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Melo -

c'mon dude...gimme your best jokes!

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i feel like the weirdness of this forum can add fuelzizz to this laughter-box im trying to bring to life!

what makes you laugh, dude?...anything makes me laugh hysterically, but not as much as a person with the last name 'cummings' LOL!

so if anyone will answer,...what tickles your nipples??.....im extremely curious....and no not bi-curious, lol!

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It's your responsibility, as the OP, to provide your best joke.

That's a gimme!

You show us your's, we'll show you our's.

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You know you're misinformed if someone comes up to you and asks if you'd like to invest in condominums and you say "I've never used one before."

LOL

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Posted (edited)

A tortoise was mugged by a gang of snails. When he was asked afterwards if he could identify any of the assailants he said he didn't get a good look at any of them as it all happened so fast!

Edited by MrSerendipity
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ya will......... zi don't really think I have a sence of humor.....least not that I'm aware of......HJowevert I can res

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hugh.... I..no I don't think I have a sence of humor that iam really aware of at the moment...:

oh , ha! I just had some gin . soo I when down in the glen , I was dress

very ah , very much dressed up in my promdress .So i took my gin , down to the glen and said to my

new my freind would like to share my gin . well . to my suprise she spit in my eye,.....

now , the glen is mine .cause i am nice. as nice as a neibor could see.

mr.toad face , asked if i was tippsy..ha ha.....yeah , so he call the cops the even drove down in the glen.

toad face. said ya..see take her away... So willy say s she.s not goin any where! pal. so my neibor yelled

sain' put herin jail,I demand it

, ...K got to tellya this before I tell ya that .. willy the cop, said hey pal your trust passing. he memtioned his lama

was being molested hhhYA! .... willy knows me well .... kinkda a boring day , so he said You Sir Are on privte property

the guy was MAD YEah Like deep red color... then he started say in something about my prom dress... oh yes .with lama spittle down the front... I said where is your cow we were friends & she loved my drink a small bit of gin.

they took her to the Butcher........... And bought 2 lamas . I said would you next time be a dear and tell me whats going on in my glen ... any way.... he got educated before jail he had to buy a 2nd hand prom dress.And come too the realizetion that do what you want just stay ouff my glen. Morol of the Story That Amercains Don't really give a rats butt what yado as long as you stay in your own glen. or yard.. or wooded area .....

I'll meet these lamas or Yamas tomorrow in my New old prom dress....an other moral " just because you have a place in the the woods doesn't mean we have too dress like an animal. AM I NOT right? what happen to ol toad face, he's in jail for dIP dui ah don't care bye!!!! chaos -charm a new dress my work is done.

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One of the funniest jokes I ever heard and I can only remember the punchline.

'Rectum? Hell, it damn near killed him!'

Any joke that ends with that has got to be pretty damn funny... :lol:

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hugh.... I..no I don't think I have a sence of humor that iam really aware of at the moment...:

oh , ha! I just had some gin . soo I when down in the glen , I was dress

very ah , very much dressed up in my promdress .So i took my gin , down to the glen and said to my

new my freind would like to share my gin . well . to my suprise she spit in my eye,.....

now , the glen is mine .cause i am nice. as nice as a neibor could see.

mr.toad face , asked if i was tippsy..ha ha.....yeah , so he call the cops the even drove down in the glen.

toad face. said ya..see take her away... So willy say s she.s not goin any where! pal. so my neibor yelled

sain' put herin jail,I demand it

, ...K got to tellya this before I tell ya that .. willy the cop, said hey pal your trust passing. he memtioned his lama

was being molested hhhYA! .... willy knows me well .... kinkda a boring day , so he said You Sir Are on privte property

the guy was MAD YEah Like deep red color... then he started say in something about my prom dress... oh yes .with lama spittle down the front... I said where is your cow we were friends & she loved my drink a small bit of gin.

they took her to the Butcher........... And bought 2 lamas . I said would you next time be a dear and tell me whats going on in my glen ... any way.... he got educated before jail he had to buy a 2nd hand prom dress.And come too the realizetion that do what you want just stay ouff my glen. Morol of the Story That Amercains Don't really give a rats butt what yado as long as you stay in your own glen. or yard.. or wooded area .....

I'll meet these lamas or Yamas tomorrow in my New old prom dress....an other moral " just because you have a place in the the woods doesn't mean we have too dress like an animal. AM I NOT right? what happen to ol toad face, he's in jail for dIP dui ah don't care bye!!!! chaos -charm a new dress my work is done.

???? :sleepy:

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Funny joke?

Okay, what's the worst part about food poisoning in Germany?

The wurst has yet to come! LOL FAIL :lol:

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i feel like the weirdness of this forum can add fuelzizz to this laughter-box im trying to bring to life!

what makes you laugh, dude?...anything makes me laugh hysterically, but not as much as a person with the last name 'cummings' LOL!

so if anyone will answer,...what tickles your nipples??.....im extremely curious....and no not bi-curious, lol!

The question "what tickles your nipples?" has got the biggest laugh out of me today :clap:

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Actually, my kids made me laugh last night. For reference, Dan is my 6yr old, Josh my my 4yr old and Dave my husband.

So we're driving home and Josh is trying to show Dave something on his finger. Dan shouts "no, don't look it's a booger!".

So Dave says "Josh don't you wipe it on the seat or you won't be getting a Kinder egg when we get to the shop".

Josh assure us he won't.

30 seconds later Dan goes "uurrrgggghhhhhh gross...... he's put it back up his nose!!!!!"

Kids are gross lol. :lol:

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I have some cracking jokes, but its not worth a 2 weeks suspension.

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A skeleton walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender,shaking his head walks over and says "OK what'll it be"

The skeleton replies " Get me a pitcher of beer and a mop"

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I have some cracking jokes, but its not worth a 2 weeks suspension.

I didn't know about the two weeks' suspension!

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A man walked into a chemist's and said, "Have you got any Viagra?" The assistant asked, "Do you have a prescription Sir?" "No," said the man, "But I have a photograph of the wife!"

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I didn't know about the two weeks' suspension!

You are one of the lucky ones. I learned my lesson on week one. :cry:

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Posted (edited)

You are one of the lucky ones. I learned my lesson on week one. :cry:

I'm surprised that hasn't happened to me yet. LOL

Here's one.

A midget (ahem, excuse me, little person) cowboy goes to his doctor complaining of excruciating pain in his testicles. The doctor looked him over and pulled out a huge pair of scissors. The cowboy yells out "You aint' cutting my testicles off!!!"

The doctor looks at him and says "No, I'm not. I'm cutting the tops off your new boots."

*edit - spelling error

Edited by BiffSplitkins
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Posted (edited)

When I realised Margaret Thatcher was dead, I did a double fist pump and shouted, "******* brilliant!"

Everyone around me was disgusted, and looking back, I suppose it was out of order.

Especially as I was the first paramedic at the scene.

Edited by freetoroam
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From a movie so don't blame me.

Why is a woman like a cow patty.

Because the older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

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I caught a few of the jokes from The White House Correspondent's Dinner the other night on the news, and there was one that still has me laughing...

How many of you have seen CNN? You know how they say "you're watching, CNN" when they go on commercial, right? The hosting comedian Conan O'Brien was going on about different news channels, and he said something like "You know what channel no one watches anymore? I walked into the room the other day, and this guy was watching Anderson Cooper, and I said 'You're watching CNN????'" I promise you, it was 80 times funnier if you saw/heard it for yourself. Oh, and his Piers Morgan (another guy on CNN) impression was a riot.

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This one's a bit childish but it makes me chuckle anyway.

How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice, then place peas around the edge. When the Polar Bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole! :lol:

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Posted (edited)

I rang British Telecom and said, "I want to report a nuisance

caller." The voice on the other end said, "Not you again!"

Edited by MrSerendipity
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There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, what do you think you're doing?

It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!

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Posted (edited)

A woman phoned her blonde neighbour and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!"

Edited by Technocrat
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Posted (edited)

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No," he shouts, "This is her husband!"

Edited by Technocrat
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