Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 5
Sean93

How do you deal with death?

26 posts in this topic

When a loved one dies, how do you react/have reacted? Be honest about it, it makes for an interesting discussion.

For me, all my emotions only come out when I by myself, I hate being sentimental around others and try my best to avoid it at all costs. I don't cry at funerals although I almost felt like doing so at My Grandfathers a few months back simply because I was with him hours before he died and he said to me "For the first time in a while, I feel better". It's almost surreal in a way if you've ever experienced it, getting the news that someone you were talking with a few hours ago has died suddenly. I felt numb and somewhat emotionless when the paramedics were trying to resuscitate him, seeing everyone crying and hugging, it's all weird the way people act at these times and I don't like it, my little sister looked at me and said "Why aren't you crying?" which kinda' annyed me because she said it as if it was some requirement although I understand where she's coming from in a way. The only time I felt like tearing was when I found myself in my Grandfathers' empty home. I opened his DVD player to put in a DVD of my own and there was his favorite film, that starred Ava Gardner, his favorite actress; many times I'd sit with him when he was drunk on whiskey and he'd watch the damn thing over and over again, that's the closest I've come to crying at death at a mature age but as it stands, death to me is a natural thing that should be accepted and gotten over with as soon as possible. But that's my take.

I personally don't like all the crying and misery and mopping around and so reserve it, it's handier that way. I bet all the loved ones who have passed would want us to get on with our lives and not waste away, of course it might be hard to do for some people and that's understandable if you're that kinda' person. I guess if I were a religious person I'd find more solace in death but considering I'm not, I still find a bit of comfort knowing that it'll all be over, life I mean in terms of all the **** we have to pull through only to die in the end; imagine everlasting peace in a void of nothing. To go back to my grandfather for a second: he was a sever worrier and got upset at small things so in that sense, I'm glad he's at peace now, even if my idea of peace isn't all fine wine, harps and cherubs.

So fire away.

Edited by Sean93
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its according how close I was to that person. My Grandfather I cried for a week and couldn't eat or sleep. My Grandmother was the one that hurt me the most, I cried for three weeks, couldn't think about her without crying. She was more of a mother to me than my mother was. When my mom died I cried at her funeral and that was it but she was suffering so it was for the best. I cried for a week after my dog died, she was my best friend. She was by my side constantly, slept by my bed. She would of preferred sleeping in it with me but being a rottweiler she was too big.

When I lost them I really didn't think anything happened after you died. Since then I have seen a ghost.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just an observation: It's different when older people die (as they've had their lives) verses when children or young adults die. Only those of us who have lost children or siblings can appreciate just how different.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just an observation: It's different when older people die (as they've had their lives) verses when children or young adults die. Only those of us who have lost children or siblings can appreciate just how different.

I can't hep but think that children who have died at, say childbirth for example, are lucky. As grim as I may sound, I envy unborn children for the simple fact that they got out early. I don't see how life is advertised to be this wonderful thing. Sure I'm only young but so far it's been nasty and boring to say the least and I've seen more bad that good in this world and no, this isn't teenage angst or me trying to be 'out there' and 'shocking' to impress all the big adults on this forum, it's my honest view. I don't think that I am owned anything by life mind you, no one is but I reserve the right to hold my opinion of it regardless.

That being said, when a child dies then I start to sympathize with the parents simply because they'd be distraught about the loss, even more so if the child died in tragic circumstances, that's one thing that keeps me from wanting kids, if something were to happen to them or me. it's a lose-lose outcome either way.

Edited by Sean93

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't hep but think that children who have died at, say childbirth for example, are lucky. As grim as I may sound, I envy unborn children for the simple fact that they got out early. I don't see how life is advertised to be this wonderful thing. Sure I'm only young but so far it's been nasty and boring to say the least and I've seen more bad that good in this world and no, this isn't teenage angst or me trying to be 'out there' and 'shocking' to impress all the big adults on this forum, it's my honest view. I don't think that I am owned anything by life mind you, no one is but I reserve the right to hold my opinion of it regardless.

That being said, when a child dies then I start to sympathize with the parents simply because they'd be distraught about the loss, even more so if the child died in tragic circumstances, that's one thing that keeps me from wanting kids, if something were to happen to them or me. it's a lose-lose outcome either way.

O.o name 1 thing better then life :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was recently thinking about this topic myself. I have lost many people close to me in my life. I am always sad, but rarely cry. My sadness doesn't last long either. I am very sensitive to other people's emotions and energies, so when other people are upset or angry, those feelings come out of me. It's almost like I can feel the peace that the person who has died feels. Maybe that is the wrong way to put it, but it's my best. I agree with you that the ones who die are lucky. I love living, but most of us are taught that where we go after life is grand. Why wouldn't you want that for someone else instead of this cruel world? People often mistake my actions for not giving a damn when a person or pet dies for not caring enough. I think some people are ok with death and accept it, and others are a bit selfish and don't want to be hurt or miss a person or pet.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've watched a lot of people die in my short time here on Earth, and only once have I ever cried. I think you're right in saying they wouldn't want us wasting our life grieving over their death...I know I wouldn't want that. I very rarely cry over someone's death, but sometimes I just don't understand. These last few years have really changed my perspective on things. One summer I had a very old friend die in a car accident. She wasn't wearing her seat belt, and she flew through the windshield. It was awful...then the following summer another one of my friends died in a car accident. This time she was wearing her seat belt...and it crushed her. Sometimes I sit up late at night and wonder, "Why am I alive? Is there something special about me? Am I wasting my life? Would they feel like their lives were wasted and short-lived?" I like to think not...and one thing better than life? That's an easy one. Love, of course. It's the only thing that keeps me holding on. If I didn't want to let down the ones that love me, I would have offed myself a long time ago.

Edited by MechPenProdigy
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm simply don't, there is no need to, death is something that is simply just is. Instead of lingering on the fact they are gone, It's just business as usual, when i miss them linger on the good times and be glad that I had them and what I learned from them, and try to pass that on. Then again I seen lots of people die right around me as a kid. So I had plenty of chances to practice how to deal with it. People think I'm heartless because of it that is fine, but trying to hold on to them and basically keeping them alive in your heart is like the mental equivalent of a zombie. Sooner or later it's gonna eat your brains.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just an observation: It's different when older people die (as they've had their lives) verses when children or young adults die. Only those of us who have lost children or siblings can appreciate just how different.

Now that is not something I have experienced. Old people want to live as much as young people, and our lives are so short that it hardly is a real difference.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We should feel free to cry in our grief, and we should not feel guilty if we don't. Each of us is different and each death affects us differently.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm simply don't, there is no need to, death is something that is simply just is. Instead of lingering on the fact they are gone, It's just business as usual, when i miss them linger on the good times and be glad that I had them and what I learned from them, and try to pass that on. Then again I seen lots of people die right around me as a kid. So I had plenty of chances to practice how to deal with it. People think I'm heartless because of it that is fine, but trying to hold on to them and basically keeping them alive in your heart is like the mental equivalent of a zombie. Sooner or later it's gonna eat your brains.

Sill, I can't help but miss them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

O.o name 1 thing better then life :P

Dreamless sleep. Yeah you're still alive but you don't know it do you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like to think not...and one thing better than life? That's an easy one. Love, of course. It's the only thing that keeps me holding on. If I didn't want to let down the ones that love me, I would have offed myself a long time ago.

I agree that love is better than life. I am finally OK with being alive. I had a son out of wedlock 11 years ago. He asks me sometimes why I had him. I think some parents would dance around this question or give a generic answer. I tell him the truth...I believe everything happens for a reason, and the reason for his being was to save my life.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm simply don't, there is no need to, death is something that is simply just is. Instead of lingering on the fact they are gone, It's just business as usual, when i miss them linger on the good times and be glad that I had them and what I learned from them, and try to pass that on. Then again I seen lots of people die right around me as a kid. So I had plenty of chances to practice how to deal with it. People think I'm heartless because of it that is fine, but trying to hold on to them and basically keeping them alive in your heart is like the mental equivalent of a zombie. Sooner or later it's gonna eat your brains.

Exactly my mentality about death!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When my mother died from cancer, I was a "basket case" for a while.(she was a very good mother, it hurt me a lot)

Even alcohol, which normally lifts me up, did nothing. Even with liquor shots, it felt like I had not drank at all. Weird.

After her death(back in '96), I must confess that I think more of my own death now.

Edited by pallidin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a program in my head where I let go of all my body tension, and send out the electric signals to momentarily relax, each time some crazy driver sideswipes me on my bike, because my immortal soul is a trillion zilliom times stronger than these bones or that metal.

If you really want to confront your mortality, buy a radio and film yourself destroying it. That would be "it". (imagine the radio feels pain for brutal honesty about everything).

Edited by JeremyjJstone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is grief, and only time relieves it, not very well. The only way to avoid it is to never get attached. Do you want that kind of life?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a program in my head where I let go of all my body tension, and send out the electric signals to momentarily relax, each time some crazy driver sideswipes me on my bike, because my immortal soul is a trillion zilliom times stronger than these bones or that metal.

If you really want to confront your mortality, buy a radio and film yourself destroying it. That would be "it". (imagine the radio feels pain for brutal honesty about everything).

Or if you want to confront your immortality ... using your analogy of a radio ... try to destroy the radio signal (your soul) by destroying the radio (your physical body).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is grief, and only time relieves it, not very well. The only way to avoid it is to never get attached. Do you want that kind of life?

Yes, actually. Attachment, I have found, comes with too much emotional baggage and duty. It's the reason I'm hoping to stay single for life.

Some people think it's worth it though so to each his own.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now that is not something I have experienced. Old people want to live as much as young people, and our lives are so short that it hardly is a real difference.

I've lost both my parents and a daughter. Trust me, having your child die is worse than losing an elderly parent. Sure, I mourn for them all, but at least my parents had good long lives...not so for my daughter.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've lost both of my parents.. And both deaths were something that I was ready for..

I can't imagine what it would be like to loose a child..

death isn't something I fear for myself, but it's something I fear having to face with others.. *Shrugs* sound's shallow but I assure you it's not, I don't see it as an end, more a transformation...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was sheltered from death for a long time. I didn't know anyone personally who died until about 15 years ago. The older you get, the more encounters with death that you experience. My parents are getting older and I think it would disturb me the most if they died.

I've been to cemeteries (not to visit loved ones) and they don't bother me yet. You might say I have respect and compassion for those who died - they don't scare me. That's how I feel when I walk around a cemetery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i dont take death well, my dad passed away in 08 and it was rough. and iam still kinda not over it. my mom said i changed /

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm the only one of my generation left now; my parents and wife and siblings are all gone, and we were never able to have children. However, I have nieces and nephews and some of their families and five adopted children (soon to become six I hope) living here, so it is a full house, and me, not all that old (although actually quite old by the standards that prevailed when I was growing up).

I kinda hope I'm then next to go, but would like to put that off for a good long while.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When a loved one dies, how do you react/have reacted? Be honest about it, it makes for an interesting discussion.

For me, all my emotions only come out when I by myself, I hate being sentimental around others and try my best to avoid it at all costs. I don't cry at funerals although I almost felt like doing so at My Grandfathers a few months back simply because I was with him hours before he died and he said to me "For the first time in a while, I feel better". It's almost surreal in a way if you've ever experienced it, getting the news that someone you were talking with a few hours ago has died suddenly. I felt numb and somewhat emotionless when the paramedics were trying to resuscitate him, seeing everyone crying and hugging, it's all weird the way people act at these times and I don't like it, my little sister looked at me and said "Why aren't you crying?" which kinda' annyed me because she said it as if it was some requirement although I understand where she's coming from in a way. The only time I felt like tearing was when I found myself in my Grandfathers' empty home. I opened his DVD player to put in a DVD of my own and there was his favorite film, that starred Ava Gardner, his favorite actress; many times I'd sit with him when he was drunk on whiskey and he'd watch the damn thing over and over again, that's the closest I've come to crying at death at a mature age but as it stands, death to me is a natural thing that should be accepted and gotten over with as soon as possible. But that's my take.

I personally don't like all the crying and misery and mopping around and so reserve it, it's handier that way. I bet all the loved ones who have passed would want us to get on with our lives and not waste away, of course it might be hard to do for some people and that's understandable if you're that kinda' person. I guess if I were a religious person I'd find more solace in death but considering I'm not, I still find a bit of comfort knowing that it'll all be over, life I mean in terms of all the **** we have to pull through only to die in the end; imagine everlasting peace in a void of nothing. To go back to my grandfather for a second: he was a sever worrier and got upset at small things so in that sense, I'm glad he's at peace now, even if my idea of peace isn't all fine wine, harps and cherubs.

So fire away.

I prefer physical pain over mental pain,though i am not a very emotional person myself atleast i dont show it anyway.I have known more people that have died in my life than i cared to ever see happen,i never cry or get all sad and depressed when one dies i believe their energy is released and becomes part of everything else.My grandfather's death was the only one i ever took very hard did not know how to accept it,and when i get that way i only have 2 emotions angry and drunk lol.That turns out to be good for no one!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 5

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.