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Xzenox

Self Destruction

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I realized something about myself earlier. Every time things are going really well for me and I have almost met the goals I have set out for myself I do something incredibly stupid or self destruction and all that I have worked for has gone to waste. Now why is that? Am I doing this on purpose on some subconscious level I don't understand? And for that matter let's take a look at humanity as a whole. Every good thing we have created as a society ends up turning against us and becoming something bad and abused. Why must we self destruct? Is there a code built inside us that says OH life is just to good right now we got to **** it up!

I would like to know your thoughts and views on this subject. :hmm:

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it's part of growing up dude. As you get older you lose most of your friends, not by choice, but because they choose to grow up, and they settle down. And they learn from their mistakes. Growing up is a choice. It's up to you to tell yourself that you need to grow up, and take things seriously. Once you make this choice, you will eventually let go of friends who refuses to grow up. You start having new friends that are at your level. You do this because of the law of attraction. It just happens. Like minded people hang around with like minded people.. It's part of evolution, it's part of our lives to learn about your ego. Do this and you will achieve your goals. It's really up to you. There is no right or wrong when to grow up and and when to spiritually evolve. It's something that just happens. Good luck

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Fear of success is as real a fear as the fear of failure! If we fail we can hope to achieve success but if we succeed then what do you do? Or what will others expect you to do?

The most accurate question is what do you want to do?

Regards,

Mabon.

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I think some people are self destructive in their behavior or decisions no matter how old they are. Maybe its something ingrained in us that we can't escape. Sometimes you have to step back and ask yourself is this what I really want or is this the right thing to do before you move forward. If you learn from your mistakes your not likely to repeat them. I think life is a learning process.

Humanity, governments, does seem to do some things that end up causing more problems than it fixes. Some plans aren't well thought through or the end results aren't clearly seen in the first place. For every action there is a equal reaction and that seems to surprise some.

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Everything you do is a learning. Even a failure is learning.

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learn to fail before you allow yourself the privilege of failing

you only need to get things right once, then keeping things 'right' , even 'failure' is due to right reasons rather than 'failure' itself

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I think being self-destructive is psychological in nature, probably from childhood experience. When one fails one gets sympathy either from others or from one's self. Its a comforting feeling, feeling sorry for yourself. I used to be this way.

When you succeed you're sort of on your own. Its a nice feeling too, but where is all the nice warm sympathy?

I could be wrong here, or only partially correct, but I see this in myself.

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I realized something about myself earlier. Every time things are going really well for me and I have almost met the goals I have set out for myself I do something incredibly stupid or self destruction and all that I have worked for has gone to waste. Now why is that? Am I doing this on purpose on some subconscious level I don't understand? And for that matter let's take a look at humanity as a whole. Every good thing we have created as a society ends up turning against us and becoming something bad and abused. Why must we self destruct? Is there a code built inside us that says OH life is just to good right now we got to **** it up!

I would like to know your thoughts and views on this subject. :hmm:

Self criticism can be destructive sometimes too. Don't beat yourself up.

Set reasonable, challenging goals at the level you need to be at.

Don't give up, just be patient.

I think one problem is being discouraged when I don't see immediate results.

I need to look at it from the long term perspective.

History also has great success stories.

It seems all good things are subject to corruption. Even the idea that: people are basically good.

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Also not everybody peaks in there 20s, so If stuffs not going right for you dont sweat it to much

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I think being self-destructive is psychological in nature, probably from childhood experience. When one fails one gets sympathy either from others or from one's self. Its a comforting feeling, feeling sorry for yourself. I used to be this way.

When you succeed you're sort of on your own. Its a nice feeling too, but where is all the nice warm sympathy?

I could be wrong here, or only partially correct, but I see this in myself.

I would agree with your idea, but I would use "empathy" rather than "sympathy". It was never a goal to make people feel sorry for me, but rather to see them acknowledge that something detrimental had happened to me.

And...some of us still haven't grown out of self-destructive behavior.....

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Fear of success is as real a fear as the fear of failure! If we fail we can hope to achieve success but if we succeed then what do you do? Or what will others expect you to do?

The most accurate question is what do you want to do?

Regards,

Mabon.

I never thought I feared succeeding before but you make a great point I'll have to do some deep thinking about that. I would love more than anything to succeed but I think maybe I am afraid of what I'll become when I do. Hence I restart the vicious cycle of self destruction all over again but If I never succeed how will I know what awaits me on the other side?

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Posted (edited)

I think some people are self destructive in their behavior or decisions no matter how old they are. Maybe its something ingrained in us that we can't escape. Sometimes you have to step back and ask yourself is this what I really want or is this the right thing to do before you move forward. If you learn from your mistakes your not likely to repeat them. I think life is a learning process.

Humanity, governments, does seem to do some things that end up causing more problems than it fixes. Some plans aren't well thought through or the end results aren't clearly seen in the first place. For every action there is a equal reaction and that seems to surprise some.

I use to be told when I was younger it was in my genes. Because my father was a no good alcoholic drunk. Who did nothing with his life and ruined all his relationship and futures. I have made similar mistakes with alcohol and ruining loving relationship in my life due to my insecurities, doubts, and always striving for something better has made me not appreciate what I already have had before it was too late. It may be ingrained in us as children by bad parenting and self doubt. I'm not sure but I know one thing where there is a will there is a way. ;)

Edited by Xzenox

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Posted (edited)

Everything you do is a learning. Even a failure is learning.

I believe that too but when the same mistake comes back again and again its almost a slap in the face realizing you never learned your lesson in the first place. How many times must we learn before we can succeed?

Edited by Xzenox

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Posted (edited)

learn to fail before you allow yourself the privilege of failing

you only need to get things right once, then keeping things 'right' , even 'failure' is due to right reasons rather than 'failure' itself

I might have to disagree a little with this one because I have gotten things right before and it was too good then the self destruct bomb went off. I don't know why really but it was definitely not on a conscious level where I was aware I was doing it on purpose.

Edited by Xzenox

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Posted (edited)

I think being self-destructive is psychological in nature, probably from childhood experience. When one fails one gets sympathy either from others or from one's self. Its a comforting feeling, feeling sorry for yourself. I used to be this way.

When you succeed you're sort of on your own. Its a nice feeling too, but where is all the nice warm sympathy?

I could be wrong here, or only partially correct, but I see this in myself.

You know I never thought of myself as a person who felt sorry for himself because I know theres millions of other people out there who have it way more bad than I do and they just appreciate being alive just for the sake of living. I think my problem may lay more in blaming others for your failures and emotions when really I've just recently realized you must take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness in order to achieve greatness.

Self criticism can be destructive sometimes too. Don't beat yourself up.

Set reasonable, challenging goals at the level you need to be at.

Don't give up, just be patient.

I think one problem is being discouraged when I don't see immediate results.

I need to look at it from the long term perspective.

History also has great success stories.

It seems all good things are subject to corruption. Even the idea that: people are basically good.

I completely agree. Thanks for sharing that.

Edited by Xzenox

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Posted (edited)

I would agree with your idea, but I would use "empathy" rather than "sympathy". It was never a goal to make people feel sorry for me, but rather to see them acknowledge that something detrimental had happened to me.

And...some of us still haven't grown out of self-destructive behavior.....

I live in utah and I look at my fellow peers and neighbors and see the same self destructive behavior everyday. I always wonder to myself why is everybody trying to destroy there lives? Can't they see how fortunate they are to be alive and to live in a place where they get all the love and there own basic needs are filled? Maybe its just being a spoiled brat and living a materialistic world where fame a fortune has ruined our souls and made us cheap. Well, I am no better but I plan to break the cycle inside me and I'm going to succeed not just for myself but so I can help others do so as well.

Edited by Xzenox

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I might have to disagree a little with this one because I have gotten things right before and it was too good then the self destruct bomb went off. I don't why really but it was definitely not on a conscious level where I was aware I was doing it on purpose.

Poor/low self esteem can be the reason why many people have self destructive tendencies. It's mainly caused by the ego having a warped view on the true meaning of value and how they value things and themselves. If deep down your ego believes you are not worthy of good things or having stability in your life then the ego will do whatever to terminate anything which threatens it's position of being wrong. There is also a loop 'program' involved when someone is making the same mistake/lesson over and over, as that is not supposed to happen.

Are you someone who is passive aggressive in your relations towards other people and in how you try to control your environment?

If you are serious about working on yourself i suggest you get some counselling, as well as look into studying the ego and the methods for getting it under control, and deprogramming yourself from your subconscious programming and loops. Meditation or considering hypnosis from a therapist, can be used to get into the deeper levels of your psyche and consciousness where these issues can viewed from a 'safe' place and released.

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I can relate to what you say here. On some level, some influence outside of me seemed to bring it on. When I used to hurt myself I was really devoid of all feeling and it seemed like something was controlling me other than myself, like I was somewhere else watching my hand do it.

I believe now that I was just denying myself forgiveness and I did tend to dwell a lot on things I couldn't control.

It's been a long time since I've done it, because the last time was almost the last of me. I decided that I had to let things go and learn to accept things I couldn't change. I realized that gaining control of myself was the greatest freedom and it comes with knowing yourself.

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Posted (edited)

Poor/low self esteem can be the reason why many people have self destructive tendencies. It's mainly caused by the ego having a warped view on the true meaning of value and how they value things and themselves. If deep down your ego believes you are not worthy of good things or having stability in your life then the ego will do whatever to terminate anything which threatens it's position of being wrong. There is also a loop 'program' involved when someone is making the same mistake/lesson over and over, as that is not supposed to happen.

Are you someone who is passive aggressive in your relations towards other people and in how you try to control your environment?

If you are serious about working on yourself i suggest you get some counselling, as well as look into studying the ego and the methods for getting it under control, and deprogramming yourself from your subconscious programming and loops. Meditation or considering hypnosis from a therapist, can be used to get into the deeper levels of your psyche and consciousness where these issues can viewed from a 'safe' place and released.

I don't think of myself as someone with low self esteem. My friends would say i'm overly confident when it comes to social activities and trying new things. I don't care what people think of me or if I'm bad at something. I just go out there and do my own thing and if something doesn't work out ill just try again. I don't believe in medication for obtaining balance or psychiatric solutions for my problems. My friends think a lot of me and look up to me it's just I'm my own worst critic and the only person that brings me down is myself. I think that I could do something better or I just didn't give it my best even when It doesn't require it. So maybe i'm purposely destroying myself so I can recreate it and do it better the second time. I'm not sure. One thing I know is I'm sick and tired of repeating the same cycle all over again. I don't care what others think of me I never have but I do give myself the hardest time in the world because I know I'm capable of such great heights that if I just let it be it would be like I have given in to settling for less than my very best.

Edited by Xzenox

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Posted (edited)

I can relate to what you say here. On some level, some influence outside of me seemed to bring it on. When I used to hurt myself I was really devoid of all feeling and it seemed like something was controlling me other than myself, like I was somewhere else watching my hand do it.

I believe now that I was just denying myself forgiveness and I did tend to dwell a lot on things I couldn't control.

It's been a long time since I've done it, because the last time was almost the last of me. I decided that I had to let things go and learn to accept things I couldn't change. I realized that gaining control of myself was the greatest freedom and it comes with knowing yourself.

Oh darling it breaks my heart to think you would have to go to such great heights to learn a hard lesson. You deserve forgiveness and I'm glad you were able to obtain control of that. I know how it feels to be apathetic and to struggle to feel something such as an emotion something real and tangible that you don't have to imagine but can feel just to feel alive. But then one day I was sitting in a very quiet place outside and I realized the longer I sat there the more I heard. It wasn't just the birds and the bee's but something inside of me was speaking to me but it was so subtle and elusive to the mind and human ear you wouldn't normally pay attention to such things. It was something connected to me but outside of me at the same time. I realized these were my emotions trying to speak to me all along, this whole time I was alive and feeling but I was just so tuned out and my dials were set all wrong I never learned how to pay attention to it or give it the time of day it deserved to be acknowledged. I would say I obtained a gift that day realizing I wasn't dead inside. My soul wasn't gone it just wasn't heard. Anyway's Thank you for sharing that it helped a lot.

Edited by Xzenox

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Everything you do is a learning. Even a failure is learning.

To add to that great statement...

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I don't think of myself as someone with low self esteem. My friends would say i'm overly confident when it comes to social activities and trying new things. I don't care what people think of me or if I'm bad at something. I just go out there and do my own thing and if something doesn't work out ill just try again. I don't believe in medication for obtaining balance or psychiatric solutions for my problems.

Hi there, thanks for the feed back. I'm not sure if you misread medication for meditation - Meditation was what i was suggesting as a tool if it is something rooted subconsciously.

My friends think a lot of me and look up to me it's just I'm my own worst critic and the only person that brings me down is myself. I think that I could do something better or I just didn't give it my best even when It doesn't require it. So maybe i'm purposely destroying myself so I can recreate it and do it better the second time. I'm not sure. One thing I know is I'm sick and tired of repeating the same cycle all over again. I don't care what others think of me I never have but I do give myself the hardest time in the world because I know I'm capable of such great heights that if I just let it be it would be like I have given in to settling for less than my very best.

Self esteem can be related to having high expectations, esp if you are berating yourself if you don't meet these expectations for yourself. And level of confidence has nothing to do with it, it is a tricky one to relate. Over confidence can be related to ego centric behaviour or arrogance, both are cover ups for self esteem issues.

You expect good results from yourself and nothing less and that is a admirable quality to have, many very successful people take their drive alone from this, but like anything that can be taken to far you also have to learn to accept that holding yourself to a standard of perfection is unrealistic. Either you are doing this out of some sort of anxiety or competitiveness. An extremer version of this if left unchecked, cripples the talent a person holds to the point they can not bare to try or participate unless they are certain they can win.

It may not even be as bad as you think it is. I mean for example, before this post you left an impression that seemed far worse than it is, but it was your comment about self destructing in relationships with people too, that pointed heavily to it being a self esteem issue. Can you give an example of the cycle you keep having to go through?

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Posted (edited)

Hi there, thanks for the feed back. I'm not sure if you misread medication for meditation - Meditation was what i was suggesting as a tool if it is something rooted subconsciously.

Self esteem can be related to having high expectations, esp if you are berating yourself if you don't meet these expectations for yourself. And level of confidence has nothing to do with it, it is a tricky one to relate. Over confidence can be related to ego centric behaviour or arrogance, both are cover ups for self esteem issues.

You expect good results from yourself and nothing less and that is a admirable quality to have, many very successful people take their drive alone from this, but like anything that can be taken to far you also have to learn to accept that holding yourself to a standard of perfection is unrealistic. Either you are doing this out of some sort of anxiety or competitiveness. An extremer version of this if left unchecked, cripples the talent a person holds to the point they can not bare to try or participate unless they are certain they can win.

It may not even be as bad as you think it is. I mean for example, before this post you left an impression that seemed far worse than it is, but it was your comment about self destructing in relationships with people too, that pointed heavily to it being a self esteem issue. Can you give an example of the cycle you keep having to go through?

Certainly and I would like to just say that I appreciate your insight and input you have put into this discussion at hand for me. As for me I guess I will share a bit of my childhood for you because It's the only way I can try to figure out how I became this self destructive prisoner. And before I go into this I just want to say I am in no way using this as cop out or victimizing myself as to not take responsibility for my life and my actions and I do not feel like a victim and in no way feel like it's anyones fault but my own I ended up this way because I personally hate pity parties and I only wish to figure out the problem by putting the pieces together in a logical way, When I was a child my grandmother and grandfather took me in and raised me at age three to the age I am now which is 21. My biological mother and father were divorced right after I was born and my father became a heavy drug user and beat my mom regularly till the age of three when my mother had a nervous break down and left me with my grandmother mom's side and ran away and my father also ran away to never be seen again.

Anyway's my grandma is a very damaged psychologically impaired woman who is highly over critical and has a god complex meaning she is the only one in the world who is right and there is no other way but her way. She raised me to believe my mother never wanted me that is why she dropped me on her and that I would end up like my father and beat woman and also be an avid drug user because it was in my "genes" as she would call it. Well, you can only imagine the psychological turmoil it put me in at a young age and being so gullibly and vulnerable at the time she had me convinced that was the way the world worked all black and white. I spent my childhood mostly angry and set apart from the other children in Utah who were mostly mormon and very clannish. So at a young age I made a pact with myself that I would never settle for less than what is the very best and I would accomplish every goal and dream I set out for myself. I have never given up on my dream and though I have yet to obtain it has become the most important driving factor over my life beyond anything friends, relationships, family, love, money, whatever it is it just doesn't matter to me in the end because I must obtain the dream that I have set out for myself or die trying. That dream when I was very young and lonely was to become a musician and travel the world playing a sound the world has never heard before.

Not just any musician though I wanted to create a very new sound, style of song writing, Something the world has never heard before until I played it. I want my music to fill the hearts and souls of hundreds of thousands of people across the world and give life to people everywhere. I just can't seem to let it go there is a sound in my head and I just want to share it with people across the world. I have given up every single loving relationship I have ever known to pursue that dream and everything it stands for to me. Proving that I'm not some genetic disease burden meant to brutally beat my wife or use drugs. That i'm not some lonely beggar begging for pity or love! That people don't define me but I define myself and the world around me. I have been blessed to have known love three times already at such a young age with three lovely girls. I destroyed each one of their hearts by over criticizing them and question the authenticity of the love or reality of the relationship. I know I hurt each one of those poor girls by demanding perfection or proof of the authenticity of their love and by blaming them for the reason I wasn't able to be with them. I am probably in a sense most girls worst night mare come to life. And it's not that I didn't care or didn't want to be with them I just could not allow myself that comfort because that somehow translated in my head as settling and I always questioned was it enough? I had a dying need to question it. To ask why? To dare ask for more than what any man could possibly deserve. And by doing so destroying all the wonderful things I have ever known in my life. Let's just put it this way I am alone in a crowd full of people and that feeling I just can't seem to shake.

Maybe I have become my own worst enemy but every time I almost reach one of my goals I somehow do something incredibly stupid or self destructive to mess it up. Like I'll go drink and drive and end up with a dui. I'll loose my job, or ill do something like drink too much or smoke too much and get incredibly sick. I am now my own worst enemy and it's insane.

Edited by Xzenox

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I realized something about myself earlier. Every time things are going really well for me and I have almost met the goals I have set out for myself I do something incredibly stupid or self destruction and all that I have worked for has gone to waste. Now why is that? Am I doing this on purpose on some subconscious level I don't understand? And for that matter let's take a look at humanity as a whole. Every good thing we have created as a society ends up turning against us and becoming something bad and abused. Why must we self destruct? Is there a code built inside us that says OH life is just to good right now we got to **** it up!

I would like to know your thoughts and views on this subject. :hmm:

Are you dead? If your not dead you have not self destructed. You are simply learning. I think you are doing great with self reflection. Simply asking this question is part of a process of growth.

I think young people take life to seriously. Relax got to the lake or a beach put a lawn chair in the shallow water, pitch out a fishing pole, and say " mission acomplished ... I'm alive ".

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Posted (edited)

Are you dead? If your not dead you have not self destructed. You are simply learning. I think you are doing great with self reflection. Simply asking this question is part of a process of growth.

I think young people take life to seriously. Relax got to the lake or a beach put a lawn chair in the shallow water, pitch out a fishing pole, and say " mission acomplished ... I'm alive ".

Maybe learning how to relax is something I definitely need to work on. I can't even remember the last time I was able to relax and just let myself lay in the sun and enjoy the good weather or hear the sound of the of the water rippling across the lake. Thank you seeker you are very insightful.

Edited by Xzenox

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