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danbell06

Catfish/ Online relationships

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Ok so I've only ever told my fiance about this experience as its embarrassing but it happened well over 4 year ago now and now I'm comfortable talking about it.

So I started talking to this girl on another forum and I took her on face/picture value. At the time my self esteem was shot, I had become reclusive and just cut myself off from everything apart from my laptop. I started talking to Katie and we got on like a house on fire so she took my number and rang me, bearing in mind she was in America and I'm in the U.K, I spoke to her for hours. I asked her how she could afford to phone me to which she replied that her mam and dad died in a plane crash and left her money. I questioned this to myself and googled them to whuch i found there was no record of it. That should have been the tell tale sign. I ignored it as i was so caught up in the fact that someone this pretty had taken the time to approach me out of everyone. We continued to talk and she then claimed her ex boyfriend died in the navy, (how gullible am i??) I beleieved her. She also said she had a best friend called kelly and a housemate joe whom she lived with. I heard a few times on the phone while he was talking to her and when she spoke to him it wasnt in the same voice she spoke to me with. Very weird indeed. Yet i continued to talk to her.

She bought me things, like headphones for msn chats and a disc to reformat my laptop, she also sent me money. After a couple of weeks talking she dropped another bombshell. She had ovarian cancer and was undergoing chemo. I thought nobody could possibly lie about all this in there lives. So again i believed her. I had seen hundreds of pictures by this point and spoke for hours on the phone. She rang me sometimes crying saying she didnt want to die and she was coming to see me. I was over the moon. The day came and went when she was meant to arrive. I then got an im off her friend kelly. She told me she had died and she would be there for me if i needed her. I was absolutely gutted and started to realise that this girl i had been talking to was full of it. Whilst talkin to kelly she started being flirtatious and i knew now this was bull so reciprocated. All of a sudden an im from kelly popped up."Daniel WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" then katie signed in. I cud not believe it. I had been talking to a lying scheming saddo on the internet.

I replied to the im with, "YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD YOU LYING b****!!". She came back with, "Kelly had told you I was dead so she could have you all to herself." At this point i was laughing in disbelief. She thought i would believe it. I later found out that i was not the only person this had happened to as the admin on the forum sent me some threads from 3 years earlier. Same photos. Same flirting. Same liar. It was guttung but i laugh at how gullible i was, now with my new partner.

Katie phoned me a year later whilst i wss with my partner on my birthday. Needless to say i told her where to go.

I seen Catfish on MTV for the first time last night and every episode reminds me how trusting people are with someone they dont REALLY know.

Why do people do this?

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wow lol thats pretty crazy brother. some people you just cant trust, very scary indeed i often wonder how people can live in an entire world built around lies i honestly cant wrap my head around it, it must take someone verrrry special to do something like that.

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I was angry at first but now i find the psychology of it fascinating. Compulsive liars have no conscience so therefore it has no bearing on them to hurt people. Well, thats my opinion. Sorry about any spelling, grammatical errors, im using my phone.

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Why do people do this?

That's the question. They're just losers with nothing else to do, I guess.

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Now all this puzzles me: why would someone form a relationship on-line without actually meeting, and why would one risk actually meeting?

I am fairly careful to cover the main details of my identity, even though if one reads enough of my messages one can figure me out, but not find me. I would never post my picture. I don't think this is paranoid -- just prudent.

The web can be fun and a source of ideas and of different perspectives than one is likely to get from one's neighbors and family. It is therefore broadening, and friendships over the net do exist and are great, but, at least in my case, have never gone beyond the net.

All things in their proper place.

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I guess they do it because they can! Online it's just too easy for people to do that.

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Now all this puzzles me: why would someone form a relationship on-line without actually meeting, and why would one risk actually meeting?

I am fairly careful to cover the main details of my identity, even though if one reads enough of my messages one can figure me out, but not find me. I would never post my picture. I don't think this is paranoid -- just prudent.

The web can be fun and a source of ideas and of different perspectives than one is likely to get from one's neighbors and family. It is therefore broadening, and friendships over the net do exist and are great, but, at least in my case, have never gone beyond the net.

All things in their proper place.

Many people have fallen for someone online or at least fell in love with the idea. Whilst not everyone is open about who they are, others are. I fell into that category. Never again though. I dont mind people knowing who i am online, if i did and hid it or chose to be someone I'm not that would make as bad as Katie. I'm not saying everyone who hides there identity online is a psycho. Just some :)

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I had a freaky experience with a girl I befriended over the internet. Compulsive liar, became overly dependent on me. I gave her my number should she need to talk, but it would ring constantly or I'd get five or six texts in an hour. If I didn't respond straight away, she'd make threats of suicide or said things to make me feel guilty. All in all, went on for about a year before I changed my number and blocked her on all social media sites etc. Every few months she makes a new account to message me from, despite it being over two years of not contacting her.

In answer to your question, I have no idea why people can put so much trust into people online. In my case I think it came from being young and, similarly to you, a bit of a hermit too. I think ultimately I just wanted someone to help, but it ended up damaging me. Regardless or whether relationships or friendships, you can attract some right nutters. As for her, I think something somewhere down the line may have gone horribly wrong for her and that perhaps she'd used me to fill a craving for attention that someone who should have given her never did. Definitely some sort of abandonment issue. I did hear some stories of abuse, but because of all her lies I'll never know for certain what really happened to her.

Interesting topic, a little frightening though :huh:

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People do this kind of stuff for 2 basic reasons IMO.

1) They are suffering from mental problems.

2) They view the online medium as anonymous, therefore safe for them to act out.

Edited by Lilly
I made no sense!
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Wow, what a story but yes that happens a lot to a lot of people :) Now lesson learned here: Trust should be hard to earn. Even the most trusting friend you know and grew up with may not be trusted. It would always be safe to weigh things over before finally you can trust a person.

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Posted (edited)

I was angry at first but now i find the psychology of it fascinating. Compulsive liars have no conscience so therefore it has no bearing on them to hurt people. Well, thats my opinion. Sorry about any spelling, grammatical errors, im using my phone.

While it is easy to find a sympathetic group to kvetch with you over these type of "losers" it is the psychology of those who fall for a pretty picture online or some other equally faceless stranger online that I would be most interested in.

Why would someone be over the moon at the though of some stranger who is a dying girl coming to or wanting to visit them? Had this been real what were you hoping for? To be her hero? To form a "quick" relationship?

This is morbid yet when brewed with attraction online it becomes somewhat of a confidence game between two with each trying to gain an advantage.

No one is selfless here yet it is her morals who are under question while everyone else assumes an aura of propriety?

Now I bet this woman online was really a young girl perhaps? In this case whose morals are weaker? An immature person who is lying about their identity online and causing drama or the more mature adult trying to gain advantage?

Now whether any of these circumstances apply there is a definite element of mating strategies and games at present here and I am unsure to what degree we should sympathize with such efforts being frustrated especially when it was all online.

Edited by Leave Britney alone!
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