his parents care about him and do our best for him. Im so happy this is where we are today as we spent years in court and the negative feelings that were going on between us was so unhealthy. Id never let things go back to the way it was.

Well she has a bad habit of not returning things. Used to make me so mad. But now Ive just come to realize shes a busybody person and truly just cant get it organized enough to do that type of thing so we just keep them here. Problem was solved and nobody had bad feelings at the end of the day.

Did kinda erk me however when I got my son a wallet and had like $20 in it. I sent it to his moms with him and he told me later she took it from him and he hasnt ever got it back. So I went got him another wallet and it stays down here. I dont know just have to work with my situation and make it work. Kinda like letting the little things go.

I know every parents situation is different and you sound like a great parent.

Thank you! It is always helpful to see the situation from a male's perspective. I know that she was given a couple hundred dollars from his parents to bring home so that we could get groceries. She said her grandma-his mom- told her not to tell him how much money it was. When he asked her how much, she refused to tell him because he would steal it. This made him mad, but in the past, the grandma gave us extra money knowing I was working so hard to make ends meet, and my daughter's father tried to get her to dpend it all before she got home do that I wouldn't get extra money, eventhough it was to buy groceries and other things she needed.

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He isn't around her, she has refused to visit him. Without going into the whole dirty bits, she is in councelling to deal with him always putting me down and positions he has put her in. After she refused to see him anymore, things started coming out, and some of the stuff she told me really had me up in arms. We are currently going through court to have no contact, but he continues to email me all the time.

I am skeptical. You also claimed you don't want her jaded but judging from above it would seem that you both engage in talking negatively about her father. That is not going to help. Hopefully it is just her telling you and you not involving her with your "adult" problems. That would be using her as a pawn.

If you really wanted to limit contact you could as you can block e-mails. Back to involving her, when you stated, "we are currently going through court," hope that means you and your lawyers and not her "going through (a) court," ordeal.

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I am skeptical. You also claimed you don't want her jaded but judging from above it would seem that you both engage in talking negatively about her father. That is not going to help. Hopefully it is just her telling you and you not involving her with your "adult" problems. That would be using her as a pawn.

If you really wanted to limit contact you could as you can block e-mails. Back to involving her, when you stated, "we are currently going through court," hope that means you and your lawyers and not her "going through (a) court," ordeal.

The whole reason she is in councelling is so I don't say anything bad about him. It puts me in a hard position when she asks me ehy he did thungs like he did. After telling me he gave her an alcoholic beverage at 8, it was really hard to keep my cool. When I asked her why she didn't tell me about (4 years) she told me that he told her that I wouldn't let him see her anymore. We blocked the emails and had to change our cell numbers due to his harrassing and abusive messages. As to court, here in BC it is up to the judge whether he/ wants to talk to the child. From what my lawyer has stated, she will not be subjected to this as my daughter wrote a letter with the councellor stating her wants. I know, I have been subject to usually men who are 'skeptical'. I am not trying to get back at him-I left him after the second time he hit me. And with the laws here, until the child is old enough to make a choice, you have to send them to visit. I have tried to get along with him, even listening to him complain about his girlfriends in order to have my daughter see a healthy parent relationship. But, once things started coming out, that was the end of that.

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The whole reason she is in councelling is so I don't say anything bad about him. It puts me in a hard position when she asks me ehy he did thungs like he did. After telling me he gave her an alcoholic beverage at 8, it was really hard to keep my cool. When I asked her why she didn't tell me about (4 years) she told me that he told her that I wouldn't let him see her anymore. We blocked the emails and had to change our cell numbers due to his harrassing and abusive messages. As to court, here in BC it is up to the judge whether he/ wants to talk to the child. From what my lawyer has stated, she will not be subjected to this as my daughter wrote a letter with the councellor stating her wants. I know, I have been subject to usually men who are 'skeptical'. I am not trying to get back at him-I left him after the second time he hit me. And with the laws here, until the child is old enough to make a choice, you have to send them to visit. I have tried to get along with him, even listening to him complain about his girlfriends in order to have my daughter see a healthy parent relationship. But, once things started coming out, that was the end of that.

Thank for responding in a neutral fashion and respecting my skepticism which is waning.

Some people have limited skills, I am sure he would rather not live where he does now, everyone has stressors, so your reaction is understandable as is his, most likely he is just trying to connect, a bit to late but I would always prefer salvaging relationships to ending them but only those in them or leaving them know best.

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The whole reason she is in councelling is so I don't say anything bad about him. It puts me in a hard position when she asks me ehy he did thungs like he did. After telling me he gave her an alcoholic beverage at 8, it was really hard to keep my cool. When I asked her why she didn't tell me about (4 years) she told me that he told her that I wouldn't let him see her anymore. We blocked the emails and had to change our cell numbers due to his harrassing and abusive messages. As to court, here in BC it is up to the judge whether he/ wants to talk to the child. From what my lawyer has stated, she will not be subjected to this as my daughter wrote a letter with the councellor stating her wants. I know, I have been subject to usually men who are 'skeptical'. I am not trying to get back at him-I left him after the second time he hit me. And with the laws here, until the child is old enough to make a choice, you have to send them to visit. I have tried to get along with him, even listening to him complain about his girlfriends in order to have my daughter see a healthy parent relationship. But, once things started coming out, that was the end of tha

Its hard to know the extent of your grievance towards him. And obviously you may not want to talk about here. But minus sexual/physical/severe emotional abuse towards your daughter or others that she may be witnessing these things occurring to, Its a fine line to cross in refusing visitation.

Both me and my ex went through episodes were we had problems with D&A and we both responded by not letting the other visit during that time. It sucked wholly crapola balls but in the long run as our child was still <5 it was likely nice not to expose him to our insanity. Giving a child an alcoholic beverage at age 8 although isnt what I would choose to do nor our childs mom it is not totally unacceptable in many European style cultures so one would have to know more before saying its a bad thing specifically. Was it at a holiday meal special event etc...

Anyways I could go on for a long time about this glorybebe and thank you for bringing up such an interesting topic even if its an unpleasant life experience to yourself.

What I do see is his family has alot more money then you and hes using that as a power tool over the child and to an extent you. When hes already got to pay for an attorney for family court and is still buying her those gifts hed be telling you bring it on. Id say its a statement akin to that. At 13 the psychology of being in such a battle of wills is not good for the child. Id say. Because shes aware enough to know whats going on. Also the grandparents are reaching out to you and from this perspective they are doing so in good faith. I mean there attachment to there grandchild is just as real as your own attachment. So you might want to explore improving your relationship with them if your relationship with the dad is deteriorating. One thing you dont want to do is alienate her from the grandparents who might be completely innocent in this situation and ARE an important part of who she is and growing up knowing them is important IMO. This is what they meant when they said being a parent is not easy.

Id only implore parents to work all this stuff oiut well before there children reach this age as it an ugly part of the modern era and a good reason to find "the one" before having children. A big reason I only have 1 child.

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Well, one last piece to the puzzle for you to see where I am sitting...her counellor told me that she would report me to the authorities if I sent her to see her father. There is a lot more going on that I am not getting into online.

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Actually when I stop and step back....I understand skeptical opinions. The whole situation is crazy. How I got into it blows my mind. But, I have to deal with it and look after my daughter as best as I can.

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Safety of your daughter is your first priority as a parent. I hope for the best outcome for yours. If you react in a calm manner it will reflect on her as well. This is a good time for you to be a strong adult. Without needing all the details.

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snip

Edited by OverSword

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Safety of your daughter is your first priority as a parent. I hope for the best outcome for yours. If you react in a calm manner it will reflect on her as well. This is a good time for you to be a strong adult. Without needing all the details.

I try very hard. Very hard.

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he does things because he thinks you're turning her against him, then you'll have to do something which in turn he'll have to do something else, by which time you'll have to try this then that during which time he's also trying everything he knows and not and all the while the daughter doesn't know what is going in your heads or maybe not even knowing what to do ...

neither do the counselors ...

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he does things because he thinks you're turning her against him, then you'll have to do something which in turn he'll have to do something else, by which time you'll have to try this then that during which time he's also trying everything he knows and not and all the while the daughter doesn't know what is going in your heads or maybe not even knowing what to do ...

neither do the counselors ...

That's where we differ. She tells me how he put me down all the time to her, I try to not say anything negative. The only time I will say anything is to tell her what really happened. And i have confronted him on what he has said to her and he admits he lied. He also told her friend's mom that I ran into him when he was in an accident at work-I was no where around. It is a pretty messed up, bizarre situation and she has decided she has had enough.

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